Gosh that desk angle at the top of page 2 is divine & great example of taking an otherwise boring scene and punching it up a bit. The overall apt and elements you chose to implement to reflect Celif's character gave me oldschool 90's Johnny the Homicidal maniac vibes. Unsettling but with a touch of whimsy.
Coming off the battle between Gold vs Celif where he personally visited someone and provided not only food but drugs which he partook alongside. Even had a cute little nap before hauling off with his payment. Then we get much of the same here but with someone who can't pay. What were the reasons and motivations for a similar scenario escalating? You establish in the phone conversation he has quality goods, so he’s not wanting for product. And the mer-woman is technically a waste of his time, so why bother?
I’m uncertain if what's being established here is that he’s just a glutton for his job, only see's living things as potential organs, or he hates women? Merwomen? People who don’t pay? There are questions to be had sure, but whatever the answer is, I fee the comic itself could've alluded to it better.
I'll also second and third the reminder that this is a beyond battle. I understand better than most getting excited and wanting to put a comic up, but beyond battles specifically afford you time to be precious with aspects of your art and put your best foot forward. While you had some panels here that sang, the overall look does seem a bit rushed.
Too much wings not enough rats, in all seriousness like I stated before Fluff I enjoy your twisted comics as they always surprise me with how quickly morbid they become sometimes, its a nice dash of gallows humor (ala American Dad), keep up the good grim stuff my friend
Your images are lively, from the characters and expressions to the scenery. While in some scenes it all comes together well (him at his desk in particular), there are others that feel a little "off." For example, the background of the subway train is leaning in a way that suggests speed, but everyone is standing upright. Also, where's the camera in that long shot. You have some good reveals there, too. The reveal of his bird-ness, the reveal what paying with your body means (although I wonder if you tipped your hat a little early with that view into his apartment).
But, most of all, I want to see more of his relationship with pigeons.
So I was on the junkcast that talked about this comic but I wanted to post my notes here as well:
This is a great introduction for Celif. Does a good job of establishing who he is and what he does in a fucked up way.
You’re implementing more grays and midtones in your comic which works and helps give focus to certain parts.
There is something about your expressions that I really enjoy.
Your speech bubbles are a bit messy, I’m not sure what program you’re using for comics but some do have speech bubble tools, even without them you should try to use shape tools for the word bubbles. Also for the speech tails you want them to start wider than thin out as they go towards the speaker.
Finally he’s talking to someone on the phone but the phone itself is not framed as important and sort of appears and disappears between panels. We don’t see him like turn it off when he goes to get the door but i would imagine he would be the type to leave them on speaker as he did all that stuff to the mergirl.
oh my goodness I thought, well to be honest I don't know what to think but holy smokes I wasn't expecting organ harvesting to be quite honest....
Don't get me twisted I did enjoy the comic but man it is a bit to take in. Like in that last page reveal at first I thought that they did it, but then the twist came and I'm just like "holy smokes" this guy is quite dark your page compositions are pretty solid and you're character expressions are pretty well animated. can't wait to see more of Celif in the near future.
I had a hunch Celif was scummy, but I wasn't expecting him to be THIS reprehensible.
His characterisation here is absolutely the strength of this comic, there's something about that twisted smile and the callous way he talks that just fills me with HATE.
You had some really solid panels here as well, I really liked that first panel on the second page- subtly showing off Celif's tools like that was effective. I also liked the way he smiles and gestures into the gloomy-looking room on the final panel of page 2. When you bring it with your art, it's extremely lively and full of character.
Criiiit
[spoiler]You have all the time in the world with a BB so I might be a little pickier with the art. Some very large panels looked distractingly rushed, especially when it came to backgrounds- that shot of the apartment block on the first page for example- I'm certain you could've given the roads crossing, street lamps and trees a lot more love. There were hints of hurried objects and pieces of furniture throughout the comic, that kind of took me out of the story at points. eg on that last panel I found myself distracted since it was difficult to work out what Celif was holding.
-This might just be personal preference, but this comic felt very bright to me. The subway scenes were as bright as the outdoor ones, I think throwing in some more light greys and being more generous with what you choose to shade would be easier on the eyes, and give your pages more depth. They feel very stark right now, light a spotlight is being shone on everything.[/spoiler]
To end on a nice note, despite these crits, the entertainment this comic gave me was really high. I'm very hyped to see more. Honestly, I think the fact this comic has made people dislike Celif so much, is a really huge achievement. Emotional investment is the main goal of storytelling imo. So great job!
Congratulations on making a character that's completely terrible and irredeemable who I hate with every fiber of my being.
He'll do well here on void.
but for real though this was a really solid intro for Celif that nailed down he's about.
This terrible terrible man had piqued my interest. Gosh that twist at the end was unexpected! LOVE IT TO BITS.
I am really enjoying your comics Fluffs , I am so glad to see you keep at it. Your characters are dynamic and fun in various ways and I am always looking forward for more. Love the energy you put in your brush strokes but I also want to see a more finished looking comic from you one day! Keep up the great work.
Holy shit. That ending. This was a great look into just how fucked up Celif is! I really like the first shot on page 2 where you see all his butchering equipment, the dripping freezer and the chart on the wall. The wood texturing and shadows just add to the eerie, grim feel. And jeez the last page where it cuts from them seemingly after sex to the girl literally eviscerated. Also the pigeon. Love the pigeon, very cute.
In terms of crits, the thing that stood out to me the most was the perspective. The last panel on page 2, the “butcher table” looks correct to me, but then the table by the sofa is tilted at a really odd angle. The establishing shot of Celif’s apartment on page 1 has similarly weird-looking angles. References would help here, and perspective tools if your program has them. On the other hand, I’m noticing more detailing in the backgrounds and that’s working really well!
Ooh, that was vile, absolutely loved it! Looking forward to what sort of horrible trouble Celif puts others through!
The whole carnage reveal was very very nicely done!
Some scenes seem a little stiff and the angles a bit awkward, but the expressions and dialogue were really great! I really like your line weight too!
hes so nasty and awful stinky garbage man I love him so much
A big issue I saw here with this comic is the 180 rule- you kept breaking it. The 180 rule says that you dive your entire scene in half, and keep your camera on ONE side of that line. It breaks the flow if a character is on the right side of the screen and then suddenly hes on the left. You may also wanna study how anatomy might shift in dramatic angles. Celif's expressions are GREAT. Hes absolutely manic and it looks like a lot of fun to draw.
GOOD COMIC GOOD CHARACTER
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