Rumble Roulette / Twobody Sextuplets vs. MOR BYRNES

Rumble Roulette — Twobody Sextuplets vs. MOR BYRNES

This comic has not been rated; viewer discretion advised.

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Crit level: Open to any comments or critiques
tags: twobody sextuplets


This comic has not been rated; viewer discretion advised.

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Critiques & Comments
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Batty
Global Moderator
252 comments
# 14   Posted: Jun 22 2020, 03:34 AM
Sony: Visually, your comic was a treat! Love ur art. Though I think you could do with a bit more variation of shots/angles; there's a LOT of close-ups, which I think contributed to some of the confusion on what was happening. That, and the lack of backgrounds. It was hard to place where things were taking place, so it also felt hard to place what was happening when! I loved the twist at the end, lol, with Jaky just being infatuated with her fire.

I think what also might've helped with establishing who is talking in any given speech bubble is to either use color-coded bubbles/text, or to vary up their "voices" a bit more. Think about how each of them would talk, the sort of words and syntax they'd use--for example, maybe Azazel uses more flowery/big/impressive words (maybe even incorrectly!) while Nano draws her words out more or tends to trail off in the middle of sentences. Show off their personalities through their dialogue!

Flutterbyes
Artist
299 comments
# 13   Posted: Jun 21 2020, 06:45 PM
Sony: Man, the real star of this comic was ice cream. I want some parfaits and sundaes and milkshakes... I really enjoyed the humanoid Mor leaping like a frightened cat. I almost thought the twist was "fake betrayal to save his heart and dreams." That might have been too hokey. I like this ending.

Brobin_Dragon
Artist
48 comments
# 12   Posted: Jun 21 2020, 05:54 PM
To Sony-Shock(open to comments/critiques):
-Hghhghgfhfgkj the first page, very nice poses, I luv
-Very relatable criticisms of adults on page 2, I approve xD
-Oh, the poor bab got too nervous! It's a bit abrupt, but definitely proves that Mor Byrnes wouldn't be a suitable parent ^^;;
-Again, I just really like how you draw Mor Byrnes. She looks really good in your style! Good anatomy throughout the comic for all the characters. (/ I just really like how you draw people overall haha~)

Critique:
-The panels at the bottom of the first page were a little confusing, in that I couldn't tell who was saying what at first. :\ And Jaky goes from shocked/scared to determined, I think? I feel like giving a bit more room for those panels and some heavier lines could've helped, too.
-Page 2 has a lot of lighting/overall-colour-changes in the panels, and I think being a bit more consistent(unless something shocking/a distinct change was occuring in that panel of course) would've been nicer.
-Also on page 2, final panel, there seems to be a random red mark on the speech bubble by the way
-A little more explanation at the start to explain what a "strawberry" means would be nice. I take it it's like "I eat strawberries when I want to be adopted/like someone" kind of situation?
-Page 5 has some weird paneling-order at the beginning. I suggest not putting the "Ha, ha.." panel directly on top of a panel that shouldn't be read next. Maybe have it in the top left, then the running panel in the middle, then the "HERE'S JAKY" panel in the bottom right to go along right-to-left reading style

I like the story you have for the first half, but the last half feels a bit off/weirdly paced. I think that's what you were going for though, so good job! ^6^;

---

To Rittzler:
Ah, the good old "you're your own worst enemy" problem- that sucks, dude. Good luck with next time, keep trying till you conquer it!

Obligated default comment(admittedly copy-pasted): Maybe try drawing a sketch of both characters next time and upload, so that if you don't get to work on the comic- or don't get to finish- at least the other person gets to see some fanart of their character in your style. :slight_smile:

Symon_says
Artist
167 comments
# 11   Posted: Jun 19 2020, 11:14 PM
Sony-shock - Congratulations on a beautiful thirteen/or more page comic here! Personally, I feel that Jaky could have been more the focal point in this comic if you had focused on the interactions between him and Mor and not so much the sibling squabbles. Although, the build up was great and the tidbits revealed between the family conversations were entertaining. Overall this was an amazing comic! Keep it up.

Rittzler - Everyone is the captain of their own ship. Weigh anchor and chase that horizon! Yargh?

Snowy
Artist
243 comments
# 10   Posted: Jun 16 2020, 08:42 PM
Sony - This was a really cute comic! I liked the humor, and your style is always a treat. I agree with Cy that some of the comments seem a bit odd compared with the general tone and from what we've been shown with your characters, but otherwise I really enjoyed it!

Rittzler - I hope things are getting better for you!

Fluffsamasprime
Artist
568 comments
# 9   Posted: Jun 14 2020, 04:06 PM
Sony this was really entertaining to read! I loved the treadmill bit, it got quite the cackle from me.

TheCydork
Artist
606 comments
# 8   Posted: Jun 14 2020, 02:41 AM
Sony - Okay Page 6 was really funny. Both the weird cornering Maggie did and Jaky pretending to be a freaking bush got me. Overall enjoyed it, your style is always gorgeous to look at and I love how you stylised Mor! It was also funny to see a pyromaniac fall for somebody else’s fire, haha.

It did take me a reread to truly get what was going on though. I got the gist, but the story didn’t flow well to me and the comments about the orphanage at the beginning seemed a bit random? Like the whole thing about twobodies being feared felt a bit shoehorned in. Additionally, because there’s so many characters, in scenes where several of the siblings were talking I got confused at who was speaking at times.

Rittz - Ah hope everything is alright!

Reecer6
Artist
365 comments
# 7   Posted: Jun 14 2020, 02:38 AM
sony: okay, obviously you've got great character art and expert demonstration of depth of field. but also, i'm super impressed with how you deal with your entire cast of 6 children in addition to mor, and it feels like they're all fleshed out and given reasonable purpose! you really don't get a lot of comics on this websites that try for ensemble casts, and this one tries for it and succeeds. the humor is also on point and delicious. i love it all, excellent comic!!! makes me really wanna fight you and try my own hand u_u

SirJellyRaptor
Artist
108 comments
# 6   Posted: Jun 14 2020, 01:40 AM
The art is fun and dynamic as always, your drawings are always a treat. Besides the typos you mentioned, I do think it can be hard to determined the flow of reading sometimes, mostly because there's not always a clear division from one panel to the next and everything is rather monochromatic. The narrative is quirky and conceptually sound, though and I appreciate that even when focusing on one of the siblings you can tie all of them into it.

Sony-Shock
Artist
10 comments
# 5   Posted: Jun 14 2020, 01:07 AM
Hey! I got a huge burnout and did not have much time or energy to work the comic... But most importantly, the text was writen while I was a little lightheaded and I made some mistakes I wanted to clarify for easier reading!

PAGE 2- Emerald's dialogue says 'we'd do make our future kids happy', it should say 'we'd do anything to make our future kids happy'

PAGE 7- Morgan says 'It were fancy inside earrings', it's meant to be 'Dad said they were fancy inner earrings'


Another note: Couldn't do most of backgrounds, so it might be a little unclear how scenes are divided. I used stock photos for a little clarity but as long as you read the comic as 'multiple tries at helping Jaky', it should be clear.

I think all are mistakes that are easier to fix but I lacked the health or time for it. Next time will be better! By now, a little help to enjoy it! Thank you very much!

rittzler
Artist
10 comments
# 4   Posted: Jun 14 2020, 01:03 AM
It pains me to have nothing to show for this, some shit has gone down but ultimately it comes down to me just not getting my shit together :/

I mostly just wanna apologize to Sony-Shock. His comic is good though, it's very fun! Please enjoy it!!

kubo
Artist
167 comments
# 3   Posted: May 23 2020, 07:15 PM
Oh yeah, I'm excited to see both of these comics!

Enef
Artist
58 comments
# 2   Posted: May 23 2020, 04:40 PM
fight fight fight

Reecer6
Artist
365 comments
# 1   Posted: May 23 2020, 12:48 PM
CAT VS. 6 DOGS
BATTLE FORETOLD BY PROPHECY, SIX TIMES

Comic Details -

 
Regular Match
Drawing Time: 2 weeks + 1
Ended: Jun 21st, 2020
Votes Cast: 19
Page Views: 1208
Winner: Sony-Shock
 

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