Invitational Tournament 2019: Round 1 / Stein vs. Count Burmeister

Invitational Tournament 2019: Round 1 — Stein vs. Count Burmeister

52.3%
647 points
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Crit level: Open to any comments or critiques
tags: stein

47.7%
589 points
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Crit level: Open to any comments or critiques



Critiques & Comments
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RanZombie
Artist
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1 comment
# 8   Posted: Jun 17 2019, 09:27 PM
Bobo: @ranzombie: great work! Your comic could have used a bit of touch-up to make your line art look completely black, but your style is so refined! It was a pleasure to look at. My only real problem with your comic is the way you handled speech bubbles. It wasn't always clear at first who was speaking. Be sure to use balloon tails to point to the speaker (in the general direction if their mouth, if you don't have room for the speech bubble right next to their head) instead of quotation marks. Quotation marks are generally used in comics to convey a person from a previous page continuing a thought while the action shifts to a new scene, so seeing quotation marks makes it feel like someone other than the characters on the page is speaking. Not really a big deal, but since your work is so good overall, I had to nitpick a bit :)

@pizzaman: love me some black and white and red comics! I don't know if the lack of anti-aliasing was intended or not, but it was kind of distracting. If it wasn't intentional, feel free to hit me up if you'd like help figuring it out. I think this was just a fun little comic that gave me a chuckle, and hope to see more from you soon!
Quote

Thanks a lot for the criticism, Bobo! All the comments that I've received so far have been a ton of help in really finding out what are the areas I need to work on. As such, I actually have one question regarding speech bubbles which hopefully you might be able to give me some additional feedback on.
In the comic everyone's speech bubbles, except Count Burmeister, did have balloon tails (though I should've probably also added a stroke to make em clearer). The reason Burmeister lacked those is mainly because he communicates telepathically rather than actually speaking. So with that in mind, the approach I took was to not add a balloon tail, but instead have all his comments come between asterisks like *this*.

This is obviously an improvised solution and I can understand perfectly how it can cause some confusion to the reader. As such, do you have any suggestions on how I should approach characters with that sort of specialized communication form? Should I just stick with speech bubbles and balloon tails when not making string emphasis on the characters telepathic communication abilities or is there clearer way of conveying this?

      Edited Jun 17 2019,  09:28 PM by RanZombie

papermachei
Artist
icon
9 comments
# 7   Posted: Jun 17 2019, 05:59 PM
Ranzombie, gooooood good action scenes and also a buildup to what I think might've gotten the biggest laugh out of me so far this competition. Just jumping off confidently expecting to fly, resulting in an incredibly underwhelming end to this 'gentleman's duel'. Fun use of both characters and fun comic overall. I like your page layouts a lot, too. Overlapping and slanted panels make it a lot of fun to go from page to page.

Pizzaman, I'm a sucker for limited palettes and your use of red in this comic is fantastic. It really puts the focus on the parts people should pay the most attention to, and just the casual tone after punching a man through the chest is wild. I also think you do well with the "passage of time" in your comic. I love panels that just feature a slight change from the previous one, maybe a shift in how someone carries themselves in order to display a change in tone of a conversation. Small nuances like the ones present in your comic are what I live for, haha

Bobo
Web Dev
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892 comments
# 6   Posted: Jun 17 2019, 03:39 PM
@ranzombie: great work! Your comic could have used a bit of touch-up to make your line art look completely black, but your style is so refined! It was a pleasure to look at. My only real problem with your comic is the way you handled speech bubbles. It wasn't always clear at first who was speaking. Be sure to use balloon tails to point to the speaker (in the general direction if their mouth, if you don't have room for the speech bubble right next to their head) instead of quotation marks. Quotation marks are generally used in comics to convey a person from a previous page continuing a thought while the action shifts to a new scene, so seeing quotation marks makes it feel like someone other than the characters on the page is speaking. Not really a big deal, but since your work is so good overall, I had to nitpick a bit :)

@pizzaman: love me some black and white and red comics! I don't know if the lack of anti-aliasing was intended or not, but it was kind of distracting. If it wasn't intentional, feel free to hit me up if you'd like help figuring it out. I think this was just a fun little comic that gave me a chuckle, and hope to see more from you soon!

Badger
Artist
icon
28 comments
# 5   Posted: Jun 15 2019, 12:57 PM
Ranzombie: Love the paneling on the fight scene, it was super fun to read and very energetic! I do see where the 180 rule was broken as Arts mentioned earlier- personally it didn’t interrupt the flow of reading for me, although it’s still something to be careful of in the future! The ending was great, it fits the tone of how the fight started. Thank you for the cameo also!!

Pizzaman: The manhunt setup is a very cool idea! I would love to see more varying panel shots, specifically some more full body shots- there’s a lot of half body shots at similar angles in here! I also really like your use of spot blacks and red. Nicely done!

Flutterbyes
Artist
icon
166 comments
# 4   Posted: Jun 14 2019, 05:50 PM
Ranzombie: Gentlemen having a gentlemen's duel... over Van Helsing. Not a bad way to have a fight start and end on a light hearted gag. Nice clear drawings and action, although I think the second to last page's "falling" panel could have been drawn a little differently to really sell what was happening.

Thefrigginpizzaman: You made both characters fit it in really well with the white-and-spot-color-on-black look. Since we never really saw the person Burmeister caught, I thought one of them had turned on the other. That panel was very similar in composition to the ones before and after it.

Happy June 24th! -Reecer6
Artist
icon
247 comments
# 3   Posted: Jun 14 2019, 02:33 PM
Ranzombie:
Your lineart is strong, showing a lot in relatively few lines! Your action is really fun and demonstrates a clear difference between the two characters in style. I'm usually not a fan of characters just fighting for fighting's sake with no context, but you've got a real charm going here, and I'm into it!

Pizzaman:
Antialiasing is a good choice and I love it, but if you're going to do that, you probably should keep at it with everything besides the text. The manhunt thing is a fun little plot to get these two together! It's like a buddy cop thing, but like, even more immoral (that said i DID somehow skim over burmeister's entire second bubble so i really confused myself over why these guys were so brutal until a second go-through :V ). Your linework's a little loosey goosey but I do like how you render your own character especially, it's really cute! Overall, a fun comic!

ArtsandGoodies
Think Tank
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204 comments
# 2   Posted: Jun 13 2019, 07:43 PM
Ran: I really like your inks and your lettering, all the sound effects look awesome in this comic. On the whole i do like the action in this comic however there are a couple times where you break the 180 rule and it makes the action a bit confusing. In general you will keep the characters on the same sides of the panels relative to each other (for this comci that would be Stein on left and Count on right). However a couple panels in your comic you switch this up and it makes the action slow down since it takes a while for the reader to process what happened. If you flip these panels back to keep it consistent it would all work just fine.
In terms of writting this was great i loved the dialouge and the ending part of this. Good job and welcome to void.

Pizzaman: It's great you got a character in void now. My favorite thing is how you do all the expressions with count using his eyes and antennea. The brush you used for lines seemed to have heavy aliasing resulting it the edges of characters looking more jaggedy and I kind of liked look that came from this in the comic. It's a short but fun comic and 3 complete pages for 1 week is a good pace. Good job and I look forward to fighting you.

Pita
Think Tank
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168 comments
# 1   Posted: Jun 5 2019, 08:59 AM
Lich VS Chitin!

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Comic Details -

 
Drawing Time: 1 week
Ended: Jun 17th, 2019
Votes Cast: 32
Page Views: 292
Winner: RanZombie
 

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