Thank you for the battle once more, radji! Much appreciated
And thank you Reecer! A few people said that i could have made the story a bit better, and i had wanted to make it drag out a bit more but I didnt want to go over 12 pages. I'll work on a better story next time!
@John: This is some really incredible Jackster-level basically-professional comic art in my eyes, man. The coloring is so nice and well chosen with all its pink undertones, your art is super clear and expressive to what's happening, and the linework feels SO SOLID!! The only thing that really feels lacking insofar as this sense is that a couple of the abstract backgrounds, while they look nice, could be pushed to be way more dramatic with less blurry colors to create clearer forms, or with an even higher vibrancy of colors, or something? I dunno. Like, the wide, almost-uniform fields in page 5 panel 4 and the very vague flames on page 5 just aren't capturing me. The story, with its very obvious sociopolitical relevance, was SUPER engaging to me, and now I'm just really disappointed in Marie! But the climax felt way too abridged. We get this really, really good lead in for an amazing brawl, where Johnny seems to be at a disadvantage, but then on page 9, her side suddenly feels like it's just *playing* with Marie, being able to easily stop her in her tracks, and instantly, *twice*, bringing down the flow of the thing from an expedient sprint to a leisurely stroll. It feels like it's meant to be something of a joke, but it just isn't built that way for me.
@Mare: oh nooo you left in a page you shouldn't haaaaave. Funny and super expressive as always! The whole battle bit especially is really well orchestrated to get the blood pumping. Everything in general is pretty competent, although I have a few specific concerns for your rendering, most of which are varying degrees of nit-pick. First, your linework here gets really wiggly in places, and could probably do with using a bit more smoothing in whatever art program you use. That problem is kind of magnified by the fact that you tend to keep line width pretty constant, which, while I understand it might be part of your Artist Styleâ„¢Â, is kind of a personal pet peeve of mine? IMHO you, and people in general, could always benefit from a bit more dynamic line weight. ALSO on the subject of lining, the nice papery grain you're applying doesn't really work as well as it can when you're using total #000000 black for your lines that it can't change at all. It kind of breaks the keyfabe that I'm not looking at a whole-ly digital image. Speaking of the grain, it's VERY noticeable that you have to size it up to fit the page. Can I ask that you find something that's a bit higher resolution to prevent that? Because I know it COULD look really nice, but right now it just looks like a stretched .jpeg.
PyrasTerran:
Sabu: Question tho: Why did Xia/Johnny sit on this evidence for this long rather than get a copy delivered to the PD right away
I mean for Xia's reasons, it's because it's fucking Xia. I don't see her as someone thinking two steps ahead in situations like these (though ofc that's up to skulls). Johnny though, doesn't trust the police and I think Marie is a good reason as to why she shouldn't be trusting them. Johnny has solved her own problems just fine so far
sabu: everything was so clean and funny. The spitting dinosaur XD. Backstory. Xia. It's got it all.
Radji: I found yours to be more entertaining. Excellent bar. The bartender looks familiar ;3 Great work. Liked the eggs breaking, funny way of conveying such a hard kick to the female gennies. too bad you couldnt keep up the quality of the art throughout.
Sabu: Two thumbs up, the experience you've garnered outside void has paid off big on this, I got no problems with this comic (except for the perspective/proportional issues of the last panel of page 6 -- edit: and the possible hole i discovered mentioned above), and I look forward to our rematch~~
Radji: This is some of your best looking work and even though it kinda falls apart by the last few pages the effort is evident. Just keep at it!
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