CLIMAX JUSTICE: BATTLE FOR THE NEXT DUELMASTER

CLIMAX JUSTICE: BATTLE FOR THE NEXT DUELMASTER

CLIMAX JUSTICE: BATTLE FOR THE NEXT DUELMASTER

by Charlie

Charlie0%
0 points
No images have been uploaded.

Crit level: No preference

by Tofubeast and Coatl

TofubeastCoatl0%
0 points
No images have been uploaded.

Crit level: No preference

Atomic Chinchilla34.2%
313 points
Page 1Page 2Page 3Page 4Page 5Page 6Page 7Page 8Page 9Page 10Page 11Page 12Page 13

Crit level: No preference

by Ahmed

Ahmed34%
311 points
Page 1Page 2Page 3Page 4Page 5Page 6

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Mister Kent31.9%
292 points
Page 1Page 2Page 3Page 4Page 5Page 6Page 7Page 8

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Critiques & Comments
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Atomic Chinchilla
Artist
icon
13 comments
# 45   Posted: Sep 15 2013, 01:55 PM
@Puzzlething: Thank you for the critique, and wow, thank you so much for the compliments! :D I'll try to keep all this in mind as I keep working on this story. The thing about the lineart is, I'm an animator first and a comic artist second and I approach drawing everything as if I were animating it, meaning thin, uniform lines. I do all my inking by hand, so if it looks too clean I'm kinda impressed with myself. XD One of my biggest inspirations is Akira Toriyama, creator of Dragon Ball, and his style also focused on poses and expressions with little line variation. Not trying to make excuses, that's just how I like doing things.

Puzzlething
Artist
icon
457 comments
# 44   Posted: Sep 12 2013, 06:49 PM
Atomic Chinchilla            -

                              The biggest problem with your art is the compete lack of line width variation. It looks like you're using the pen tool, or something extremely mechanical like that, because it's also super clean. I'm not that familiar with that way of inking, but you totally need more expressive line work, though it looks like you're going to need to add it manually. Making your lines more expressive can only do wonders for your already strong forms and action.

                              The stuff in your setting is a little geometric and simple. It feels kind of otherworldly-ly clean. It often feels more like I'm looking at models of places and objects rather than the actual stuff. I don't think you need to go all textured or add imperfections or anything, but you definitely need a little more three dimensional surface detail going on, to distract from the core shapes of stuff.

                               It's a small thing, but I'm not really feeling your use of a photo on the bottom right of page 6. Nothing else in the comic is rendering anything like that. In fact nothing else is even really affected by light sources, so it's strange when we're suddenly looking at an object with light shining through it.

                      Besides that, this is an amazingly impressive entry, you've gotten so much better since we last saw you around here. It's both wonderful and super sad cause I wish I'd seen you improving first hand :C It really feels like the opening of a shounen comic, and I think you did a wonderful job of being economical with your pages and story. Without being rushed, it feels like there's no time wasted. And the variety of poses and characters on display is wonderful! At no point did it feel like you were struggling, no matter how complex a pose got, and even in more quiet moments you made sure that your characters personality and mood shines through how they hold themselves. Amazing work dude!


Ahmed                 -

                   I definitely agree with Ahmed that the opening is missing a lot of the "Why". We don't really get a chance to identify with the main character or form any sort of emotional connection with him or the world. It's all strait plot exposition, it reads more like a dude pitching me a story than a story I'm actually reading. I dunno the format of the contest, but I still feel like it's a better idea to introduce people to the tone of your story/world, and try to get them interested in what you have to say, though empathy. A lot of these story beats could've been worked into the background of more character driven narrative. Obviously, it's too late to do any of that stuff now, but just keep it in mind for the next time you write a story.

              It does look like a cool setting, and I really like the design and aesthetic of the ghosts!


Kent            -

           I definitely agree with everything thats been said up till now, so I don't have a super lot to add. I hope Page is the main character, just because I already like her alot. If your gonna be going with a Tarot theme for your stuff, you should totally play around with using visual elements from that in your art. Tarot has such a rich history of design and symbology, there should be a crap ton of fun stuff to draw from. Like, just look at the Page of Wands on that card. Dude is pimp as hell. You should totally be pulling some of that style into Page herself. You could totally get Jojo levels of crazy with the character designs.

Amazing work guys, It's so cool seeing you all work so hard to get something professional out there. I don't have the slightest bit of doubt that if you keep working like this, there's no doubt you're gonna be pro's. It's just a matter of time!

      Edited Sep 12 2013,  07:12 PM by Puzzlething

Ahmed
Artist
icon
29 comments
# 43   Posted: Sep 7 2013, 11:29 PM
UmbrellaFrog: Great hook on the first page.
The village is pretty deserted tho. Who is main character fighting for?
Why did he want the sword? He didn't need to fight the ghosts until he got the sword. So why did he need the sword in the first place.
The setting is simple, but interesting. I definitely want to see how he cleans up his mess.
Quote

The village is deserted. It's a ghost town, in the sense that it's been abandoned by its inhabitants but as it relates to the story it's by way of ghosts literally taking over the town. The next couple pages will show a "then and now" sort of view of the town from the eyes of the main character who chooses which ghosts to exterminate first by clearing them from places that were important or memorable to him in his past. There will be a couple panels where he sees a shop or neighborhood as he remembers it years before bustling with activity, but otherwise it'll just be him and the ghosts.

As far as motivation, he's just a kid who heard rumors of a mystical weapon and takes it for himself without realizing the consequences of his actions. He is fighting to save himself from the sword which will drain him of his life if he doesn't resolve his mistake. This will likely only be a 15 page submission for that SJ contest so I won't be able to explore much more of his motivations past that but overall his journey will be one of selfishness to compassion for others. He'll come across a couple of characters that will allow him to grow and realize there are other people besides himself worth fighting for. One is a ghost girl who has no recollection of how she became a ghost (who will be in this comic), and another boy about the same age (not in this) whose ill grandfather was taken from him early by the very ghosts that the main character released upon the town. Most of that stuff though would have to be continued in a webcomic.

Anyways I felt like I've gone on too long but I wanted to say thanks for the critique. If you've brought up these questions now it's likely other readers will have the same questions about it too so I will try to push the story further towards addressing the concerns you had in the remaining pages of this comic.

Atomic Chinchilla
Artist
icon
13 comments
# 42   Posted: Sep 7 2013, 04:09 PM
UmbrellaFrog: Back story text laid over gradually zooming in on a seemingly unrelated scene is a pet peeve of mine. Try drawing things that are related to the text. (Also, a war on the first page is a good hook to get people to keep reading.) Once the setting is set, the story can begin. At this point you would put the establishing shot. (the boat)
I'm gonna be blunt. The whole segment with Paul and the party is useless. Especially since the "re-briefing" sequence conveys the same information better. It could literally be replaced by: "Five years later, on the anniversary of the day of reclamation." It's not the kind of thing you want on the first page.
Also, "But the solution to old troubles sometimes gives birth to new ones." is a great segway into the chronicle crew attacking the boat.
The important parts feel important. The dialog is entertaining while still conveying information. The characters are interesting and i would definitely read more.
Quote

Thank you for being honest! I understand your critiques but at this stage in the game it's pretty much too late to change the first pages in any big manner. The scene with the two scientists at the beginning is important mainly in establishing the lounge of the ship, which will be important later, and establishing these two characters who also show up again later. You're right about the segue line, that can easily be moved over.

Thanks for your opinions and I'm glad that you're enjoying it so far! :)

UmbrellaFrog
Artist
icon
8 comments
# 41   Posted: Sep 7 2013, 12:39 PM
I love all of these, so i'm going to try my hand at critiquing.

Atomic-Back story text laid over gradually zooming in on a seemingly unrelated scene is a pet peeve of mine. Try drawing things that are related to the text. (Also, a war on the first page is a good hook to get people to keep reading.) Once the setting is set, the story can begin. At this point you would put the establishing shot. (the boat)
I'm gonna be blunt. The whole segment with Paul and the party is useless. Especially since the "re-briefing" sequence conveys the same information better. It could literally be replaced by: "Five years later, on the anniversary of the day of reclamation." It's not the kind of thing you want on the first page.
Also, "But the solution to old troubles sometimes gives birth to new ones." is a great segway into the chronicle crew attacking the boat.
The important parts feel important. The dialog is entertaining while still conveying information. The characters are interesting and i would definitely read more.

Ahmed-Great hook on the first page.
The village is pretty deserted tho. Who is main character fighting for?
Why did he want the sword? He didn't need to fight the ghosts until he got the sword. So why did he need the sword in the first place.
The setting is simple, but interesting. I definitely want to see how he cleans up his mess.

Kent-Usually, starting in the middle of a story is used as a hook to get the reader excited about the story when the beginning of the story would otherwise be tedious. So you should show the most exciting part of your story. Like your saying: "This is what the story is going to be like! Don't worry if the next couple of pages are not like this!" Unless, you want the reader to feel like a civilian who maybe was saved by these guys and has no idea what's going on. In which case you nailed it.
More importantly, who is the main character? At first, the fool seemed to fit the bill, until the rookie page of wands was introduced, but then there's that evil(?) smile at the end, and i just don't know anymore.
Finally, you should probably tone down a little bit on the full page panels. Especially if nothing major is happening. If this was music, it would be loud the whole way through, without much variation. (does that make sense?)

Over all these comics are great!

Mister Kent
Artist
icon
944 comments
# 40   Posted: Sep 6 2013, 04:35 PM
Yes I promise backgrounds in the final version :D

Atomic Chinchilla
Artist
icon
13 comments
# 39   Posted: Sep 6 2013, 04:01 PM
Ahmed - I agree with Kent, it's a very good, very Shonen intro to your concept. I wish we could see more of it, but time constraints and all. :P I love your designs on the ghosts!

Kent - Thank you! :D My girlfriend is already shipping Faith and Pan, so that's no surprise. XD I love your character designs, your style is very energetic and fits well with manga. I do want to suggest you add a bit more backgrounds. A lot of the panels just seem to be the characters standing in a white void. I understand close-ups on characters don't always need backgrounds, but it helps if the audience can tell where characters are in relation to the environment and each other. They don't have to be super detailed, it would just make some panels more interesting. ^^; But overall, I like your ideas, from what I see so far. The cards theme is a neat touch. Page of Wands and Faith would totally be BFFsies. :)

Mister Kent
Artist
icon
944 comments
# 38   Posted: Sep 6 2013, 02:49 PM
Atomic Chinchilla - Ohh yeah, *that's* not an ominous name for a ship at all! ;D Really nice character designs--love the enemy crew's names. Also: Faith's a cute chick with freckles and shaggy hair. She and Page of Wands should form a club :D Also also: expect Faith and Peter Pan fanart...specifically PAGE 13. A really interesting beginning!

Ahmed - Firstoff, LOVE the first page--seriously cool logo. Really slick shonen set-up, too, much more shonen-y than anything I could do :D The last pages is really nice--very excited to see the finished product!

***

If my entry doesn't make it, I plan on continuing it as a webcomic, hopefully here!


Atomic Chinchilla
Artist
icon
13 comments
# 37   Posted: Sep 5 2013, 11:53 PM
Aaaaaand DONE. :D Finished page 13 with minutes to spare. It cuts off right as the fight scene starts, but them's the breaks sometimes.

Sorry to hear about that, Charlie! Here's hoping Kent can get in on time.

Ahmed
Artist
icon
29 comments
# 36   Posted: Sep 5 2013, 11:44 PM
Whew. So I fixed my blue-grey stuff and ended up throwing in that half-finished cover page. It's just 5 pages but it cuts off at a good point. I spent the day messing around with some GREYdients (see what I did there...), it's not quite finished, I wanna color in the swordsman and add some highlights. I dunno though, I might redo the grey stuff altogether and opt for more solid greys.

Anyway, I'm just sitting here waiting for the clock to run so I can see everyone's work :D

      Edited Sep 5 2013,  11:45 PM by Ahmed

Charlie
Artist
icon
726 comments
# 35   Posted: Sep 5 2013, 10:49 PM
I did nothing of note for this and thus won't be submitting. Some people are already aware of that via a tumblr post and whatever. Sorry for the letdown, as well as the default - I swore once I'd never default but here I am 3 years in doing just that. I don't feel bad about it either tbh, taking care of myself right now is top priority and getting my life back on track. Maybe next time I'll finally deliver a good comic on here again :)

Still tho, excited to see what everyone else has made!

Ahmed
Artist
icon
29 comments
# 34   Posted: Sep 5 2013, 06:43 PM
Uploaded what I've got. I'll try and scan and upload the cover page thing that's not going in the final SJ submission but is kinda cool I guess. Also, my greys ended up bluish. I think it had something to do with the cmyk to rgb conversion. I'll fix it later if I have some time 'cuz the blues look shitty. >.< Can't wait to see what you guys did!

      Edited Sep 5 2013,  06:44 PM by Ahmed

Puzzlething
Artist
icon
457 comments
# 33   Posted: Sep 5 2013, 06:33 PM
omg too hype to live *dies*

Atomic Chinchilla
Artist
icon
13 comments
# 32   Posted: Sep 5 2013, 04:55 PM
Well, it's almost time! Here's hoping I can finish one more page before deadline!

Atomic Chinchilla
Artist
icon
13 comments
# 31   Posted: Aug 27 2013, 02:49 PM
Puzzlething: In the top bar you go to Manager > Comics > Submit a Comic and then you should see like the Climax Justice fight in there, just click on that.
Quote

Awesome, thank you! :)

Puzzlething
Artist
icon
457 comments
# 30   Posted: Aug 27 2013, 07:00 AM
In the top bar you go to Manager > Comics > Submit a Comic and then you should see like the Climax Justice fight in there, just click on that.

Atomic Chinchilla
Artist
icon
13 comments
# 29   Posted: Aug 27 2013, 05:21 AM
TOFU NOOOOOOOOOOOO

Well, I should have quite a bit done by deadline if I can keep turning out a page per day.

I should also ask now before it's crunch time, but how do we submit our comics once we're ready? I've never done this before. :b

Charlie
Artist
icon
726 comments
# 28   Posted: Aug 26 2013, 10:21 PM
Well when I get back home it should give me still about 4 or 5 days worth of time.  I will try to see what I can get done in that time all the same. I wont be turning in much probably but we'll see. I feel bad about letting people down again but that will hopefully not be a problem in the future now that i am gonna be on anti-deppresants. Which is a big deal cause ive wasted most of this year with that problem alone - killed all my productivity. Soooo I hope it works out and while i wait for all that to take effect on my body i will try and crank some comics out in the meantime. Either way I will post chapter one online sometime when it is done :3

Ahmed
Artist
icon
29 comments
# 27   Posted: Aug 26 2013, 09:41 PM
Oh no! We lost another one!

Will the gang achieve Climax Justice? Or will Justice come back to Climax in everyone's faces? Tune in in 10 days to find out.

Crimson Kumiho
icon
11 comments
# 26   Posted: Aug 25 2013, 05:05 PM
Tofubeast: Coatl and I withdraw due to issues with IRL stuff and focusing on other projects. Sorry!
Quote

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

Tofubeast
Artist
icon
254 comments
# 25   Posted: Aug 25 2013, 02:54 PM
Coatl and I withdraw due to issues with IRL stuff and focusing on other projects. Sorry!

Puzzlething
Artist
icon
457 comments
# 24   Posted: Aug 24 2013, 09:51 AM
  Don't worry about it guys, noone expects these to be complete things, afterall the real deadline is so far off. I can't wait to see what you guys have!

Mister Kent
Artist
icon
944 comments
# 23   Posted: Aug 24 2013, 05:47 AM
It won't be the complete project, but a decent portion of it! If I can keep up this pace I'm n good shape for being 100% done for Jump's deadline :D

Ahmed
Artist
icon
29 comments
# 22   Posted: Aug 23 2013, 11:31 PM
Aw that sucks man, I went through your entire roster of comics recently and you're doing some of my favorite stuff here. Looking forward to your next comic though! Good luck with the freelancing.

I on the other hand have no good reason to be as behind on this as I am. I did have a job interview this week that wrecked my whole week comic-wise (still no word yet on whether or not I got the job, I'm leaning towards 'no' :/ ). Other than that though I've just been slacking on this whole project.

How's it going with everyone else?

Charlie
Artist
icon
726 comments
# 21   Posted: Aug 22 2013, 11:04 PM
Just a heads up, I might end up having to default for a number of reasons. Kinda sucks but this month hasn't been the best. However the next time I do a fight (if there is a next time) I promise things will be different. There are a lot of personal issues that have been majorly in the way this entire year that I'm finally seeking help for so there is that. I won't go into more detail than that on this page. I'm also (apparently) now gonna be away for most of next week. I'll still see if I can scrounge something together to submit but my focus right now is not on comics but on my life and picking up more videogame freelance gigs (one of which I am finishing up right now).

So just a heads up that I might not have anything really to show and might take my first default on this site ever but I'm deciding if I need to make that choice it's just a sacrifice I'll have to make.

Mister Kent
Artist
icon
944 comments
# 20   Posted: Aug 22 2013, 06:48 AM
TWO WEEKS AYYYY!

Charlie
Artist
icon
726 comments
# 19   Posted: Aug 7 2013, 05:14 PM
I am not very far yet (keyword being yet). I have other priorities to still get through/dealing with some personal stuff at the same time. But I still have 29 days and I will get going on this real soon :3

Mister Kent
Artist
icon
944 comments
# 18   Posted: Aug 7 2013, 04:57 PM
S'okay ~ still time~ I probably should be farther than I am, all things considered u_u

Ahmed
Artist
icon
29 comments
# 17   Posted: Aug 7 2013, 04:23 PM
Ahh, I haven't even started! I'm still wrapping up stuff from my other battle.

Mister Kent
Artist
icon
944 comments
# 16   Posted: Aug 7 2013, 04:05 PM
Les than a month now! Fight on, everyone!!!

JoshuaEliGilley
Artist
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462 comments
# 15   Posted: Aug 5 2013, 10:51 AM
WOAH.

Minteh
Artist
icon
252 comments
# 14   Posted: Aug 3 2013, 07:41 PM
hahaha, oh man this is rad as heck! Good luck to all of you, looking forward to your progress!

Kerosene
icon
3 comments
# 13   Posted: Aug 3 2013, 02:50 AM
Needless to say we're expecting big things of CLIMAX JUSTICE.
Good luck!
Gonna be a riot!

Atomic Chinchilla
Artist
icon
13 comments
# 12   Posted: Aug 2 2013, 02:24 AM
I need to put on my most epic playlist for music worthy of CLIMAX JUSTICE.

Ahmed
Artist
icon
29 comments
# 11   Posted: Aug 1 2013, 11:10 PM
Hey hey hey now. I didn't approve of this name.



But I think it's totally awesome.

Mister Kent
Artist
icon
944 comments
# 10   Posted: Aug 1 2013, 10:58 PM
The bestest name in all comics

Monday
Artist
icon
932 comments
# 9   Posted: Aug 1 2013, 07:48 PM
~CLIMAX~

Red
Council
icon
636 comments
# 8   Posted: Aug 1 2013, 07:40 PM
It is done.

Charlie
Artist
icon
726 comments
# 7   Posted: Aug 1 2013, 06:23 PM
PUZZLE'S GOT IT. DO IT. THAT'S THE TITLE THIS BATTLE NEEDS.

Puzzlething
Artist
icon
457 comments
# 6   Posted: Aug 1 2013, 06:20 PM
I think Charlie has the right idea, but it needs more anime.

CLIMAX JUSTICE: BATTLE FOR THE NEXT DUELMASTER

Cracking Skulls
Global Moderator
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344 comments
# 5   Posted: Aug 1 2013, 06:10 PM
heeeeere we go

CAN'T WAIT

Charlie
Artist
icon
726 comments
# 4   Posted: Aug 1 2013, 05:52 PM
Word. It's back!

Call this battle the William Duel. In his honour we make shonen comics.

Mister Kent
Artist
icon
944 comments
# 3   Posted: Aug 1 2013, 08:38 AM
ooh that would rock but I am not sure what...

Red
Council
icon
636 comments
# 2   Posted: Aug 1 2013, 08:30 AM
Do you guys want a custom title for this?

Mister Kent
Artist
icon
944 comments
# 1   Posted: Aug 1 2013, 08:16 AM
YAY ~ THIS IS A THING THAT'S HAPPENING :D Good Luck Everyone!

Comic Details -

 
Type: Artist Match
Drawing Time: 5 weeks
Ended: Sep 12th, 2013
Votes Cast: 16
Page Views: 1693
Winner: Atomic Chinchilla
 

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