ABI -
As always, it's a great solid story dude. Great pacing and movement, and Hakase has always been one of my favorite characters on void. I just love how natural you make the marriage of Kung Fu Wise Man and Scientist. It feels so right.
Your art is really strong and crisp, but I think that it'd be nice if you mixed some more organic line-work in there. It's not that your lines don't feel natural and expressive, but they're very synthetic I geuss? Everything is sharp and clean and hard, nothing is delicate or rough or brittle. I geuss what I'm not articulating well is that you articulate your line's well, but you need to vary how you articulate stuff to create contrast, variety, and texture. Try doing some studies of natural stuff, like wood and flora.
Gregly -
I really like how you fill space, and how you set up your speech bubbles and everything. It might seem like kinda a lame compliment, but I think it looks amazing dude. It's hard for me to even explain what I like about it. I just feel like I'm really in there next to everything. There's so much movement through space, and so many pleasant angles. I DUNNO, IT"S JUST REALLY NICE. Great visual storytelling to compliment your narrative.
You could totally push for more expressive linework though. You have a super expressive, cartoony style, and good line quality, but your line weights are kinda uniform. You do vary the weight from subject to subject, but they're uniform shifts in weight. Line should shrink and grow as they move around the subject matter, to better display distance, weight, and emphasis.
Both quite enjoyable and romantic.
a bad idea: You should have been there on the google hangout when Nishi reacted to page 3. Line width can indicate depth, but it can also show a number of other things, if used correctly. Regi is a very tough looking robot, and kuno has a more slender and delicate form to her body. Giving Regi bolder lines and Kuno thinner lines would make a unique contrast. Regarding the story, the beginning was incredibly strong, but the ending was a bit sudden and too strong of a fall. The terminlogy/typography/lettering was excellent. I still feel your pages are a bit big. When you scroll down on comics, pacing changes and slows down too. Not that you HAVE to have a comic that fits on a small monitor, you just need to make it so that when you scroll, it's not like every time you scroll down a new panel comes up.
gregly: This comic would have definitely benefitted with the use of more contrast. The entire page being either dark grey or not-so-dark grey made it hard to really feel a good mood. The ending was really strong on this story, I think everyone felt a bit of sympathy for the couple. I enjoyed the part where Regi was part blind, nice thinking there. I am not sure it applies to your work since your hatching is really nice, but when you add hatching over shading sometimes it gets muddled up. If you ever want to do multiple shades via crosshatching, the closer the lines are the darker the shading will be. And if you want to cross hatch, you have to make sure when you do it that the lines in the opposite direction are also the same distance from each other (although you dont have to worry too much, it seems like you know how to do it).
Lo and behold, I completely forgot to submit the critique I typed out days ago. Well crap. Here's a short version.
Abi, my main gripe is page 2 panel 1. All of the things look like they are being seen from a different point of view, and hence it breaks the perspective in that panel. The reason for this is because all the lines that go from the viewpoint towards the ground converge to multiple vanishing points. Other than that, pg 4 cracked me up.
Gregly, try not to overuse the character popping out of panel trick. Things like these are a lot better when reserved to a good time to wow the reader. Other than that, nice sad story bro.
ABI
I enjoyed this it seemed like you really enjoyed making this. THe characters were fun and engaging. I know the story is called Robot Valentine, and thusly about Robots, but I was a little more interested in the girl in the hat and wished we could have gotten to know her more. The only thing that bothered me were the backgrounds. I'd really love it if you'd push yourself to start understanding perspective rather than just kind of fuzzing a gray toned "building" in the background. I also think some black placement would have been beneficial. Shadows and dark places can be used to move the eye around to the characters you want to be noticed. Like on page 6, if you had made the doors black, it would have drawn our eyes to it, subconsciously pulling us into the building. Other than that, good action fun twist.
Gregly
I'd love to see some rulers used on the panel borders. I don't think it adds anything to your style and it really just distracted me. I'd also experiment with making the text smaller and see if it is still legible. Also, the eye is naturally drawn to the point of highest contrast. On your first page, the highest points of contrast are the pure black on white of the word balloons. Making the panels gray decreases their contrast making the word balloons look like they are glowing. It's not as bad later on, though. also I'd encourage you to try out some perspective techniques as well.
ABI- I really wish this had color. I get mixed up with the black lines on white and with the lack of shading it can be tricky. Even basic shading would have made a world of difference to me, or at least color but I'm spoiled. I really like the anatomy, everything has really good form and looks natural. I wish there were more backgrounds though. Looks like you skimp out on everything that is't in the forefront.
Gregly- I love your style forever, even if it didn't really fit well with the tragic ending. I really do think Hakase wouldn't be this much of a prick for real though. He just seems so overprotective, if not villainous! He should be about balance and peace. I doubt he'd have issues with her not being a good little robot girl. Kind of makes it creepy in a way, like no-one-can-have-my-sexy-robot-girl-but-me kind of way. I adore seeing Regi's family, and blurry vision Gwen even if for a brief moment before getting punched. It was kind of funny. It was like she did't SEE it coming *internal cackling*
ABI: this was superhilarious. p4 is my favourite...
Gregly: omg this is so tragic! As much as ABI's made me laugh your made me... sad. THis is not a bad thing though. I was raelly hoping until the end it will have a happy ending but ...no. I guess I am used to happy ends :P
Great stories, you guys!
A-Bad-Idea: Just a personal teensy gripe, I think it would have been better for Regi to fall for Kuno based on her schematics, efficiency, etc., instead of her butt, breasts and human face. Since they're robots and all. Kinda like how in Futurama robot porn is the interior of computers, and blueprints.
hey i liked both these comics a lot. Im not too good at writing critiques so ill keep this simple
Bad Idea- i loved how crisp your line work was but i think youd value from using more black or solid areas i loved the unabridged rant though/. i read the whole ting fuckin hilarious
Gregly- I like how cartoony your style is, but i feel like it could be pushed more. You to could also benefit from more solid areas or at least more thurough hatching
A Bad Idea-
Omg this comic was so funny. I really did have a good time seeing Regi be a huge silly idiot. You also drew G&R really awesome in your style (which I love!) And the Rock Monster Guy's texture is great. The foreshortening on Regi (page 7) with his big kick is the only thing I'm stuck on. Not quite sure what about it... maybe Regi's leg/foot being THAT big? Like, I understand why, but I don't know if his foot be'd the size of the Rock guys face? Anyways, your pages look great, clean and super fun to read. "Why did I not think this would happen" should be engraved on Regi
Gregly-
It must really be hard for Regi to keep anything from his mom when she can just look into his memory. Talk about no privacy. AHH Regi's siblings!! So happy to see them! Page 7, the first panel with Gwen made me laugh; she's so Simpson's wall eyed, it's great. Also, who the heck punches little girls? I wish Regi had a "Gwen's hurt" sense and turned and punched him in the face. OOOo~ And your ending was so spooky. I really liked this story because the conflict can really be applied to most "forbidden" relationships. I really got feels for all these characters and honestly kind of want a part 2 of this- BUT ALAS.
ABI. Regi really should have seen it coming. Predictable, but entirely enjoyable.
"don't look at me". He's not. :/
G. LOVE all the characters, dislike the uniform dark grey, shed a little tear at the end.
ABI
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During the first page, first panel I was super confused how the stage was laid out, because the perspectives are wonky - It looks like the street curves upwards or something.Your backgrounds are severly lacking and I had some trouble following the movements and places people were in. Your art itself is solid. I think you should start concentrating on rendering solid scenes - make a panel tell a story on itself. In other news - I like how you render Gwen/Regi! It's amazing! Gwen's monologue was adorbable - thanks for the cameo :oo
Gregly
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Your art style is still one of my faves, but I'm not a fan of the grayed out panels you got going on. Feels like either lamps are not working or the sky's overcast all the time, also you got lots of outside of panel inking going on, which is cool and all, but it also generates some tangents here and there. Your storytelling is, however, superb! Didn't expect this to turn into a tragedy and I was rooting for kuno here and felt super sad in the end :<
ahhhh these were as great as i hoped they would be! similar stories with very different ending, and neither happy for poor Regi!
Gregly- omfg I love Gwen and Regi so fucking much they are so much fun. I like that you decided to tackle a tragedy this time, though admittedly your style doesn't lend to it very well, the dark tones helped to make up for it and you handled the expressions well, the ending was very sad (though i wonder if you made Hakase too mean? its hard to tell, I guess I'm not sure what he would do in that situation, maybe you were spot on! hnot so sure about punching Gwen though... he could probably, like... Vulcan Nerve Pinch her or something less violent.) I liked finding out more about Regi's family and where he comes from. the art this time, I thought it lacked depth in some places, like on page 6 when we see the profile of Hakase, at first I was like "whoa why is he so thin" and then I realized that was his arm, there are places where a little more definition could be used cuz some of the art comes off a bit flat. I like Gwen's blurry vision, girl might need some glasses! Anyhow, overall though i feel the art wasn't up to stat this time with you, I think the story was, I learned more about the characters and it made me feel EMOTIONS so great work!
ABI, quality work as always, your Regi looks like such a badass and your Gwen is just cute as buttons! I loved Regi's little fantasy sequence while tuning out Gwen, too funny! if I would complain I would say that some of your backgrounds seemed a little too phoned-in at times but it didn't detract from the story for me. Kuno's face when Regi dive-kicks that guy in a gi and her cold analysis of him slay me. poor Regi, she looks more human but has less emotions than you! i would have liked to see more of that fight, though, he'd likely be a halfway decent match. PS i read the entire bonus page. yay for in-text cameo! XD Lilyfeather was probably supposed to go to Evil Academy, hell, she's legacy, she probably has a scholarship!
This battle was destiny! I'm glad you both turned in something awesome!!
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