Looking back at this now I can't believe I tripled the amount of pages I did in the same time...

I usually fold the paper on the gutters and scan the top half(or third or whatever). but I draw on slightly thicker copy paper not artboard so it may be more difficult to do that. Or you can drive to Canada and use Dave's 18x20 scanner. He makes a mean Egg Foo Yun.

yeah. Thanks for the crit guys. So definitely working on the pacing and quality of the jokes is a necessity, as well as actually adding grey next time around. Yeah Monday, rematch at high noon kay? >;3

by understanding, I meant your comic when I was reading it.

I cant ever seem to find a good resource of half scanning, the stitching part especially. Know any good ones ? Some words, Jong that was an epic, we were both struggling through school at the thick of it and pulled through like champs. Your work was amazingly rendered and I want to take a page from your book because you render in black and white so precisely and lucidly. It's hard for me to reflect on half the crits here cause I seem to understand it well enough- though thats mostly due in part to my eye being too good at reading things. Im open to a challenge from you again, should you want it - cause I think we're capable of wreaking havoc should the planets align just right !

Jong: Yeah this need a little more black in it to help contrast figures and foregrounds. well not necessarily more black, maybe just thicker outlines I dunno but it was hard to tell background from foreground from characters. I know the writing was supposed to be cheesy but there were points where it just got to be too much for me. I did enjoy it overall but it was hard to read in spots. Monday: Um I stll have no idea why page 2 was in there. It took a minute to tell that they were getting robbed. I thought the robers were the same people on the ground. Well if that's actually what's happening I don't know. The edges of your pages are sometimes blurry, which means you should find a bigger scanner or scan half and half. I wish you would clean up your pages as well, theres lots of ink smears, left over pencil lines, smudges and various "artifacts" (bits of dust caught in the scanner) that would go a long way to making your work look more professional. I wish you would use heavy blacks more consistently a lot of the panels have a very light look to them. I guess I just want more consistency in your art. sometimes the outlines are thicker, sometimes your shadows have crosshatching, sometimes you use on hard black shadows, sometimes your crosshatching is with single parallel lines then it's perpendicular ones... I enjoyed the story overall though, good stuff.

Most of the stuff was covered by the others, so I'll try to point out some new stuff. Jong: Like some others, I got bored after a few pages. I was drawn in by the classic gunfighting, but the setting didn't really seem to mesh together. The modern stuff kinda stuck out to me, and not in a good way, and the plot never really picked up. That and I didn't really see a reason why Cube Face Man was, well, a cube faced man. There doesn't really need to be a reason for it, but it seemed to me he didn't really even feel at place in the story. I really enjoyed your figures and backgrounds, just some more black and things will be really solid. Monday: The story drew me in, and I saw how it connected to the previous edition, and that's probably what I enjoyed most about this. You were also pretty adventurous with angles and panels, which kept it visually interesting. Just focus on line variation and that'll pull together nicely. You still have some problems of your anatomy looking stiff and stretched out, though. However, I think my biggest problem was that every character talked the same, except for Angry Bob (but he had very little dialogue). I felt the middle could have been condensed more. Your art's getting great, Jong. And I've been enjoying your story thus far, Monday; and I've been enjoying the improvement in it.

yay I have a day off from work so it's time to crit! Jong-I will echo what the others have said about all the white, it looks like you have the mentality of a colorist so you didn't really push the blacks as far as you could have. Toning would have helped a lot too or working with more stipling could have been awesome. (although I totally understand not doing stipling for a whole comic as that would take forever and a day) The writing on this comic felt a little stiff, like it took a few attempts for me to finally sit down and read through it because the tone came off as kind of unnatural. I mean in the way the narrator and characters talk if that makes any sense. That's a problem I've had with most of your comics aside from the Anya vs. Jong one. It improved as the comic went along so I had no problems finishing, but just in those first few pages I couldn't get into it. That's kind of a very vague critique so here's an example "A cruel system that was meant to ensure our freedom--feeds a cycle of death and bondage." I have no idea why the word bondage is used there, I know it has more than one meaning but it felt kind of unnecessary to use it there when you could have just left it at "cycle of death." I feel like you sometimes try to make things sound more complicated than they should be. The comic overall was pretty good, I think your action is getting very nice and the pacing was great. You just have some problems with dealing with straight up black and white art and making things sound awkward. Monday-you have pretty much the exact same problem as Jong with your writing. When I read your comics it's like what Masamune Shirow's work. While the art is very nice I can't read the comics for the life of me because you guys get too caught up in trying to sound technical. Like the text was plenty legible this time around but your characters mostly all talk like robots. It's totally fine to have the lady with the Kamina glasses to not talk casual and to use large terms as she is explaining some technical things to the kid, obviously she's not going to be like "whoa hey home slice whats up?". But you have lines like "It would seem you are qualified to start undergoing interactive treatment" sounds very awkward to me. Just having her straight up tell him he's qualified to start the treatments would have sounded a bit more natural without using "it would seem". I think that you're improving a lot with clarity, but the rough scans really hurt you. So that bigass smear in the word bubble on the bottom of page 4 and the smears at the bottom of page 9. I know that you work fast but remember that presentation is a part of art. You won't lose the expressiveness and energy of your work if you take the extra time to go through and clean your work up after scanning. We don't all have to have super clean nice Photoshopped art but no one should have fugly scans. I do agree with Squid about your work lacking some depth. Like the first page you have a lot of depth there through the use of linewidths. And while you have it here and there in other panels, it looks like you didn't really push the linewidths as much as you probably should have. For example, page 13 is kind of uniformly the same linewidth even though there's obviously stuff much closer to the viewer like the man in the front. Both comics were pretty good but both of you have similar problems to work on!

Monday: Hmmm, I'm trying it out Squid, thank you kindly. David, its an amazing rundown I'll try to mug someone for a lightbox. There's bound to be someone with one on them. As for brushes, I'll be a little more courageous in tying them in with my nibs since they give a refreshing organic feeel. Thanks for taking the time to read and understand the story, it is much appreciated. you can always make one... http://steampunkworkshop.com/lightbox.shtml However my light table that I use is just a drafting table with a glass top that I shoved flourescent lamps under and that works superbly...

Hmmm, I'm trying it out Squid, thank you kindly. David, its an amazing rundown I'll try to mug someone for a lightbox. There's bound to be someone with one on them. As for brushes, I'll be a little more courageous in tying them in with my nibs since they give a refreshing organic feeel. Thanks for taking the time to read and understand the story, it is much appreciated.

I liked them both @o @ Jong, I liked your use of stippling.. it gives some cool effects. Monday, I like where your inks are going but I think maybe you need more darks, with a concentration on showing depth. In some areas where you have some darks, it looks unfinished, like pushing them more will start to give a more completed look.

Jong: So far I agree with most people this was kind of a mind fuck to look at. Everything kind of blended together, either tone it up, use color, or control the massive amount of white that you are using. Spot your blacks better. Page 13 has the best layout and use of black it was welcome rest to the white white white....The story was funny and inventive, and I dig the design for the lighting gun. Inking was okay, and if you are trying to mimic Zsa you are ending up in some of the same problems with his BnW work where it is too hard to read. his colored and toned stuff has much more impact simply because there is contrast in the forms. Mon: I really enjoyed this, and like the last one I'm pretty sure it's because I'm a dork for RPGs so all the references keep well entertained and wondering why I didn't think of this idea first. Your art is getting tighter, although your scans are till dirty as shit. You ever think about a light box? that way you don't have to worry about erasing pencil. There are some really novel pages and use of ink, The strongest being the page where they are falling from the sky and turn into shooting stars, and the page where the cancer kid fights the monster. Im a sucker for good brushy inks and I would like to see you incorporate those elements more throughout the work. As for the story I'm fine with having no introduction, I think there is enough dialogue and what not to not need a back story or a way to connect to the other battles you've done. I don't think that would have added anything to the story. good work all

well, i do consider zsa's inking very good. I actually got a few influences by reading a shitload from jojo's bizarre adventures for the inking a bit. so maybe @0@

Jong... I know this sounds kinda odd... but, are you... kinda trying to mimic Zsa?

As for the pilot battle, the only thing I can say in terms of connection is that presumably they are in the same book, but the story wont necessarily connect from one arc to another since I plan on doing these things with different main characters. I hope that makes sense. Thank you for reading Will.

Thanks Will, Im glad that stretching out pages over plot worked out better for you :d

Hmm I have to agree with Pong about Jong's comic. PongJong. P-Jong. J-Pong. Anyways moving on... A lot fo the backgrounds felt incomplete, like they were backdrops on a stage, lacking dimension. Your best page was your last page. While there's lots of great detail here and there, the balance is off. Too much white. The story was entertaining. Monday, This was better than the last one in my opinion but we're being introduced to a lot of concepts in a short span of time. And ultimately, I wonder if I want to keep up with the story. It's interesting but at the same time, I can only guess at what's going on. If this is connected to your pilot battle, it's hard to tell. Also it could stand to use some cleaning. But the images were clear and the storytelling was not hard to follow. Also, believe in the you that believes in yourself, not the you that believes in me or the me who believes in you.

HOLY SHIT JONG ! DO OR DIE , I'M GLAD WE HAD THIS FIGHT !

Jong that was one of the most visually baffling comics I have struggled to comprehend. You should have used some sort of greys somewhere, or at least some more hatching to introduce more shades. Monday, you already got my comments on this one.

Sorry for the delay, I worked today and when I woke up and saw you both had like a billion pages I was like "hmmmm I think I'ma wait until after work to thumb all this"

Anthonybaiz: How bout an Ipatch Monday: perhaps I can interest you with an imouse ? I'm pretty sure in most countries I can kill you for comments like this...

Eric J. Lee: ffff... 100% completion may not be possible Same here, lets just do our best to belt out something readable.

How bout an Ipatch Monday: perhaps I can interest you with an imouse ?

ffff... 100% completion may not be possible

perhaps I can interest you with an imouse ?

mmmm...more DS references please...

Hmmm... I dunno..

You're so Positive, Paizuri King ;D :Uboaaa:

You guys are all negative nancys. I can't wait to see this battle I mean come on it's Pio vs Pio.

But if Jong wins we're all going to need new calendars. :(

Void Jump Issue 2 ?

wot's all this then?

DRAMA?? IN MY BATTLE?

OH YOU DID NOT GO THERE SISTER D:

Monday, You're great and all and Imma let you finish- but Owl had the best RAMA of all time.

gay

IM SORRY YOU GUISE IM JUST GONNA HAVE TO DEFAULT I DONT HAVE ANY TIME, IM SORRRY I CANT HANDLE ALL THIS RAMA GEEZ.

*yawn* how.... mundane. u 0u

Well, I just don't know.

I'm not interested at all.

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