I'm always a fan of how soft and pretty everything you draw is!! Everything has such a nice flowy quality to it, and I really love the brush you chose for the lines. The warm golden tone you used to color things is also very pleasant to look at, and you're really good at knowing where to put that color and where to leave it white. I think my only crit art-wise is that I got a little confused on page 8 when Dairyu says that Greece and Jaja are ignoring her; I think it's because their eyes seem like they're pointing towards where Dairyu is, and Greece's statement seems as if it's in response to Dairyu--especially since, before Dairyu, he was the last one to say anything, so I'm not sure who else he could be responding to? Other than that, visually this was a beautiful comic and was v pleasing to look at
Story-wise, I like this route that you chose, of telling how Dairyu sets up her little haven! It felt like a nice journey, and I really loved Cam's role in this, as a sort of mediator! I'll agree with what some of the others said, that the conflict between Dairyu and the werewolves seemed a bit forced, like conflict for the sake of conflict, and certain characters felt out of place in the role you had to have them in. It's definitely a hard balance to strike, though, between keeping true to a character and telling the story you need! In the end, it wasn't too jarring, though, and imo it was absolutely worth it in the end. I especially loved the idea of Jozzik having a studio set in the Misty Oasis, and I really love the path this is setting Dairyu on. I cannot wait to see her grow even further

 Yours made me actually cackle out loud several times! I had a big stupid grin on my face the whole time I was reading, especially with the through-line of Greece being like "OH HELL YES I'M GOOD AT THIS, I GOT THIS" and then whoops he don't got this XDD ngl tho I think the part that got me hardest was the reveal of Jozzik in a trenchcoat, that shit had me wheezing
I think my only note for improvement is that I wish the "debate" questions had been more consistent throughout; not sure why, but the fact that it was missing from the middle games threw me off, lol
Art-wise, I don't really have much to say that hasn't been said already: loved the goofy expressions, and you're always so good at spot blacks! Some of the panels were a bit tight/crowded, but tbh I didn't find that too distracting.

 I gotta say, this is extremely different from what I was expecting! I'm not sure whether that's a good or a bad thing--on the one hand, I gotta applaud you for bucking expectations. On the other hand, it felt like it was lacking some of my favorite things about your past comics.
Expectations aside, there were a few moments that got a good chuckle out of me, and I love that you included Larger Than Life in this XDD
I think a lot of my opinions on this comic are largely personal, and therefore not likely to be overly helpful--but what I will say is that it kinda felt like most of the characters were forced into a role they didn't necessarily fit; it feels like you had a story you wanted to tell, and so you put characters in the roles they needed to be in regardless of whether it fit that character. Like I said earlier, though, that's a really hard balance to strike! Most jarring for me I think was Kurdis--which ended up kind of impacting the twist at the end because it left me going ? like, I have no idea why Kurdis has Smile's mask or why he's doing... basically anything he does. For a twist like that to work, it needs to make *sense*; the reader needs to be able to go "OHHHH why didn't I see that coming earlier!!" as opposed to being like "wait what".
All that aside, you continue to have really fun and creative panel compositions--especially noteworthy in the jailhouse scene with Greece and Jaja! And the last two panels on page 3!!

 First things first, I absolutely love everything about page 1 and 2! excellent scene setting, with some truly impressive environmental storytelling details. "Live, Laugh, Leave" especially got me XD You really nailed that post-apocalyptic scavenger town aesthetic so wonderfully, which I'm a big sucker for.
Your banter was also really fun throughout!! it felt fun and bouncy and gave me a few good Sensible Chuckles, lol. You commended me on full coloring, but I've gotta commend *you* for pulling off a limited color palette so well! Half the time I didn't even notice that there were really only a handful of colors used; everything felt so well-placed that it felt natural.
I think my biggest hangup was on a couple of the design choices you made; it took me a little bit to realize who Greece was, because he ends up looking more Gaston-esque with the hairstyle, the shirt, the sideburns, the lack of stubble, and the emphasized adam's apple. It's not a bad thing to do something different with a character's design, it's just sometimes a gamble that they won't end up looking like the character! Gotta admit, putting Jozzik in a onesie also threw me a little XD it was funny and I enjoyed the humor in the end, it just threw me off a bit lmao
Writing-wise, I think you did a really good job of setting up little details and clues! Even though I didn't guess who the real culprit was on the first readthrough, on my second readthrough I was able to go "OH. OH IT WAS STARING ME IN THE FACE THE WHOLE DAMN TIME" lmao!

 MAN I loved this so much!! The sheer amount of care that each character felt like they were treated with was incredible, and I loved the overall story, the different challenges, and the ultimate conclusion.
I think my only real critiques are a bit of a nitpick; in the beginning, Cam's pose looks less like he's being thrown backwards and more like he's dancing. Also, I assume that Jozzik's van is essentially driving itself through magic? But I'm not sure on that, and I only realized that after reading a couple times. I think because Jozzik comes out of the back of the van initially, and says *we*, I assumed that someone was actually physically driving the van, so then when it was just Cam and Jozzik in the front I had a moment where I was like 'where'd everyone else go tho??' I'm not entirely sure how to make that any clearer, though, so I'm not sure if that was just me not picking up on context clues or what XDD
My favorite part tho was when Cam got hit by the stake and just went "aw fuck". Mood, buddy. Mood.
Also you drew everyone so pretty what the fuck

Kurdis is written is really out of character.

I apologize for this, admittedly I needed someone to be antagonistic for the first part, but I should have written his character out a bit more. He seemed to have the most chemistry with Cam, and I wanted to show them interacting, it wasn't intentional to make him so out of character.

I'm sorry if it felt dishonorable that I used Nyasuu, I don't recall any conversation in the discord about it, probably because I don't pay that much attention to it in the first place. For most of the characters, I went off of their bios and what I could remember - that I didn't catch something is definitely on me and I should have reread further back into the comics to make sure I had accurate information.

Re; page 4: No one else has had this issue, I am going to chalk it up to personal preference. Personally, I don't see how it's confusing - Rae and Blue appear in the panel you're referring to, and then appear in the same place (slightly zoomed out). However, I made the comic, I'm less likely to be confused by the panel layouts.

The mundanity of him bringing her her quiver of arrows is a gesture that reveals more them than shippy art I’ve ever seen of them.

It is a very sweet moment, but the second part of the comment is unnecessary. I won't apologize for drawing sappy and romantic art of my own character just because you don't think it evokes a specific emotion. : )

You asked for who I thought was out of character - I think Greece is the biggest offender, but also seems to be intentionally done so for the story, like I did for Kurdis.

Jozzik also felt a little overly callous compared to what I've seen from him, but his flippant attitude did fill the plot well! I honestly don't know him as well as I should.

Dairyu is somewhat in character, but if we're going to bring up information that's been conveyed through discord, she's very into historical dramas, and wouldn't be turned away just because of some interpersonal drama within the group.

She's very passive in this, almost demure, despite being shown to be extraordinarily nosy and proactive - just recently in Armageddon, she followed Nagore, Rae, and Blue to the threat out of curiosity and wanting to protect them - and it seems like there were established relationships that she would have at least stuck around to see the resolution for.

It wasn't enough to take me out of the immersion of the comic though, I just figured I would explain since you asked. I still enjoyed your portrayal of her and Yamato.

 I LOVE love love your art direction  here. The color pallet and the brown inks sit so comfy on the paper texture. The inky brush reminds me of sumi which helps carry your samurai film vibes. and I LOVE the way you drew everyone so attractively, esp. cam and Kurdis XD

On the other hand, Kurdis is written is really out of character, like he’s just playing a role because he asked to be in the play and the script just called for a dissenter  in the crowd. A key Kurdis flaw is his inability to engage in direct confrontation + his penchant for people pleasing. It’s what makes him a challenge to write for. It's fun to watch though, like he's up there acting his little heart out and having a ball putting someone on blast like this. it's also nice to see he still cares about Nyasuu, but I really remember saying in chat  that I wanted to retcon that arc for a while, and even in our last battle I showed Kurdis and Nyasuu breaking up. Maybe that is my bad for not making it more explicit in my comics but it feels dishonerable to bring up actually. Kurdis, flawed that he is, would in fact see the sandpocalypse as having solved all his immediate problems and would actually not be mad. BUT even if this was the Kurdis who wanted to stay with Nyasuu and was as worried for her as Dairyu is for Rickter, he would invariably avoid telling Dairyu as such to their face. Unless it was a comedy roast?

And then technical side of the sequencing.  on p.2 when Aley reaches for Dairyu's shoulder? what a strange and counter-intuitive way to communicate someone giving a reassuring touch? To show a POV of them clawing out the reader’s face? then on page four, the last two panels: there's one turned sideways, then the same figures shown in the last panel mixed in with Dairyu's hair. huh?
does sideways mean a strong emotion is being felt? does it mean it's a memory? Is it both? the way they're in Dairyu's hair makes it seem like they're there with us currently, but it was never established earlier what sideways panels mean. You do a lot of what I must imagine is experimentation or adaptation from multiple paneling techniques and comic disciplines, but we readers don’t get a tutorial. There is also a strong predilection to show a bust shot when a full body or wide shot would have been a more efficient way to imply action, depth or emotions. We ALL have this habit, though.

But despite the progression issues, you still capture the ‘muted’ vibe of a western or samurai movie really well and I can certainly tell what you were going for! A sort of fable about a lost hero meeting a range of strange foes and making allies. A hero’s journey. And it is genuinely fun to watch a gorgeous kurdis put someone on blast for once. XD

Ps, I really would like to know if I did a good Dairyu for mine and if you had any comments on it. ;w; i think it’s interesting to note we BOTH had the other’s character give our own some real talk. You said some of the characters I wrote were off and I wanted to know what parts because some of that was intentional and some of it is me being an awkward author.
Pps: I agree with Picto that your quotes seem out of place: but maybe they just got in the wrong order?

 wow, you really did full color when none of the rest of us could! The style is nice and bold and Your scroll format looks really good on mobile, btw.
The quip about Jaja moving faster than on their date made me chortle for real. Very cute.
I of course adore your affirmation that Toons are a type of Fae in your world building. And it was seamless the way you integrated the prompt of the election circuit to support your character building for Jozzik. The Addition of the nightmare villain felt natural and earned after you established all your elements building to it with the idea of glamour and the board-game like progression for the RPG squad. The way you had your finger on the pulse for what our characters were all afraid of and the way the other comics in the royale also support that thesis very nicely done. I feel like our characters have all been given wake-up calls that we in turn can use to better develop them!

I said I wasn’t sure what you could have cut for time, but maybe each little stop on the trail was supposed to have its own page? I think this would have been unnecessary to fill in your overall plot though and you hint just enough that I can IMAGINE the sick ass duet Kurdis and Greece had and the cool backstory the sweater vest sphinx gave us.

The transitions between scenes in the scroll format are fun, too, like the moon shattering into TV screens: subtle link that these are two characters who watch what they say and do because they are concerned what others think. V. smart. I’m not sure who all Kurdis’ loved ones are in Jozzik’s vision for him but it makes me realize i’ve not done a good job of developing the poor guy’s interpersonal life in the comics TT, sorry, Kurdis

And I LOVED the tone shift when Jozzik goes to meet Cam and finds he already has a benefactor: very on brand. No one knows anything about Cam and you played into that mentality brilliantly.

The ending felt earned for the scope of the story being told and like Pyras said in chat, this is a canon that can co-run with the void lands canon perfectly, now~! Congrats on all your hard work and thanks for making me cry a little with a comic!

 You’ve taught me an important lesson- page counts don’t matter when there are people out there drawing pages as densely illustrated as yours! The paneling and movement sequencing is clean and consistent despite the heavy detailing on the figures and settings. I think i’ve re-read yours the most because it just has that pippy, poppy, quick tempo that rapid-fires nice bites of the kind of content any generic OC-haver loves. It’s the perfect packaging for the modern attention span, but yet you weave your story about Greece gracefully. I think underneath, there’s a message about media consumption as well and that’s a nice layer to dig into, too.

My only real gripe: maybe work on drawing subtler emotion. People’s eyebrows only gave three settings: angry, happy and sad. Surprise, confusion, zeal and interest were a little forced looking.  like \ ; /

I do love how the opening scene subverts the old anime troupe where two side character girls only exist to talk about the main character boy and then get no character of their own. Today, MLM is back on the menu. Kurdis’ little blushy anime face on the next page is v. cute and this slight suggestion helps drive home the drunk scene later on. (ie my favorite scene)

I love the musical scenes and the songs Chosen. Greece’s death metal cover and the way Kurdis is silently critiquing it is very cute. It makes me wonder why I haven't been doin a musical scene in all my Kurdis comics prior to this, making songs for my opponents the way bartender makes drinks? I’ve been a fool and you’ve helped open my eyes. And yes I do like Kurdis’ song choice. Implying that, contrasting to Greece, he’s not STUCK on anyone. He’s simply crooning for a mate in general, and I like that.

Your Yams are funny. The part where he votes for the wrong person on the ap had me guffaw. As if a baby can read, first of all? XD and you really cram packed your comic with cameos. They’re all talking portraits but the choice and set up to have them portrayed this way just makes SENSE in the way the story is being told. Very smart way to give each cameo a reaction, emotion, interaction of speaking line!

I give you retrograde permission to draw Kurdis in a scant swimsuit, and yet, the portrayal of them as bashful and reserved is entertaining and leads SO well into the next beat: asking about his love life. I also give you retrograde permission to draw him crying uglier! UGLIER, DAMN IT. then THAT beat leads so well into the drinking contest! Which you’ve set up that Kurdis only drinks once he’s depressed, then only acts lewd once he’s drunk+has been asked about his love life recently. 10/10 and very forgiving character un-assassination. I laughed for real.
“Have you ever thinked me that you told i’m sexy?”

You gave these kinds of little character tidbits and interactions to everyone evenly and clearly did your research on everyone well. Even after such a silly competition, I do believe Greece might actually make a good mayor.

WOW
I tried to go for a mystery but until i get more crits I am left to assume yours is the one that sold it. The way you set up Jaja as the cool slick detective and Kurdis as her supportive sidekick was very endearing. His little hat and outfit makes you just wanna trust him.
So the twist that he’s the murderer should blind side us. But then, we never really get the motive for the murders. He goes crazy and kills everyone or gets someone else to kill for him, all because he has The Smile’s mask ? You also didn’t substantiate why the steel wind is dangerous or how to get around it/stay safe from it. I thought you were doing a Bird Box but forgot the flash back parts that explain the rules of how the invisible evil works to make you go crazy. So all the little fun poppy parts, like Cam’s mobile bar and the giant bottle of sake, track right up until the violent parts happen. We’re given a cute cartoon world where people get murdered sometimes and then we have to solve the mystery. Kind of the opposite of my mystery where they had to solve who ruined the toilet paper and did it with as much abject gravity and as straight a face as I could muster. But then the way kurdis basically tortures Dairyu and breaks her and the way greece is literally, texutually suicidal without the filter of metaphor is kind of at odds with all the cute and hopeful things that happen. And then at the end, Jaja seems to give in to how dark the world is. For some reason, that didn’t feel satisfying. I’m not educated enough to understand WHY the concept of a cartoon world getting corrupted by evil doesn’t quite sit right. But maybe it’s because people kept saying violence was the OLD way, which makes it feel like the hope and peace is the actual corruption. In this way, i’m not sure what the message really is. But it makes me wanna ask: Hey, OP? Are you ok?

Your comics have a way of feeling detached and aloof and yet you can’t help but read them and feel ‘the artist is extremely present.’ It’s  impossible not to adapt to this style when battling your characters and I hope I did a good job. Maybe we could both try for more sincerity and less silly hijinks in our work :?

We also aren’t given any clues to solve the murder ourselves. Like maybe show that Dan was a sheriff and the sheriff star kurdis stole was from Dan? If someone is a traditionalist, it would help to have had more of the story explain what that tradition was. You don’t have to tell if it was good or bad, but it seems to come out of nowhere when the steel wind starts making people fight and Kurdis is REALLY INTO it. Esp. cause i’ve never seen a kurdis comic where he acts like that before.

That said, I DO like that he was the surprise Villain and this does echo what I was going for in my own story in a very ‘hive mind again? No problem’ kind of way and it is fun to read a version of Kurdis being a real dick. I think he’s also trying to be a weirdly supportive friend!

Your story also has a ton of massive scene changes and builds up the world to a smart degree. I feel like you’ve laid a foundation for Jaja’s next adventure. Also, big props for the cameos. I esp. Like Jozzik’s club. It reminds me of the one in Alice Springs at the end of Pricilla Queen of the Desert. The big musical number was my favorite musical number of all our comics XD and definitely makes me want to try to tackle one for my comics later!

Congrats and good luck, Footini!

First of all, I think this is our 4th fight against each other and 5th void comic we share credits on?  Thus You are my one true rival in this crazy void world, and it feels so good to finally have my flagship character in one of your comics and I dearly hope you continue with Bartender for a good while! He’s a lot of fun and has so much potential!

I said at the top of my reviews that all our stories felt like plays the characters wrote and produced for each other to act in: but Camron’s play feels the MOST based-in-reality, based on actual events, least divergent of our characters’ true selves of any. You’ve made them all so mundane and believable in their humanity. You’re an expert character analyzer: your drinks are really cute and I’m so glad I got to feature mine in my own comic. It has inspired me to maybe do something like that for my battles in the future, like pick a song to represent my opponent or something? Also, Everyone’s outfits are very cute and SO lovingly articulated! Kurdis’ chappes look comfy.

Your vignettes are giving samurai movie, too. You do a good job with the car crash to establish or hint to the viewer that Cam is not all he seems to be, because most people would not walk away from that.

Our disparate styles meld in with the style of this comic so subtly you might miss it. Kurdis smacking his hands down on the table in an exaggerated pose is very snager, for example. But you pick up on it most in the way you draw our character’s faces, emotions and anatomy. It is so juicy to see you picked up on what visual style we were all going for individually (Shen and her curvy angular torsos and thickly articulated mouths, Snowy and her quiet clean linemanship, Me and my visceral yet gentle humanity) and see you pump it up and repackage it all to match in a gift set. You are too powerful in this regard. My own inclination is simply to redesign everyone into a new art style that finds a common ground between everyone’s styles (and simplify my drawings to save time in the meantime), but you’ve done something beyond that. You were unflinching in your vision to create a sprawling narrative supported by these absurdly well developed drawings.

That said, there were times where your ideas could have been communicated with less energy. It is the way of the voider to draw bust after bust and the way of the reader to be attracted to a drawing of a pretty face.
But for example, during Kurdis and Cam’s checkers scene: would it have not saved some energy to draw attention to the game rather than the conversation? Or when jaja and Dairyu are talking, to zoom out, European comics style, and show more of the room they’re in? Or during the explanation of their challenge to cam, to show a MAP of the area they’re to be racing in, rather than to show the characters just reacting to each other? Or even in the introduction with Jozzik, to show some more of the equipment in the back of the van rather than to draw Jozzik over and over again? It’s a choice to think about because we all really enjoy seeing our characters drawn by other people. However, you could have environmental story by panning the view around a little. to be clear, your environments already frame your figures beautifully and i'm not saying to just add more background around your characters: i’m saying to look for shortcuts to allow yourself to create a scene and a feeling rather than to chug along illustrating a bunch of dialog. You exercised this a bit better in your wrestling scene with Greece than you did with anyone else and I suppose this intense level of decision making should be factored in with time management. :/ so maybe it’s 6 one way, half a dozen another. And maybe also this is just the genre of comics you were going for and it IS what the people want, so the choice is yours to consider for future work.

THE WAY YOU WROTE KURDIS: fantastic. The Best Kurdis. A depiction Just horny enough to suggest it’s ok for viewer-chan to thirst for him while still saving his virtue. The subtle way the projections of his other selves sit around his room in that familiar and intimate way. The navel gazing. The messiness of the room and the metaphor of the smashed mirror. What the mirror represents for character building and also what it tells us about the world building. That here is a creature who would keep a mirror during a time when mirrors are hard to come by. You really hit the nail on the head here and I’m so proud that whatever I’ve done before to suggest this coming through. It’s a treat to see something done right by someone more skilled. I’m probably going to just run with the idea of Kurdis being an accidental cult leader because Things That Just Make Sense in the Apocalypse.


The only gripe is what you already knew before you even posted it: Kurdis would not tell a person to their face that he doesn’t not like them. The story shows us honest truth is Kurdis is SCARED of Cam and he’d sooner just be honest about it.

But then the story goes on: the suggestion that Kurdis subconsciously is the reason every Cam checkers match has gone the same way, that Kurdis themself was the one true constant in the multiverse after all. One more knit pick: The dialog could have been cleaned up to better explain the checkers reruns: page 27 esp had me confused. I thought Cam was asking ‘why’ they’re playing checkers still, but he means WHY Kurdis choses the moves he choses. Feed us something to figure out on our own that shows what has been happening before Cam has to explain it, like showing Kurdis’ eye following Cam’s hand. But despite the tangled up delivery confusing the metaphor, i’m sure I can tell you’re going for a plot about not letting one’s anxiety rule their life and that’s very touching.

Moving on to the next chapter: I think it was very smart to combine Jaja and Dairyu: they make good foils for each other. The title cover feat. the room decor is gorgeous and i don’t think the scenes showing Dairyu sneer at Jaja should have been cut. A LOT goes on in this cahpter. Lots of contention and action all balled together. What I am struck by is how well written the relationship between Dairyu and Rickter+Gus is. P35 The mundanity of him bringing her her quiver of arrows is a gesture that reveals more them than shippy art I’ve ever seen of them. Then the way Rickter just lets Cam in through the front door at the end, to bookend. Something about those interactions feels so organic and real-world. A couple who do small favors of support for each other: showing this is something we as basic OC-havers forget to include in our writing. Showing the internal dialogue between Gus and Rickter seems so natural, too, Gus and Rickter acting as each other’s sounding boards and developing Dairyu’s character in the process. You’re telling us that here is a man of the earth who serves his lady, but also lacks her sense of pride and to that end he’s good for her. You say all that without telling us in words and that’s really amazing.

It was also wild to see how closely your Jaja and Dairyu fight mirrored Snowy and Footini’s comics. I’d say it was spooky, but the void comic hive mind just be like that sometimes.

I also like the Dairyu houses from the outside, those were v. pretty.

Then Jozzik returning in the end to tell Cam that He still has to win Jozzik over: and the twist being this was always going to be a real election and real diplomatic mission. And the way you really made me believe that yes, all our characters would vote for Cam because their families would vote for Cam, too. and you made me genuinely feel ok to lose to you for this, too. XD you’re a completely really sweet dude, not to get too personal or anything.

Final notes: Your story never stopped feeling cozy, like something you just want to curl up with after a long day of work, even during scenes with gore and curse words. I kept waiting to get in the right headspace to read it all in one sitting, but turns out it is just good comfort food. I hope to see you around Void more and even though we just DID a battle, I feel like I really want more Cam + Kurdis interactions soon. But if you run off to start a webcomic, I’ll be reading you there, too. Good luck to you.

Love the spot blacks, and the story was very nice! Xia voting for Greece at the end was a lovely touch. Some of the panel compositions seemed super cramped, but I know you were pressed for time (as was everyone else I believe, lol). Everyone's expressions were also super fun!

I don't honestly know what to say other than I agree with what Julz said, her critique was everything I could think of.

Your watercolors are nice to look at, and I like the limited colors that you used. The story was a little hard for me to follow, and some of the characters seemed to act out of character, but not too badly. Interesting story!

Your story was super interesting, Jozzik changing the landscape to not seem so nightmarish was neat. I'm glad you were able to color yours, I think it really pulled together your backgrounds and overall creepiness of the nightmare. Some of the characters looked out of proportion in parts, but I enjoyed your comic.

Absolutely adore the story and art! I can tell that you put a ton of work into making the story cohesive and all of the characters a meaningful part, and they all look fantastic! Of course I wish you were able to finish the artwork for this, but honestly the unfinished pages don't really take away from the comic for me.