PineCone’s Adventure / PineCone

PineCone’s Adventure / PineCone

PineCone’s Adventure — PineCone

This comic has been rated suitable for teens and up by its creator(s)

Icon for PineCone
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Crit level: Open to any comments or critiques
This is Continuing PineCone’s Adventure, introducing SweetPea and a little of her backstory. We know that PineCone’s Little sister is kidnapped by a puppet looking guy, named Jasper. More will be out soon!!
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Critiques & Comments
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TheCydork
Artist
581 comments
# 4   Posted: Aug 1 2021, 03:02 AM
Sorry for the super late comment, just working my way through comics I missed! This is really cute and you did a great job on the humanoid characters, that perspective shot in panel 1 page 3 was excellent. Also pretty funny that Pinecone is obsessed with having hands.

The story is a bit disjointed though. You clearly have a lot of character ideas you want to put on paper but it’s hard to do in just 4 pages. Sue’s kidnapping, who the Puppet Maestro is and the purple girl’s backstory needed way more breathing room. The sequence of events don’t connect well either - PineCone has just lost her sister but then asks how the purple girl came to be away from home, when they just met and she never said anything about running away from home. I’m also not sure how this girl never looked in a mirror, or even just looked down at her own arms and noticed they were purple while her dad’s skin wasn’t? Why was a camera needed? The story abruptly cuts off with a shot of the Puppet Maestro with no explanation of how he’s related to the story. Purple girl also immediately mentions the Puppet Maestro even though all PineCone said was her sister was kidnapped. No description of the attacker, and she seems to have not seen him herself either.

I think a big help for you would be to distinguish what you as the author knows, and what the characters know. As the person who writes these stories you know all the details! But the characters have to have learnt it in some way. Next time you have the character say something plot-related, ask yourself if they would know that, and if so, how do they know? For instance, in this case, you could’ve had the purple girl ask what the kidnapper looked like, and then recognise the Puppet Maestro from PineCone’s description. Hope this helps!

Footini
Artist
318 comments
# 3   Posted: Jul 8 2021, 10:31 PM
Super cute comic!

Platinumartist
Artist
87 comments
# 2   Posted: Jul 1 2021, 02:55 PM
This is quite the cute adventure you got going here. And now the plot thickens as Pinecone's sis is abducted by that bad dude. Cant wait to see the next part plays out.

Durianknuckle
Artist
22 comments
# 1   Posted: Jul 1 2021, 05:32 AM
Love this comic! 🥰
Also, nice colors and lineart!
Glad to see this Beyond Battle!!!👍

Comic Details -

 
Drawing Time: 1 week
Ended: Jul 8th, 2021
Votes Cast: 11
Page Views: 272
 

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