Mus: Well, I think you know everything that went wrong. Better luck next time, and be more careful handling your files. Energy: I'm not going to sugarcoat it: this comic was bad. Hilariously bad, but still bad. Your poses are still stiff as hell and lacking motion, and you're even starting to get a case of "same-face" syndrome. What puts me off the most, again, is the writing. This comic still suffers from every writing mistake you've been making up until this point, and even includes a few new ones. The plot is still very forced and arbitrary, and you still don't seem to understand the idea of "show, not tell" when it comes to story exposition. I mean, I get it; you needed Jessie to go into the factory and find information. Why does it have to come in the form of an exposition-spewing plot machine like a dying factory worker? Why can't Jessie find this information, say, in the form of some documents or clues? It seems like the only thing Jessie has been doing in her entire story is asking people questions, and those people just arbitrarily answer her to move the plot along. Speaking of moving the plot along, the opening of this fight bothers me to no end. I get that she needs to find a place that has the information about the explosives, but... "Explosives Factory"? REALLY? You'd think that the elusive explosives that she's trying to find would be a little harder to detect, but apparently she could have just looked up the Void City Explosives Factory in the yellow pages instead of jumping through hoops to learn about it. Secondly, she doesn't even actually "find" the factory; she just HAPPENS upon it, as though it just presented itself to her the moment she would need to find it. This is the BIGGEST problem your story is facing; everything just HAPPENS for NO REASON. Jessie doesn't "search" for that computer box in the Party of Evil, it just HAPPENS to be there for her to find and retrieve with no resistance; she doesn't hunt down her nemesis in The Traitor, she just HAPPENS to find her while going to the gym. Same deal here; she's not actively LOOKING for the explosives, she just HAPPENS to find the elusive Explosives Factory that contains everything she needs to know. We're not given any indication that Jessie is actually DOING anything; things are just falling into her lap. If you want readers to respect Jessie or be impressed by her, she actually needs to DO something. Also, Nereide's inclusion in this sequence is also extremely arbitrary. I get that you didn't finish and that we don't get a chance to see why Nereide was there to kill Mr. Exposition, but the fact of the matter is, you could have replaced Nereide's role in this fight with ANYONE and still achieve the same effect. That is NOT good. You need to consider your opponent's character and include them in a way that makes them necessary to the plot. You need to justify the encounter, not just plug your opponents into the "villain" slot. Lastly, why in the world does Jessie now have a strange accent? Is she drunk? Did she suddenly discover her Jamaican roots? Why in the world would you make a decision to make her talk like that, when it offers absolutely nothing to the story?

mus: still better than a default. just make up for it next time. energy: I have a feeling you are still treating this as though you were writing a really bad script for an rpg or something. JV always has these random people tell/give her stuff unconditionally like they're npc's programmed to say something Respect your characters a bit more, even if they are bystanders/cameos/nameless people give them a REASON to do the things they do. Personal reasons, don't force the plot on them. Everything bobo said is pretty much true: Characters Drive the Plot. Plot does not drive the characters.

Energy: Your first page blew me away. I can tell you've been working hard! I like that you took the time to put in a full background using perspective and crosshatching. The pose in that first panel looks a bit odd, but there's a serious feeling of movement there that is a huge improvement from past work. Moving on to page 2, I feel like you put a good amount of work into your expressions, and it's definitely showing on the panels where you can see close-ups of faces. I also feel like you're in a factory with the backgrounds you put there. The third page felt a bit like you were trying to avoid drawing more than the minimum required, but I liked seeing detail in the faces. The next couple of pages did some cool things with your panels, although Jessie's angry face in the middle right seems out of place and I can't tell if it's a separate panel or just a part of the top panel. Her face is really really lopsided in the second-to-last panel, and a lot of your poses are still just a little bit wonky. I'd like to see a little more line width variation, especially in order to differentiate between foreground and background and between panels. Keep working on poses; you're getting better, but that's still a weak area for you. And keep it up with the backgrounds; the little details you added provided good clues to me as a reader to know where everything was and what was happening. Keep working on details and realism with your backgrounds--you're on the right track! The one thing I still feel like you could think about a bit more is character development and motives. So far, almost all of your characters have acted in a way that feels either stereotypical or underdeveloped. You have room for a lot of interesting character development and plot twists with Jessie's background, but it mostly just feels like I'm being led by the nose through a series of arbitrary plot points. Try to get to know your characters enough that you could predict their behavior in ordinary situations, then extend that to the extraordinary situations we see in VOID. Kurt Vonnegut has a really great rule that I always try to remember when I write stories: "Every character should want something, even if it is only a glass of water." (You can find more rules on his Wiki page: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kurt_Vonnegut). In short, Energy, you are making progress! Keep up the hard work, keep drawing those gesture drawings, keep drawing detailed backgrounds--try to do some practice drawings and make them as realistic as you can. Work on your line widths--maybe try practicing calligraphy or something? I'm not sure the best way to improve lineart because I've always struggled a bit, but it just gets better over time. And think, think, think about your characters, and let THEM write the story for you! I look forward to seeing more from you!

oof, okay. mus lee, I dunno. not much there, so not really gonna bother saying much. what's there looks rather sloppy. energy, yours needs a lot of sprucing up. it also appears unfinished. your inks look really shaky and jagged, and the line widths are all over the place. I recall asking you what was up with the sky in that first page, and you weren't sure. you should be sure of what you're drawing! I'd suggest more solid black areas as well. on that note, your whites look pretty white, but your blacks should be black instead of greys. I appreciate that you used a font for the text, because the hand written stuff is crooked. rulers are good, as is following perspective (ie that first panel) the text however looks.. scaled down? or something. it doesn't really sit well in the bubbles either, so maybe play with the formatting more next time. there's also a bunch of empty lookin panels that could prolly use a bg or something. lastly, try drawing from life or something, your figures need work.

I uploaded my comic.

Ok i uploadet something, so that i dont have to default! A good portion of self-irony

Yeah if you've got something post it. You make it sound like a default is fair but the truth is most people including your opponents hate defaults.

submit something. Cruddy sketches is still better than getting triple 0's on a default.

So here is the story: Working hard for two weeks on this comic and getting close to the end. I wont be home at the weekend so i had to finish it tomorrow. I just realised that the resolution was to low for good linework, so i wanted to change it and there comes a message like this: "If you change the resolution, the content will be cleared" What did i think? Yeah they wont erase the whole page, that woulh be stupid! But i can try it and if everything is erased i just use the undo shortcut. What happened? You guess right, it erased everything! So i just used "undo" and what happened then? Right, nothing! Everything was just gone! I think this battle can't just be cancelled right? So i will apalogize to you energy for waisting your time, seems like you won by default. I think thats a fair price that i pay for my stupidity