Kazue L. Burns vs. Dairyu

Kazue L. Burns vs. Dairyu

Kazue L. Burns vs. Dairyu

by Energy

184 points
Page 1Page 2Page 3Page 4Page 5Page 6Page 7Page 8Page 9

Crit level: No critique desired, comments encouraged

266 points
Page 1Page 2Page 3

Crit level: Open to any comments or critiques

Critiques & Comments
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# 9   Posted: Oct 16 2019, 11:28 PM
I've been having a hard time coming up with a good crit just because both are unfinished, but I did like where both of these were going! I'd love to see what these looked like finished :3

# 8   Posted: Oct 4 2019, 04:48 PM
I really like that you’re toying with fun and different angles. I also feel like you’ve been getting so much better with facial expressions too. You can only go up from here, so I’d love to see some completed battles or even beyond battles from ya!

I *adore* your inks! That said, I think sometimes you apply the same technique with characters and backgrounds which leave it a little difficult to be able to differentiate the two. It took me a bit to really see what was happening on page 2 panel 5.

Obviously would have loved to see what their confrontation was, but I do hope to see more of your comics in the future!

# 7   Posted: Oct 4 2019, 06:08 AM
Really is a shame that you both weren't able to finish the battle. It looked like it had potential. But life happens and I completely understand! I do agree that maybe next time try for a shorter comic and just go up from there. I might actually take Heathen's advice of one page a week for my next battle :)

# 6   Posted: Oct 2 2019, 07:57 AM
Energy: You do seem to be taking on some ambitious camera angles and establishing shots, and it's good to push yourself into such difficult territory. Your range has been increasing over the course of your work. I think you could really show off that improvement if, as the others have said, you take on a shorter story so all of your effort and progress aren't spread out so thin. Or, you can pick a scene in your story that's your "money shot" that you prioritize so, if you run out of time or have to make compromises, at the very least the part that shines the most is also the most important or exciting (for example, prioritizing page 4 or 6 over page 1)

Snowymoth: It's a shame you weren't able to go further past the setup with this. This was shaping up to be an interesting story. I really like the hand-done look, including the lettering. You probably could use a little more ruling, do something more in the style of comic book lettering for clarity, but what you've done does fit the overall look of the comic as it is.

Community Manager
# 5   Posted: Oct 1 2019, 07:17 PM
energy: you gotta stop beating yourself up over your past comics, you have to use them to learn and move on, everyone makes mistakes and mistakes are a good thing since you can learn from them. that being said I will say this writting is a step in the write direction with Kazue being more than just purely miserable and another character giving her a break. Learn from this and practice and don't punish yourself for it.

Snowy: What's here is really nice, I enjoy your inks, I like how simple your character faces are but still are able to be expressive and clearly show emotions. It would be cool to see a full version of this comic as a BB.

# 4   Posted: Sep 30 2019, 09:31 AM
Energy, focusing on fully completing a 3 page comic on a 4 week deadline should be your next objective. One week per page, with an extra week to account for any speed bumps along the way. In fact I might take my own advice there.

And my second suggestion, which is another thing I’m trying to do in my own comics going forward, is to try writing your script like a piece of prose, and pairing the lines with each corresponding panel. By doing this, you will avoid the pitfall of  not having given the reader enough exposition, context, and insight into your locations, action, and the inner thoughts and feelings of your characters. It’s definitely not necessarily the best way to do comics, it’s just one style, but personally, I tend to have a very cinematic approach to comic storytelling, but it’s easy to forget that your reader doesn’t already have the whole movie in their head like you do, and if you don’t explain things enough, unless you’re an absolute master of visual storytelling, you can quickly lose the reader. So try that and see if you find your comics easier to read and easier to draw, because you’ll already have the whole story written out, leaving only pictures to illustrate the ideas.

Snowy: what you’ve got here is wonderful, although I don’t like your handwritten lettering. Use whatever editing software you prefer and type your lettering, it’ll make your pages look much more professional. The art is great, and I know if you can reel in your time management, you’re probably capable of good coloring or tones as well, to further improve your line art. I’ll give you the same goal as Energy: 4 week deadline, 3 page story. It will hone your ability to write efficiently, and give you the breathing room in the deadline that you need to make your pages look as good as possible. Never be afraid to reach out to other members, or even your opponent, for script advice or feedback on thumbnails or anything, there’s no need to struggle alone. Maybe I’m projecting a bit, but I know for me, the writing stage always takes the longest.

# 3   Posted: Sep 29 2019, 06:06 PM
Energy - I know you don’t want crit, but I have some advice: I think the first page could have been left off. I can see you put a lot of care into that page, especially getting the background building right, but Kazue waking up on the following page felt more like the start of the story.

Snowy - Honestly my only crit would be “aww you didn’t finish it” haha. The first three pages had lovely inks as usual, and you established the environment much better than in your last comic. It would have been nice to at least see the sketches of the other pages though as opposed to only the finalised ones.

# 2   Posted: Sep 29 2019, 10:26 AM
snowy - It's such a shame you didn't get a chance to finish because I really like what I see so far! The way you establish the setting is particularly strong here and your line work is lovely and clean as always. Dairyu looks really cute with a high ponytail as well!
I think in future, if you find yourself starting a comic late or if life keeps getting in the way, maybe rethink the story to fit a realistic page limit. So instead of posting the first 3 pages to a bigger comic you can post a smaller finished story.

Energy- its a little tricky to comment and give art/writing crit on your comic since it is so unfinished. Judging by the fact you didn't even get your line work finished in 3 weeks, i'm going to mirror what I said to snowy. It might be worth writing a shorter comic and just focusing on getting something finished. I think a big part of working to deadlines is managing your expectations for them, quality over quantity in my opinion. I'd be really interested in seeing some more polished work from you :3

Also your text didn't properly fit into the speech bubbles on a couple of pages, maybe keep an eye on that.

# 1   Posted: Sep 15 2019, 04:32 PM
I posted what I had, I'm going to finish it and post as a BB. My apologies for not being able to complete this and having a month to do it.

Comic Details -

Drawing Time: 3 weeks
Ended: Oct 5th, 2019
Votes Cast: 15
Page Views: 673
Winner: SnowyMoth

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