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Scattered
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Comments (12)

MyHatsEatPeople's avatar
MyHatsEatPeople
All-Rounder
12 years ago
Damn you double pooooost.
Posted on Scattered battle

MyHatsEatPeople's avatar
MyHatsEatPeople
All-Rounder
12 years ago
Thanks Animeshen and Kuro! I was trying out something new here so it seems i still need to polish and tighten up the work. Thanks anyway guys!
Posted on Scattered battle

Kuro's avatar
Kuro
All-Rounder
12 years ago
Art's fine but I thought the pacing & layouts were a bit lacking. This wasn't a story so much as a monologue & the biggest chunk was just on the one page. Ideally, I try to keep the dialogue under what would fit comfortably on an index card, with no more than six lines of text in a panel. These are just weird stipulations I've put on myself, but the point is to keep the action & the text as even as possible. Really it would've been a bit more intriguing to spread the dialogue out over actions & small visual cues. Even if she's not being too active, utilize angles or non sequiturs. But if you optimized this to the text & panels that actually relay information itd only be a page & a half.
Posted on Scattered battle

Animeshen's avatar
Animeshen
All-Rounder
12 years ago
I'm sure I don't know much compared to a lot of the really talented people that have already commented, but I sort of liked all the negative space, I thought it made her seem.... a guess lonlier. Just a thought... and I love your expressions!
Posted on Scattered battle

MyHatsEatPeople's avatar
MyHatsEatPeople
All-Rounder
12 years ago
Thank you all for the kind words and crits! Much love :) x
Posted on Scattered battle

EyeAmPhibian's avatar
EyeAmPhibian
All-Rounder
12 years ago
I really love how you can create such depth and atmosphere with simply 3 tones. I feel that takes real skill. Also, its both a criticism and compliment I guess... Your compositional sense seems really powerful, but then theres also a lack of detail and it can almost feel like your filling a page with blankness BUT I've found that when people use large areas of black, or white... and then that small area that they do concentrate on, adding a few more intricacies, can really give it some punch. I'm a bit tired so this may be a bit incoherent, but that was my first impressions. :)
Posted on Scattered battle

DelBarrio's avatar
DelBarrio
All-Rounder
12 years ago
What Thresher said. Some visual backup for all the talking would have been nice, but it was still easy to follow. A bit more shading would have helped you out quality-wise. Lots of flat space, could really benefit from more shadowing. Wizzie is always a pleasure to read about, though. So I still enjoyed this. <3
Posted on Scattered battle

Thresher's avatar
Thresher
All-Rounder
12 years ago
I'll say again that you could have pulled the dialogue dump out a few pages, and mixed it with the flashbacks for extra visual effect. You had a very low page density, more cinematic than comicky. Looking forward to your next lot!
Posted on Scattered battle

MyHatsEatPeople's avatar
MyHatsEatPeople
All-Rounder
12 years ago
Thanks William! I'll be sure to take on your advice for future comics, definately text placement and to calm down my dream sequences to make them clearer. I was trying to attempt a technique that an artist called Ross Campbell does for his graphic novel 'wet moon' for a slow paced effect with few panels per page, but i'll work on it and try different techniques for pace also. Thanks again!
Posted on Scattered battle

William_Duel's avatar
William_Duel
All-Rounder
12 years ago
As always Hats I enjoy your style and the fact that you're currently a very active face on Void. Which is something I can't say about myself...haha. This is short and sweet which is fine and it's great that you've gone as far as to take the initiative to incorporate a story element from another battle even. You've got lovely storytelling and nice imagery but I do have two issues when I look at this. One is the placement of the text into the word balloons. The best thing is to try to center the text and make sure it's not touching the sides. You've got all this text on page 3 (which personally I don't mind) but some of it is distracting exactly because of what I've just mentioned. So in the future watch out. Either make the text smaller to fit or shape the word balloons around them. Now for the dream sequence in the second page. Personally I love high contrast and this is no different. It's great but at the same time, it's too jumbled even for a dream sequence event. There's nothing separating the images from each other and they're all evenly spaced and have the same amount of white space. For example, there's that one scene in there where Killer Byte is sneaking out the window and Wizzie is left behind sleeping on the bed. I can tell that that is all one scene but compared to the rest it's a bit lost in the jumble. There's probably plenty of ways to fix this sort of thing but the suggestion I would make would be to have thin white lines as your panel borders in this case. What's done is done though so keep this in mind for later. One final thing I want to talk about is something I've begun to notice as I talk more about comics lately. It's something I have to work on and it's advice I'm going to start pushing on people. Don't be afraid to push panel density. I've complimented you on your imagery and storytelling, but the truth of the matter is that there is too little happening on the pages themselves. Again I have no problem with the wordiness on page 3, but there's so much space in that background! This is the fault of some modern comics as well but it's something I would like to see people work on and have in mind as they work on their comics, that people should try to increase their panel density and increase the amount of storytelling happening on individual pages.
Posted on Scattered battle

cultmasterflex's avatar
cultmasterflex
All-Rounder
12 years ago
no fears
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MyHatsEatPeople's avatar
MyHatsEatPeople
All-Rounder
12 years ago
Ahhhhhh D: I always get nervous before a comic is on the site.
Posted on Scattered battle