i don't realy have too many critiques at the moment except for try to make things more clear more often*
i did really enjoy these and i believe they will help me in my sequential art standing all i can do is keep practicing and looking at other artists work

i did vote. it was roughly close and a hard decision! keep up the great work! both of you!

Dave> WOA. THIS WAS... WOA. The explosion at the end where you see it from a balcony was pro. EVERYTHING WAS GOOD. I didn't like the coloring on the backgrounds at the beginning, but it's better when they are in VOID.
This fucked me up. I LOVED IT.

Ru> I don't know how to feel about that... I'm not a big fan of it because I know you can do better (like on your design sheet)

Ru: i liked this one~ i think it looked a lot better than your previous battles; the pages were a lit cleaner. Those colored pages were really nice, i wish you could have done the whole thing like that! Your action panels are getting clearer and are easier to understand now, so good job on that. The story seemed just a BIT cliche, but i think i'm starting to see your own style coming out of it. The dialouge was smooth for the most part, but i suggest asking someone to proof read your stuff first, cuz sometimes it sounded...iffy~ Great job on this one though, i see improvement!

Dave: HO HO HO i am impressed! THIS the kind of quality I'd love to see! Love the colors and just your whole coloring style. Following this comic was easy, even without words. I actually think it helpes you here~! It was interesting; i don't see much mute comics around here. Just a few. And I'm glad this is one of them XD I really don't have anything much to say. *writes something on a piece of paper* Look Dave! You're now on my list of arists whose future works i look forward to! ( ....sorry if that didn't make sense =| ) YAY!

I live to impress you Michael...and by impress I mean Piss off

Ru. The art was pretty good, just keep working on anatomy and perspective. I second the idea of having someone proofread your scripts, though. The story seemed extremely reminiscent of anime, and I would encourage you to read and/or watch other forms of storytelling to learn something else.

Dave, um you already know what I am going to say...

Mokuu: Thanks for the comment.  This is something I struggle with "Ultimate clarity" vs. being a little more ambiguous.  I felt that I gave enough clues to indicate that the setting was not normal Void, but also not being specific enough to go 500 YEARS IN THE FUTURE!!  I also didn't want to have a ridiculously long lead of the environment....which I did in my original script  and Im glad I cut it.


To Everyone Else:  Yes yes yes this is very messy. It's not a time issue, or a laziness issue, it's just an unsuccessful attempt at trying something new.  I like Angie's suggestion of doing the whole comic in BnW which I think I would enjoy much more.  I need to work on my color regardless before I attempt it again for a Void battle.

thanks everybody...

david: I liked this a lot; I thought the first 11 pages especially were very nice. I started to get lost in the Ru-Flint fight scene, though; some panels were confusing, and it just wasn't as interesting as the air-chase... also I agree that the art is a bit sloppy-looking... I feel like the color could be improved somehow, too, although I don't have a lot of experience with color so I'm not sure how XD But, maybe, like I said to Dimesion, the colors don't communicate depth very well.. and that's how background ends up getting lost in foreground and vice-versa... Page 7 was really nice in that you see three layers of the city, and you used the colors purple-red-green to show that. Maybe if you brought that a little more into the rest of the comic. I dunno, just throwing it out there, XD
But yeah, I liked it a lot. I think the best way to enjoy an action comic is *without* the banter and one-liners, so thank you. :>

marin: I liked some of the ink stuff you had going. Some pages were looking kind of empty, though. More backgrounds, maybe, or else more close-ups.. >.>
Story didn't do much for me... the way the main characters interacted was fairly cliché... Try to play up character interaction.. make it unique... The Flint-Ru relationship in this comic was way too "silent killer, young brat" that can be seen anywhere. Nothing that would stand out.

Yeah, it was pretty clear to me that this was David's own interpretation of Void, it really wasn't necessary to explain much since the setting was so unique the specific time/place didn't really matter that much. Having seen so many post apocalyptic movies and shows it was easy for me to catch on that it was meant to be the future. It's good that he didn't go with the traditional "Void city" setting since a lot of people including myself get trapped with using that.

I just want to say that contrary to what Mokuu says, I think you did a good job setting the scene, David.
You shouldn't feel the need to completely spell it out in the first panel, otherwise you might as well have a tag saying "Void City; 500 years in the future." I understood it was a ruined city, so I assumed post apocalyptic. When Flint removed his helmet I understood that it was the future. The thing that could have been a touch clearer was the page with the Void City sign, but I still got it.

amazingdavid:

The idea for the "no dialog game" was good in concept but backfires in certain aspects.
At the beginning, its extremely difficult to gather information on the time and place of the story, sure there are destroyed buildings and deserted fields but it could also be an other planet or a randomly destroyed section of void (its been seen before.)
But around the end all seems to work out fine since you're already caught in the story and the odd staging passed by.
Art wise, it got clearer around the part Ru is fighting Flint but before then, figures weren't solidified enough, there wasn't enough hatching to give bulk to the characters, use hatching to block-out the characters's volumes in space.
Also the main characters nearly blended too well with the backgrounds, make em stick out by keeping their regular saturation colors, the other, less important characters should blend in and be part of the background.
Yet, you are pushing yourself in other directions and that'll take you far.

marinduquenio:

Its next to impossible not to give you the point, the setting was there, most of the work has alot of clarity. Artwise, careful when setting figures in space, furthest back, thinner lines, closest to the viewer, thicker lines.As these also count for the backgrounds,these are A-MUST in your line of work. Also keep that perspective active, just like you did on the floor, try to keep some lines to indicate where things are receeding on the walls, desk, etc. Just a few hints the viewer could pick up with their eyes. Also, careful with the speedlines, i know time doesn't allow the user of the french curves so if you can, try using a bic pen cause it flows faster, blends well and doesn't leave scratches like a steadler or micron would.

how come i can't see the score  .. .

seriously DAVID pawned me BIG TIME!!!!

@Marinduquenio: I really liked the action and how the blood came out in your panels.  I also thought that your lineart was a little bit shaky but it didn't bother me a whole lot. Really good overall =]

@david:Loved your backgrounds and camera angles. I really like this style, although it looked a little rushed,i really liked the purple tones. X3 the koala thing was kinda gross but funny XD

@Marinduquenio: Pretty cool comic, I found it to be interesting and a neat read. I do feel that your line work was rather shaky here, didn't look as good, but your action and was great, I like what you had going on.

@amazingdavid: I srsly like the whole futuristic-type thing you did :3 the backgrounds and designs were really cool . The colors and line work weren't as good though, I think a shorter amount of pages would have helped in keeping up with some nicer quality; I still really liked your side though.

I think both of these could have been shorter, but this was still a nice battle from you two, good work~

Aaaah pooo...Thanks Angie.  

Hahaha...that's actually what they pages looked similar too before I colored them up.  I did it all with my papermate M...and I for some reason didn't think the art was strong enough or clear enough without the colors...maybe next battle will be that way....

marinduquenio-You have a nice flow in your comics which is always good and I really like your panel layouts. But I think you would have benefited a ton from doing a shorter comic because a lot of this looked very rushed. Try to slow down on that lineart some and build it up until you can handle doing a lot of pages within a deadline. I know that English isn't your first language so perhaps having someone on Void proof read your pages before you submit would help with your dialogue and grammar some, I know Kotori is always willing to help people with that.

amazingdavid-you had some great ideas in here and I loved your environments, this was a really creative comic. I also didn't have too many issues following what was going on without any dialogue which is always a good skill to have. Now I really think this comic would have either worked way better in black and white or had you spent more time on the colors, because at the moment the colors are really taking away from your art. You could always try doing what Silverlimit did in his battles http://entervoid.com/display.php?id=808&fid=222&iid=1 nice pencil rendering with a color overlay.

okey uploaded!

i am cramming!

UPLOADED BOOYYYAAAAH!!!....

Can\'t wait to see your battle david! Last one was kickass

DAvid I got new design you migth wanna check it out

sweetness~