Yeah trust me if there was one thing I am most disappointed in skewing down was the whole GMCBLG's powers thing. I wanted that to go on for quite a few pages actually, it'd have brought in a lot more exposition before the death. But yeah...I simply ran out of time. I wanted to put a unique spin on his whole schtick. Poor judgement in starting these battles has been a habit I need to work on, as I kinda just wanted to do a death match on a whim without really thinking about it while I had a few things going on and then I decided it'd be a swell idea to do the PPT as well which cut me out of a week's worth of time that ended up getting interrupted as well ahaha. I gotta plan this better next time so I can actually tell the story I want to tell in full/properly, its one of those things I need to work on.

Beautiful art, really. I got confused with the story in Page 6, didn't fully understand the Huntsman's relationship with them and the characters they are talking about. I REALLY loved what you were STARTING to do with GMCBLG as far as his powers.. and then he dies in the next page. Really anticlimactic, especially given that he's the opponent's character and this is pretty much the only time he has a presence in the story. I know it's more of a time thing since you started just 4 days prior.

@puzzle: OH DON'T YOU WORRY MY BB WILL MAKE UP FOR THAT plus I'm a pretty horrible fujoshit so rest assured you won't see the end of that shenaniganery.

Ah, yeah, Puzzle. You got me there. The battle was gonna be more Simon centric until I decided to focus it around Pyro and GMCBLG instead lol. So yeah, I was hoping nobody would really hit the disconnect with Simon narrating and then not narrating but I guess its one of those noticeable things. I mean I was thinking about that while making the thing and I went "oh" so...it only makes sense you'd find that too. Damnit puzzleeeEE. But yeah -That- was definitely a major oversight on my part with the writing that I couldn't really fix in time haha. Thanks dude!

Charlie - It's super hard for me to critique this because I feel like almost anything I could jump on is just a product of trying to do 11 PAGES in 4 DAYS. Jesus christ, dude, ridiculous. I know what your art looks like when you're given even a little bit more time, and it's always crazy awesome. I don't like first page info dumps, but I think this was a pretty good way to handle it. You kept the text short and to the point, it would've been accompanied by small charming drawings, and there was a character to narrate it in his unique voice. That way we get the information we need, and bond with one of your dudes at the same time. I think if you're going to establish one character as narrator/dude-we-are-experiencing-the-story-through you need to stick with that. If your story was written down it would've shifted from first person POV to third person POV, and as a writer you should be avoiding stuff like that, generally speaking. Mindblowing work for 4 days dude, I don't know how any of us are supposed to beat you in a fight where you get 7 days. I love the design elements you just throw around like they're nothing, everything is stylish and slick. And maaaaaaaaan, the colours of the city on page 4 were so nice! Tofu - nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. Where am I supposed to get my void boy-love now?!?!?!

[quote] as for the context of he framing it was stated that pyro had been set up to have killed their ex leader That's my point though: you just say that's what happened instead of showing it and then expect us to care about anything that happens as a result of it. But I'm just dumped in there and that leads to me thinking some dude got framed because I don't get to know who the characters are or what they do, in this comic. I get exposition about people I don't know, then a shot of them with names which I already forgot because they were only associated with the exposition I couldn't care about because I didn't know any of them people involved. The problem is not that you don't present the facts, it's that you present them poorly. If anything, putting the exposition bit after page 4 might have been slightly better in that we get to meet the characters first, get to have some fun with them, the name Pyro would have been used twice now, then preferably integrate it in conversation or something. It even could have easely been better integrated in what you already have: If Pyro said something like 'I know you framed me for whatever' instead of 'I know you were in on this little frame job', then BAM, we know she was framed and I don't need to get confused by the stupid recap page and everything is clear enough. Just a little bit of phrasing like that can go a long way to continually support ideas troughout a comic. I don't know, for all I know maybe I'm the only one who had problem with that because I have zero name memory. Still, think about it. EDIT: I think I get why you say that you stated about the framing. We do get to see the results of the frame job in previous comics, but it does require to go back to them, as you have stated they are quite old, and then take a jump in logic to understand the relationship.(or at least to associate several elements that we have forgotten or were never terribly clear) It is there, but it could have used a clearer in-comic explanation.(for example, it was never clear before why the two girls were ennemies, and although it makes sense that pyro being framed for killing their boss be the reason, it's not actually established at any point, but you expect us to leap to that conclusion. That kind of thing)

on the story bit, the reason why i had that recap page at the very beginning is because I did in fact leave off where the last wonderland comic did. but that was around a year ago that i drew that and didnt feel like continuing that particular story so i fast forwarded basically. The other story was boring in my mind after all this time. But anyway the panel on page 4 you speak of was one I spent extra time on (which i still would have liked to spend more time on it). the rest you mentioned that were more problmatic was simply due to rushing. As for gmcblg being more secondary, the comic was supposed to be at least twice as long but by the time i started there was no way i could do the 20 something pages in time. as for the context of he framing it was stated that pyro had been set up to have killed their ex leader which also explained why priscilla was after pyro in the intro and iri fiht. so there are still loose connections to by previous comics. I think i even stated the whole killing thing twice. I know at the very least I stated it once. And pyro isnt a dude so i dunno where you got a dude was framed, i thought i made it clear that it was pyro that was set up as well but i guess not. Not trying to be combative here, as i am quite disappointed in most of this myself lol.

Oh, yes, the finished bits are quite wonderful! You have a very busy style, it looks great, but it can easely become cluttered and unfocused. Page 6 is a good example of that, I find; I can't fluidly follow the simple events here because it's a mess of shapes in similar colors to my eyes, the heavy blacks don't help much either. I think you could at least benefit from gutters between your panels to saparate them. On the other hand, the first panel of page four is a good example of you doing it right; It's a super busy panel, but everything is quite clear, the composition and different ways in which the elements are colored really focuses us on important elements. There is also breathing space around those elements, which is lacking in a lot of other pages, because your camera is always up their butt. I'm sure they like the intrusion, but I'm not comfortable enough with those characters to be kissing them all the time. On the story, I feel like GMCBLG is relegated to a very secondary role in this, and it's very sad considering he's going to die from from it. I also feel like there are a lot of things that I should know to apreciate the plot that I'm not aware of, like it's not self-contained enough. The first page was especially confusing to me at first, since we're told what all those people are doing before even meeting them. There were some nice bits, like the seatbelt comment, but for the most part I was not given enough reason to care about what they were doing or if they would succeed. Some dude was framed for some thing, and some pirates got greedy? That's all we discover, but framing a dude is only interesting if we find the whole context, if we get to understand the situation of the frame, but there's none of that, there's no mystery, just things we're told happenned. It would probably be good if it were part of something bigger, and context had been previously introduced, but this doesn't even seem to relate to your only other Wonderland comic. Anyway, shame on you for wasting four weeks, but valiant effort for four days.

I submitted. I apologize for the horrible quality flips all over the damn place. I had 5 weeks to do this and made the wonderful decision to do this in ~~~4 days~~~ and try to colour it all too :v. I was busy a lot of the five weeks and one week of this fight I was doing the PPT, so really it was just poor fucking planning on my part so there isn't any excuse but that's what happened haha. I really do like the parts I did finish though. I feel like I'm warming up again tho to comics again finally. I guess its on to the PPT this week!! Also Tofu: Don't sweat it brah. I know how busy you have been it's totally cool! I kinda fucked up too here so don't feel too bad.

I have literally no excuse. Work has been kicking my ass for a month, I just got off work now, I can't scan anything at the moment and I'm not done inking. My side will be uploaded as a bb later. I apologize to Charlie, and I probably will have to take a battle hiatus as I'm trying to scrape everything together at the moment.

THUMBS UP. more death matches!!

YERRSSSS

DANCE GMCBLG WONDERLAAAND

I DON'T KNOW WHO TO CHEER FOR!!!

WONDERLAND OMG

yo i wanna see how hardcore boy love can get!

we goin in raw

I want it to be a blood orgy with horrible deaths everywhere Rock it.

Fuck the police