This was totally a battle of who did it better for sure! both of you came at this with the same concept but different execution.
RADJI- I am such a sucker for creative symbolic visuals as dialogue is going on. That whole visceral deal with the aquarium was a very clever touch. It really set the tone for the exchange these two were having in your comic. If there's one chief complaint I tend to have with your battles, its language. I Cannot stress enough the importance of proofreading your work and ensuring it translates well. The Typos and weird choice of words made such chilling moments in your comic kind of silly and took away their punch. You have a whole site full of (mostly) native speakers. Find someone who'll give your comics a second look. I've no doubt there'd be plenty of folks who'd be happy to do so.
GEEPS- Fibrin back to his old dastardly tricks again. You totally had me fooled with this sentimental and kind of leading conversation starting out. Playing to Louise's sex appeal duped both her AND me as a reader to be honest. I know its been a while since we last saw Fibrin so I'm a bit thrown as to his spider kid. Who is he? Where'd he come from? Why's he there? Who's the Mother? I feel this was meant to be like, a big reveal, but as stated in most of the comments you've gotten- it fell rather flat. I have so many questions and am usually ok with being left wondering, but I feel this left a wider gap of not knowing than usual.
Both of y'all had some nice comics but I have a lot of thoughts. I'll try to cut it down a bit but hope y'all ready for some TL;DR.
RADJI: Wonderful choice of colors when the situation calls it, and the effect you had going on for the shark coming after the fish really seals it. I do really like the hatching effect you're going for with the shadows here but I think you could've pushed for it a little more to look more polished and have a better sense of contrast in some panels, especially in page 3 with the reveal of the Arakh genetic samples. Going on the same page, I think more emphasis on the green light emanating from the box could've been more pronounced or emphasized. I really love the inks on the smoke on page 3 but the inks for the rest of the comic come off as a little weak in comparison. I think its suiting for the aquarium in the background but for the characters outside the glass, a more stronger inkwork with some line/strength variation or something similar to the inks for the smoke in page 3 would work out.
I'm glad to see some continuation from what happened during Valentines and your last Louise comic and I want to know what other stuff you have more for plan now that Dr. Fibirn is recruited. I do gotta echo Pyras and Sabu here and say you really should find someone to proofread your stuff. There's a couple of typos that if spoken out loud, come off as really awkward and off sounding.
Also hit me up with that texture, boy. I'm liking it >:0!
GEEPS: Starting off here with saying boy do I love the body horror you gave Eli on page 4, but I feel the surprise reveal effect I think you tried to do came off as a little weak. The pacing and building up to it was good at all but when it actually happened, it kind of just happened.
I think adding in some panels of the flesh chains grabbing a hold of Louise at the wrists/ankles/neck/whatever so it wouldn't come off so quick and a little confusing as to how she managed to get into that pose since I thought the tendrils going at her in some sort of "stabby" fashion. The chains on the same page feel a little too stiff as well and I think giving some indication of the chain's movements would help give off the idea of "oh, this just happened" rather than "these chains have been just hanging here". Page 5, I also didn't have a feel of Louise struggling from her chains that I think you were trying to go for and I agree with Sabu that you could've had Louise's other arm coming out so it didn't feel like one just popped out of nowhere in the 6th panel.
I do like the colors you got going on here but at the same time, I think you could've done more to differentiate between the background and foreground. Both palettes kind of blend together in some pages and part of the reason the body horror parts didn't come off as strong for me is because of the lack of distinction between the regular panels and the suspense. I didn't /feel/ the danger, the "Oh Crap!" moment.
I noticed there was a slight red tint in the last panel for page 4 but save for the red backgrounds in a couple of the panels in the next pages, it kind of just goes away. Not to mention the line colors and palettes in those same panels are a little jarring against the red and I think something with more warmer tones would help it look more harmonious. I think Page 6 where Louise loses her arm could've been amped up with the colors especially cause girl just had her arm sliced off! That's gotta hurt >:0!
I do wanna see more with Eli (and more body horror) if you have any further plans with him and know just what is that spirit thing in the last panel (unless I missed it completely, whoops). There better be more! ;0
Radji: I really liked the detail of the shark eating the fish in the background. I'm a sucker for putting interesting secondary things like that in panels. Your characters' expressions and acting are very lively, but as I've mentioned in previous critiques, I think your lines could use with a bit more tidying up and less wobble. Your color choices in this are very nice and do a good job of focusing my eye on important parts of the page. I'm interested to see how Louise plans to crack down on all these threats to her children >:)
GPS: I agree with Pyras that the comic felt like it needed a little more texture, shading, or hatching. Also, writing-wise, I think editing down the beginning banter in the first couple pages to get to the point a little quicker would have helped capture my attention more right from the get-go. I was very captivated Eli and his creepy-soullessness, though. Those scenes are very nicely paced and I really felt the tension. His monster eyes and deformations are very well-rendered as well.
These were both really fun build-up comics! I can't wait to see where you guys take these plotlines.
great job guys please keep comicking
Radji: Visually I felt like this comic was too messy; the hatching isn't as polished as it could be and I don't think the splotchy brushes did your backgrounds as many favors as it did problems; also, **Trouvez un correcteur! Les erreurs grammaticales sont tres distrayantes!**
GPS: Opposite situation going on for you here; I feel the comic is too clean; The floors and flat surfaces could use a bit more hand-made texture than what you added. I am seeing now some of the limitations of your new style in particular with illustrating an old man like Fibrin, I think you should experiment more in how you do his eyes (eyes in general, so that all the characters don't all have the same looking eyes). Also the danger atmosphere of the latter half of pages is muted by the light colors and no shadows; hard shadows would have definitely upped the tension and horror.
@Radji: I enjoyed the story, but Im not entirely sure I jive with this art. I think the inks you used in our battle were far stronger and packed more punch, here it feels more rushed to me. The colour choices were A+, and I liked the shift from warm classroom tones to chilly street blues. What is Louise up to?
(EDIT) And make sure you get someone to proofread!!!!!!! There are a lot of typos on this comic and really interrupts the flow.
@GPS: Eliiiiiiiiiiiiii. The body horror was super well done. I think what you need to focus on is some width variations on your linework and more of a difference in colour between foreground and background. I know the running motif here is eyeballs, but the closeups on Louise's eyes happened one too many times (page 5, panel 5 you could have shown Louise's arm trying to break out of the jumper). A+++ on background dedication!
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