Black Swan vs. Serephina Lynch

Black Swan vs. Serephina Lynch

by JCee

This comic has not been rated; viewer discretion advised.

Icon for Black Swan51.6%
600 points
Page 1Page 2Page 3Page 4Page 5Page 6Page 7Page 8

Crit level: No preference


This comic has not been rated; viewer discretion advised.

Icon for Serephina Lynch48.4%
563 points
Page 1Page 2Page 3Page 4Page 5

Crit level: No preference




Critiques & Comments
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PyrasTerran
Artist
1513 comments
# 17   Posted: Aug 29 2016, 01:53 PM
Jaykat: your anatomy is getting better and your colors are looking good where they're completed. For the future you need to think about whether G.Swan's wind has a luminescent energy and if it does, how that light interacts with the world around it. Your action is good but take more liberty with the poses you reference: in page 6, panel 1, the positioning of G.Swan's head and shoulders isn't very good. If something you're referencing looks off but you like the overall posture then take the extra effort to fix it while you use it. G.Swan has had alot of night crime comics/random skirmishes at this point, so start looking into other kinds of stories you can tell with her. Her own personal journey hasn't changed or brought new light/information in the past 3 battles, including this one.

Inksword: Page 2-3's transition is genius and my favorite part about this comic. Page 1 last panel's dialogue is really messy in layout; if you find yourself in a situation where the image is getting in the way of your word bubbles, the solution isn't to try and cram it in but rather redraw your panel, set up a new layout that better helps you fit what you want to write in. There's a level of inconsistency with G.Swan's body (in particular her nose), keep track of how your characters look in the last page vs. how they look in previous pages, to help keep consistency. Time management/budgeting will improve the more you practice, so hope to see you continue to battle after this

Rikun
Artist
151 comments
# 16   Posted: Aug 27 2016, 12:28 PM
Jaykat: I've said it several times and I'll say it again: your anatomy and inking is on point. It looks like you're really getting the hang of fluid character movements, and while the story itself is as simple as it can be, it's a great way to show off Swan's powers and Seraphina's flexibility. Perspective needs some tweaking for the future but I'm sure you're on top of that. Keep the flow up and you'll be solid!

Inksword: I like that you decided to use the mask possession as a plot point and it had a lot of interesting potential, but it also makes the rushed linework and the lack of any color or shading really stand out. Everybody else below me has already mentioned how you could improve, and I hope that the next battle we get to see more of your A game.

Julz
Artist
411 comments
# 15   Posted: Aug 26 2016, 11:04 AM
Ahh jaykat your pacing is so refreshing and your anatomy looks so natural! Its such a wonderful cat and mouse but its so short :ccc i want to know wjats going on and whats not right according to swan. Was it the water??

And inky,  quality is a little banged up, i know you got more than this. Cool concept though, i loke the idea of swan getting controlled

Corn Of The Breads
Artist
154 comments
# 14   Posted: Aug 26 2016, 02:44 AM
I felt both of these were really fun but I felt Inks was a tad harder to keep track of and seemed a little less cohesive with actions just happening, But on the other hand JayKat's plot is also very straight forward but in this fight where it seems mostly about a hero and villain the simple and easy read helped keep it clean and comprehensive.  

Kozispoon
Artist
1211 comments
# 13   Posted: Aug 25 2016, 08:44 PM
JAYKAT- Smooth colors, fully realized inks and some gusts of action to boot! This was such a fun episodic romp throughout such a rich cityscape you've created here- even going so far as to including Astro Sean's flood. I couldn't of asked for a better tie in to the interesting universal event rattling void now. I think you know better than most your strengths really are showcasing your comofrt zone in character and form and that came out in spades from page to page. The leaps and posing of Swan and Serpahina definitively brought a smile to my face at how exact it all was portrayed- perhaps a little too perfect. I'd definitely be curious to see you try your hand at loosening up and trying a comic that isn't so tight and refined. That's not to say this wasn't good though!
Gosh, what happens to Swan now that she's in the drink? Watery grave, is she sleeping with the fishes? I certainly hope we get to find out! Great job :)

INKSWORD- It seems like you were pressed for time and some of your panels took a ding for it. Your lovely cityscape scenes are pretty much blocks and that bums me out. The flood you showcased is SUCH a cool thing to use and piggyback off of to tell your story that I wanted to see a more realized rendered environment. Your comic definitely had a strength that came forward and that twas your storytelling. That whole scene where Swan encounters Serpaphina and the panels break into shattered glass is SUCH an awesome way to portray that pesky's mask take over, passage of time and the devious deeds it gets up to with Swan as an unwilling ride along. The fact there are ACTUAL consequences poor Swan has to endure really made me go from being at the first page all "meh" to ending this comic with a smile on my face. Kudos to your story building! This will definitely be a tough vote for me for sure.

Radji
Artist
624 comments
# 12   Posted: Aug 25 2016, 02:22 PM
Jay: Dat duel was a magnificient display of flexibility. i am just a bit sad we don't have like one or two more pages. Seems like Swan's solo carrier became quite hectic

Ink: OH my. What a twist! twisty twister twist! Dat cat thief is definitly more machiavelic than Catwoman ! THE DRAMA !!!

Rhimwill
Artist
97 comments
# 11   Posted: Aug 25 2016, 01:51 PM
Jaykat: You do such a good job on your anatomy and the crazy acrobatic poses! Now, I know that there were some time issues with this comic on both sides so I have to ask; The story is unfinished, right? Do you have the pencils or anything from the final pages? It would have been nice to see them even if they were unfinished. I really like story more than anything when it comes to comics, so I'm always sad when there's missing pages T_T
As far as the art goes, again, love the anatomy. It would be nice to see the backgrounds polished to the same level as the characters, especially since you have a really good sense of perspective.

Inksword: I like how epic and ambitious your story feels with the inclusion of all the different characters and the potential for exploring what happened during the time Swan was possessed and what might happen next with Serephina loose on Karrin's ship. I did, however, get confused after page 2. I didn't realize that Gossamer Swan had been possessed until she stated it in page 5. I think the clarity of the action needs to be improved between pages 3 and 4. Here's my suggestion for editing pages 3 and 4 to improve clarity and pacing: in page 3, remove the last 3 panels, and make the shard effect panels bigger and able to hold larger images so the audience can really see what's in them. Maybe make the content of those shard panels splintered images of some of the crimes Swan committed while possessed by the mask, to improve our understanding of what is happening, and then transitioning into the images of the mask coming off that you already have there. Next, either on the bottom of page 3 or the beginning of page 4, do the panels of Swan finally coming-to and seeing the mask on it's new victim. Maybe even have the new victim in the process of transforming in order to make the transfer of the mask abundantly clear. Do the establishing shot of Karrin's Flood Party Boat on page 4, and much bigger, possibly a little more zoomed in, too, so the audience can clearly see Swan standing on it. I think it would also be good to move the part where Serephina goes down into the party boat off of page 4 because it breaks up the action too much. After Serephina runs away, just focus on Swan and her getting arrested. Then, you can add the part with Serephina back into the story at the very end as a kind of *dun-dun-dun* cliffhanger moment. There are other things that could be done, too, but those are my suggestions. I really like the experimentation going on with those cracked panels, and the story as a whole was very entertaining.

petarvee
Artist
83 comments
# 10   Posted: Aug 25 2016, 09:39 AM
@Jaykat: You really knocked those dynamic poses right outta the fuckin park. Plus, you kept the camera moving and swinging and it all felt really dynamic without losing readability. So great job! My only real nitpicks are lighting and lettering tidbits. For late-night scenes when ambient shadow is the order of the day, you oughta add just a little highlight to your figures. It helps show that you aren't just picking darker colors, and that light's actually effecting the figures. Plus, it can help create contrast and guide a reader's eyes wherever ya want em. The lettering's another small issue. Mostly because there's a huge contrast between such dynamic figures, and cold, computer-lettering, placed in perfect ovals. Personally, I'd suggest to hand-letter your next Swan comic because a calligraphic typeface would absolutely fit Swan.

@Inksword Naturally, I love any comic that has Karrin in it, or takes place on the H.S.C. Beowulf, so bonus points for that. But overall, I was really into your story! It's good to see you can make a battle *about* Serephina, without it *starring* Serephina. Which is a neat trick to keep under your cap. My biggest crit is about the black and white. I saw that Life Happened and you couldn't finish it all, and that's totally fine; for next time, add areas of solid black while you ink. This way, you're cutting down on coloring time, you're creating contrast, and you can easily see where your eye goes to on the page. Then, if something pops up, it's totally cool, you'll have some really snazzy chiaroscuro pages. But rad story either way!

Ish
Artist
79 comments
# 9   Posted: Aug 25 2016, 08:42 AM
MY GOD I gotta write a longer comment when I am done with college for today but this was awesome on both parts!

And now page 3 works!

Sabulive
Artist
133 comments
# 8   Posted: Aug 25 2016, 06:43 AM
Page 3 on Jaykat's side is brokeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeen D:

JCee
Artist
425 comments
# 7   Posted: Aug 25 2016, 12:20 AM
Submitted as well.

Likewise, Inksword, I've had troubles as well. Especially during the last week, I kept getting pulled away from doing the comic and I did what I could in the leftover time I had. The colouring and effects won't be top notch like I wanted and will likely come across as lazy-looking, but all the same, flack away.

And no worries, Inksword. Honestly, I feel like I didn't give you a worthy comic this time round, despite the extension I used but what's done is done. I think time management is something the both us need to learn to handle better.

Serephina was really fun to draw and had a blast experimenting with her weird poses. And I'm really glad to have the opportunity to battle her with Swan. So yes, a future rematch is a must!

Inksword
Artist
30 comments
# 6   Posted: Aug 24 2016, 11:57 PM
Welp, submitted. I cut three pages at the end, and I had some partial color, but decided to submit only the nominally finished pages for a more unified looking comic.

My goal was to do a comic that might show what it was like to have sere possess you from  the POV of the person being possessed, which I did, I'm just sad I didn't get to complete Swan dealing with the aftermath more. I wanted to get back on the horse quickly after the invitational, but I probably should've waited for the same problems that stole my time away from the invitational to die down before accepting a challenge. Gossamer Swan was just too lovely an opportunity for me to resist. Oops.

JayKat! I definitely want a rematch someday when I've got a better handle on my own time judgement and time-management!

JCee
Artist
425 comments
# 5   Posted: Aug 11 2016, 05:29 AM
-sigh- I think I have underestimated how much time I needed to work on this...so, extend it is.

E.W. Schneider
Artist
1070 comments
# 4   Posted: Aug 4 2016, 03:02 AM
Fun battles!

Animeshen
Artist
1490 comments
# 3   Posted: Aug 3 2016, 09:31 PM
How exciting!! Good luck!

Inksword
Artist
30 comments
# 2   Posted: Aug 3 2016, 08:44 PM
JayKat: Well! Here we go! This'll be fun :)
Quote
Looking forward to it for sure!

JCee
Artist
425 comments
# 1   Posted: Aug 3 2016, 08:40 PM
Well! Here we go! This'll be fun :)

Comic Details -

 
Regular Match
Drawing Time: 2 weeks + 1
Ended: Aug 31st, 2016
Votes Cast: 30
Page Views: 2134
Winner: JCee
 

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