GARLAND GO AWAY YOU CREEP.
I'm mildly concerned about Garland being a non-combatant character because it makes the story youre building with him very difficult to follow. But you did do a good job of making him smart and terrifying. Poor Talon is throwing so much into his research, im worried soon he won't have anything left D=
Community Necromancy / Talon
Critiques & Comments
# 7
Posted:
Jun 10 2019, 10:26 PM
# 6
Posted:
Jun 10 2019, 10:48 AM
I honestly love this comic so much. Again like everyone else have said, these colors are so nice and cohesive and really help aid to the story. I also love the expressions in this comic. You can really feel Talon's fear when Garland powers up that machine and you can feel his frustration with the ghost. The sinister ending gave red flags in the best way and made me squirm in my seat.
I do agree that some of the lines could have been thicker, like on the fifth page when the machine fires up, thicker lines in the areas in shadow could have really pushed the lighting. Overall it's very well done. Great job you two!
I do agree that some of the lines could have been thicker, like on the fifth page when the machine fires up, thicker lines in the areas in shadow could have really pushed the lighting. Overall it's very well done. Great job you two!
# 5
Posted:
Jun 10 2019, 07:39 AM
I feel like much of what I would critique has been mentioned below.
This was a nice story and I really enjoyed the encounter. I had to do a little research on Garland thought because I wasn’t too familiar with him. It definitely ended on a spoopy note and I do nOT trust Garland lol We’ll see what Talon uncovers!
As everyone has mentioned, Badger the color palette is gorgeous. It’s simple but conveys everything so clearly. I also like the addition of the warmer purples during the summoning fight. I agree with Elyan that the fighting could have been escalated a bit. The close up panels give the room a claustrophobic feel, and I don’t know if that was the intention, but maybe having Talon be thrown into a nearby wall would have worked better than being tossed across the room. I also would have liked to see the rooms have a little more stuff to fill them up and maybe some texturing on the walls or floors, especially in Garland’s room.
Arts your lines are looking super crips and better with each comic you do, but as Astro mentioned, ya gotta start working on those line widths. Play around with chonkier lines, through some heavy blacks in there!
You guys make a great time! Great job with this!
This was a nice story and I really enjoyed the encounter. I had to do a little research on Garland thought because I wasn’t too familiar with him. It definitely ended on a spoopy note and I do nOT trust Garland lol We’ll see what Talon uncovers!
As everyone has mentioned, Badger the color palette is gorgeous. It’s simple but conveys everything so clearly. I also like the addition of the warmer purples during the summoning fight. I agree with Elyan that the fighting could have been escalated a bit. The close up panels give the room a claustrophobic feel, and I don’t know if that was the intention, but maybe having Talon be thrown into a nearby wall would have worked better than being tossed across the room. I also would have liked to see the rooms have a little more stuff to fill them up and maybe some texturing on the walls or floors, especially in Garland’s room.
Arts your lines are looking super crips and better with each comic you do, but as Astro mentioned, ya gotta start working on those line widths. Play around with chonkier lines, through some heavy blacks in there!
You guys make a great time! Great job with this!
# 4
Posted:
Jun 10 2019, 12:30 AM
I have to admit this was interesting though a bit ... shallow. somehow the tension didnt manage to build up for me even though the ghost had some sense of threat to it. BUT here would have helped some more dynamic scenes and stronger lighting to push the emotional effect.
Another thing that bugged me was the lack info beforehand. I struggled to find garland after reading your comic cause he´s out of nowhere and a random appearance to a outsider like me. At this point a little summary of Talons storyline and quick info of displayed characters at the beginning or tied in the comic itself would be cool. with that scorpion tale and obviously mischief going on i coulnd´t just accept him as a random encounter with no importance.
I think a simple footnote to guide to the npc threat would have been enough.
Maybe i´m alone with that opinion >.>
Another thing that bugged me was the lack info beforehand. I struggled to find garland after reading your comic cause he´s out of nowhere and a random appearance to a outsider like me. At this point a little summary of Talons storyline and quick info of displayed characters at the beginning or tied in the comic itself would be cool. with that scorpion tale and obviously mischief going on i coulnd´t just accept him as a random encounter with no importance.
I think a simple footnote to guide to the npc threat would have been enough.
Maybe i´m alone with that opinion >.>
# 3
Posted:
Jun 9 2019, 04:59 PM
This story had a good sense of mood, and some nice body language and expressions. There's something very sinister about how Garland controls the scenes. I'm mixed on the use of color. The subtle shift between different blues and greens is very effective, but I wonder if it could have been pushed into a wider spectrum over the course of the comic.
# 2
Posted:
Jun 6 2019, 06:57 AM
Wow. wowie wow wow. Gads its always such a good feeling to settle in for some void time and end up reading a well rounded and compelling collab endeavor. This was just a full bodied dose of magic, mystery, intrigue and unsettling. What a combination!
Your colors even in thumbnail mode really show off how harmoniously you kept each page consistent- nothing looks out of place or jarring. The use of arts NPC was near perfect- totally unexpected combo, but once I saw it on digital paper their interaction couldnt be more right. What an interesting (and kinda underhandedly clever!) way for Garland to get what he wants. I especially dug the mystery of Talons arm scars. What's he been doing to himself? I'm glad you don't answer it here- I LIKE that a great deal wasn't spelled out in this BB. You let these moments breathe and entice us just enough to have us come back for more. I think the only real complaint I have is the dialogue with the occasional runon sentences and weird exposition. All in all though excellent effort you guys- this was really killer.
Your colors even in thumbnail mode really show off how harmoniously you kept each page consistent- nothing looks out of place or jarring. The use of arts NPC was near perfect- totally unexpected combo, but once I saw it on digital paper their interaction couldnt be more right. What an interesting (and kinda underhandedly clever!) way for Garland to get what he wants. I especially dug the mystery of Talons arm scars. What's he been doing to himself? I'm glad you don't answer it here- I LIKE that a great deal wasn't spelled out in this BB. You let these moments breathe and entice us just enough to have us come back for more. I think the only real complaint I have is the dialogue with the occasional runon sentences and weird exposition. All in all though excellent effort you guys- this was really killer.
# 1
Posted:
Jun 3 2019, 11:44 PM
As part of his community service, Talon has to work at the morgue under the supervision of a great boss.
Beyond Battle
Drawing Time:
1 week
Ended:
Jun 10th, 2019
Votes Cast:
25
Page Views:
2085
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As has been mentioned, though, the dialogue could use some work; it was a bit clunky and honestly brought me out of the story a couple times. Story-wise, I felt like there was room for a bit of improvement; the scene with the ghost, while kinda cool, didn't feel like it added too much to the plot, really. It was kind of just an event that happened without feeling like it contributed too much--which might've been fine in a bit longer of a comic, but with something this short you really need to have every scene have a purpose, I think. Personally, I feel like the scenes with the ghost could have been replaced with more interaction with Garland, to either make the reader believe he's truly a nice boss (so the reveal on the final page has more of a punch) or else to amp up the tension between Talon and Garland so there's more of a sense of relief when Garland offers to help.
Also I'm not sure how Garland was able to correctly guess what Talon's scars were from? There's nothing about those scars that scream "I've been using necromancy"... if anything, I'd think a stranger's first guess on seeing those scars would be self-harm? In that case it definitely feels like a lack of separation between character knowledge and artist/audience knowledge.
Still, though, overall a REALLY good comic, and I can't wait to see where this story leads!