Dairyu vs. Tam Orkan

Dairyu vs. Tam Orkan

Dairyu vs. Tam Orkan

This comic has not been rated; viewer discretion advised.

Icon for Dairyu40.6%
183 points
Page 1

Crit level: No critique desired, comments encouraged

by Sunrise

This comic has not been rated; viewer discretion advised.

Icon for Tam Orkan59.4%
268 points
Page 1Page 2Page 3Page 4Page 5Page 6Page 7

Crit level: No preference

Critiques & Comments
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Community Manager
# 7   Posted: Jul 17 2020, 09:37 PM
Snowy: it's good you didn't default and showed us what you had. this has some really cool parts and i look forward to seeing a full version as a BB.

Sunrise: I like how you keep extending the lore of this setting and fitting the other characters into it. Hoewver this battle had a lot of clarity issues as it went on. The first thing you should do is put some white gutter space in between your black borders to give all the panels more space and make it easier to read individual panels without having to immediately look at the next one.
you should simplify your layouts a bit to add the gutter space between borders and get used to that then do more experimental stuff again.
The second clairty issue is the bridge wasn't well established and neither was Tam's location on it. so when she suddenly gets to the controls it's pretty confusing. That just comes with practicing more establishing shots and look forward to seeing more of it.

# 6   Posted: Jul 17 2020, 03:13 PM
Nice work to the both of you!

Snowymoth - Even in the unfinished state there is a story being portrayed and your finished pieces are very lovely. Good luck in the future!

Sunrise - Seems Tam is getting into the thick of it, now. Is it safe to assume she still has nine lives? Panel boarders could use a little something something. That page two spread was a good choice. Keep it up!

# 5   Posted: Jul 14 2020, 08:16 AM
Snowy - This is pretty disjointed so there’s not much to comment on, sorry! It looked like it would have been an emotional story though and the panelling seemed interesting, I hope you do finish it eventually ;w;

Sun - I still can’t believe the SPEED you finished this thing, you absolute madman. It’s so cute to see Tam actually somewhat enjoying herself, and being so enamoured by the festival and the cherry blossom. It’s a nice change of pace. I like how you tied this comic into the last one with the water suppliers, and this interpretation of Dairyu as this leader figure is really cool. The imagery of her standing on this huge drum with her entourage, and then its subsequent disintegration along with the building is great.

However after page 5 I kind of lost the plot. I didn’t know what was happening or where the characters were. They seemed to suddenly change location a lot, and then the fight started but ended within one panel?

# 4   Posted: Jul 13 2020, 09:25 AM
Snowy - It's a shame you weren't able to finish your side but from what I see from the finished panels, this could've been such a lovely comic!

Sunrise - I love the post-apocalyptic vibe I am getting from your comic. But yeah I was following the story at the beginning  then I just kind had to fill in the gaps towards the end of it. I feel like it was missing some context in my head. But solid job overall and love your bold use of colors and lines.

# 3   Posted: Jul 11 2020, 12:58 AM
Snowy! yeah this is clearly cool stuff if you managed to finish it. Hope you manage to do more next time!
Other than that I love your clear art style in those finalized panels :D

Sunrise! While this is an interesting setup you kind of lost me visually. Big thumbs up for a finished comic but the drawings were too messy for me to really get all that was going on.
The restistance setup was promising but then i wasnt really sure what was happening? what was the bridge for? was the guy shooting at them? visually i wasnt really sure what happened there. and why did the bullets lay on the ground? did the bursting drum have anything to do with it?
I am sure though with a few rereads i get a clearer picture though right now i am confused.
work on your lineart a little nstead of a fully colored comic. In this case i would have prefered clearer lines and panel composition even if it were monochromatic. (can be cool too ;) )

# 2   Posted: Jul 10 2020, 06:10 PM
Mine is woefully under-done, I'm so sorry! I'm planning on finishing it, I didn't want to just default, though. Thanks so much for the battle, I hope to have the fully done version up soon.


# 1   Posted: Jul 3 2020, 11:48 AM
Sup. I've submitted my side. Snow's put in an extension, which I would have liked to have used to add a cool battle page, but alas I'm going to be in spain on holiday for a fortnight. All the best, guys, and thanks for the battle Snowy!

Comic Details -

Drawing Time: 3 weeks
Ended: Jul 17th, 2020
Votes Cast: 14
Page Views: 632
Winner: Sunrise

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