Egg Dealer vs. Morgan Maruyama

Egg Dealer vs. Morgan Maruyama

Egg Dealer vs. Morgan Maruyama

59.4%
187 points
Page 1Page 2Page 3Page 4Page 5Page 6Page 7Page 8

Crit level: Open to any comments or critiques


by Energy

40.6%
128 points
Page 1Page 2Page 3Page 4Page 5Page 6Page 7Page 8

Crit level: Open to any comments or critiques




Critiques & Comments
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TheCydork
Artist
174 comments
# 8   Posted: May 5 2020, 06:26 PM
Boogi - Okay this story was pretty fun. Like others have said, your comics have a lot of fluidity and expressiveness, and I think your faces have improved from the last comic of yours I saw! The features seem more fixed in place while still having extreme or bizarre expressions too.

I feel like I can’t comment on weird story choices or wacky proportions since that seems to be your thing, but I think you could work on your backgrounds more? On page 6, even though it’s sketchy, I can see what looks to be the beginnings of a pretty nice background, but on the first two pages all we get is a pretty flat and low-effort looking green plane with a few straight lines for grass. Maybe try sticking to that sketchy bg style and simply colour it? Page 6 also has some really nicely drawn clouds imo, but when you colour clouds they look pretty artificial and messy. I just wonder why you change up your style when the sketch looks far better?

Energy - Congrats for completing a comic! It’s nice to see a happy ending and some positivity for your characters for once and I can see you’re pushing for more dynamic poses and perspectives! Good job!

Your panel layout was very odd to me though. I’m not the best at panels either, but like Flytee said you have a tendency to cram bubbles in when there’s plenty of space available. Like page 4, in the final panel the bubble obscures half of Morgan’s face while half the panel is left empty, without even background to fill it out. The bubble’s tail also seems to be coming from her eyes. In fact, in many of the panels the tail doesn’t point towards the mouth or the character at all, e.g. pg 2 panel 5, pg 4 panel 2, pg 5 panel 1, pg 6 panel 5 and pg 8 panel 1 (its coming out of her neck). The tails should lead from the mouth, bc that’s where the words are coming from. I can also see you’re trying to vary panel type, but the variation appears random. For instance on page 4 again, the secondary panel is kind of “broken out”, as in there’s no boundaries and the background leaks into the rest of the page. Afaik this is usually used when the camera pulls back a bit, to show full bodies, but you use the same headshot as the previous panel with just a slight pose change. You also have this diagonal cut panel at the bottom of the page which reads as dynamic to me, but again it’s just a headshot of Morgan and then a tonne of empty space.

I think you should practice your profile shots too. Practicing anatomy is a given, but your profiles often look like totally different characters compared to the front view and that takes me out of a comic more than bad anatomy tbh. A character can have a rounded nose and then it’s suddenly super pointy from the side and the lips become huge. Drawing a turnaround for a character’s face might be helpful and help you align their look from different angles.

ArtsandGoodies
Community Manager
387 comments
# 7   Posted: Apr 20 2020, 09:54 PM
boo: I like how you have been changing up your stories  to not just be egg dealer consuming your opponents characters. also your art has been consistently improving so keep at it. In terms of crits with agree with symon that you should try pulling out the camera more on some of the compositions mainly during the actions. Like the first panel of page 5 has great potential for showing motion but it's too zoomed in to show the body when it should be showing all of her body. You have so much fun with your exaggerations you should adjust your compositions to zoom out and show more of the body more often.

Energy: Hey good jbo completing the comic and adding some shading. Just work on doing more and keeping at it even when there is no motivation to do anything.

BoogidiBzdo
Artist
47 comments
# 6   Posted: Apr 19 2020, 01:08 PM
Thanks for the comments! They are much appreciated and offer good food for thought.

@Energy: I really liked how you tied your comic to the pageant that occurred two years ago, it offered good continuity. The dialogue was on point, and this was fun to read.

Thank you very much for this battle! :)

Rivana
Artist
100 comments
# 5   Posted: Apr 16 2020, 06:19 AM
Boo - I had fun reading this lol! I did not expect that revelation about the missing hairs. Eggcelent! XD

Energy -  You  know I am really glad that you're able to do a finished comic this time and 8 pages to boot. Keep it up. Maybe less pages and try for a more polished look next time but this is  a step in the right  direction.

Petrichor
Artist
34 comments
# 4   Posted: Apr 15 2020, 02:14 PM
nice job you two!

Boogi: i'm always  surprised at how creative and unpredictable you can get with your storylines lol
also i just love that your characters are always so expressive and fluid!

Energy: the perspective here seems better than on your previous comics! and i feel your poses have gotten a bit more dynamic too. Good stuff! oh and good thing you finished your comic this time!

Symon_says
Artist
94 comments
# 3   Posted: Apr 14 2020, 02:30 PM
Eggcellent! Yolk is thicker than water.

Energy - Sometimes I get caught up in my close ups and don't pull away to show the environment around the characters. Zooming out can also allow for more room for speach bubbles as well as establishing foreshadowing or objects in the scene that may influence the story. Try to break it up a little between near-in emotional views of characters and tactical establishing of the surroundings. 8D

BoogidiBzdo - Cursed math problems. I really enjoy the emotional energy and attention to details you instill. But, besides eggs, what is the Egg Dealer's goals? Does he himself know about the strange egg realm and what has transpired there-in? Does he have family or friends elsewhere from before his egg accident? Has his mentality cracked since the accident or had he always been this wacky? Will his egg supermarket ever be constructed? Just some questions to think about. Bouncing ideas around... Did he have a name before his life changing experience? Workmans comp? Lol

Never the less, try to establish short term goals for your characters that may help them achieve their larger goals. Also something I'm working at... Great work you two! Keep it up and stay healthy out there irl.

Flytee
Artist
118 comments
# 2   Posted: Apr 14 2020, 01:28 PM
Boogi- You clearly have a blast drawing your character, the effort always shows in your work. I still like how dynamic and expressive egg dealer is, I'm also impressed by how you manage to get weight across in your lines. Its something i've always struggled with.
 
However, as much as I've enjoyed your past comics just for the sheer insanity of them the novality has worn off. Maybe egg-based antics just aren't for me?

Energy- Well done for finishing. I like the consistent minimal shading throughout the comic, it makes it look a bit more polished. I also like that you had an establishing shot on the first panel.
I think the backgrounds could've done with more details- just small things, like a diner sign outside or some plates of food on the girl's table. Stuff like that helps make the location feel more lived in.

I appricate how neat your speech bubbles are but I think the placement could be better. There are a handful of cases were you've crammed the bubbles into your drawings dispite having tons of blank background space. (example - panel 1 & 2 on the final page) just something to think about in future comics.


BoogidiBzdo
Artist
47 comments
# 1   Posted: Mar 24 2020, 10:30 AM
I solved a chemistry based math word problem last week, now I’m using an extension here- Yaaaaay! :)

Comic Details -

 
Drawing Time: 4 weeks
Ended: Apr 21st, 2020
Votes Cast: 10
Page Views: 402
Winner: BoogidiBzdo
 

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