JACK: I'm still gonna pick on your lettering because you see the optom makes me wear glasses now when I'm using a computer but it doesn't help the fact that words like 'surely' and 'father's' are a struggle to read with this typeface you're using. Like the style of it suits, but you'd want to adjust it so the letters aren't running into each other so much if you're going to use it the whole way through rather than select places - your story is mostly in the writing rather than action in the panels, so it's important that you're communicating everything clearly so you're not making your reader stumble through the comic. I agree with Lefred's words on this comic mostly though and don't have much else to add except that this is pretty exceptional work for what I know you went through this round. RADJI: I feel like the story you went for was one much better suited to a place you could use another page - there definitely needed to be an introduction to the black boxes that made Speed Death pick up the jerrycan, as the introduction to them seems out of place and like we missed a panel or two. It feels like you had a really great idea, but the execution was a bit convoluted in this space and didn't quite work... It's always hard to perhaps realise that and not have time to correct it though. I like the odd colouring style here though you could have definitely stuck with the pinks & blues and gone without the yellows, reds & oranges which disrupt what you're doing with the subdued palette in the rest of the comic in a way that's uncomfortable. It feels like this comic has so much potential though - it just wasn't right for the short time span to be brought into full realisation. The linework on Speed Death and the Chariot & Smiley are all so great, I really dig your cute work. Keep at it.

Speed Death is my favorite pony in this race. It was fun to see Radji's take on him, though. The tone Jack went for in this one is right in my wheelhouse.

[quote] Radji, this is cute, though I feel like it's a bit forced. The black box didn't have enough of an introduction leading Speed Death and would have needed a more active role throughout. Also, the whole bit with Smiley in the car and getting shat out is very confusingly arranged. For one, the 'living' nature of the car is kinda subtle, so the digestive system is also not immediatly obvious, on the first read I assumed it was car stuff, the random text on it does not help that. Hot? Important stuff? what's the the purpose of any of these? I do like the adorable little Smiley, and the comic had potential, but it didn't quite work for me. I see why you were confused, Smiley wasn't shat out, she melted her way out.

Your Eternal Majesty our Godking Emperor, while it is true that I was hoping for more silly madness, it's actually really nice to see a range being explored here with this character, if only to prove what it can do. And it does work even in a more serious comic. The visual style, from context alone, goes from absurd to surreal very naturally and while the whole comic leads very clearly to that ending, it's well executed in its strange way, that it's satisfying when it gets where we know it'll get. My biggest gripe with it is how Smiley looks, she just doesn't fit properly into the aesthetic and doesn't feel like slime enough for my taste, too solid. Radji, this is cute, though I feel like it's a bit forced. The black box didn't have enough of an introduction leading Speed Death and would have needed a more active role throughout. Also, the whole bit with Smiley in the car and getting shat out is very confusingly arranged. For one, the 'living' nature of the car is kinda subtle, so the digestive system is also not immediatly obvious, on the first read I assumed it was car stuff, the random text on it does not help that. Hot? Important stuff? what's the the purpose of any of these? I do like the adorable little Smiley, and the comic had potential, but it didn't quite work for me.

Hey jack i really liked your comic! i just was a bit distracted by the watermarks, but if smiley die this way it's okay, shell be easy to raise from the dead afterward because of her slime nature. Speed death went up a notch in the dark side

Jack- This art style is so wild, it's hard to figure out how to critique it! I was really curious of how you'd tackle Smiley but I think you did a good job of it, as even as a creepy gooey baby thing, that's definitely recognizable as the character, haha. I'd say the only advice I could offer is maybe cleaning up the images you use better. Your train at the end of the comic still has stock image watermarks on it, and it's a little distracting, especially when the skull already stands out against it so starkly. Radji- Smiley's cuteness causes another fatality! Going after the chariot to start of the story was unexpected and I liked it, especially with how Smiley wound up there to begin with. I think it was you that mentioned hating drawing skulls before, so I always wanna mention that Speed Death looks great here. Well worth the effort, hehe. The black and white panels look a little odd with full color ones by them, but I like that the color spread into the world once Smiley was out in the open. Neat effect there hehe.

I'm trying to decide how I feel about Speed Death going in this direction. It's a more thoughtful side to over the top wild Speed Death-ness, with less of a flashy finish. Man, nothing says creepy like photos and statues of children, huh? That looks like a subway tunnel. Is this the S train? Wow, Radji! Your comic is badass when it needs to be, but is also cute and funny. I really dig those silhouettes and the stark black and white artwork.

I believe I speak for myself AND Radji when I say we would LOVE to see some comments. With that said: RADJI, THAT WAS AWESOME! Anything critical I could say would probably be chalked up simply to the time frame you had to work in. What I'm impressed by is the time management shown: You clearly put time in where it was needed for the scenes to be successful with pinpoint accuracy. I love how you tackled the Chariot, and I can't get over Smiley's facial expressions. This was a great comic, if this is how SPEED DEATH dies I'd be fine with that.

FUUUUUUUUUUUUck i messed up the image size with the first page. Is it possible to modify it ?

Pfffft YOU had better just hope you survive. I plunged deep dark depths here.

I sorry for you bro. Hope you get better

I went to a very very very dark place on this one, sorry to anyone who was hoping for hijinks. (I also didn't get to add as much meat as I was hoping between the blizzard and the passing of a friend Monday night, so apologies for the downshift in quality.) I'M ALL JITTERY WAITING TO SEE WHAT YOU GOT RADJI.

i'm saying this now: this week, we're breaking the fourth wall !!

yeah, i knew from the start we were goin' to fight, so , let's go !