I always like seeing comics from you guys-- what I would say to focus on, before anything else is anatomy (even before backgrounds, but those are also important). BUT since you're drawing humanoid characters, getting really good and comfortable with human anatomy, and all else (detail, fluidity, action) will grow from that. And then you can branch out into colors, shading, etc. But I really like seeing these efforts, so keep it up :D
Haha, ok, I voted and went to read the comments on this and am happy I'm not the only one who finished reading through this and had no idea what was going on. XD Like seriously, I wasn't sure if the storyline was bland, or the telling of it was too vague. I could do with rushed pages and/or panels since all battles are done on a deadline but the lack of interest and loss of what was happening made this kind of a let down. :(
All the points I was planning to make have already been brought up several times over, so I'll just say this: I genuinely hope to see more comics from both of you in the future. I'm sure all the critiques are a lot to take in, but you'll definitely be better for taking everyone's advice and working to improve.
(Also, Flipwolf's cameo = best deus ex machina ever.)
I.. have no idea what's going on in these. besides terrorists.
energy. your bgs need so much work. as does your anatomy. a lot of the poses look very bizarre. why does the color change? I don't understand at all. also could use an establishing shot or two. where are they? why are your bubbles so pixelated? your grammar needs help as well.
mus. your bgs also need work. page 8 features six panels in a row with the exact same blurry color gradient. and there it is again on page 9. and a couple on 10. on that note, vary your shots up. you also have spelling and grammar problems. maybe let some people proofread.
Energy: ....what the hell is going on? Once again you are making your plot move the characters, instead of the characters moving the plot. There's no motivation or reason for any of the events happening in your comic to exist. Next time you write a story, keep asking yourself "Why?"
Why is Nereide protecting J-Val? Why are they fighting a random cyborg...woman? Why is the cyborg attacking them? Who the heck is the cyborg in the first place? Why is Jessie not helping Nereide? Why is she afraid of robots? Who is the heck is that shirtless guy? Why is he chasing Jessie Valley? What was the entire point of Nereide fighting the cyborg?
For that matter let me ask some other questions pertaining to past comics. Weren't J-val and Nereide fighting each other in the last comic? Why are they buddies now? What happened back at the explosives factory? What ever happened to "the traitor"? Was the traitor supposed to be important?
I challenge you to write a simpler story next time. I want to see what you consider a "simple story" as I am trying to understand your thought process on writing.
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Mus: This story doesn't do any justice to your own character because I think you focused too much on J-Val. If you break down all the events to just focus on what Nereide is doing it comes down to this: Nereide is walking in a park. Nereide notices Jessie Valley and runs away. Nereide clears up a misunderstanding with J-val. Neireide gets blown up(?). She really doesn't do anything. I want to see her actually face a challenge, overcome an obstacle, or...anything really. She's your character, I want to see what she can do!
First off I want to say well done to both of you for presenting finished stories this time. You've both displayed much better time-management this time around and it's really good to see. I'm going to try to add my comments without repeating what everyone else has said too much (although I agree with all the critiques so far) but there's some stuff I want to mention or re-emphasize.
Energy: I'm going to re-iterate what Kinu said about really focusing on studying and building up your drawing skills before diving into another comic. I noticed some of your poses in this comic where you used references and they stood head and shoulders above the rest, so I think you will definitely benefit from buckling down and working on your figures, using reference from photos and life to inform them. Do you have a Go For Broke thread? Because I think it'd do you good to start posting studies and stuff somewhere where people can see your progress and give you feedback as you go along, free from the restrictions of a deadline like you'd have in a battle situation. Same goes for if you are working on a comic, there's nothing wrong with asking for advice on your writing, panel layout, anatomy, movement, anything, WHILE you are drawing, before you finish it off. In your case I think that is something that you could really benefit from. I've seen you improve over the course of your comic battles in many respects so I know you have a lot of potential, but there are still fundamental skills you are missing each time. Get yo study on!
Mus Lee: Other than what's already been said (although I only skimmed everything so I could be repeating some stuff) I want to see you change up your angles/panel layouts a little more. There's two whole pages (8 and 9) where every panel is the same size and the same angle, a bust shot of each character talking. I know it's just a simple dialogue but you could really heighten the atmosphere and give it more visual interest if you used more dynamic shots. Also the gradient background being the same in EVERY panel really bugs me. It wouldn't be too imposing and I may not have noticed it if you'd only used it once but because it's there for two whole pages it really sticks out to me. Again changing the angles in the panels would eliminate the need to re-use a background so much. Lastly, try and keep your shading style consistent throughout - you have a bit of cel-shading here, some airbrushing there, some parts look digitally painted and others are gradients. Try and keep to one kind of shading, or restrict specific textures for specific purposes to help tie the style together better.
But overall this is looking much better than last time so kudos you two.
Energy: Anatomy was talked by other people and I don't wanna repeat things already said (as long as you take it to heart and work work work on it!), so moving on. You also need to look up some books and articles and basic panel lay out and set up, as well as digital lettering. Letters should only take up a certain ration of the bubble and the words shouldn't be blown up too much past a certain size. Despite what you may thing your audience can read the text if its a good number of sized smaller than that. Also enviorments and backgrounds is something you need to practice along with perspective so you can get some realism and deph going on in your panels to make them more vivid and pleasing to a viewers eye. It'll help immerse your characters in a more realistic world from panel to panel.
Müs: Likewise with Energy's critiques so far, anatomy was already bought up so on to the next thing. Though people pointed out things like stretching yourself too thin by trying to shove too many fledgling skills into one comic, sharpening up backgrounds and poses, ALL things that I agree you should continue to work towards, what I want to highlight in my critique is that your dialogue seems very very choppy and hard to read. I had this problem in one of my void battles a ways back and the suggestion that I got, and that I'll give you is that you should make sure you RE-READ over your own dialogue, preferably out loud so you can HEAR yourself say it. If it doesn't sound natural to you coming out your mouth, or like anything a normal person would say while they were simply conversing normally, it probably needs tweaking to be honest. Dialogue is the communication aspect of your storytelling and if people can't follow the words well enough then your going to have a hard time even if the art is up to par.
Keep working at it you two! Like Kinu said I'll be keeping an eye out for the both of your in the future around here.
For the both of you, I think you need to take a few baby steps on understanding the basics of angles and composition. Just think to yourself--if you were directing this like a movie and you only had one camera, which direction would you choose? Where would you focus the camera to? Also, both of you, concentrate on different ways to make a person do different emotions--although facial expressions can be similar, they're always tweaked to change how their personality is.
energy: I actually liked it a bit better when it was in the greyscale. I think it's because here you're more concerned about what the shades, shapes, and lines you're using in the scenes are. So I'd probably say go take a step back, concentrate on how you want to draw your characters, what they look, all that stuff, but don't worry about color until you're ready. The shapes of eyes change a lot when you turn your head in different angles, and so do the pupils. I would say get a mirror, and just look at yourself turn your head this way, that way, etc. Even better is to draw it out a few times.
Mus Lee: I can see you're capable of doing a lot of things, but currently that may be your demise if you try to shove every skill and ability you have in your comic. You have soft shading here, hard lines there, colored lines here and there, etc. Quite obvious on page 3--you have line work and cell shading in a few panels, but suddenly the last two panels are more painted with no lines on the machine (and machines are full of edges, so it should look very straight and sharp in the first place)I recommend you find a single shading style and concentrate with that one more than the rest of the stuff. Again, with energy, see if you can do a comic in black and white, but for you, don't use an airbrush/softbrush whatsoever, and see what you can come up with. Then try the opposite--try not to use any flat shading. Whichever one you're more comfortable with, I'd say stick with it for a while until you think you're ready to add new stuff.
Energy, you did a pretty good job coloring in the beginning, but then everything turned to gray-scale. Not sure if that is a part of the comic or what.. Anatomy is a big thing too, but I don't have to tell you that. Everything just looks really weird and angular. You should really practice.
Lee, I like to see a comic colored all the way through. Happy to see backgrounds, though a little more detail always helps, and page 9 was hardly a background at all. 8 Straight panels of no backgrounds is what I got out of that. Pleeease draw backgrounds they are not so hard when you make it second nature.
Only two critiques? Sad, because you guys can both benefit from it.
Anatomy, anatomy, anatomy! You guys still need to get a better grasp on the principle!
Energy, you need to do some gesture drawings, bud. Your poses just aren't convincing at all. Like the punch on page 4. Or like panel 1 of page 2. I can tell what you were going for. (He's supposed to be slamming his hands on the desk.) But it doesn't convey that. It just looks like he's crouching over it. If you're not sure about how something looks, grab a reference! Two seconds, man. And your backgrounds/perspective are pretty lackluster as well. Don't rely on the line tool. I've learned personally that it's a crutch. Be confident in your strokes. And the room inside of pages 1-2 isn't so hot, either. There isn't anything in it at all besides the two characters and a table. (box) That window, for example. Look at your window at home! Windows aren't just cardboard cut-outs of shapes in a wall. There is depth. There are nobs (usually) to secure them. Hell, at least show a reflection to let us know it is a window. Cuz on the very first page, that looks like a hole cut into a large box that the two characters were in. What I suggest to you, honestly, is practicing a bit more before jumping into another battle. Really commit to drawing from life. Study motion. Study different comics. Shoot, you can even study from your influences. Nobody, honestly, should tell you this. You should WANT to be the greatest artist you can be. I just wanna see you improve, brother. I know you have the potential. Just show everybody else.
Lee, I will start off by saying that I am impressed that your entry was fully colored. I'll tell you like I told Energy, you need to brush up on your poses. Not all of them were too too bad. You seem to at least have reached a point where your bodies behave similarly to how a body should. That being said, some could use a lot of work. Panel 2 of Page 10 could have been pulled off a bit better I think. Panel 4 of page 6 also. They seem a bit off. I usually try not to push anatomy flaws too too much, because hey. Anatomy is tough. I have troubles with it. Even professionals do. (Escher Girl's is a tribute to that) You get better over time. But, you only get better if you keep practicing. But more important than practicing is caring at all. That's why artists get better over time. We start to care more haha. I'm not saying you don't care. I can't accuse you of anything. But If you take this critique as incentive to work harder, you would definitely make me happier. But yeah, Just practice that. Oh, and your backgrounds as well. You tried, and that's what's most important. I see the vague coloring of trees and shrubbery, and the lake as well. So I give you points for effort on that part, but I wanna see you do better. I know you can. You can't lie to me. As far as composition is concerned, I was okay for the most part. I suggest you observe more comics and experiment with their layouts, and see how you fair. Nothing wrong with looking at other works for reference. It's a professional technique, that a lot of people take for granted.
I hope I didn't scare either of you. It saddens me to see that you guys put so much effort into your rounds, and there still aren't many critiques/comments for these. I know that the best remedy for that is to improve your asses off. I hope that's all you saw my critiques as; helping ya'll out!
Regardless, you both have my respect for submitting, and I wanna see you guys get better. You should WANT to get better! Good job, guys. I'll be keeping a close eye on both of you.
energy I can tell you're using reference and you are improving for it! your colours look better too, less blending of the foreground into the background. your bodies and faces are still kinda boxy though so you'll wanna keep trying to smooth those up, think of the skin and muscles and how they move and stretch over bones. Mus Lee, I like your muted colour palate and you've got some good gestures and expressions! though your girl faces all sorta look like the same face, but thats not too bad. Hope to see more of both of you! Great battles!
Energy: Your stuff looks really nice colored and shaded! I know it's night, but your backgrounds are really really dark and Jessie's hair blends in with it on my screen. For the part you didn't get to color the pure black hills are a little distracting, but I like the look of this comic, especially the first two pages.
Müs: I can't see the first page? Is that just me?
I like how you were able to color this whole thing, but the dialogue seemed a little unnatural at times. Flipwulf's line at the end made me laugh though!
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