Whew, okay, monster comment incoming. Lovechild had me so busy, I kept starting and stopping this between rounds. I apologise if this comes across as overly long and harsh; this comic isn’t particularly bad or anything, I just have thoughts for a load of past comics brewing in my brain! Your quality has stayed mostly the same throughout the time you’ve had crits off, so they're all still applicable here. It’s also worth mentioning that basing a comic off a pre-existing property – whether it’s an homage or a parody, because I’m not sure which you were going for here – can trigger a more critical viewpoint (at least for me), since it can be directly compared to said property. Anyhow, on with the crit. Long VISUALS Panel size and placement feels haphazard and doesn't really relate to the importance or timescale of what's happening. For example, on page 4 there's a couple of instances where panels don't match up in height and leave empty space beside them (panels 6 and 7) or are overlapping unnecessarily (panels 1 and 2). For 1 and 2, the Eli panel could have just been a square with Gale as another square, there's no need for Eli's panel to extend beyond Gale's when there's nothing in it. Then the last panel is significantly thinner than the borders of the page. I usually see this kind of panel shape used to denote time passing - time skips tend to use thin, long panels of decreasing width - but the next page takes place immediately after what Eli said. So I wonder what the point is of leaving empty space, especially when the speech bubble has to then break the borders? What confuses me most is that you seem to be aware of the thin panel = timeskip, because you utilise it correctly on page 2! You also seem to use a lot more panels than you need to, which creates a very claustrophobic air. There’s no time to breathe. On page 8, you show a panel near the top which could be a contemplative, quiet moment, but Gwen washing her hands is squashed into it, covering most of her body until you can barely see her. Another thing is the speech bubbles often overlap with the characters. There should be enough space in a panel for a bubble to fit comfortably without touching important subjects in the frame. On pages 11 and 13, you even have bubbles and other panels obscuring character’s faces, which is a pretty big comic no-no. Some intentionally extreme closeups require bubbles to overlap characters slightly, or they might be overlaid something important for dramatic effect – but you don’t have those kinds of shots here. They’re mostly straightforward ¾ or face on shots. It helps to treat bubbles as physical objects within the frame, part of the composition, taken into account during the thumbnail stage. For example on page 6, panel 11, Veruca’s bubble could have been shifted to the left a little, and Gale’s bubble could be shifted right, over the empty table. This would also create a better flow from this panel to the next. You should also try to point the tails directly towards the characters’ mouths. I get that it might be hard to visualise, but I didn’t want to do anything akin to redlining without your permission. If you’re interested, DM me and I’d be happy to show you what I mean. ---------------------------------------------- WRITING As a standalone comic, I'm with Flytee in that a lot of the dialogue/banter felt unnecessary. It’s also quite clunky and longwinded, I’ve said it before but you could benefit from an editor. One who isn’t afraid to be honest and tough, btw. Gale does lampshade the corny dialogue, but she and the others have corny dialogue as well so it kinda falls flat. Having watched the Breakfast Club, it didn’t read much better. The ties between the Void characters featured here and the ones in the Breakfast Club are unclear; I would've assumed Eli was Allison for instance, but then Gale is the one called a basket case, and there's a load more times where characters seem to be a mix. If it’s an homage, it should be clear why that doesn’t work. As a parody it doesn’t work either – parody relies on exaggerations of original traits, and you can’t exaggerate traits that aren’t there. It's strange, because the characters don't read as their original selves either, and ultimately felt like mockeries rather than tributes or parodies to me. I’m not sure why Eli was made into gross comic relief for example, with his farting and asking whether mana=period, when being gross or comedic has never been hinted at in his own canon. Speaking of comic relief, the writing here is a lot more juvenile than in The Breakfast Club. The movie is rated R, but you've set this for teens and included fart jokes, which are usually aimed at an even younger demographic. Who is the intended audience? Most people who have watched and enjoyed The Breakfast Club would have likely outgrown that type of humour, so there’s a dissonance. I’ve noticed this in a lot of your comics – adult content with dialogue that seems way too young to match. This is really hard to explain… I’m not trying to say you need more swearing or longer words or anything. I suppose it just sounds like you’re writing for a younger audience than intended? You might wanna try reading the dialogue aloud and seeing how it feels before you finalise it. ---------------------------------------------- MISC? Going back to the comic’s relation to The Breakfast Club, I feel like you parodied a couple of things just by skimming the surface and leaving out the context, which again made things fall flat. Right at the beginning you have Ms Coxx going "you mess with the coxx, you get the balls". This was weird before I watched the Breakfast Club, and even weirder afterwards. You were parodying Mr Vernon's line of, "you mess with the bull, you get the horns", right? As in, mess with the bull, you'll get hurt, and then he literally makes the sign of horns with his hand. I get that what Ms Coxx said was supposed to be a dirty joke, but it means nothing. You mess with a dick and you get... balls? How is that threatening? Why does she still make the sign of horns when not talking about horns? For the ending of your comic, all the characters write that “gotcha” to Ms Coxx instead of an essay... but they weren't set an essay. It's completely random, and only works with the context of the movie; within your comic's own universe and logic, it doesn't make sense. Regi’s final pose doesn’t make sense either. He’s just randomly fistpumping, whereas in the film (at least, in my interpretation), Bender fistpumps because Claire just gave him a diamond earring, showing she cares about him. And the music literally affirms he won’t forget about this. In general, the whole point of The Breakfast Club seems to be lost. You have 5 characters here because the movie had 5 characters, while in the movie itself, each character played off the others differently and had their own unique issues. On the other hand, things from the movie that didn’t need context and could have punched your comic up were left to the side. For instance, you substituted the unique library setting for a boring, generic classroom. Why? It could have made for a lot more variation in poses, not to mention an interesting backdrop and clear visual connection to The Breakfast Club, if you wanted to lean into the homage. It would also have helped set the character’s locations better – right now, their positions seem to change from page to page and even within the same page. Take page 5 – Gale is to the left of Veruca, and Buck seems to be separated from the rest of the group, since the reaction panels have everybody else together. In panel 11, he’s right next to Veruca, and now Gale is to her left. Eli has also disappeared, even though he was right in the middle of the group before, as has Gwen. Panel 16, Eli has reappeared to Buck’s left, where Veruca and Gale were supposed to be. This, combined with the tendency to just do “floating head” shots, makes everything feel loose and ungrounded. ---------------------------------------------- IT’S FINALLY OVER To conclude, just want to say again I don’t intend this to be an attack or to make you feel bad. You have lots of potential, but you’ve stagnated hard and don’t seem to want to improve, and it’s a real shame to see. Awards aren’t everything of course, but you won best new member in 2019! So a good chunk of Void obviously agrees with that thought, and could see you had skills. We really just want to help.

These were both really fun! I liked the Breakfast club parody with all its crude humor, and the blast from the past to see how they interacted in their past lives and now current at the Burgermeister!

Quick crits because I feel like I have no time for anything in-depth lately! Gregly: I loved the creative approach you took towards using Veruca's backstory to give us something unexpected. I'm very curious how much of Gwen's part of this story was stuff you had planned before this. I love how you handled a relationship between older people who have been around the block quite a few times now and have known each other for a long time. It was a precious interaction that warmed my heart. And the gag at the end of the comic was beautifully done. It left me wanting more of these two tbh! Cab: I like that you took the insanity of VOID's powerful and morally questionable characters and turned them into quirky teenage troublemakers. I get the vibe you were going for, and it was a fun concept. I think where this comic didn't land with me was the chemistry between characters. The purpose of this comic was supposedly to show an eclectic bunch of misfits coming to appreciate and relate to one another, but that resolution felt somewhat forced. I think the main issue is that they seemed to relate to each other just because they were all troublemakers, but what really would have sold it would be for each character to connect with each other character in a unique way that only those two characters could have connected in. Having fewer characters might have helped because then you could have focused more on building each relationship individually instead of everyone just bonding as a group. Other than Veruca and Gwen, the students seemed somewhat interchangeable, since their main connection was to the group rather than to each other as individuals. I hope that makes sense and is helpful, and I'm happy to provide any clarification you need (as much as I can; my brain has been so smooth lately haha)! I do think the conflict between Gwen and Veruca was interesting, highlighting Veruca's flaws as a hero, and her realizing how condescendingly she viewed the other kids was great. If you had focused more on their relationship, that would have been even better. I think you may have shot yourself in the foot by trying to add so many pages instead of just focusing on that key conflict, or focusing on a few important relationships between all the characters.

Gregly: this was a great twist and story, the ending was really funny. others mentioned the lighting thing which is the main crit i would have as well. Cab: You always manage to produce a huge amount of content under these deadlines and the whole story and commitment to breakfast club was cool. My only crit is the scene when the teacher shows back up I was confused as to why they needed a distraction when I thought they were all right outside the detention room. You do great wide establishing shots and I think putting one of those here would have helped us see where people are and why a distraction was needed as opposed to all of them just running back into the room I thought they were right next to.

Gregly- What an unexpected and touching story. Props for taking the creativity up by going into an explored part of Veruca's history. Cab- This is making me want to watch Breakfast Club again. Fun way to make a parody but also make it your own. Can't wait for the Degrassi one.

Gregly - What a creative way to go about this battle! I thought the interaction between Sir Albert and Gwenevieve was really sweet, it’s honestly refreshing to see Gwen’s older true form preferred over her illusion. And although he didn’t show up for long, I loved golem Regi. The ending was great too XD it was a solid comic. Totally agree with what others have said about highlights though - the monotone was neat, but it was just missing a little something. Some more greebling could have helped too, as everything appeared to have the same flat texture, even the swamp water. Also, your humans are good, but that horse looked pretty broken and was out of place with the rest of your style. Cab - Flytee brought up a really good point, about how this comic might come across to someone unfamiliar with the Breakfast Club. I’d been meaning to watch it for a while, so I figured, why not now? I’m going to jot down my thoughts on your comic as I see it now, and then my thoughts after I watch the film later today, so my comment for your side will come later!

CAB As someone who went through a John Hughes phase, this made me smile a lot. Writing-wise- I liked how your structured the comic around the "what are you in for?" question, I think its one of the best bits of the Breakfast Club movie, it also naturally gave this comic a structure as we worked through each character's answer- eventually getting to Vercuas twist at the end. The story felt very neat and smartly written. I'm also impressed by how, despite all the additional characters- you did a decent job keeping Gwen and Veruca at the heart of the story. This isn't really a crit, but a concern of sorts. I wonder how this comic will be taken by someone unfamiliar with the Breakfast Club? Without context from the movie the extended cast (who never really have time to build chemistry) and certain scenes might feel like unnecessary chaff. (I put my hands up if my hunch is wrong!) Though, to avoid the risk, I think It's better to take inspiration from source materials instead of parodying them completely. crits- It looks like you simplified your art style when you drew Gwen- while I appreciate the effort to keep her close to her original design, she looks a little toonish and out of place here. GREGLY I enjoyed this so much! I love the fact you told a story about Vercua's past life, the was a creative approach & the punchline at the end was the cherry on top. As usual, I find your art style completely delightful and you had some really competent page layouts- that had great flow. (Page 3 especially springs to mind) I'll second the crit on depth and lighting- some scenes here were crying out for highlights, especially the ones which imply strong lighting. (aka Sunrise/ entering the open grove with the hut) all in all, though, this was lovely! I look forward to your future work.

Gregly: Based on the comments regarding the need of an extension, I can see that you were pressed for time. Keeping that in mind, you did very good. Your story was a really nice way to handle the characters involved and to work with Veruca's history in an interesting way. While that meant the interaction at the end became a joke, it was a reliable joke to go with and it was amusing. The cardboard colors were a good choice though they could have used a stronger tone difference. Some lighting utilized would have gone a long way to the mysticism of the story content. The spectre and the fire would have had that much more impact with a brighter glow. The backgrounds would also have benefited from some solid blacks on the trees to give it extra depth. It comes back to the tones being pretty close so it ends up with the comic not having as much pop and pizzazz as it could. Scenes outside of the usual "cityscape", "outer space", and "other" are a bit infrequent on this site lately and this brought a real breath of fresh air to it. It hadn't occurred to me when reading some of your prior works, but I actually would love to see you work on improving your backgrounds in general. You did an excellent layouts for this comic and if you invested a little time tightening up your backgrounds to make it more detailed, it would make your character art stand out that much more. To drop a recommendation of a good direction for you to look at, consider looking at some Tove Jannson (her Hobbit art is superb and came to mind) or other artists who take a simplistic approach to their characters (Maurice Sendak and Winsor McCay are also coming to mind a bit here). In general, hopefully next time you are not so pressed for time so that you can really flourish out your next comic. Very nice work! --------------============---------------- Cab: This was a fairly ambitious story to try and tackle. It's a brave attempt on your part and you should be happy how it turned out. It was one of the better made comics you've done recently. In general, the Breakfast Club story set up was a cute way to involve the characters getting together and it was also fun to see Veruca's school life. She definitely seems like she is shaping up to be your main focus going forward, which I think is a good idea. The little twist that she was here of her own accord was a well done plot point. During the story, I felt myself wishing that the other characters had a more proper introduction. I had to ask someone else who our ghoul was. Some of it dragged a little bit, such as the opening with the teacher being a smidge long (but parody/homage, so you wanna make sure she's involved) and the part with Gale was a little out of place since no one else had a properly presented flashback, which would have helped unify the entire group that much more. By not giving it to Eli or Buck, it makes them feel a little bit like an after-thought. On the whole, the reasoning for Gwen's situation was enjoyable and overall the story had some nice characterization. This was a nice little story and I appreciate that Veruca's training requires doing charitable deeds outside of her usual wheelhouse of beating dudes up. The spiritual/social aspect is never commented or focused on, so nice work making it an actual part of her character growth. Ideally that comes up in a major way in the future. While there's a lot of stylistic and foundational improvements you could work towards, such as improving your anatomy, adjusting your line widths (all of which I could go in deeper sometime if you would like), I'd like to specifically critique some of the more technical parts of comic-making and how you could focus on bettering those currently. If these parts improve, it'll improve the entire presentation of your comic in a major way. You need to be a little more mindful with your tone choices and how you utilize them. You're using tones with different densities and different frequencies and the end result comes across visually messy. You would be better serviced in only altering the density of the tone and sticking with a higher frequency (i.e. more but smaller dots as opposed to less but larger ones will get a nice result). If your tone size is consistent and only changes in how dense it is, you have a better opportunity to show off your line art. The larger dots will and did clash a bit harshly against the current lineart style you're working with. Another thing to consider is that with your tone use, it also feels like it's being used in ways that aren't as thoughtful as they could be. You utilize the same sort of 'soft-touch' gradient tone on each of the pages in each of the panels and if we were to consider your tones as you coloring with greyscale, you're using something that's as dark as the light grey of this site. It's not providing enough impact where it could be. The next time you try utilizing them, consider them to be used the same way you would use them for flats or shadows. I think playing around with that mindset could improve your usage of it. Furthermore, you should consider a new method for your speech bubbles. The current way you're working with by using a circle tool is producing oval shapes for your bubbles which is going to end up inflexible for panels and dialogue of different shapes and sizes. What you should do instead is actually draw the white space of the bubble and use stroke or draw the outline, fill tool, and then add the white. Your bubble tails likewise are a bit thick and you would do better also drawing them out so that you had a curved, smooth tail. A direct line to the speaker will get visually old and you can improve on this. I'd also like to recommend that next time Clip Studio goes on sale, you should consider picking it up. It has very good dedicated tone features and speech bubble tools. Overall, I thought this was a very solid showing from you and I hope that next time you push it a little more. Good work!

WOW ok, what a good battle. Though I loved all the interactions in Cab's and the art is really nice and i enjoy the references, I'm gonna a have to give it to Gregly, because the part where the mage steps out of hiding gave me chills: maybe it was the playlist I had up https://youtu.be/hdcRwZUp-2k and the way it was on the last song that just clicked into place with the story beats, or how it just was fitting the mood just right but damn, i almost cried a little? I want THIS one to be canon. didn't expect to care about Veruca's past life knight-self, but here we are. Have a short riff on Cab's side of the battle feat. my NPC, Jordan. https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/101313866285207552/817511965256581120/eat_the_book_001.jpg

Cab - Man I know I've told you quite a bit of what I think of your comic and I stand by what I said, it is a well done homage to a classic and it is kinda neat reading more about Veruca's abilities and in this case, her mana. great job on this one. Gregly - It is quite neat seeing this Flashback story, The Sepia like colors you used for the pages was a nice touching depicting the past, and I like that stone golem that resembles Regi. Your action beats are well executed (in my opinion) and it would seem that you do a really good job on backgrounds. Take a bow good sir and be proud of this one. Hopefully we see more Gwen & Regi sometime in the near future my friend!

Truly charming reads! Really liked Gregly's simple clever story, great ending. Lunch bunch was a bit long but we respect the dedication to the concept.

Uploaded, thank you Cab for the battle and for the extension I really needed it!

The background song for page 15 of my comic, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1WusfE2M5KU&ab_channel=VideodromeDiscoth%C3%A8que