You focus on the letter here, for instance giving it a whole page, which gives the feeling it’s supposed to be very important. We can definitely assume they’re friends from the snippet you show, but the letter’s words don’t carry much weight since we haven’t actually seen much of the relationship or Raven’s guilt.

Actually the point of this comic too is actually to show Raven's guilt for the first time. So far in her battles I've only illustrated her need to feed on blood. Raven vs Jerin demonstrated that she was hiding behind Rocio's back about this despite Rocio already offering her blood bags.

So yes, I did not expect anyone to have an inclination that Raven was feeling guilt until this particular comic. On the next page she did say she needed more blood than she was letting on with Rocio - adding possible conflict between the roommates.  I hope that makes sense.

I reread that comic and still couldn’t find any mention of it, though on Py’s side I saw it mentioned once. My point still stands, this was basically a blink and you’ll miss it moment in an opponent’s comic, so it’s odd to treat it as though it’s very important to Raven or was a goal the whole time.

Raven also said she intends to stay with Rocio until she finds a way back home or earn her own living quarters (aside from the part with Raven trying to escape via portal and failing at Akira's club) in the last page of that Pyras battle

I meant dropped as a plot point in this particular comic, like I said in the quote you replied to. Since Part 2 is set in the Sandbox, I think it’s safe to assume that within this comic, she isn’t going to try and get home another way.

In the Sandbox scene page 12 - Raven was still thinking about home in her mind so I wouldn't say it was 'dropped'per se.  We'll have to see how things go in Part 2. . So yes, Homeward Bound is still an appropriate theme for this collab I would say. I do know Raven still wants to go home and will still try to find a way even after the events of this collab

what I mean is, you’ve essentially told the reader that nothing that happens next matters. At least, for Raven. Some people won’t pick up Part 2 to find out she actually keeps some of her experiences, because you’ve already told them here that she won’t.

The statement "None of it she remembers" is more in the immediate future/present sense which is true. I imagine these latent memories can only come into play via triggers in the real world anyhow. It's a broad term that is open to the interpretation that may change later on but yes indeed Raven doesn't remember anything unless something else triggers it in the outside world. At least that's how I am planning to play this off

I approach my Void comics as a continuing story so things are open to evolution and development. I don't intend to reveal everything in one go. I like to take the reader for a ride. What may be true now may not be the same later as we find out more about how this Sandbox works is how I envision it.

Bruhma appears on the very last page, his presence is more of a cliffhanger than a hook. Miller as a character (i.e. including Amber) hasn’t been active since 2018, Jason himself disappeared in 2017. To use Miller as a hook, there’s an assumption that the reader has gone through the archives of a character who’s had no prior connection to your own, and who was last seen three years ago. Otherwise, he could just be another background character, or unknown cameo. I only recognise Miller at all because I’ve seen pictures of him in the RP server tbh.

The Miller and Bruhma hook was admittedly for the older members of course but it wasn't the main focus of this particular comic. The comic can still stand on its own for the new/unfamiliar readers just based on what was immediately available to them: What is this Sandbox place? Raven trying to get home, her guilt? Who is this strange person who asked Raven if they met before in that last page?, etc.  I added some references to older comics on certain parts if they needed a bit of backreading. (ie Raven vs Jerin and Dove vs Raven) but not much.

New readers didn't have to know who Miller or Bruhma are. I will leave that to their respective owners to expand on those cameos. (I had Pyras' permission to add Miller so I imagine he's working on a more detailed way of re-introducing him to Void). But yes afaik Miller is just a cameo here and it's perfectly okay if nobody recognizes him lol. It's more of an Easter Egg for the older members but will still bear weight at the same time because this is how he 'officially' came back after years of being thought as deceased.

With regards to Bruhma, the next part will focus more on him so his anonymity here is expected/intentional for the new members. Older members - esp Badger - should recognize him since Bruhma disappeared in a Talon vs Dahiris comic.

This bit did confuse me I have to admit. I wasn’t sure what the significance of the recording was, I didn’t know there was a possibility he would carry it over to the outside world. In that case, yeah there’s a lot of possibilities and story that could open up.

Yeah! I like dropping hints that are open to interpretation instead of full on infobomb (unless it is necessary. I kinda did that in page 11 but I wanted to be concise and not bore the reader. Also presented in a manner that is not out of place - in this case, I used Ozias' tech to do some narration)

Also! I am not saying your confusions aren't valid but I just wanna share what is going on in my head and why the comic is presented as it is.

I  just chose the eye candy route as some comics I read in the past did. Definitely not for everyone but it was a personal choice on my part but I understand the disconnect that may come with it.

Ahh, fair enough.

it was shown there that they are friends and Rocio was even giving Raven blood (the blood bag comment)... But yes it is a safe assumption that Rocio and Raven had grown close as friends in the background.

Oh god my bad, I forgot that little moment in the Vs Jerin comic! It’s still a pretty small moment in the grand scheme of things though. You focus on the letter here, for instance giving it a whole page, which gives the feeling it’s supposed to be very important. We can definitely assume they’re friends from the snippet you show, but the letter’s words don’t carry much weight since we haven’t actually seen much of the relationship or Raven’s guilt.

Her desire to get home was in Dove vs Raven.

I reread that comic and still couldn’t find any mention of it, though on Py’s side I saw it mentioned once. My point still stands, this was basically a blink and you’ll miss it moment in an opponent’s comic, so it’s odd to treat it as though it’s very important to Raven or was a goal the whole time.

Why would it be dropped? She is trying different avenues ways to get home.

I meant dropped as a plot point in this particular comic, like I said in the quote you replied to. Since Part 2 is set in the Sandbox, I think it’s safe to assume that within this comic, she isn’t going to try and get home another way.

At the risk of spoiling. Sandbox leaves latent memories/feelings in certain people (I thought you should know this lol).

This kinda goes back to what I said earlier about assumptions though? I know that, but people who aren’t in the server don’t. All they will see is what you wrote here: “none of it she remembers”, which comes across as total memory loss. I’m probably not explaining myself too well... what I mean is, you’ve essentially told the reader that nothing that happens next matters. At least, for Raven. Some people won’t pick up Part 2 to find out she actually keeps some of her experiences, because you’ve already told them here that she won’t.

Want another hook? BRUHMA and MILLER have been missing/dead for a long time and were seen in the Sandbox.

Bruhma appears on the very last page, his presence is more of a cliffhanger than a hook. Miller as a character (i.e. including Amber) hasn’t been active since 2018, Jason himself disappeared in 2017. To use Miller as a hook, there’s an assumption that the reader has gone through the archives of a character who’s had no prior connection to your own, and who was last seen three years ago. Otherwise, he could just be another background character, or unknown cameo. I only recognise Miller at all because I’ve seen pictures of him in the RP server tbh.

Also Ozias started recording Sandbox events and this will carry over to the outside world - another possible hook.

This bit did confuse me I have to admit. I wasn’t sure what the significance of the recording was, I didn’t know there was a possibility he would carry it over to the outside world. In that case, yeah there’s a lot of possibilities and story that could open up.

Oh I like doing pin up style so I just integrated that in page 3 (IE drawing something I normally enjoy and putting in the comic). There are different ways to tell a story, some work for others some don't. I just chose the eye candy route as some comics I read in the past did. Definitely not for everyone but it was a personal choice on my part but I understand the disconnect that may come with it.

And she is undressing because she is changing to her normal costume. I dont think anyone would want to step out in the open wearing their night gown. Not with Raven at least lol.

Raven seems to care about Rocio and finds it difficult to say goodbye, but we’ve never seen them interact in a friendly way in your comics.

Raven vs Jerin (my side) kinda showed this in the last page.
https://entervoid.com/view.php?id=6937&side=1&iid=8

It is still difficult for me to produce a lot of comics to show the details of their friendshhip (my bad) but it was shown there that they are friends and Rocio was even giving Raven blood (the blood bag comment). Pyras had a small BB in the works that kind showed a bit of the lighthearted stuff these two get into but not sure when that's gonna happen or if dropped. But yes it is a safe assumption that Rocio and Raven had grown close as friends in the background. I am working on speeding up my comic output so hopefully we get to see more.

Her desire to get home was in Dove vs Raven. And in her intro it was more of a narrative thing to determine whether should she stay and move on in Void or try to get back home (ie A choice has to be made at some point for Raven)

Dove and Raven happened after that so she still wants to go home and anyone can safely assume that it's still one of her goals. Which reminds me I should add her goals in her bio.

The portal fails, so the going home plot point is dropped (and with it, interest over what she needs to make right drops because we know this particular comic won’t give us answers).

Why would it be dropped? She is trying different avenues ways to get home. She thought Jerin's blood would make a difference but it didn't. Maybe she wants to find another interdimensional traveller next as a possible continuing plot for this, etc. The sky is the limit. If anything this opens up avenues for Raven to seek other Void characters IMO.

We know Raven is going to go straight back to Rocio, so the letter plot point is dropped, along with a potential conflict. We know that Raven doesn’t remember her time in the Sandbox and comes out fine, so it will not affect the canon in any way. It’s effectively pulling a “but it was all a dream!” ending. What’s the hook?

At the risk of spoiling. Sandbox leaves latent memories/feelings in certain people (I thought you should know this lol). And this is more of an intro for the Sandbox as well so other characters can use it if they wish.

Want another hook? BRUHMA and MILLER have been missing/dead for a long time and were seen in the Sandbox. See page 10 for Miller cameo and 11 for a bit of a narration/exposition on Sandbox behavior (the two missing persons found were Bruhma and Miller) and pg 13 for Bruhma.

Also Ozias started recording Sandbox events and this will carry over to the outside world - another possible hook.

Going back to earlier, I think I have a feeling that the Raven-Rocio relationship disconnect may be due to an assumption that readers are in the RP server?

Nope no RP server assumptions came with this (and even so, Raven and Rocio relationship in the RPs already came with the good friends/roommate assumption. Their RP server relationship is very rocky at best which is not  what is at all hinted here).

The assumption is more on after Dove and Raven they have been roommates and hanging out. As mentioned, a glimpse of this was shown in Raven vs Jerin.

Hope that clears things up!

First of all, the rendering was gorgeous as usual, and Don, your colours were lovely in this. I freaking LOVE the first page, like wow the silhouette with the glasses and that one strip of white hair and Raven blending together with Bruhma, very aesthetically pleasing. Very good use of texture too, I know I’ve said it before but combined with the inking style, it gives a lovely traditional feel. I also gotta say, that piano room on page 12? Gorgeous, love the detailing on the piano.

I feel like there is a disconnect between the art and the story though. Like page 3, Raven is having this conflict about leaving Rocio and feeling guilty about her past, but the panels show her posing almost seductively on a bed and then undressing. If I took the text away, I wouldn’t be able to figure out what was going on via expressions or posing. Of course the text is important in a comic and I’m not saying you should be able to understand one perfectly without it, but the visuals should be able to give you the basic gist. She could have had these thoughts while for instance, writing the letter, placing it where Rocio could find it, or perhaps neatening up the room in preparation for leaving. This feels more like a series of pinups, which is strange considering there’s no romantic or sexual undertones to her thoughts, or what she was planning to do (go home). I see this in her expressions too, like on the following page when she says “it is time”. She still kinda has bedroom eyes. Is she feeling determined about going home? Guilty? Resigned? She reads as seductive to me.

Speaking of, the writing definitely fell flat for me. First of all, the premise didn’t make a lot of sense. Raven seems to care about Rocio and finds it difficult to say goodbye, but we’ve never seen them interact in a friendly way in your comics. We have Py’s side in Dove vs Raven and that’s it, so her conflict doesn’t feel grounded in anything. There is no relationship to mourn. In her letter, Raven talks about “finally” going home, implying that she’s been trying to get home for a while... but again, there’s no basis for this. I checked through the archives to make sure, and there’s no mention of her wanting to get home, and we don’t see her trying to get home either. In her intro comic, she even calls Void a new start, which directly contradicts the desire to go home expressed here. It’s this new conflict that’s suddenly introduced as if it’s been there the whole time, and there’s no time to be glad she found this way to get home, or disappointed when it fails.

Since this is a part 1, I can’t really crit the full story. However, this is HALF of the story and I don’t really see where it’s going or what the point is. The portal fails, so the going home plot point is dropped (and with it, interest over what she needs to make right drops because we know this particular comic won’t give us answers). We know Raven is going to go straight back to Rocio, so the letter plot point is dropped, along with a potential conflict. We know that Raven doesn’t remember her time in the Sandbox and comes out fine, so it will not affect the canon in any way. It’s effectively pulling a “but it was all a dream!” ending. What’s the hook?

Going back to earlier, I think I have a feeling that the Raven-Rocio relationship disconnect may be due to an assumption that readers are in the RP server? For instance, Raven and Rocio have had loads of bonding and development over RP, so from your perspective or other people in the server, a heartfelt letter makes sense. But to people outside the server, it’s like, huh? What has Rocio done for Raven, why is it hard for Raven to say goodbye when Rocio hasn’t featured in your comics as anything but a one-off enemy? However on the other hand, I think the Sandbox mention works because there is intrigue over what the space is if you aren’t in the server.