This was a wonderful comic.  I very much enjoyed it and the shifts in style and art.  I do feel there were some issues with clarity here and there.  But can I just say how much I love Elijah in Don's style?  I know he is an NPC on the forum, but damn I want more Elijah comics.  I've latched unto him as my favorite.  The psychic depiction of powers was also really cool and an interesting choice.  I feel that most of the issues of clarity with the art could have been solved by letting the art breathe a little.  And I think part of that would have been alleviated with gutter spaces.  As gutters represent a length of time in comicking, it would certainly has contributed to making the comics feel less chaotic even though the tone of the comic is much more slow paced.  Anyways this was a great comic that showcased many of your strengths.  I just want more Elijah now.

I am really loving these pre-election comics as it gives us a closer look at the candidates. Naialah is definitely one of the unknowns not just because she is a new character but also her backstory is very unique. And now that she has ties to the Phoenix Coalition..whoo boy things are getting really good!

I read through it and did not notice anything glaring to crit about. DISCLAIMER: Usually I don't read other people's crits when I comment (I still haven't as of this writing). It is a conscious decision not out of pure laziness lol. I read them once I am done with my comments hah. And with that,  I was able to immerse myself in the story and your lovely art without interruption. That's how I normally judge whether there's something to crit about or not from my end in comics in general. If I suddenly paused mid-read and have thoughts about how the comic could be better overall once I am done reading, those are the ones I point out. Unless someone asks me to deep dive into the crit, I tend to judge comics less as an artist and more as an audience.

I absolutely enjoyed your story and I am very impressed at how well you produce both colored and monochrome comics. Kozi's helping hand is apparent and such a welcome addition to this BB. The shift in style did not distract me at all. I am even more excited for the Election Royale!

This phoenix coalition stuff is really building up!

Niles with the glow up, this was a great comic all around. The only crit i have is that it was a little confusing where characters were at some point as well as why the giant hand presumably other guy grabbed the car, but I guess that's part of your take on void with Naenae which is cool.

as always i got no complaints, your stuff is just delicious all the way through u_u super excited to see where you're going here, how clandestine can nai stay with big ol' cyan eyes :0 some of the compositions here felt positively petar-y, which, i dunno if that's positive or a neutral thing, but it's a big heavy vibe i'm getting. my only real nitpick is a couple of panels of confusing bubble layout, pages and panels 6.5, 14.5, and 15.3 in particular.

I don't have much to say except I got big-eyed looking at the pages Kozi inked because I knew those inks looked familiar and just didn't know where until I saw those credits.

This was not just a good continuation of Naialah's lasy comic, it's a bridge to the upcoming Election Royale and introduces a fine little twist--Naialah is participating but isn't the official candidate of her related campaign.  That's a neat subversion.

Also good to see Niles thriving in the desert.  Good for them.

I’ll agree with some of the previous comments that your spot blacks and figures started to edge into the abstract that I wasn’t sure what I was looking at on some panels. I think this style works when you have a means to define it in color, but as stark black and whites it was bleeding together. Still, there were moments where thst simplicity shone. I especially like Nae’s face consisting of just her slash face tattoos and little else.

I dig you just said ‘screw void I’m doing my own thing.’ It’s neat to see artist still using the unofficial ‘canon’, but turning its on its head for this. As max-esque dystopian fantasy future.

I’ll also echo the critique that while the macro and close up shots of Niles palanquin interior were nice I I’d so a be for an establishing shot or setting to give me a sense of the dimensions and scale of the space they were in.  
I’m really looking forward to seeing what you do here and it was a blast to collab and help out!

First off, I love the way you start with Naialah thinking about her encounter with Enarbie, but portrayed in a totally different light to Franken’s battle. The fact that you made them this floating figure with only the eyes glowing... I know that’s related to Naialah’s “soul sight” but I just find that subversion so cool especially since she’s clearly struggling with guilt around the encounter and faithfulness to the Other Guy and ahh. It’s just Good. Niles’ monster soul also looks rad af. I didn’t find the differing art styles distracting and I enjoyed seeing the variety tbh!

I think my only issue with this comic is that I found it very difficult to visualise where everything was taking place? The few establishings shots were drawn in a pretty abstract way, and then most of the other shots were close up. The heavy spotblacks also made things difficult to work out sometimes and give a cramped feel. For example I have zero clue how big the palanquin is or what the interior is really like; to me it felt like the characters are sitting in a tiny room with interesting wallpaper. But then idk, was this intentional? Were you trying to somewhat convey Naialah’s sense of the world being semi-blind? Big thonk emoji.

PS Love the credits page omg. Kozi’s dog agjsgshad

This comic reads like the good kind of fever dream.  It feels chill but still tense and uneasy but in a way you're cool with throughout.

Focusing on Elijah, and by extension the world building here, he's definitely getting built up as Naialah's companion through the journey with how they seem to have this already kind of affection/respect for each other.  Still don't know if I fuuuully trust him yet what with all his strange devil wagon car summoning and all that but Elijah is certainly an intriguing character.  As for the Coalition stuff and Elijah's illusive underground WW tech society it gives us enough to get the idea without showing all the cards yet.  Still want to see more of those two factions in this world.

Some thoughts on the artwork, not critiques but some thinks.
As the mediums and techniques change up it does give off different vibes with each scene for me.
page 12 and 13 stood out with the markers as heavy shadows.  Stuff like that gave, for me, the scene a much rawer and chaotic feel as opposed to the sleaker digital pages.  The pages done on paper, with sharpie?, did give me a more personal and handmade vibe.  Also panel 2 and 3 on page 13 was giving me real big Smile vibes what with the shadowy face mimicing his mask eyes.  Was  that real?  You meant that?  We getting some parallels?  

(and for Special Guest Artist Kozispoon, Don don't look!)
Great inks as always.  You're pages definately had a different vibe than the rest of the comic.  Your lines almost made that section feel more whimsical and lighthearted feel than the other sections.  I guess since your lines come off as more bold and deliberate than the more abstract nature of Don's art gave your pages the feeling of a small moment of lucidity in an otherwise acid trippy story.  And you gotta tell me what gold brush that is for Niles's "spirit bug" self.

Niles look like they about to drop the most fire album of 2020 at the bottom of page 5.

The Story telling in this is top notch. I am gonna focus on the writing because that is honestly what makes this comic shine more so then the art (Which is good, don't get me wrong).


I love the way your story telling is handled trough heavy, exposition heavy chatter and talking. From the offset of this comic and onwards, it reads a lot like a stream of concuisness narrative from the side of Naia. The only time this breaks, is when other characters interject, but the way they talk consistently weaves into the way the story is presented as Naia taking in the world. Especially around Niles, with the weird swirly beast shape of I assume, is their true self. I am so damn invested in the journey for this. Exellent job Don!

:bigthonk:

oh hello more NaeNae n NiNi?