Alexandria: Finale
Critiques & Comments
Sleezmeister
40 comments
# 14
Posted:
Jul 6 2009, 06:16 AM
Congrats dude!
# 13
Posted:
Jul 5 2009, 11:04 PM
Thank you everybody, I'm using what has been said here for a publishable version of my comic, Toast himself has lent a hand in editing the script so that weird dialogue and lack of build-up won't be a problem. I'm glad I actually got into the finals of this thing (win or lose), but I really hope there's more tournaments that are just like this in the future.
# 12
Posted:
Jul 4 2009, 01:25 PM
well done with the overall story, quality is well done for the overall inking job. The story was well thought out and easy to follow.
# 11
Posted:
Jul 1 2009, 05:35 PM
Yo Phill, cool comic! storywise I hafta agree with Toast's comments. Def. good for the time limit, but maybe more of a chance to go into Alex and Dude's relationship, would really help us sympathize with her plight ya know? I do think you did a good job characterizing the giant tho, his first appearance as menace through to our realization that he is a big pussy (lol no pun intended) The giant was the most "alive" character for me.
On the arts, your definitely looking solid and consistent through to the end, I like the panels where you combine the hatching with spot blacks, in the first panel for example, it looks nice, more balanced than usual. I also think that the chars. could use some more detailing/hatching like the BGs, and they could use some more solid blacks for shadow in spots, not just for local color. On page 7, last panel, I don't know what he stepped on and that confused me, and I think the ending could've been sweeter if you had a nice shot of the kingdom as they are walking toward it for major ass kicking. But, yeah, you did a lot of pages really fast and told a solid little story here, champion effort dude, good work.
On the arts, your definitely looking solid and consistent through to the end, I like the panels where you combine the hatching with spot blacks, in the first panel for example, it looks nice, more balanced than usual. I also think that the chars. could use some more detailing/hatching like the BGs, and they could use some more solid blacks for shadow in spots, not just for local color. On page 7, last panel, I don't know what he stepped on and that confused me, and I think the ending could've been sweeter if you had a nice shot of the kingdom as they are walking toward it for major ass kicking. But, yeah, you did a lot of pages really fast and told a solid little story here, champion effort dude, good work.
# 10
Posted:
Jul 1 2009, 12:21 AM
I like this.
I didn't find the story terribly deep or original, but it was done well enough that it was entertaining just the same. I go into your stories the same way I do Saturday morning cartoons (or Sly Cooper), without questioning the physics or the motivations too much. With that mindset, your comics are very enjoyable, but at the same time I can see how folks who are more hardcore than I might want something more.
As for the art, it's bold and (mostly) clear throughout. It gets a little hard to read when you get overly hatch-happy with the backgrounds, though.
Overall, good work!
I didn't find the story terribly deep or original, but it was done well enough that it was entertaining just the same. I go into your stories the same way I do Saturday morning cartoons (or Sly Cooper), without questioning the physics or the motivations too much. With that mindset, your comics are very enjoyable, but at the same time I can see how folks who are more hardcore than I might want something more.
As for the art, it's bold and (mostly) clear throughout. It gets a little hard to read when you get overly hatch-happy with the backgrounds, though.
Overall, good work!
# 9
Posted:
Jun 30 2009, 05:49 PM
Okay... I'm officially confused.
Your art is just as solid as previous chapters, if not better. What I find interesting is how much detail is put into the backgrounds, but how most of the characters are drawn with a single line width and lack detail. There's spots where this varies, and I think those are some of the strongest of the comic. The background work on the "HEY" panel on page six, how it flows behind the next panel and continues on - that's great work.
The story, I had some issues with, but first I have a slight nit to pick. Page one, "He always kept him busy" and other sentences like that are slightly confusing because you're using two male pronouns to describe different people. If the audience is paying attention, it's clear who's being talked about and when, but make it a little easier on us next time. One pronoun and one proper noun per sentence, please.
When the king was... propositioning Richard, I understood what was going on, but I think you could have taken longer to get there. I don't think what the king said was all that risque and could have been taken many different ways. It made it seem like Richard overreacted to something that could have been innocent. I think to justify that level of reaction, the king should have been more physical or overt about what he was saying.
I'm also confused about the role of the ogre in the killings. Did the king send knights to kill the giant, and when they didn't succeed, the ogre would kill them? Or... did I miss something? The ogre also seems pretty badass, why wouldn't the king send him to kill the giant?
Lastly, the "I own you body and soul" line seems to spring out of nowhere. She spared him, he saved her from the ogre... shouldn't they be even?
All in all, I think they're minor points in an otherwise solid comic. I'll make you an offer too - if you ever want help writing, scripting, plotting, whatever, send me a line. I've always found it easier to help others on their stories than write my own and since I'm out of school now, I've got time again. You've got talent, and I'd like to help foster that if I can.
Your art is just as solid as previous chapters, if not better. What I find interesting is how much detail is put into the backgrounds, but how most of the characters are drawn with a single line width and lack detail. There's spots where this varies, and I think those are some of the strongest of the comic. The background work on the "HEY" panel on page six, how it flows behind the next panel and continues on - that's great work.
The story, I had some issues with, but first I have a slight nit to pick. Page one, "He always kept him busy" and other sentences like that are slightly confusing because you're using two male pronouns to describe different people. If the audience is paying attention, it's clear who's being talked about and when, but make it a little easier on us next time. One pronoun and one proper noun per sentence, please.
When the king was... propositioning Richard, I understood what was going on, but I think you could have taken longer to get there. I don't think what the king said was all that risque and could have been taken many different ways. It made it seem like Richard overreacted to something that could have been innocent. I think to justify that level of reaction, the king should have been more physical or overt about what he was saying.
I'm also confused about the role of the ogre in the killings. Did the king send knights to kill the giant, and when they didn't succeed, the ogre would kill them? Or... did I miss something? The ogre also seems pretty badass, why wouldn't the king send him to kill the giant?
Lastly, the "I own you body and soul" line seems to spring out of nowhere. She spared him, he saved her from the ogre... shouldn't they be even?
All in all, I think they're minor points in an otherwise solid comic. I'll make you an offer too - if you ever want help writing, scripting, plotting, whatever, send me a line. I've always found it easier to help others on their stories than write my own and since I'm out of school now, I've got time again. You've got talent, and I'd like to help foster that if I can.
# 8
Posted:
Jun 28 2009, 04:52 PM
Angie told me everything was cool, so there shouldn't be any problems, no more worrying about deadlines, and more worrying about how the story does @_@
# 7
Posted:
Jun 28 2009, 03:16 PM
OK, I finished up everything, but I think I might be having some uploading problems. I'm going to e-mail my pages.
# 6
Posted:
Jun 27 2009, 07:27 PM
Almost done, will upload the last part tomorrow.
# 5
Posted:
Jun 16 2009, 04:56 PM
Hey you made it!
# 4
Posted:
Jun 15 2009, 08:42 AM
Right on, Phil!
BRING IT, YO!
BRING IT, YO!
# 3
Posted:
Jun 15 2009, 08:11 AM
Let's see some quality comics, good luck on the final round.
# 2
Posted:
Jun 15 2009, 08:04 AM
Good luck Phill!
# 1
Posted:
Jun 15 2009, 07:45 AM
Way to go Phill
One-Shot
Drawing Time:
2 weeks
Ended:
Jul 5th, 2009
Votes Cast:
24
Page Views:
2655
Help Needed
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