Rivana's Outcasts

Rivana's Outcasts

Rivana's Outcasts
« on: Aug 03, 2019, 08:43 PM »
Greetings everyone! Finally got around to creating my incubator thread.  My style of writing characters is fairly simple. I don't aim for originality really  but I like giving them interesting personalities and predicaments. I love seeing how they react and develop overtime why interacting with other people's characters. I developed them in role playing and I have fun continuing that format. I had too much fun that I actually taught myself to draw in 2010  and make a comic out of their canon stories in Eon.   

The best part about them being in Void is that I can actually consider this canon if I wanted to. I still haven't decided but we'll see how it goes. :)

Here is my first  character that I plan to submit. Hope you like her.  She is one of my original OCs and she has a lot of history so I apologize if things sound so convoluted. Thanks in advance for checking my thread  out. <3

Design Sheet:

Full Name: Mina Kiefervon

Other Names: Raven (a nickname that stuck perhaps due to her raven-black hair. Also her being some sort of enigma. She can be both a blessing and a curse to the people she encounters)

Race: Vampire

Birthplace: Odilon in Eltheros (A world outside of Void)

Age:  Stopped aging at 23 but she is around 290 years old. However, she spent 250 years in a "deep sleep"  so her mind and maturity is still pretty close to her appearance.

Height: 5'6"

Hair: Black

Eyes: Pale green

Hobbies: Shopping for clothes, matchmaking, Improving her magical abilities


Illusion magic (She studied illusion/control magic  extensively ever since she was young - Way before she awakened  her abilities to cast portals)

Can cast portals to different dimensions - an ability she rarely uses.  She can also use these portals offensively to cut through anything in space and sometimes teleport. She is inherently connected to these portals and they are a constant drain to her. Therefore, she almost always need to feed on blood whenever she gets the chance.

Standard vampire-related abilities: Immortality. She heals quickly if she is well-fed. If she is hungry, she can barely stand sunlight but otherwise she doesn't disintegrate in the sun. Slightly stronger/faster and has keener senses than an average human.

If in the state of blood lust, she is unable to cast any magic as her mind is in complete chaos. She becomes completely feral.

Weaknesses: Has a horrible sense of direction , she also can't swim (has a phobia of deep waters). Impulsive and has a short-temper.  People she cares about as they can be easily used to get to her. As a result, she doesn't like to being in close relationships - romantic or otherwise. Her skills in hand-to-hand combat leave a lot to be desired.  A bit of a control freak.

Personality: Raven has a wicked sense of humor and a bit of a smart-ass. She is a mix of being approachable and at the same time distant. There are conversations which she would be very open but much of her deep thoughts and feelings she would keep to herself. But if you're on her good side, she would do her earnest to protect you even if it would cause her harm.  She takes a keen interest in knowing and understanding other people. Some would say that she lives vicariously through their experiences to offset the lack of stability in her life. Others might think that she does this so she knows their weaknesses in case that they end up being her enemy.

Raven is loyal to a fault so she takes betrayals of her trust very seriously. She will seek revenge to those who wronged her, oftentimes at their own peril (and sometimes even her own). She has a tendency to sound flirtatious and does this unintentionally and often in a sarcastic manner.  Her teasing can sometimes be misinterpreted as flirting and she balks or runs away at the idea of a romantic relationship (She would, however, flirt in battles just to catch her opponents off guard). This, coupled with her infamous matchmaking habits - Raven might as well be called a walking contradiction.

A bit impulsive but has demonstrated self-control when she deems it necessary. Mina is generally very easy going but don't let her demeanor fool you. In battles, she can be very tricky to deal with - magic or not.

Intro Comic Sketch

I don't plan on introducing Ran and Dani anytime soon. I merely used them so that Mina will have reason to stick around :P But to those who are curious, you can find their dynamic here although this is still very early in their story:

« Last Edit: Aug 17, 2019, 08:51 AM by Rivana »

Re: Rivana's Outcasts
« Reply #1 on: Aug 04, 2019, 07:48 AM »
Very cool.  It's great to see so much progress as well.  Your early sketch seems fine too.  Can't wait to see more.

Re: Rivana's Outcasts
« Reply #2 on: Aug 04, 2019, 02:10 PM »
Very cool.  It's great to see so much progress as well.  Your early sketch seems fine too.  Can't wait to see more.

Thank you. I am glad I am on the right path. I wasn't sure if I was doing it right  and if she fits in Void universe. <3 

Still deciding if I should do my usual painted style or try a different one. We'll see. Cant' wait to finish it.  Thanks again!

Re: Rivana's Outcasts
« Reply #3 on: Aug 05, 2019, 06:46 PM »
Hey this looks awesome, Rivana, I can't wait to read Raven's Intro story. I would say use whatever style you feel most comfortable with to convey the story, you have no real time limit to rush your intro, experiment if you must, feel free to be creative and to always have fun.

Re: Rivana's Outcasts
« Reply #4 on: Aug 06, 2019, 09:50 PM »
Hey this looks awesome, Rivana, I can't wait to read Raven's Intro story. I would say use whatever style you feel most comfortable with to convey the story, you have no real time limit to rush your intro, experiment if you must, feel free to be creative and to always have fun.

Thanks Cab. I decided to color/paint it. Not sure if I am gonna post every progress but I did a lot of work on the first page today so I thought I'd share. The first panel is  pretty much done:) I might do another WIP once the first page is done  to give you guys an idea of the style I am going for:

Re: Rivana's Outcasts
« Reply #5 on: Aug 14, 2019, 07:27 AM »
I am pretty set on Mina's intro so I'll just continue on working on the comic. I'll probably tweak her  description more in the final version :)

I know I said I wasn't going  to introduce Ran nor Dani in Void anytime soon but a story idea for Ran came up so I typed up a rough draft for him to go back to later. Feel free to let me know what you think:

Ran Gavinmaur
Age: 29
Hair: Black
Eyes: Blue
Height: 6'2"

Ran was an elite sniper in the army until he got kicked out for insubordination. After his stint as a soldier, he decided to live a more easygoing life. Ran became a bodyguard for hire - his main client was one of  the Void's richest businessman - Robert Dancowen - who would hire Ran to guard his daughter, Dani, from time to time. 

However, most of Ran's income was from gambling and he was particularly good at it. He didn't drink so that was his vice - and the occasional sex with women to take some of the edge off.

A lot of people would find Ran abrasive because he was direct and to the point. He never minced his words. He also appeared stoic most of the time. Plus, his unusually high win rate at gambling would sure ruffle some feathers on more than one occasion.  Ran was no stranger to fights but he handled himself well and could take a fair amount of beating when it comes to it. Sometimes he'd just allow himself to get hit for fun. Being a trained sniper, he was incredibly patient and calm in most situations. His actions were almost always calculated. He rarely loses his temper. 

Life was getting too easy for Ran that everything felt very mundane and meaningless..until that one night when a strange shadowy creature appeared in his apartment....
« Last Edit: Aug 14, 2019, 09:52 AM by Rivana »

Re: Rivana's Outcasts
« Reply #6 on: Aug 17, 2019, 12:51 AM »
I'll echo what Duel said,  it's refreshing to see an incubator start out with some pages!

Looking at your first page, I have notes. The full tier panel showing the portal appearing works, but the thickness of the gutter between it and the second panel tier really breaks up the sequence and implies a longer passage of time than you want. Then panels 2 and 3 lack any elements that inform their relationship to each other. Maybe you'll be showing the portal behind her in panel 3, which will help a lot. I would also use the cat. It's startled in panel 1, so maybe show it bounding away as she comes through the portal, either into the background or, better yet, right towards us.

Can't wait to see these pages come together!
Want a Smile shirt?

Re: Rivana's Outcasts
« Reply #7 on: Aug 17, 2019, 08:35 AM »
Heathen, first of all, thanks for the feedback! I have  been reading your comics and I love the Smile so much and looking forward to seeing more of him in Void.

With that said, you're right about the panel spacing. 

And yep there is a portal behind her. I love the cat idea on the 3rd panel. The only thing is that I feel that the cat would get into a too close of a proximity to the portal (closer than it was initially) if I included it in the 3rd panel when its natural reaction is to move away from it? Here is the final-ish version of that first page. Let me know what you think :)

Re: Rivana's Outcasts
« Reply #8 on: Aug 20, 2019, 01:11 AM »
Hey, thanks!

That looks much better. Such a small change really makes a difference. You'll have this thing submitted in no time!
Want a Smile shirt?

Re: Rivana's Outcasts
« Reply #9 on: Aug 29, 2019, 08:11 AM »
Thanks Heathen! Well, it's taking longer than I thought lol (also had a vacation) but I can't wait to get it finished. I am also updating my design sheet because I want it to reflect a simpler style. Here is a WIP so far. I added her feral/bloodlust version (I never really drew it before so it was fun sketching that). I also plan to add some stats/text on the bottom right. Maybe later on after I am done with the intro I can update it with her expressions.


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