Aspen - I think you could fill in the spots much more so that they don't seem so "scribbly". Also, work on your anatomy and perspective. For your first comic, it's a good attempt. Fed - Your backgrounds could have been a little bit more detailed.

Aspen - Interesting first comic! I'd say next time, try varying the lines a little--I like bold lines, but they are all the same thickness, and I think your style would look nice with some variation. Nice start on Void, and I'm looking forward to seeing more! Fed - Also pretty short-and-sweet, but it mostly worked. I maybe would've like to see a little more "story", while this felt less like a story and more like a "moment". That said, it was a really cool moment. Very emotional ending. Keep up the good work!

Aspenavius: pretty straightforward, but good for a first comic! I like the linework and the thick borders. Fed: I agree with everyone that focusing on the lion was a good idea. I think that you used your blacks well and don't really need to add more!

Aspenavius: whoa whoa whoa! People are still giving critiques to you here :P I think this goes for most comics that the larger the comic the more details you'll notice. By details I don't just mean the good kind. It's quite obvious in this larger version that the shaded areas with hatchmarks are very messy, which gives it an unprofessional look. Keep lines uniform, and make a good decision on how concentrated and unconcentrated you want your lines. Lines that aren't as bunched up really give off an unprofessional feeling when you just scritch scratch from one side of the object to the other in one go. It takes some amount of practice, but if you want to continue like this, carefully practice to draw one line parallel to the next line, and let go of the pen after every line. Uniform lines also give a constant 'shade', and with enough practice you can create different concentration of lines to give off different gradients too. Fed: Nice shading, but I believe the story could have been 'darker' if you just added more blacks to the non-flashback part to show the difference between the happy moments and the scary moments. Consider adding black shadows that indicate depth to the lion in the non-flashback part, so it adds more black in the panels. That would also distinguish the difference between past and present in the story.

Thanks for the critiques, everybody. I was both glad to read through all of them and at the same time sort of disappointed with myself. I felt like I didn't create the best story or achieve the best quality of drawing that I really wanted to. But I guess what matters is that I gave it a try and at least turned something in. Now that I've graduated and have more time on my hands, even if I don't make it past this round, I do want to try again sometime with another character. (even though I'll miss Saya </3) Fed: I'm so glad you liked my character. And I felt like you really portrayed her really well. If you end up winning this thing it will be for a good reason. Your story was strong and emotional, and I have gone back to read it several times and I just like it more and more. :)

Asp: To repeat what Bobo said, keeping the Lion "out of harms way" and have it pop up in the end would have created a bigger punch for your comic - still, you put in some ambitious camera-angles and you obviously got talent; I hope the 1-week deadline didn't overwhelm you and that you continue coming back for more tournaments and comics! As a side-note I have to say I really enjoyed working with Saya as a character; maybe I'm too much a sensitive person but I felt really sad killing her off in my comic :( Also, I read from your comments how you feel you need to plan and manage your time better; I can totally understand you, these 1week tournaments are killer and it takes a few rounds to get a grip on how to use the time available ; In my first tournament I ended up having to pull all-nighters at the end to finish in time :P So give it a few more goes and you will get the hang of it, then we can really see what you are all about! :) Thanks for all the feedback so far, I'll focus on the word-bubbles and find a more fitting font for the next round and tighten up my art and general flow.. hopefully :)

Nice battle you two my thoughts for both of you are small and similar :) Aspen: I liked it my initial thought is that some of the background parts where you have a lot of sketchy lines a solid black or grey might help you push it back a bit. Either that or thiner lines just something to not have it fight with the foregrounds. Great job though. Fed: I loved it. The choice to tell the story that way was both out of the box and a great way to evoke emotion by letting people fill in a lot of blanks. I would just suggest that if you try this again at some point push the visual difference a bit more. It's there mostly already but a small thing would be to have no solid black in the flash backs at all and keep or even add more black to the present day stuff. It pretty much has that already but it if was pushed a bit more I think it might help people that had some confusion. And maybe push the heavy sad part of the story and the lighthearted part a bit more. I could read it fine and didn't have it but that was my one thought on something that might help.

Extremely heartbroken after reading Fed's comic

Aspen: I second everything Tofu said, and I hope you keep doing comics on VOID so you can continue to learn and improve. Personally, my biggest beef with your comic was not the art but the story. I don't feel like you really went anywhere plot-wise, and the last page felt lackluster due to the fact that her lion was there the whole time. The "punchline," as it were, would have worked out much better if the lion hadn't been in the previous pages, then showed up behind Princess Farah or something. Anyways, I look forward to more from you! Fed: That was certainly an unexpected spin on a death match! You broke my heart into so many pieces, man! RUDE! But seriously, I'm glad you joined the tournament because that was a fun read, and I can't wait for more from you!

Asp: whoa lordy your comics are super huge in filesize. Remember, max size for width should be at least 800px. Aside from that, congrats on having the balls to make a speeddeath your first comic on void! It's fucking terrifying to do it (I should know personally), and I salute those that do. Some pointers: your line widths are kind of all the same, which sometimes makes it hard to pick out what's happening. I suggest varying your linewidth, or making your flat black shading work for you more (like how you used it in the bit where the lion's jaws are open in the last panel on the last page.) Your poses are a bit stiff and perspective is a bit wonky, so work on drawing live people/referencing photos to make your poses feel a bit more organic. Perspective will come with studying the basics of that (we have a tutorial floating around the forum somewhere) and maybe looking into camera angles. It's a good start, though, so hopefully you'll stick around to draw more! Fed: seconding Puzzle on the storytelling. Really emotional and a unique way to do this comic! Some of the panels do repeat the overlapping thing a bit too much, however--I know that you probably wanted to have a feeling of disjointed time passage and memories, but for the bits of the comic where there was a clear sequence, it would have helped to have those panels laid out so that the reader's eye would follow them naturally.

Asp - Congrats on your first fight! SDT is a super hardcore way to make your debut, and you should be incredibly proud of just turning in a complete story. I've seen plenty of more experienced comic-battler-people who can't do that! If you're working digital, make sure you take advantage of the layer function. Your backgrounds peter out and end before they reach stuff/people in the foreground because you're afraid to draw over them. If you do the backgrounds on a separate layer, you can just erase any errant lines afterwards hassle-free. Fed - Amazing economy of storytelling. You told such a strong story so quickly, with no wasted woments. It was such a great idea not to make neither of the characters the protagonist, but the lion. It was really clever, and it let you tell a story where you got to ignore stuff like a super involved plot, which can take forever to show, and just concentrate on a great emotional moment. I would never have guessed that you changed the story multiple times, because it works so well. I think you use suggested line in really odd places. There are a bunch of spots where lines end before meeting eachother for no discernible reason, and it weakens what are otherwise really strong forms. Also, that font is kinda hideous , and you need to leave more room inside your bubbles for your dialogue to breathe. Great work guys, rest and relax for as long as you can!

GOD. Fed. That is adorable! Good work, I love it! Mrnoitaull, thanks for the critique. Next time I need to plan better and manage my time. I think maybe next time I should find a different way to approach it.

Asp, it's clear that you know good panelling and pacing, but the deadline may have what cuased such rough execution. SD Tournies are fun, but is unforgiving and I totally understand you had to hit the ground running coming in, but you did very well with the pace. Fed WOW! I love the sequence you chose to persue on your side. Like me, you spent most of your time on the opponent and told a great story without having to include battle at all. Good job, both of you.

Asp, it's clear that you know good panelling and pacing, but the deadline may have what cuased such rough execution. SD Tournies are fun, but is unforgiving and I totally understand you had to hit the ground running coming in, but you did very well with the pace. Fed WOW! I love the sequence you chose to persue on your side. Like me, you spent most of your time on the opponent and told a great story without having to include battle at all. Good job, both of you.

Aspenavius: Uploaded! Do I have to link it to this in any way? Aspen, I just checked and I'm not showing any images uploaded by you! What's up?? You have to upload it through the site. You should just go to Manager>comics>submit a comic and click on your battle then upload the pages. If that didn't work then email Bobo: bobojo@gmail.com

Uploaded! Do I have to link it to this in any way?

Can't wait to see it, Fed! I'll be getting mine up as soon as I can! And thank you, Red. I appreciate it. c:

What sucks about 1-week deadlines is; I start on a story by monday, come up with a better story on tuesday and by thursday I'll have the "best story ever" - Of course, by then I've already drawn two or three pages! So if the end-result seems somewhat mashed up and incoherent (Why is Farah standing on the roof?) it's all because of me fitting my endless rewrites into the excisting artwork..Hope the story still makes (somewhat) sense! Anyways, for better or for worse it's completed and uploaded!

Hey aspen, since you are new and have never uploaded a comic before, I wanted to make sure you saw this post: http://entervoid.com/index.php?topic=12302.msg223040#new I just want to make sure you get to upload your pages correctly! Please let us know if you have any problems as soon as possible!!

This ones gonna be pretty interesting

Startin' on pencils now. Good luck, Fed, you too, Zest!

Good luck guys! Let's see some ballin' pages.

And so it begins.. Good luck my man!