Making Chances / Talon

Making Chances / Talon

Making Chances — Talon


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Critiques & Comments
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kubo
Artist
77 comments
# 14   Posted: Feb 18 2020, 09:39 PM
Im excited about this storyline! Garland is shaping up to be a really fun manipulator/antagonist. I've always enjoyed Talon and am really eager to see where his story goes. Over all, this is a great comic. I think if you want to punch it up more I would recommend adding a layer of texture on Overlay (probably lower the opacity until it looks right). Add a mask to it and cut out the characters so that the pop out more from the background, then add noise to the whole thing. This gives those big areas of one tone color a little more complexity and also helps round out the borders of your shadows and highlights. For me it makes everything look more homogenizes and part of the same piece.  Great job you two!!!

Gregly
Artist
128 comments
# 13   Posted: Feb 18 2020, 04:52 PM
This is great! Garland is a great villain, very self-serving and sneaky feeling especially with all the implied illegal underground connections implied in this comic. I get the feeling he's going to have Talon wrapped around his fingers soon.
I like Talon a bunch and the cool colors and angles when he's using his magic are nice (i esp. like the lighting on his nose at the bottom of pg5) but it is hard to tell what he's trying to do. If he's absorbing power from the body it could have been good to see the wisps coming out of her nose maybe? And a wider establishing shot when we get to morgue would have been good because the plant popping in was a bit jarring.
This comic looks amazing though and it makes me want to see more- keep it up!

Flytee
Artist
102 comments
# 12   Posted: Feb 18 2020, 04:16 AM
Great collab! :) Its nice to see you two team up again and I really love what you're doing with this overarching story.
I honestly just want Talon to be ok ;_;

cats
Artist
39 comments
# 11   Posted: Feb 17 2020, 07:48 PM
You guys did an amazing job together! I enjoyed the story and I have yet to properly expressions my feelings for Alma popping in. Being turned into a doll is just the gift that keeps on giving!! Love a good call back and just look... how happy she is now thanks for Garland : )

But still- Please be safe Talon

Bobo
Web Dev
921 comments
# 10   Posted: Feb 17 2020, 09:38 AM
I'm so on board with this storyline. You guys work together really well and I'm just excited for whatever's next!

Rivana
Artist
64 comments
# 9   Posted: Feb 17 2020, 06:18 AM
This is such an amazing collab. I also love the unified color scheme of purples and blues. It makes it feel very ominous. Good job both of you!

Symon_says
Artist
64 comments
# 8   Posted: Feb 13 2020, 12:21 PM
Have the veils between worlds fractured thus far?! Very interesting situation. Yet. Coming into this comic without character references, what is Talon's curse?

And... they are taking the dying to experiment on in order to fix his curse? Oh my. That never ends well.

Have fun good luck!

!bangarang!
Artist
37 comments
# 7   Posted: Feb 12 2020, 04:17 PM
What a lovely seamless collab!! The magic scenes were colored beautifully and GOSH I feel so bad for Talon.
*CONCURRING WITH SHEN ON THE HANDS*

Badger
Artist
37 comments
# 6   Posted: Feb 12 2020, 03:37 PM
William_Duel: I am a little unclear on a point of Talon's story.  So he was cursed and wanted to get rid of it.  Lost his magic in the magic tourney.  Then felt he still needed magic, completed a ritual that made his death touch even more extreme and now he's looking for a cure.  Im confused why he went to such lengths to get the curse back if he had already lost it?  
Quote

The idea was that he only lost his necromancy powers in the magic tourney- I consider it separate from his curse, so essentially he was still cursed but with no way to work towards lifting it, which is why he got his magic back later. I realize the clarity on the whole story is not as great as it could be, its all a learning experience hhahah

William_Duel
Community Manager
928 comments
# 5   Posted: Feb 12 2020, 03:18 PM
I am a little unclear on a point of Talon's story.  So he was cursed and wanted to get rid of it.  Lost his magic in the magic tourney.  Then felt he still needed magic, completed a ritual that made his death touch even more extreme and now he's looking for a cure.  Im confused why he went to such lengths to get the curse back if he had already lost it?  

Shen
Global Moderator
1292 comments
# 4   Posted: Feb 12 2020, 02:50 PM
I DO NOT TRUST THIS KITTY CAT >=C
Your guys' collabs have been SO good, very much worth looking forward to~! I love seeing Talon's emotions- the fear, the hope, the despair- and seeing more and more of how garland is manipulating him, leading him to the path Alma sadly took. Theres a lot of fantastic heavy emotions, and the expressions deliver PERFECTLY in the art. also, the hands??? THE WAY YOU DRAW HANDS???? GIVE ME THIS SUPERPOWER???
I feel like I should actually crit something but I cant because I love this development too much and look forward to more~

Flutterbyes
Artist
250 comments
# 3   Posted: Feb 12 2020, 07:52 AM
Oohhh nooo, not Dakota! Brrr, the way Garland acts like he's so benevolent when he's doing something as mind screwing as making Talon "choose" is another level of diabolical. But, yeah, a little reminder of just what it is these experiments do and why it has to be THIS way would help sell Talon's desperation and struggle.

Good job on the shifting levels of moodiness, torture, and creepiness!

Only in Void would the morgue devote itself so much to its branding....

TheCydork
Artist
128 comments
# 2   Posted: Feb 11 2020, 06:34 PM
My heart truly hurts for this boy ;w; Screw you guys, but also thank you so much, this content gives me Life.

On a whole this works really well, this definitely feels more cohesive than your last collab, in fact on the first read it barely feels like a collab at all. Onto individual crits:

Arts - Garland’s portrayal is pretty damn great. Even without the secret, sinister smiles (not to mention his suspicious background appearance in the news segment), his manner clearly shows he has ulterior motives behind his kindness. No genuinely kind person would make someone else pick who to die, even randomly. I think both characters are written well and IC, it feels like you both wrote the script instead of just you tbh. The pacing is also very good, I love how slow and hesitant everything is.

Your inks have improved a lot, but I notice the lines often overshoot the panel or just overextend in general, so keep an eye out for that. The texture in the flashbacks was also too strong imo, I think it could have been toned down by lowering the opacity or left out entirely. The sudden addition of such a strong texture while the rest of the comic lacks any feels very out of place, and doesn’t add to the flashback.

Writing wise, I wish you’d given more information on what the ritual actually is. To me this seems like standard Talon necromancy stuff, except Dakota didn’t even come back to life. What was he doing? Taking energy from her? Why would practicing on a random corpse with no particular powers cure his curse? Why should they be surprised that it doesn’t work? Finally, the dialogue still comes across as awkward sometimes. When Talon talks about not wanting to live like this, there’s no punctuation, so it comes across as him talking very quickly. That doesn’t gel at all and lessens the impact of his words too, because there are no pauses for people to take in what he’s saying. Garland comes out with a lot of redundant statements or just repeats himself, and for all his formality sometimes doesn’t phrase things correctly, so it comes off clunky. I can do a more thorough breakdown of his dialogue if you like, just DM me.

Badger - Wowee as usual I love your style and colours soo much. SO good. The way you illustrate the quiet moments really appeal to me, just, the subtlety of emotions you convey through the face and body language is amazing. I can practically feel Talon’s defeat and despair oozing out of him. It’s goals tbh, I really wish to achieve similar effects myself one day. I also like the switch to an all lower case font that looks closer to handwriting after the ritual, it gives the vibe of quieter words which fits well with Talon’s mood.

The only crit I have is that on page 6, Talon’s smile comes off as vaguely sinister or even power-hungry, it really stuck out to me. I wondered if it was maybe the kick of performing necromancy well, but I’d expect a softer smile that reads more hopeful or relieved in a moment like that.

ArtsandGoodies
Approval Committee
346 comments
# 1   Posted: Feb 11 2020, 03:47 PM
This was a collab between Badger and I that was really fun. I did the writting, inks and colors for the "flashback" scenes. Badger did the sketches, the majority of the colors, and the lettering.

Also for those not too familiar with Garland here is his playlist with comics in them: https://entervoid.com/index.php?action=playlists;id=198

Comic Details -

 
Drawing Time: 1 week
Ended: Feb 18th, 2020
Votes Cast: 25
Page Views: 290
 

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