This is such an unexpected match. Wow

Sean - I really really dig your style. The gritty/serious storytelling is definitely my cup of tea. I am impressed that your pencils are clear enough to convey the story despite looking unfinished. I just wish we saw more of the story behind this but I understand that things came up IRL as you're working on this comic.

Energy - Again, congrats on being able to submit a finished comic and  with colors this time. I really like these improvements that I am seeing from you. However, the story for me really missed the mark. I feel that Colbitzer wasn't portrayed accurately at all in your version.  

Justice is incorruptible and the law is absolute. The only wavering factor is those who carry out the law with their own sense of justice.

Sean -

Energy -

Sean - Ah, I’m sorry man What you had so far looked great! I loved the forest setting with the dead trees and the lived in feel of the cabin. I liked the bit on page 3 where Colbitzer knocks Jessie out and the passing of time is shown with his greetings too. Although I’m not sure why he said goodnight too? Is he just knocking her out repeatedly for fun? It was too sketchy at that point for me to tell.

Energy - It’s great to see some colours and shading from you! I like the colours you picked for the sky on the first page. I notice you have more fullbodies in this one too, and the camera is pulled back far more often.

Crit: The 2nd and 3rd panels on the first page seem to be backwards. Jessie reacts to the “Hey” before it’s even said, and the panels make more sense when read right to left. The colours were a good start, but you need to decide where your lighting is coming from before laying down your shadows. For example, in panel 1 page 3, the left side of Colbitzer’s hat is lit, suggesting light coming from the left, but then the front of his coat and palms are lit while the face isn’t in shadow, suggesting light from in front and below him, PLUS there’s shadows to the left of where his coat buttons, suggesting light from the right! Meanwhile the mountains behind him also have light on the side facing us and shadows on top, again suggesting the front below lighting. Also, you need to decide your setting while writing the story. It was strange to see Jessie walking through a city and then suddenly mountains.

Writing-wise, you should really try to avoid “character wanders through unremarkable landscape, meet and fight”. It’s a weak way to start a comic. Why does Colbitzer approach Jessie specifically? He says “You’ve noticed this place has become a real shithole”. How does he know? Is this just a generic line he gives to everyone, or has he been watching her? Show us what lead him to her. Or maybe something happens, one of them sees the other react, realises they have something in common, and they band together? Just give us a bit more motivation so it isn’t a completely random encounter. Jessie’s thought as she walks off doesn’t make sense either because... she never came close to trusting Colbitzer in the first place. “Guess you really can’t trust anyone but yourself” sounds like she’d just gotten her hopes dashed, but she never had faith in Colbitzer to now be disappointed about not being able to trust him.

So I had a lotta shit come up with me getting ready to move so I submitted what I managed to get done. I plan on fully fleshing this out and submitting the rest later down the road. Thank you Energy for taking this battle and I hope you had as much fun as I did!

GET HIM JESSIE! THIS IS PERFECT FOR YOU!

Sean you absolute madman

LETS FUCKING GO