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There interposed a fly
I Heard a Fly Buzz-When I died -Emily Dickenson I heard a Fly buzz - when I died - The Stillness in the Room Was like the Stillness in the Air - Between the Heaves of Storm - The Eyes around - had wrung them dry - And Breaths were gathering firm For that last Onset - when the King Be witnessed - in the Room - I willed my Keepsakes - Signed away What portion of me be Assignable - and then it was There interposed a Fly - With Blue - uncertain - stumbling Buzz - Between the light - and me - And then the Windows failed - and then I could not see to see -
Open to any comments or critiques
This comic has been rated suitable for teens and up by its creator(s)
Uploaded October 10, 2024
Characters in this Comic

Comments (5)

Pizza Man's avatar
Pizza Man
All-Rounder
3 months ago
This was the pairing I was most curious about as I was wondering what Mizz Bonzai would do with two distorted demoness queens and I have to say I'm satisfied with the results. You two made a great matchup and I think you two delegated the tasks between you very well. The combat felt like the highlight of your comic to me. You put in a lot of impressive moves and as someone who struggles with combat it was an informative experience for me. The one small crit I can give as someone who struggles with this is some of the panels felt a little condensed. Stretching up those smaller panels and giving them some free space really helps me when I notice my panels don't fit the speech bubble...if I remember to do that ;u;

Minteh's avatar
Minteh
All-Rounder
4 months ago
I think this was a pretty ambitious comic from you two but you definitely pulled it off! I really enjoyed the existential vibe that this combination of characters gives, the idea that the bridesmaids are acting as a sort of herald or guide (there's a better word but I'm blanking on it right now) to Mizz Bonsai. I semi agree with Jelly about the text but it didn't bother me too much, I feel like showing off how verbose Mizz Bonsai can be there was the best opportunity and it was funny because it was so outlandishly long for me. Where I took most issue was Boris swearing, this is likely more of a me issue, since I don't think of them as a character who does or would swear. It's risky because it can be shocking, either in a good way or a bad way, and for me it landed more on the bad side. Again, that's because of my own interpretation of the character, so it may very well only be an issue to me. Finally, I really enjoyed this comic!! I think you two made an awesome team, and delivered a really clean end result visually!

SirJellyRaptor's avatar
SirJellyRaptor
Inker
4 months ago
Your styles work pretty well together. That said, I have two main things I wanna address because they really took me put of it while reading. The first is that some points in this comic feel fairly long winded. I have two main examples of this. Then first is mizz bonsai talking about the architecture on page 2 goes on for too long and could have been condensed immensely and still worked just as well. It's generally a good idea to limit the amount of text that exists within a single panel. If that much really needs to be said then it's a better idea to break that text up over a series of panels to help keep things visually interesting and help the comic maintain its flow instead of getting backed up in that one place. The second example is at the end when she resolves Scout and Borris' issues. I like the idea you'regoing for, with mizz helping all the other characters with their unsorted baggage to find contentmentin the afterlife, but there has to be a more interestingway of implementing it then just telling them what the issue is and it being immediately resolved. Those kinds of innate character conflicts and resolutions typically work better when the involved characters are more, well, involved in the solution. If instead of telling them the conclusions they should come to, if mizz Bonsai somehow helped THEM come to those conclusions on their own it probably would have worked a lot better. The second big thing I wanna address is the fight scene. I have no idea at all gow we go from the panel at the bottom of page 5 to the resulting action at the start of page 6. In fact, I can't really tell how any action leads into another for that entire fight. Good flow is crucial for an effective fight scene, the cause and effect, action then reaction, is really all a fight is. If the reader can't tell how we get from point A to point B in a fight, that's a problem. And I get it. Making a good fight comic is hard, but it's worth practicing

marrionberrypi's avatar
marrionberrypi
All-Rounder
4 months ago
Ah, I thought it ended appropriately, but I suppose I've always had something of an issue with endings.

Bobert's avatar
Bobert
All-Rounder
4 months ago
The comic was lovely but it feels like it was one page away from having an ending. Did anything happen on your end?