Joe: I'm... honestly not sure what to think of this comic, haha. There were parts of it I really liked, like the way you tied Princess Turnip's story in to Prince Charming's, but there were also parts I really... didn't like. Kyou felt kind of like a set piece throughout the comic. I think for me the biggest red flag was that you misspelled his name throughout the entire comic. And while I really love the work you do on the fully rendered panels, with some really nice looking backgrounds, there's parts that really could've used more love and a more refined rendering than the stick figures. I think the constant switching back and forth between the full rendered bits and the stick figures is what really threw me off; the stick figure parts feel like they're supposed to relay the more trippy parts of the comic, but it instead comes off as just. unfinished.  I also, while I enjoyed the use of blank black space to denote pacing and to forcibly slow the reader down, I think you went a bit overboard. idk if it's just me but I kinda got annoyed at how much scrolling I had to do to get from one panel to the next.

And, finally... I respect your decision to go so off the wall on this, and applaud you for just. writing this trip of a story. but personally I'm really not fond of this sort of 'Deep' story. But that might be due to my past experiences with media trying to be Deep; idk, I just personally think you can tell a meaningful story without resorting to obtuse, drug-trip storytelling. Power to the people who do like it, it just ain't for me.

Moka: aaaaa this would've been soo cool to see it finished! I enjoyed Iain's role in this, and also very much enjoyed the way you drew Turnip! A small piece of advice--maybe to save on time next time, try cutting down on the amount of action? Best of luck next time!!

Joe: I love this comic and I love how you always find ways to play with the comic medium, I don't have any crits I just simply love this and really want to see more. from page 2 playing around with word bubble order and the final page with the photo editting is fantastic.

moka: your writting is really good and even with sketches they're all really solid. great job with this comic and good luck with work stuff and hopefully you get more time to do comics again soon.

ArtofJoe: Really funny use of visuals and the scrolling nature of long pages on a digital medium. Although... I think use of the stick figures worked great for the opening (that switch to the cars was great), later, I can't help but feel something different would suit the purpose (something more like Turnip's creepy eyes, or the photocopy from the end). I... at first Kayou was the turnip princess wearing a crop top. He came off looking pretty turnippy.

Moka:( Sheesh, they can't even misunderstand him enough to at least interpret "mandrakes" as "A date with a man named drake!") Oooh, that buildup to the scary... I didn't feel it coming and when it hit, it hit nice and dramatically! I was still able to follow the action even when things got sparse, so that's some pretty good thumbing. The fight probably could have been trimmed down, since I don't feel too much is missing without those extra beats of the battle.

whoops i wrote this up and then forgot about it in notepad for like two hours u_u

joe: my god this comic was so simultaneously dumb and clever it drove me insane (in a good way). that car crash match cut, the entire page of the one panel, the ambiguity of which way to read... this is also a real neat, feverish way to introduce turnip! points for executing the endless scroll format in a way i feel fit the narrative! although i have some criticisms too. the crayony bits are cute and really work to establish the tone, but you definitely use them too much to replace panels that would serve much better being fully drawn out, so they feel like a bit of a cop-out. i was also expecting the way you drew humans to look... less like the way you draw root vegetables. i really think you should add like, an ear at least, i think that's what's bugging me the most about kyou here. and i guess kyou doesn't feel too involved, outside of his central conflict; otherwise he's kind of just reflecting turnip's questions back at her. still, i enjoyed this and i'm glad i read it!

moka: yessss you KNOW i already adore both your inking and your joke writing so this comic continues to hit true for me! what i could see of the action bit is also really good, the wallrunning bit is delish. shame you couldn't finish it; 21 pages in 3 weeks is real audacious, but 14-ish is still probably more than i could do! what's a little more disappointing is how the comics just stops dead, obviously, but the two 4-komas do appease me though, i can't lie

To ArtOfJoe(open to critiques and comments):

Comments:
-Definitely a completed comic, it looks like you got it 100% finished as intended! Good job!
-It was a funny intro for Kyou on page one, though I don't think any of that is in his backstory besides leaving the town and being optimistic. And, well, pretty naive=stupidity in this case haha
-The references to Matrix definitely made it clear how out-of-place Princess Turnip is. IDK how "outer worldly/4th Wall Breaking" her powers are, but reading the comic it seems she has some kind of mystic power of... some kind lol
-The sudden use of an IRL picture actually got a good chuckle out of me, that was a really fun idea
-I like the colour choices for Kyou on the final panel in particular!
-I'm glad that you got to really demonstrate how creepy Princess Turnip is, while referencing your prev. character

Critiques:
-Many repeated panels, plus a lot of stick figures. :/ I would've liked to see more of the characters in your art style, maybe with a "chibi-fied" or simplistic version in place of stick figures.
- the side-view of the girl on page 1 was pretty creepy looking with her face shape. I feel like she was supposed to be cute? I suggest doing the more rounded face like what you did on the final page with Kyou for a side view.
-misspelling your opponent's name is a huge negative IMO. If you want a certain spelling as a joke, maybe have Princess Turnip mishear it instead.
-having Princess Turnip not react strongly about the boob grab and then having a super delayed response was jarring. It may be that I personally just really don't like jokes like that, but it seemed like she didn't care and they moved on, and then suddenly brought it back up in the 'dream sequence' as if it was still happening? It was a bit confusing.
-On the final page, you put Kyou looking at his hand in the second panel, and then reused the panel with different colours for the final panel. Maybe instead, have Kyou crouched on the ground with one hand up looking at it in the second panel (for the same effect), and then when he sits up fully by the final panel it'll make more sense without the obvious duplication?

Altogether, it was really fun to read and I definitely wasn't sure what to expect next! ^u^
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To Mokachahan(no critique wanted):

Man, at it again with all the unique poses and ongoing storyline! I really like the hint to your future/BG characters in the first couple pages too. Gonna bullet point the good stuff:
-Many full body drawings without feeling "too much"
-Reference to Princess Turnip's backstory without explaining too much and staying in character, yet making a joke to connect with the reader about it
-Incorporating other characters on enterVOID for the story
-the EXPRESSIONS I love, plus the gloves on page 7
-I do think that this was an apt place to cut it off, but I do wish everyone got to see the final pages you drew >.< The wrap up was so funny to me.

Obligated negative-ish comment: Well, the "make a comic that is reasonable to be finished" is kinda obvious. I think that focusing less on characters other than the main fighters might help? It made a good set up for sure, but in the end seems to have eaten up the main characters' "screentime". I do really like the story though so I'm kinda on the fence with that suggestion, heh.
Also, I read that other people will take pictures of each step and upload it- thumbnails, then sketches, etc- as they go along so that they know it'll work out okay if something unfortunate happens.

I really hope that you post the completed full version eventually as a BBattle, but I'm glad you posted what you can despite the computer mishaps... and you're addiction to 30+page comics. :stuck_out_tongue: (jkjk, I wish thee luck and more time for the long comics in the future)

Joe - wow this is a very creative take on a comic. Purely unexpected and I absolutely enjoyed it!  

Moka - Your style is so lovely and solid writing as well!  I was mostly following the story right up until the last pages. It's unfortunate that you weren't able to finish all the panels. Your work really gives me that anime vibe and it's so fun to read. Poor Iain and his shop lol.  

Joe you went deep into those anime tropes and fourth wall breaking!

Moka I love you hand drawn style

Art of Joe - This was an amusing and disturbing fourth wall pillaging. Great colors and you really played the page length well, though, this piece did seem a bit rushed. Hope Turnip finds her Charming... somewhere. Somehow. Vegetable power!

Mokachahan - Your polished lines are really great but will we ever see some color like in your invitational tourney match against Craven? I recommend shortening the length of your story to give yourself time for color and shadows, although, with the current cast of characters Kyou has accumulated it could be difficult. Perhaps give the Kamekaze group a ref sheet in extra images? I enjoyed the zany group dynamic and jokes between the cast. Good work, keep it up!

Joe - This was certainly creative! I liked the concept of a character invading another character’s backstory, and enjoyed the meta humour throughout. Also god that last panel of Princess Turnip on page 3, I love how creepy it is.

This comic felt lazy to me though. You leant way too heavily on copy pasting; Page 2 for instance felt extremely repetitive, as did page 3, but a little less so. There were other pages where you mostly drew stick figures, and it didn’t feel like a stylistic choice because they seemed pretty random to me. Like page 3 again - there didn’t feel any rhyme or reason to when the characters would be fully drawn and when they’d be stick figures, there was no pattern I could pick up on. There’s also this weird effect where Kyou and the princess feel very disconnected from each other. They’re almost never in the same panel together, and barely look at each other in panels where they ARE together. And because there’s a lot of blank space in between panels, they just feel totally separate. In the stick figure sections, the total lack of face and the fact that she’s just a turnip don’t help this feeling of disconnection.

Story-wise... I’m sorry to say this, but it feels like you were trying too hard to be deep. Like the disconnect between characters, there felt like a disconnect within the story. Things happened really randomly and didn’t feel connected to the character or the previous events of the comic, like the whole “let me go” sequence on page 4, the memories, and the Matrix reference. They felt superficial and haphazard, added to make the story feel more complex without the actual “meat” to back it up.

Also um... you spelt Kyou’s name wrongly throughout the comic. Once or twice could probably be forgiven but you only spelt it correctly once. Where’d the “a” come from? XD

Moka - I love your styleee ugh, so pleasing to look at. I loved that little bit with Kyou initially mistaking the princess for a Mandrake, and the omake omg. The action that was all drawn and inked in looked excellent so far.

Moka, you have put a big smile on my face, thank you!
I love your artstyle and humor! Thanks for the fight!

I'm still sad I was too foolish to plan ahead for my laptop SHUTTING OFF ON ME THREE TIMES DURING THE SCAN PHASE YOU STPUPID PIECE OF HARDWA--

Also, FREAKING ARTOF JOE I SCREAMED LAUGHING AT THE COMIC YOU'RE AMAZING

"Where did you get that axe?!"

"Read my bio, idiot!"

DAMN SON I LOVED IT

It was funny, and deep, and whack, and creative and AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

"totally produced garbage"
Fight me in final destination, you butt, I've seen what you've made so far and it's definitely high quality garbage *at least*

Even on this final day I have to go to work. ;w; Lesson learned about my hubris... It was a good run but I've totally produced garbage SMH

I request at least one Princess Peach joke!