Finally home. Thank god. And Juuuuuust in time to see the voting end. How nice~
I know I had a lot of issues with backgrounds, and I actually did consider coloring this one (see hype pic) But I still Ink so dang slow that there's no way I'd have time to do so for what I had planned for this comic. I'm going to need to try quite a few different techniques or something and see if I can't find something that works for me. Thanks again Soooooo much from everyone who read and commented! I'll see what I can do when I'm a little more rested and a little less sunburnt. ^_^
OtakuTaylor -
I agree with Bobo that your figures are a little static, and I think it comes from the fact you're focused so much on accuracy. You put so much work into properly rendering form, the structure of muscles, and the strength of the pose that you're losing sight of the action of the figure. Use your lines not just to show us the details of the muscles, but to push our eye down the length of the figure, to show twist, torsion, compression, and movement. You've put so much time and care into strengthening your figures, I think it'll take no time at all to get that stuff in there.
Your work with people is so careful and capable that it's a shame you ignore your backgrounds so much. You drop your characters down into white voids really often, and when you do throw in a setting they're pretty blank and bland. Don't think of the environment as something fundamentally different than your characters. Everything is made of the same basic shapes, and if you can draw such killer people, you can totally draw awesome backgrounds.
I need to echo everybody else and just gush about how much I love love love love how you did the story! Man, that's how you do a fight comic! You kept it so interesting, we get great cool action and story and character development and dialogue all at the same time! I can't believe you were worried about your premise, because it's seriously great!
Rikun -
I think everyone has given some great tips, and I think you should try and do a nice polished Beyond Battle. We all want to see what you can do at the apex of your abilities, and creating something really nice can be a huge boost to your motivation.
rikun, really. it's cute you wanna keep battling but can you finish something? another thing I've noticed, is that these drawings (and the ones in all your battles) look vastly different from say, itami's design sheet. like, leagues different. what's up? otherwise the story was pretty ho-hum and forgettable.
taylor, good job as usual! I'm echoing the need for color or tones, it would help distinguishing elements and characters. I like that you're not scared of difficult poses, but a lot of them aren't perfect yet. keep at it!
Taylor - The concept of your story was very interesting. I really liked it. However, aside from, maybe the occasional empty space needing to be filled, I feel that colors or toning could really enhance the mood.
Rikun - Okay, there are some things I feel that need to be worked on.
One: Your anatomy. It could be improved upon a bit more.
Two: Your perspective. Sometimes I feel they're on a 2-dimensional plane or something.
Three: Your backgrounds. You could include them in your pages.
Four: Your poses. They're looking good, but they could still be more dynamic.
And Five: Your time management. I know, I have that problem too.
Keep working at it, man.
Hope to see more!
I finally have a chance to post and say thank you to all you guys! I am sooooo glad you liked this crazy idea for a comic. It was a heck of a lot of work and I was really scared the premise of an imaginary fight not being understood.
I probably should have tried to label which text boxes were who, instead of smushing then together under the idea that they were all representing itami at the same time. Simple color coding probably could have fixed that. I am sorry about the rather wonky anatomy in some of the poses, and the weird faces. That's things I really need to work on when I get back from my trip.
Rikun: you proved when you set out too, in writing out a full fight comic. Now (when your schooling is over) lets see what you can do in producing a completed comic visually. I know I'm not one who can really talk, since most of my stuff is little more than refined sketches, but part of being an artist is deciding whT your really drawing at inception, then following through with getting to it. Aiming for only sketches isn't going to vet either of us any closer to how amazing all those PPT comics that went up are.
I'll see if I can post again soon, and it won't be till I get home till I can do any real art stuff. But once again, I'm so glad you all enjoyed it.
I love how everyone decided that Tsumi would win in this fight! XD I can't say much more that hasn't already said so I'll just say good job everyone! Tay, your lines are more gorgeous every comic, and I loved how you presented this fight! Rikun you got a whole story start to finish, so THATS an improvement over some other fights! I know you graduate same time I do so you must be CRAZY busy with your thesis so if you decide to do another fight before next winter (and I don't really plan to!), I would write something a bit shorter to ease into your schedule! make daily plans when you have a fight of this day I will thumb, this day I will rough, this day I will cleanup and this day I will ink... and don't do anything else until you've finished! if its too much work, make something shorter lol I know you like detailed fights but you can still do that in under eight pages.
Good luck in the future you guys!
I'm very happy that both of you came to similar conclusions about the deceptively powerful advantage that Tsumi has in a fight. I'm getting a bit tired of the trope that quick, light fighters have a natural advantage against much bigger opponents when this is almost the complete opposite in real life. Longer legs mean larger, faster strides, massive reach, a much better scope of the battlefield by being so large, and one good grab is all she needs to end most matches.
OtakuTaylor: WHAT. There is a HUGE quality boost between this comic and the last comic I saw of you, major super kudos, man!
I don't got much more critic than what's been said, but I just want to say that I'm very impressed with Taylor's comic. The idea is original and fun, the timing is perfect, making great tension, the dialogue doesn't get repetitive even if it's almost all about how to punch someone and the character manages to shine troughout. It's a fight comic done right. Good job, sir.
Taylor - This was a fun comic. Great fight scene, and also a really inventive way of telling the story. There was only one part really where I thought pose was off--Panel 3 on Page 5, with Tsumi touching her jaw--but there were a lot of great poses in here. Panel 2 on Page 4 was particularly cool. Looking forward to seeing more! (Also, can we turn the last panel of Page 9 into a banner please? :D I want to try coloring it when I get home! Such cool poses.)
Rikun - Not much to critique here artwise since I know this isn't the best you can give. I'll simply reiterate what Pocky n' Bobo said about sticking with what works best for you and time management. I did enjoy your fight choreography, and hope you can give us a nicely polished battle next time! :D
to the both of you: Great thought on choreographing a fight. It lasted more than two pages, so congrats on that. Not too long, and not to short. Just enjoyable :3
otakutaylor: THAT. WAS. AWESOME!! Also, I think I see a couple typos here. I am not sure who is talking in the narration bubbles at one point (the speech bubbles that in the shape of squares), unless the intention is for both kids to say that. Your linework just gets better and better (and thinner and thinner).
Rikun: I know I saw your drawing portfolio before, and even though I know you erase a ton, I would say you should stick with pencil and paper for a bit. If you plan to ink digitally though, use a smaller line width. The thick lines feel obstructing. Learn to draw breasts right. And figure out the ratio between head and body in different angles; that's tricky, even for me, but just mass life drawing might help you. If you don't think you can finish your comic work in the allotted time, you can always compress panels and get rid of some ideas so you'd get less pages. But I seriously think you can do more with pencil work. I've seen you work before, and it's kind of conflicting here. You tighten up a lot when you're drawing with a pencil, but here you're keeping it a lot looser, or you didn't have time to tighten it up. So make your decision next time on how you want to approach the comic--do you want precise lines? If so, try using a smaller brush. Do you want looser lines? Then practice using different pen pressures to control your lines (or use some other medium). And remember, both the computer and your pencil work has an eraser.
OMG I can't believe I've finally made it to the last new comic on the list!
Tay Tay: Maaaan, have I missed you! Your linework is absolutely gorgeous, and you had me on the edge of my seat with your story. I love how you managed to combine the feeling of a fast-paced martial arts fight scene with the thoughtfulness of a strategy game. What I enjoyed even more was seeing just how much Tsumi is growing. Back in her fight with Veronica, she was clumsy and timid with no fighting strategy at all, and now she's learning to fight without anyone having to tell her how to beat her opponent. I'm also really intrigued with where you're going, because I can see some potential for serious drama in the Horizon Corporation if Tsumi decides she's on the wrong team. You executed the story in this comic perfectly, and I loved every second of it. As for the art itself, your composition, line quality, and detail (especially muscles) were all spot-on, but the tight nature of your style makes every little anatomy issue pop out, and some of your action poses looked a little static. A few of your faces were off, so pay close attention to that in the future, especially when it's not Tsumi, whom you seem to be very adept and familiar with drawing. And don't be afraid to experiment with blurs and other adjustments for your action poses. Bhindi's punches on page 1 were perfect, and I think you could have used some similar techniques in some of Itami's kicks and dodges (unless you were going for a more static view, like you were pausing a scene in a movie or slowing it down for the narration, which would actually be kind of brilliant). That's about all I've got, except that I really really really can't wait to see more from you and I've missed having you around!
Rikun: Dammit man, just finish a freaking comic! I say that in the most loving way possible, of course, but I really want to see some finished work from you! You've got so much potential; you just need to learn to manage your time and plan better so you can get a complete comic in. I enjoyed the little story you had here, although I would have liked to see a little more character development or something. A little more meat to your story, you know what I mean? Some of your poses were awkward, but most of them had a lot of motion and fluidity to them, which I appreciated. The last panel on page 7 took me by surprise and made me chuckle a little. I still think we need to have a fashionable fighter girl battle some time, but I'd like to see some more finished stuff from you!
Hey guys, just a heads up, my internet got fried in a recent thunderstorm. (gotta hate florida) So I may not be around for a little, but I should be able to upload just fine by the due date. I'll just be borrowing my dad's hotspot when the time comes. Hope you guys enjoy it when the time comes, and keep at it Rikun!
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