2017 Tag Team Tournament, Final Round / Petey Peyote and Mimi The Mime vs. Lilyfeather and Karrin Klash

2017 Tag Team Tournament, Final Round — Petey Peyote and Mimi The Mime vs. Lilyfeather and Karrin Klash

by Barrel and Kozispoon


2180 points
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by Shen and petarvee


2008 points
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Critiques & Comments
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Shen
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1217 comments
# 20   Posted: May 5 2017, 06:33 AM
thank you all for your kind words and advice! Pete was an amazing partner, I learned a lot from him and we had a great time making these comics! Kozi and Barrel, well deserved win, you made an amazing comic!

zee
Artist
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121 comments
# 19   Posted: May 3 2017, 11:46 PM
First of all, congratulations to all of you, and thank you sooo much for the great comics throughout this tournament!
They were all so entertaining and a pleasure to read.

Kozi/ Barrel-
This story sure has been a ride! And what a fantastic conclusion- I'm not crying, you're crying.
I'm incredibly impressed with the length and consistent quality you guys were able to put out each round.
I've loved every minute of reading your comics in this tournament.

Shen/ Petar-
I've really enjoyed Lily and Karrin as a duo and the combination of your art styles.
Each different adventure you guys have come up with for this tournament has been a lot fun, including this one (despite being totally depressing for Karrin). I love love love all the dynamic action panels.
Also, I can't wait to see more happen with WULF (and perhaps more of Karrin's past)!!

Flutterbyes
Artist
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145 comments
# 18   Posted: May 3 2017, 06:06 PM
No really I needed a week to digest these.


Team BarrelSpoon: ;_; The real star was Petey all along! Poor Petey. This whole tournament has been his journey, even as you juggled the stories off all the other characters you've encountered. Ten Thousand Needles in my heart, man. I was all wibbly (and intrigued!) by the end.


Team Petarshen... wow you really merged the looks of your art for this one. The past comics had more definite breaks between visual styles, but this one more subtly shifts from one artist's touch to the other so as to not distract from the tone of the story. Not sure if I really "get" making a prison and sending it into the earth, but it works, and it made a poignant ending.

Ura Hime
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9 comments
# 17   Posted: May 3 2017, 12:35 AM
This certainly a delight to see! I can tell that both teams worked really hard on it so it's really great to see those efforts come to fruition in this way.

Kozi & Barrel: Your work never fails to amaze me. I keep having to remind myself that I'm reading an online battle and not some webtoon somewhere! I also really like that the story came to a definite end, there was a feeling of closure that was really sweet to read especially if you've been following along since the beginning so thank you for tugging at my heart strings ;w;

Shen & Petarvee: The quality of your work is really nice to see - it's clean and very well done and I have to say, I love the third to last page - the overwhelming difference from the pink/purple color scheme of your comic was really nice to see and the way you used space was really a delight to read. I know there was supposed to be a tinge of sadness with the loss the ship but I guess I didn't feel it as much - but it's a very well done comic nonetheless!

Good luck to both teams! OwO)9

Bobo
Web Dev
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860 comments
# 16   Posted: May 1 2017, 02:05 PM
Quick note before I have to go pick up my pupper from day care: the kind of permanent consequences to a character's actions that Shen and Petarvee showed with Karrin needs to happen more.

Astro Sean
Think Tank
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280 comments
# 15   Posted: Apr 29 2017, 09:17 AM
Holy shit, both these comics blew my fucking mind. I am seriously speechless on both ends.

William_Duel
Community Manager
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885 comments
# 14   Posted: Apr 29 2017, 06:15 AM
You've all done a great job and I'll work on doing a deeper crit later.  But I've very excited about the end of Barrelspoon side.  I can't wait to find out what this all means for Mimi's new status quo.

PyrasTerran
Community Manager
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1377 comments
# 13   Posted: Apr 28 2017, 03:03 PM
Great job guys both comics came out tops. A+

Team Toon: A great finish to your tale with many mysteries left to ponder by the end, questions unanswered in a good way~

Team Love & Good Vibes: The combination of art you guys did this time around is what I've wanted to see from the beginning from y'all, and the fusion looks terrific. I really just wish that there was more to the ending, it feels like this story is missing its falling action/conclusion


I've got nothing but praise and love for the four of you, keep on being awesome

Fox
Artist
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24 comments
# 12   Posted: Apr 27 2017, 11:29 PM
A note on what is to follow. The method of critique that I am most used to is to make notes on the work itself, and then follow with a more thorough response. As I don’t want to download, annotate, and re-upload all the pages of a comic, I integrated the two, while describe much of how I experienced the comic. This makes for a long, and perhaps a bit dry, read, so I apologize.
Also, it’s late, I”m tired, and I just wrote 3k words of critique. I might come back and edit this, but for now: Enjoy.



Barrel and Kozispoon - He Taught me to sing a song…

That which begins must end, and that which ends, somewhere begins.
I’m a sucker for a story coming full circle, and a comic that foreshadows the death of a character with an image of them falling towards the light? Fantastic.
A strong opening that is emblematic of the comic to come, strong themes, noteworthy style, and very much Petey’s story. It begins with the forbidding “debt” and Pete apparently falling into the light. The reveal that they are being accosted by a faceless crowd just layers desperation on fear…
That said, the comic interlude that follows, starting with a gunshot, that introduces the supporting cast, seems out of place. I think, perhaps, there is an intentional contrast being set up between the “Toons” and the rest of the Void folk, where the Toons are serious (contrary to expectation) and the others are silly (as one would expect a toon to be) but this contrast doesn’t really go anywhere, for me, in the end. While the side-comments and exaggerated expressions are funny, they distract, and in the end I think, detract from the much more interesting story bing told.
I’m not saying that I would rather the whole thing have been grim and serious, just that the other characters felt like a bit of tacked on comic relief to the main story, and it also felt a bit out of character for them. Having read it now a few times, I begin to suspect that it is less that the characters are given short shrift, and more that they are not given enough to stand out amongst the crowd of other cameo’s, so their comedic appearance feels like it’s from a separate work.
Page 4 is a jarring mix of wackiness, and pathos, from which I can’t really draw much more meaning than “this is funny” and “this is the story.” Even the layout, though stylish, leaves me grasping for intended meaning.
Building on the pathos, however, page 5 is a really good looking page, with some strong character building, and stylish framing but… again, I don’t really understand what the layout is telling me. There are punch outs, and odd angles and lots of shadow/dark spaces, but there doesn’t seem to be much flow or intent. Perhaps I’m missing something, and this is trying to show the characters distance, or worry about the encroaching endings, but mostly it just felt muddled to me.
I know it sounds like I”m harping on the layout a bit, but, there is so much going on with it that I want to find some greater depth. It looks good, but I want to know WHY it is there.
Which leads us to page 6. Plot happens! Or rather, a series of things happen that suddenly end the previous moment and explain to us that we have moved on to the next part of the story. Also Lilly and Karen make cameos. The presentation is straightforward, but it all feels sudden. Mimi wakes  up, Pete is happy, something worked, and now “we” (Mimi and Pete?) have a plan.
And so, page 7. I’m really torn here. LIllyfeathers motivation feels like her strongest character moment in this whole comic. Pushing back against the hopelessness, and dragging the reluctant heroes along for the greater good. Even the sidebar of “We’re still in costume” reads as a bit of levity on her part. Without the visuals, this page is super strong. But then the expressions. Lillyfeather is either a Tex-Avery character, or a complete psychopath. She bounces from SD crying eyes to borderline internet troll face and back from panel to panel. Even Petey calls her out with “is she a toon?” I’m really not sure what is happening here, but it feels like a visual laugh track. Like a producer saying “thins are getting too serious. Punch it up a bit.” and missing the stronger point of the writing.
Which is doubly unfortunate, since this is the last time that LIllyfeather and Karen are going to be participants in the story, save for Lilly’s impromptu song recital.
Page 8 brings us our grand “Avengers Assemble!” scened, with what is (I think) the strongest use of paneling and layout in the comic. From the scattered shapes and sizes at the top to the wide, perspective heavy middle to divided and opposing punch outs to a line breaking interruption. This is visual story telling. The chaos and indecision at the start of the page that opens up into the wide debate. The opposing sides of the punch outs, to the startling and overpowering interruption of the gunshot. The whole thing would almost work without images. Just the panels alone tell the story. Really well done.
Speaking of the gunshot, the callback to the opening joke on page 9 is funny, and works as an aside as there is some space between it and the Dramatic Inspirational Speech (tm) that Karrin gets to give. In her final moment of plot relevance, she pretty much lays it all out on the table “None of us here matter except these two. Help them.”
This moment of intensity transitioned rather well, I thought, into Petey’s moment of downtrodden dignity. Even though, on subsequent readings, it felt more and more cliche, I couldn’t help but tear up a bit for him in the last two panels here. Really nailed it with the all silent, physical response, leading up to the simple “Her. Not it. HER.” statement. In a comic with a fair amount of strong writing, I think I liked this moment the most.
In the grand, Avengers style ensemble comic, pages 10 and 11 would be the buildup to the big finale, and they do lead to some cool action shots… but they also really highlight how separate their story is from Mimi and Peate. The big action thing isn’t the grand finale, it’s the backdrop happing half way through the story. They’re off to a big action comedy romp, while our main characters are off to a much darker, more personal story.
Page 12 even shifts looks, with the red background and more distinct, contained paneling. It feels like a different comic then page 13, with its’ stark blacks and soft tones…
Which brings us to my favorite part of the comic, though it is kicked off by the part that confuses me the most. Why does Lillyfeather start singing? Why does she sing the song they taught Hal 9000? Who cares? The resulting song motif is a beautiful dramatic touch.
Still, the sudden return to what’s going on is good, and leads to the most intense page visually speaking. Page 14, starting in black and white and fading in colors, showing the downed and broken characters. Even showing how very damaged the two main characters are without directly commenting on it. It all sets up a very dire situation with only a few scattered images. Except for the, perhaps overly on-the-nose “is this what being alive is?” line, the monologue sets up a powerful motivation, particularly considering the contrast on the next page. This feels like the thesis of the comic as a whole.
Page 15 is a study in contrasts. Mimi’s devastated body, and her cheerful face and “together” sign. Her monochromatic sketchyess to his smooth color. The silliness of their method, and the seriousness of intent. Even his smiling tears with her shocked tears in the moment of his salvation by betrayal.
The song returns, on page 116, and I still couldn’t help but connect it to the shutdown of Hal 9000. Was this a “created” being accepting his doom to save those around him? Unlike Hal, doing so by choice?
And then… Sudden electrical powers?
As much as I like a good “character sacrifices themselves to save the one(s) they love,” and the animated touch on this page looks really cool… I kind of have no idea what is happening. The “debt” framing made it feel like an admonition of fault, that the other characters were right that all this was his/their doing, but I’m not really sure.
The style shift on page 18 (starting with the smoke/mist splash in the last panel of 17) is really impactful. I was surprised to see Mimi talking, though the “I’m hugging you now” line was strong, suggesting that it was something long put off before. And then the final fadeout…
Or not. But could be. Could have just ended on white.
Instead we move on to the after-credits scenes, a bit of city cleanup, some more cameo’s, and then possibly Mimi regrowing Pete in heaven? I’m a bit unclear on that. Perhaps he is still dying, as the petals are falling not sprouting. In either case, it felt a bit tacked on to me.
Overall the writing in this comic is very strong. Mimi and, in particular, Petey are well characterized, and give the impression of depth that we are only seeing a little glimpse into a much larger story between them. Unfortunately this care and intricacy of characterization for the two, leaves the rest of the cast feeling like mostly interchangeable background extras who fill in a bit of plot movement here and there, particularly in the second half. Song is a deeply resonant motif to chose, and I think you mostly pulled it off, despite it’s sort of rocky introduction. And finally, visually the style is striking, though the framing and style shifts felt oddly disconnected from the rest of the storytelling.
A well told story, with some rough corners here and there, but genuinely emotional and entertaining.

Shen and Petarvee - The Weight of Things

I love the opening of this. Page 1 is killer. From the sharp expletive opening, to the broad, cinematic, pan down, to the conclusive kickoff line. This is going to be a comic about sacrifice. The cost of things.
Unfortunately this brevity and strength of writing wavers almost immediately. I feel like, overall, this comic could use another editing pass. All of the ideas are good, and the visual execution is spot on, but the actual word choice and phrasing feels a little rough.
Starting on page 2 we get monologuing. All good information, but also all crammed into one panel. There isn’t a conversation happening, Karrin explaining to Lillyfeather what all of the stakes are and what, generally speaking, will happen in the rest of the comic. The paneling is so strong here, balancing wide shots with tight, claustrophobic, closeups in the pop-overs. All eyes (visible) looking to the left, but more often eyes are obscured or closed. There’s great tension here, a suggestion of the past catching up with the present, and of narrowed choices… But at the same time, this detailed exposition.
Page 3 is entirely “It uses parts of itself to make the other things.” with a lot more explanation, but I think the “how” is a lot less important than the “why” in this case, and so this whole page kind of reads to me like a spec-sheet. Neat, but ultimately, unnecessary for the storytelling.
That said, page 4 has the word that I found most troublesome in reading this. Even on a second pass, I still don’t really understand this particular word choice. “Kinda.”
Page one kicks off with this super strong ultimatum. “We have to kill Beowulf.” but on page 4, it’s suggested that whatever has to be done might not “really” kill the ship, just “kinda.” More confusingly, when Lillyfeather presses the point, it sin’t clarified that it will “mostly” kill the ship, or essentially, or anything like that. Just “kinda.” to which Lillyfeather asks “Well then why do it?” where I was thinking “If thing are that bad, and it’s only gonna kinda kill it, but you know, not really… then why NOT do it?”
That nit aside, I think Karrin’s response is really strong. Here is a character, conflicted, and forced to make an almost impossible decision, and choosing the greater good.
I stumbled again on the description of what she could make from Beowulf. Im unsure if it was supposed to be hyperbolic or not, but the “not even a thousand A-bombs” bit felt sort of over the top. Like, that would suggest that there is a much lesser creation that might still be way more than is needed, and wouldn’t require the destruction of the ship? Perhaps it was jus intended to be the character trying to say “Really really really strong” in her own particular way. Still, it stood out to me.
That said, it all leads to a very dramatic outburst in the last panel (visually highlighted by the selling upper lines) that really drives home what the personal stakes are here. Though slightly undercut by what felt like an unnecessary “i’m not a good person” moment, the rest of page 5 kicks off what might be my favorite sequence that I’ve seen on this site. Of all the action and characters and cool art and styles and whatnot… A character sitting on a couch, might be my favorite. Seriously. The body language here is fantastic. The slump onto the couch, the bent posture, the crossed arms, or half hiding behind her own hands. Even Lillyfeathers slight shift away, as though she is trying to be attentive, but at the same time can’t help but flinch away.
Page 6 continues this scene, starting with Karrin bowing inward, while Lillyfeather leans in while simultaneously reaching away. Even her sincere node is tinged with a fear that shows she does not quite understand the specifics, but at least has some idea of the immenseness of the decision being made.
This is the emotional heart of this comic, a comic that has giant goo monsters and an undead dragon, and it is told almost entirely though the body language of two women sitting on a couch.
I think this comic could have gone from page 1, to Karrin sitting on the couch, and been stronger for it.
At this point, our costars enter the picture, and press the issue. The story must go on, and the dangers are iminent. Even still, an anthropomorphic cactus continues the strength of visual storytelling. He is all apologies, even as he presses Karrin to make her decision.
Again, the word choice does not hold up to the moment. “The world needs you” is such a broad statement, when so much of this has been so personal. A change as small as “we” need you might have kept the focus on those personal stakes.
Page 7 continues the intense kinesthetic presentation. The arm squeeze, the bright toony eyes, the subtle shaking of the foot. There is a personality and a familiarity to this moment that screams reality… Despite, you know… talking to a cactus?
To top it all off, in a moment of brevity and clarity that mirrors the first page, she makes her decision, and Beowulf’s response is a simple, and devastating, “I understand.”
I think that I might sound very negative about the writing in this comic, but it is only because the rough bits stand in such stark contrast to these moments of crystalized story telling. I just wish this comic could learn it’s own lesson of less being more.
From here the comic makes  hard pivot, finishing on one last moment of quiet, personal, closeup panels on page 7, then splashing down into broad, funny action. That said, it feels earned. Here it is the laugh that breaks the tension, and transitions from the personal story to the bigger picture.
I laughed outlaid at “WULF JAIL” and Mimi’s “bitch” sign, despite bing confused at the sudden costuming decisions. Still, page 8 is a great exhalation after the held breath of the couple pages before.
Page 9 continues the excellent visual story telling with some layout work that, again, could tell the story even empty of the images. The wide shot leading to three spreading/expanding panels that build towards the disruptive eruption of the dragon. The monsters are great, the spectacle and scale on page 10 really make it feel like a massive encounter, while not losing what the individual players are doing. I love how the characters integrate, and if it weren’t for the info at the top and the first couple of pages, I would have been hard pressed to guess who was in what “team.”
That said, I don’t know why Mimi is wearing a Weedle costume.
Page 11 and 12 are solid action, if a bit wrote, but at some point action is action. They don’t detract from the story, but they also don’t add much, but I would be hard pressed to cut them too, as they do show the scale and progress of the fight.
Page 13 is totally Mimi’s. The toon-arms and safety pin attack feel like a spot on note for her “toon” character, and contest well with the uncharacteristic serious facial expression. Moreover, the excellent paneling on this page really sell the moment. A frozen moment that turns to confusion as they fall, the center panels narrowing between mirrored panels on either side suggest both the acceleration of the fall and Mimi’s “I’m not gonna make it” fear on the left side to the almost inverted “I think i might have made it” on the right.
Page 14, on the other hand, might have taken the toon thing too far… I have read this a half a dozen times now, and I just can’t decide where this lands for me. I like the thematic consistency of a toon character saving the day by tripping and toppling through the much more serious appearing carnage… On the other hand, it is the day being saved/plan coming to fruition, because a character trips, rolls through a fight, and then trips a giant tank-prison. I just… I’m just really not sure on this page.
Still, the face planted WULF JAIL announcing “Target contained” on page 15 got a chuckle out of me that contrasted with the unexpectedly badass moment Lillyfeather kind of coming into her own power. The stark paneling was more reminiscent of classic American comics, as utilized/parodied in Watchmen, with the almost stark, gridline panels that open up into the four panel descent on page 16.
The excellent body-language continues in the conclusion, our characters walk (stand) into the sunset, split between celebration and mourning. The closing page, a farewell, that feels both final, and hopeful.
It is telling, I think, that the pages I most enjoyed in this comic were the ones with the least words. Not the least writing, just the ones where there were fewer words. I think brevity was it’s strongest support behind the visual story telling. The colors were solid, if not inspiring, but the body language and the layout work were fantastic. The story was good, if significantly less at advancing the “guest” character stories, at least everybody felt integral to the action, all leading to a just spot on ending. Dialogue wise,  I’m still not entirely sure why they needed to sacrifice the ship when they had a dragon that could drag it to hell… But that is the kind of thing that would be cleaned up, or clarified, I think, in another editing pass.

Pita
Artist
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131 comments
# 11   Posted: Apr 27 2017, 07:18 PM
PETAR AND SHEN
I enjoyed reading y'all's entries in this tournament.  You're both powerhouses in visuals and writing, so it pained me to see you fight against Kozi and Barrel, another favorite of mine to win.  But it was a great match-up, and I'm glad to be able to see what you came up with.
That said--I agree with Rhim when it came to the decision to (kinda) kill the Beowulf.  There hasn't been enough attention brought to the importance of this ship in the past.  There wasn't much of a history for Karrin to share, either, but now I'm intrigued to see what sort of trouble she stirred up before landing in VOID.

(sidenote: the best example I've seen of agonizing over and eventually needing to destroy a beloved ship is with the Going Merry.  I'm aware of how anime that is.  Shush.)

On the other hand, I like how the character roles were slightly reversed in this situation.  It's now Karrin who's experiencing a loss of herself (with the death of Beowulf) and Lily who's providing a firm foundation for her to stand on.  That's a good step!

And where do we go from here?  I'd like to see how WULF grows without the definitive vessel.  Looking forward to it!

Happy September 24th! -Reecer6
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216 comments
# 10   Posted: Apr 27 2017, 04:07 PM
These are both super good! I enjoyed both of these and I certainly wouldn't be able to put down a sizeable critique overall, but I do think it's important to discuss both of your comics' sacrifices, because they were mutually pieces of writing that piqued my interest the most out of the entirety of the things.

Spoorrel - HMMM, SOMETHING ABOUT THIS STRIKES ME AS A BIT FAMILIAR................ I bet you were at least slightly peeved when Pyras and Red beat you to the punch last round, weren't you? Funny how Petey was the one on a balloon in this one, though. I really critiqued their storyline there, but I was actually a HUGE fan of how this was done! The whole dysfunctional committee scene really cements Petey and Mimi's strong familial bond to be later destroyed, and the dramatic echo of Bicycle Built for Two (I thought it just didn't hit on page 13 but then it came back STRONG) was really powerful, even if both were pretty clichéd. They're clichés for a reason, I guess! The song especially really added something to the epilogue, with the subtext that Mimi is effectively living in the past as some sort of coping mechanism, which I absolutely love as a change to her character, and it makes sense coming from how Petey's sacrifice was entirely unconsensual and deceiving. The fact that the sacrifice wasn't just death, but Petey's effective loss of humanity—he's still alive, but incapable of thought or processing in even the most base way—somehow made it even more impactful, in ways I could probably explain but it would take a while and I'm sure people implicitly understand anyway. Overall, an A+ sacrifice!

(William) Pen(n, Governor of Pennsylvania) - The important thing here, the reason I found this so interesting, is that, as far as I'm aware, limited to what's happened on Void so far, Karrin's never been in a position of despair or meaningful indecision or anything less than full control and success. I put emphasis on "as far as I'm aware," because I haven't read Karrin's ENTIRE archive, but they certainly don't hit this kind of threshold. This finally puts her in that position, and I absolutely love the sheer *frustration* you've communicated coming from her as a result, that she *has* to make this decision. It's delectable, and to me, highly important to her character! The problem that I see mainly comes from its integration into the story, though. I accept that there's no perfect way to show-don't-tell this into the story, because this is the sort of thing you have multiple comics to build up properly. But even considering that, a couple of pages of exposition at the beginning of the story hardly gives it any emotional weight. The story is almost perfectly separable into 8 pages of discussion and building resolve, and then 9 pages of straight action; the two tones hardly interweave whatsoever. By the time you're watching Team WULF posing in victory, you've almost forgotten how much this matters to Karrin. I think two specific things could probably alleviate this pretty well. First, more obviously, just a page a two of Karrin expressing some manner of remorse over what's happened, or otherwise emphasizing in some way how much of her life has really been taken away by the sacrifice. But second, I kind of think a big part of this lack of an effect comes from the design for the Wulfjail being so dinky and not Wulf-like. There's hardly any impression given by the fairly large square on wheels that it's basically all of her ship. Hopefully this doesn't sound TOO critical, because the rest of the comic was really good! I just feel like these relatively small changes could've super improved the impact of your actual character development.

      Edited Apr 27 2017,  04:25 PM by Happy September 24th! -Reecer6

yarnwitch
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203 comments
# 9   Posted: Apr 27 2017, 03:27 PM
Merchant:
It seems to me that the writing challenge of void is coming up with a compelling story about your character. We'll call it character A, and another's character. (Character B)

Most of the time you choose who character B will be based on an idea that you could make into a interesting comic involving these characters.

Tournaments take this challenge and make it even harder. Instead of Character A vs Character B, it's character A vs Random character B through H. Now make a compelling story involving your character and someone who may have little to nothing in common with yours.  
Quote

I can understand how you came to this conclusion, however, it was explained to me that there is a lot of freedom in creation, and the overall goal is to make sure you can work well with a partner in some way. The thread for the tournament didn't mention this that I saw, and the help section of the site says:
Tag-Team Match
If you’d like to team up with a friend to fight two other people, you can! Feel free to collaborate with your partner in whatever way you’d like. You must include all 4 characters in your comic. You will need to contact staff@entervoid.com to set up this match. All involved parties must confirm with staff that they’d like to participate.
Quote

And

http://help.entervoid.com/events-tournaments/
http://entervoid.com/index.php?topic=13247.0

I hope that helps clear some of it up!

Aaaaand: I really loved the gif effects in barrel and kozispoon's comic, but I also love how it was statically handled by shen and petarvee.

I think some of the color schemes were interesting for shen and petarvee, but sometimes although the colors suited the characters, they didnt always fit the big mood. To compare to the higher contrast with kozispoon and barrel, it felt.... too fluffy for some of the emotional impact to really grip. This is my first concrit for the site, so I'm sorry if it sounds harsh.

      Edited Apr 27 2017,  03:40 PM by yarnwitch

Merchant
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2 comments
# 8   Posted: Apr 27 2017, 02:40 PM
Forgive me If i’m wrong or out of line.
I'm not here that often so my perspective on this may be wrong.

It seems to me that the writing challenge of void is coming up with a compelling story about your character. We'll call it character A, and another's character. (Character B)

Most of the time you choose who character B will be based on an idea that you could make into a interesting comic involving these characters.

Tournaments take this challenge and make it even harder. Instead of Character A vs Character B, it's character A vs Random character B through H. Now make a compelling story involving your character and someone who may have little to nothing in common with yours.

If you can't see where I'm going with this. Kozi and Barrel's comics basically ignored this challenge. Their comics seemed like a great 3 chapter beyond battle that coincidentally happened to cameo their opponents. The story was written before the first opponent was chosen and then shoehorned their opponents into the story. None of them have an impact on the story.

The kaiju were used as a set piece, Karrin and Lily were used for their spaceship

 Its like having a Justice League/X-Men crossover where the only character interaction is The Martian Manhunter uses Cerebro to fight the Justice Leagues pre-established villain.

The art was amazing and I really liked the story as a beyond battle. I was emotionally invested in the outcome. Just your opponents seemed like an inconvenience you had to deal with rather than an integral piece of the puzzle.

Shen/Petar

You guys had a bit of the opposite problem. Each chapter was a good stand alone comic and never had any flow from one to the next.

It has a kind of monster of the week kind of feeling. While good comics alone, offer little opportunities for character development and continued emotion involvement into the friendship between Lily and Karrin.

The coloring was fantastic except for a couple panels where I feel the pale purple seemed to drown out details. Like page 8. Its a cool epic moment, but Karrin and Lily’s heads colored plain takes away from the excitement of the scene.

Pita
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131 comments
# 7   Posted: Apr 27 2017, 10:56 AM
KOZI AND BARREL
Color me melancholy, that was a bittersweet end to this tournament!  I liked the different nods to your opponents throughout this tournament, and it was especially cool to get the bulk of them involved in your finale.  There's really nothing I can crit on in the technical process, so I'll just stick with the writing and characterization instead.

One instant observation I made is how color correlates with intense emotion with the toon duo, especially Petey.  He sweats green when gathering courage to rebut Nyasuu, even moreso in the aftermath, and he's actually crying it during his Big Scene in helping defeat Creamimi.  Not to say that Mimi is unaffected by this either, oh no.  It's not until after the sacrifice of her plant buddy that we see her true colors (rimshot).  And I think this is a nice close to Mimi's current arc.  We've seen her grow from Babette at the loss of her voice, and when she finally gets it back, it's no longer the point of her pride.  The voice has been replaced with her actions and kindness, and that's wonderful.

BUT, there are a couple of things--
1) I really hope this doesn't mean Petey's gone for good.  Maybe it's because I want to fight him one day, but I'm sad that such an endearing character was created for TTT and then go away like this.

2) THE GODDAMN DEBT.  WHAT IS IT?  I want to know your take on its meaning and why the actions of Creamimi escalated the way that they did.  I've heard Hiemie talk about it to a point, but I wanna know what your angle is gonna be.  There's no way this is the end of Mr. Creamy and his agenda.

I will get to Shen and Petar's strip next time, because my break's almost up and I want to give each participant in this tournament the same care in their critique.

Rhimwill
Artist
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97 comments
# 6   Posted: Apr 27 2017, 09:44 AM
These are both absolutely gorgeous!

Kozi and Barrel: I honestly don't have much to crit with this comic. There were a few places where props and environments looked a little loose, like inside the very tech-oriented Beowolf, that could have used some straighter lines, and other places where the scene flattens out because foreground and background objects have very similar line weights. Your writing was charming and exciting with good character development for everyone, including your opponents and cameo characters! I loved it, and I love that you didn't hold anything back for the ending :'D

Shen and Petar: Visually, this comic is absolutely beautiful and professional looking. I love the bright exciting color palettes, and the panel compositions are just wonderfully put together. Unfortunately, the writing did not grab me. I did not feel the sentimental connection between Karrin and the Beowolf. She tells us all this stuff about her past with the ship, but we have not seen a lot of Karrin interacting directly with her ship in previous comics. Her relationship with the ship has not been demonstrated properly, and so the loss of the Beowolf falls flat at the end. The defeat of Creamimi also lacked satisfaction because Karrin's solution to the problem seemed to ignore the pre-established solution that was being built-up to in Kozi and Barrel's previous rounds involving toon ink and contact with real Mimi, and Mimi and Petey felt like bit characters even though it is their problem Team Wulf is trying to solve. I think that this comic's story would have been better served if the battle against Creamimi was the primary plot point, and the KarrinXBeowolf situation was made secondary. That would allow for Mimi and Petey to play a greater role, and for the battle to demonstratively establish Karrin's relationship with her ship (by encouraging it out-loud anime style, etc.). This would still offer the opportunity to sacrifice the Beowulf in the end, but on terms of helping Mimi and Petey carry out their plans. Again tho, absolutely beautiful visuals. I could stare at those fight scenes all day *v*

Corn Of The Breads
Think Tank
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120 comments
# 5   Posted: Apr 27 2017, 08:20 AM
both these comics came out great! In a few panels the wear and tear of the tournament started to show, but this was an amazing journey for both sides and such a satisfying pay off for character arcs I love that both these comics put something on the line and are major changes for every character.

Barrel and Kozi this was quit the crescendo to the story but I felt the workload was starting to take its toll on this one some of the later shots did not feel as dynamic which is completely understandable but it really felt like characters were moving and you were able to use your opponent's own interest to great effect and was a nice amount of world building and over all a fun read!

Shen and Peter the art was super solid through the entire comic and it was a lot of fun to see Karrin have some growth as a character, but this one felt really different in tone and a tad bit akward in a few places. Personally I think having the audience see the destruction caused by Creamimi in your own comics to see how they got into this predicament would have added a lot to the overall narrative,I understand there are a lot of time restraints in the tournament, just feels weird we are left to assume things as a reader or are expected to have prior knowledge of your opponents rounds rather then expecting to have read yours, I guess I am more thinking from the perspective of future readers who are excited for your stories and perhaps wouldnt have read much of your opponents before coming to this comic.

I think in the end I felt I got to see Petey grow as a character and have a full arc, whereas I never knew Karins ship as a character and Karin's emotions while understandable felt a sudden shift in tone for the character for me that didnt seem like it was worked towards in the rest of the tournaments comics?

Kozispoon
Approval Committee
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940 comments
# 4   Posted: Apr 26 2017, 11:07 AM
Holy crap you guys. I worked the tail end of this comic with a massive fever, I barely remember anything. @W@ Yet despite the monkey wrecnhes, this is entirely, utterly and completely the story I wanted to tell- mucho thanks to Bobo and his randomizer for somehow conspiring and giving us the opponents we wanted for the final round. Also thanks to Barrel for putting up with me and helping contribute to something I've wanted to tell with Mimi since my battle with Mr. Creamy. This has been the BEST experience and such a turnaround from my first TTT- we made it to the finals! Whatever happens, this was a blast, and I thank you all for following along on our toony adventure.

The song you should listen to once events begin to fire up (PG10)
https://youtu.be/NBWv5GWODaE?list=PLBsSBgq1oKpgU7zM8-RtQDra6ro9pt8n8

LYRICS FOR BICYCLE BUILT FOR TWO
Give the song a listen once you get to page 17 :D https://youtu.be/vHS0BH6__DU?list=PLBsSBgq1oKpgU7zM8-RtQDra6ro9pt8n8
Daisy, Daisy, give me your answer do
I'm half crazy all for the love of you
It won't be a stylish marriage
I can't afford a carriage
But you'll look sweet upon the seat
Of a bicycle built for two

There is a flower within my heart
Daisy, Daisy
Planted one day by a glancing dart
Planted by Daisy Bell

Whether she loves me or loves me not
Sometimes it's hard to tell
Yet I am longing to share the lot
Of beautiful Daisy Bell

Astro Sean
Think Tank
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280 comments
# 3   Posted: Apr 13 2017, 10:05 AM
FUCK YEAH

Shen
Global Moderator
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1217 comments
# 2   Posted: Apr 13 2017, 05:08 AM
here comes a new challenger

JayKat
Artist
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336 comments
# 1   Posted: Apr 13 2017, 03:49 AM
Good luck!! This gonna be goooood!

Comic Details -

 
Type: Tournament Match
Drawing Time: 2 weeks
Ended: May 3rd, 2017
Votes Cast: 42
Page Views: 1141
Winner: Barrel and Kozispoon

 

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