2016 Invitational: Round 2 / Kao5 vs. Potho vs.

2016 Invitational: Round 2 / Kao5 vs. Potho vs.

2016 Invitational: Round 2 — Kao5 vs. Potho vs.

by Fox

485 points
Page 1Page 2Page 3Page 4Page 5Page 6Page 7Page 8Page 9Page 10Page 11Page 12Page 13

Crit level: No preference

618 points
Page 1Page 2Page 3Page 4Page 5Page 6Page 7Page 8Page 9Page 10Page 11Page 12Page 13

Crit level: No preference


700 points
Page 1Page 2Page 3Page 4Page 5Page 6Page 7

Crit level: No preference

Critiques & Comments
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# 12   Posted: Jul 14 2016, 02:11 AM
Fox: this was an interesting story! It's a cool concept the way you told it and how it broke the fourth wall. I'm not a big fan of wordy comics, but the story was pretty cool o: I would work on a bit more detailing in the visuals as well.

Maroo-art: this was a funny comic and I enjoyed it a lot!! I don't think there's anything wrong with the sketchy style either, but I kind of miss the clean outlines and coloring you've done on your last comic. I agree with Red, you have a cute style and you should put a little more time in how it looks.

Fukur0: I loved the way you colored yours! You can tell what the setting is in the comic very clearly. I especially liked the panel with kao5 looking down with the moonlight shining from behind him. You have definitely improved from the last round! The font choices were a bit out of place. I would try sticking with a comic-like font (not comic sans) that's easy to read, and use that font for all the speech bubbles. You can try downloading some fonts from dafont.com for your comic text if you choose to.

A three-way comic looks pretty hard to make, but you all pulled it off pretty well! This was an interesting duo and seeing how different you guy's stories were.

      Edited Jul 14 2016,  02:17 AM by MindMeats

# 11   Posted: Jul 13 2016, 11:18 PM
Fox: I like that you're experimenting! But unfortunately not every experiment can be a success. The others have explained exactly why it didn't work, so I won't repeat what's been said. Scott McCloud talks about how writing for written works and writing for a visual medium are fundamentally different things. (Understanding Comics, chapter two.) For example, words and pictures are both icons, thus using too complex prose or too realistic imagery can dilute that iconography, pulling them apart. I'm butchering this, but I hope I'm getting at least a little bit of my point across.

Maroo-Art: I laughed. The characters feel a bit out of place here... I guess this is Potho's home, and sure, I'll suspend disbelief that Kao5 happens to be working outside, or The Fool tracked Potho down, but both, at the same time feels contrived. Maybe if Potho just happened on Kao5 outside, while running from The Fool, without Kao5's introduction. I dunno. Trying to focus a bit more on quality over quantity won't hurt ya, but at the end of the day, I did enjoy it.

fukur0: This is pretty solid so I'm just gonna be nitpicking here. The plot's a bit on the thin side, but this helps as much as it hurts. The curse of the one weeker, I guess. Those word balloons are wobbly, and I'm not fond of the font choices. Aaand that's it. Keep it up.

# 10   Posted: Jul 13 2016, 05:17 PM
Fox, I kind of feel like this was an interesting idea, but not the best way (or situation) to pull it off.  The way the visuals are laid out, it winds up giving the impression of wall of text+occasional illustration, which seems to be chasing readers off before they get to the payoff. The way you visually establish the pages of a book and the layout of a comic is really what makes or breaks a conceit like this. For one thing, I don't think there was an establishing shot of the book itself that explained the odd dimensions of the book pages, or a clear transition from one format to the other. This probably needed more than a week to plan and execute effectively.

Maroo-Art: wow, is Kao5 back on his rent? He's pretty desperate here. Your handwriting is adorable. I don't think the partial opacity is working, though. You have cute, readable expressions, but your staging could use a little work. It might have been better to trim the fat from your story so your could get more polish into it.

fukur0: I do like your atmosphere and mood. Not as complete a story as it could be, but I suppose a three-way with this close a time limit couldn't be too much more than a mysterious, near deadly encounter among very strange characters with different priorities who never really get the chance to know what the other is up to.

# 9   Posted: Jul 13 2016, 01:29 PM
I enjoyed all three. I for one don't mind text in comics. And the way this was done it as very creative. I really liked all three. Good job imho!

      Edited Jul 13 2016,  01:30 PM by Dumorte

Community Manager
# 8   Posted: Jul 13 2016, 01:20 PM
Kao5: I get what you're trying to go with here, it does start to get a little clever and creative by page 6... but, there's 4 pages before that that are really dragging the entire idea down. This is a sequential art community, so your story needs to be told through your pictures more than your writing. You could have chopped pages 2-4, condense that into one page where Kao and Potho realize they're in a story book, and interact with each other about it, you can even use the writing as filler in the background but you can't expect us to read it. I didn't even fully read pages 2-4, and I skimmed the other pages to get the jist of what was going on. It starts to get interesting when they actually start playing with the book world but it's just not working as a whole. I would avoid this idea in the future

Maroo-Art: This was a little long to get through but I really did like the gag with the last two pages, it left me smiling by the end of the read so there's that. You dragged this story out a little more than you needed to, you could have cut it down by 5 pages and keep the essence.

Fukur0: Really solid art as usual, it's got some interesting mood setting but is also a tad too stretched out given how much actually happens. If you take the time to edit your pages you'll get a better paced story.

Approval Committee
# 7   Posted: Jul 13 2016, 11:46 AM
I'm gonna guess time got away from you guys, haha.

fox, sorry but I cannot read this. there's too much, the font is not good choice, the rainbow coloring is hard to read, but mostly there's too much. if it weren't for the first page, I'd really hesitate to call this a comic. /: please learn from this for next time! we wanna see more sequential drawings, less picture book!

maroo, this is also too much. you couldn't finish and the quality really suffers. seemed cute, but the low quality also makes it hard for me to stay interested while reading this. again, I hope you take this as a learning experience next time you have a one week battle!

fukur0, not bad! I still think this could be condensed, and tightened up. you have the beginnings of some real nice work here. overall pretty good for a one week battle!

# 6   Posted: Jul 13 2016, 08:32 AM
Fox: Really disappointed to see 13 pages and 90% of that is text? Show, don't tell. I would have preferred to see a single page that was lovely than 13 "pages" of text. Save the huge story for a longer drawing period.

Maroo-Art: Almost the same problem as Fox! Doing 13 pages in 1 week doesn't usually end well. Shoot for 3 pages max, and tell a story that is short and sweet. Your art is cute, you just need to put more time into it and make it shine. It's hard for me to really give you anything in-depth for advice since this doesn't seem like your best work. You can do better!

fukur0: Pretty good for a 1-weeker with 7 pages. Same crit as your other 2 competitors, next round just cut the page count down by a little bit for the sake of quality. The lighting and colors are nice in this, it's just a little sloppy at times. The thing that stands out the most for me is your speech bubbles. Next round, take them into account while you are laying out your pages so that they fit nicely. I think they are too large, and your text is pretty awkward inside of them. I really dislike the different fonts for different speakers. Check out blambot.com and get yourself a free comic font. I think you have a lot of potential!

Approval Committee
# 5   Posted: Jul 7 2016, 08:57 AM
ITSA THREEWAY FOLKS. We're having a threeway! Rock it and roll it, you'se guys!

# 4   Posted: Jul 6 2016, 01:19 AM
Holy smokes dudes I'm hype

The Man Who Planted Swag
# 3   Posted: Jul 5 2016, 08:43 PM
OH SNAP THE THREE WAY! I'm super excited to see how this plays out

Global Moderator
# 2   Posted: Jul 5 2016, 05:49 PM

# 1   Posted: Jul 5 2016, 05:48 PM
Woo! Kao5 get's in a three-way... -.^

Comic Details -

Type: Tournament Match
Drawing Time: 1 week
Ended: Jul 19th, 2016
Votes Cast: 36
Page Views: 962

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