Thanks Petarvee, I see what you're saying and I'll respond with some thanks and some clarification.
First thanks for pointing out the dialogue, I can see some really easy change ups that could have put a better flow in that area. the crowd scene was me not thinking fast enough as I wanted to keep Cassidy in the shot so I shoved the dialogue all the way to the other side.
On that note, I drew all of these pages in less than 72 hours. I had loads of time, but wasted it mostly. This is part of the problem with the squiggly lines because I didn't tighten anything up at all. I just didn't have the time on the final weekend of drawing. this has been a continuing problem for me in previous battles and I will address it by not starting battles when I don't have the time.
I actually do life drawing almost daily. I've been slacking the past few weeks with NaNoWriMo but I'll get back into it shortly. can only improve. (since I started void I've also been studying muscle structure more closely as well.)
I could give you a recording, but since I started void I've been experimenting with various new techniques, so what you'll see might not be accurate after a page.
I do feel I'm settling into a more streamlined approach. I'll record something when I feel comfortable with it.
I didn't use ANY perspective grids for this. so yeah. I'll remember to work with that more next time. I find them extremely time consuming and throw them away when I'm in a pinch.
I'm not interested in the Hunn's at all anymore, that's why I put them up as free to use NPC's in the forums. I just haven't finished the story, should be done with one more comic. I feel bad that they took over the comic. I was hoping it would act as a rich environment to bring the other characters together.
thanks again, I appreciate the critique, some day I'll kick your butt though, watch your back ( r 0 _ - ) r
@Gregly, I'm so sorry about the typo's, Petarvee was gracious enough not to re-hash that critique, I've always been terrible at spelling and I've worked on it my whole life, I didn't spell check at all. I apologise.
@MrPr1993 don't give up just yet, there's still time you might win!
@Citron There's a lot to unpack here; and normally I start with the art and work into the writing, but this time we'll work our way backwards. I'll start with your focus on The Huns: They seem pretty cool. In fact, they're one of the coolest parts of the comic. Which sounds like a compliment, but when a background element or some sorta plot-facilitator steals the spotlight, everything else feels a bit inconsequential or pointless. I know you were debating bringing Atilla in, and at this point you should just bite the bullet and go for it, as The Huns seem to be where your heart really is. But now, the art. Overall, I could more or less follow whats happening when and where. A really big slip-up comes from most pages starting in the top-right. Like, thats where the first line of dialogue is, or thats where the narration begins. If this was a manga, that'd be par for the course. But since we're not expected to read right to left, it's a bit jarring. And as a general note, I'm actually genuinely interested in seeing a recording of how you go through a page. Mostly because a lot of panels sorta descend into "Squiggles with intent" and it almost feels like you just never zoom in to tighten things up. Which I feel is the real overarcing advice I'd like to give your art. I'm all for a "Home Movies" style squiggle-vision, but nothing seems grounded or in perspective or like it's got weight. Faces and bodies shift drastically from panel to panel, with nothing but accessories to really tell them apart. Some honest-to-goodness life-drawing videos would do you a world of good right now.
@MrPr Y'know, you're definitely improving, I'll give you that. I'd really like to see a completed version of this submitted as a BB or something. You definitely seem to be taking everyone's crits to heart and as long as you're gentle with the colors, this might actually work its way into a nice portfolio piece.
@TDK While there isn't a lot to critique, at least I can speak to your composition. Namely: Spice it up, yo. You've got some dynamic fighting and gunfire and all the shit, but its staged and shot like a normal conversation. Change it up! Weird panel shapes, super-foreshortened perspective panels, big border-breaking explosions, all that stuff. And don't be afraid to pull the camera back more, it'd definitely help with readability a butt-ton.
@crl the setting in this is really cool, and i like the story! the text is pretty tough to read and there are a bunch of typos... but there are some great shots, like the overview of the building and heratik behind bars. but as soon as the soldiers bust in through the wall everything gets pretty unintelligible. it all looks very grandiose and action packed which is cool, but points docked for readability.
@mp1 this story flows pretty well and all the characters get their time to shine which is nice! i wish you had spent more time rendering the group shots, the pages with just cassidy are much more finished. the story in this one is definitely the most readable and fun, good scars too. keep drawing and maybe try to streamline your process a bit, your stuff is good!
@tdk there's a lot of great shots and pacing in this, but of course i wish it were more finished. too bad you had to wrap it up too, i was drawn into the story despite the way it looked. keep going!
Hey @pyrasterran Thanks for the critique, much appreciated.
I was worried that Heratiks scar would be hard to read, and Andres were pretty small. Was the damage to Mr B.O.T. difficult to catch as well?
I realise that the continuing story arc I started has issues with the void format, but I'm going to complete it regardless before shifting over to more episodic stories. should only need one more before then. The woman who's helping him out can be seen in my beyond battle "the hunns" She is the woman in Attila's arms before she grabs his amulet and unleashes some powerful magic.
I'm glad you like it despite the flaws, thanks again :)
PSA - I hope that after seeing how it can be hard to track down scars in these entries that for future scar matches folks choose to make a scar sheet on their last page hilighting exactly what the scar is!
citronrobotlord: This was very ambitious and you have alot of creative shots, it's a shame you couldn't give it the full treatment but it is still pretty legible. Still a few questions though, as it was hard to kind of figure out where everyone was by the end of the story, not sure who this person is who is taking baby barbarian, whether they;re a new character or someone I should know from earlier in the comic. Good effort showing the scars but could be clearer as I didn't understand what was different for some of them without rereading first.
MrPr1993: It's a real shame, this started off looking great and although the story is legible from front to back, the stick figures by the end just aren't helping sell the rest of what's going on, especially with identifying damage done.
tdk: I'm really sorry I tried to stick through this but it was hard to read for me and I was having trouble understanding what was happening in the sketches :( I got the jist of a few things but lost on some of the scars too
@Mr: i dub thee the wacky master ! so random
@TDK: i really like the setting, too bad it wasn't finished. still big ups
@citron: Action! Drama! Giant monsters! EXPLOSIONS!!! ooooh myyyyy
One thing I think would be super helpful, and I'll post this on all of the Scarmageddon battles, would be to possibly open a forum post with a scar reference page of all the scars made to your opponents. With the massive amount of characters in each comic it can get kinda murky on who did what to whom.
I do want to congratulate everyone for working so hard to incorporate so many fastincating characters into their works something I can only dream of doing. Regardless of the results thank you to everyone who attempt and participated in a fantastic multi-match smack down!
@MrPr1993 your line work is so clean! and I think you did well prioritising your panels. even the end was legible though clearly done in a rush. Can I really critique your time management? I think we share this flaw.
omg tho, Andre's arm D: lol.
@TenDeadKings I was really psyched to battle you again and Elle is such a badass.
Your thumbnails are great though at some points I'm not sure what's going on. clearly this would have been different in the final comic.
baby with an afro!? you better not win! D: but if you do I will accept this hairifying mark.
Baby w/ an afro lol.
Psyched to hear what critique comes my way. Please critique my piece on its individual merrit.
I read the others comics and I'm sorry you all had such a hard time. I think everyone did well who submitted will critique after work. :)
@Syraxis: Since you're new, I just wanted to clarify for you that I had to take down your pages because your comic didn't show everyone getting scarred, which counts as a disqualification in a scar match. Sucks that you didn't get to finish :(
@Rofl: You're old enough to know what's up ;)
Nothing against you four, you're all stand-up gents. Just a bad combination of stuff. I won't bore you with the details, but I'd rather not display these scars when they're good ideas. To that end, I'll happily rematch you guys at any point in the future that you'd like. These things happen and that goes to everyone who signed up and flopped for one reason or another. I still love you all regardless.
Uploading what I can. I want to apologize to Tdk, Citron, MrPr, and Rofl for not completing, I wound up getting sick from food poisoning for a couple weeks and it really chewed into what I was trying to do. I know everyone probably doesn't want to hear excuses but I'm just explaining what happened. Looking forward to what everyone else has to offer though.
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