I LOVED THIS.
I originally wrote a comment but my dumb butt clicked "submit votes" instead of "post comment," so the page refreshed and it was gone. [whine]
Basically: You rocked the scroll style, and I'm normally not a fan of the method but i really enjoyed this! The area in particular where there's ooze dripping into the next area was a delightful touch I had to examine for an extra pause. And the mood in the second half was delicious; I really felt the dread of acceptance. I don't have anything else to add that hasn't been said already, but I am absolutely looking forward to what demonic shenanigans Lilyfeather gets into!
Finally, it happens! While the tragedy of Lily getting eaten in Arma was striking (but didn't Lily want to be killed so she wouldn't be taken?), this is a lot more satisfying and feels more appropriate since, you know, it is her story.
That said, I do agree with some of the crits about whether she went too easily or not, but I think it's more that there's a little "congestion" of ideas around where she meets her father. I think, with the way things are, you could have cut out the part where her father extends his hand, so it can read like the earth just opened up and swallowed her before Talon could do anything, and then when she sees him in Hell could be the first time he shows any tenderness on his face. The image of him solemnly extending a hand... the fact that it's repeated, I think, calls for a little "extra," like Lily slapping the hand away or something, only get swallowed up by hell, and then take the hand grudgingly as she does the second time it's offered to her. I also feel a little confused that she apparently (judging by the other comments) accepted, but was horrifyingly thrown down into hell the hard way anyway? The combination of those two opposites can work, but it probably could use a little extra.
I'm getting a little too long winded. You're really rocking the long scrolling style, and it especially fits a theme of "descent" and accepting one's inescapable fate. Those rich colors, the tar dress (instead of lava, tar! What an interesting shift!) really made this event a showstopper.
Sooooo.... is the next comic the wedding? :D
Great use of web scrolling format here. The song lyrics (even though I did not listen to it prior to reading) worked well with the visuals. Some anatomy issues here and there but it did not take away from my enjoyment of the story. My favorite part is the scene when Lily was pulled from the tar pit. Really love the visual where she appeared to be being pulled back or the tar itself was becoming her dress.
Lots of questions to be answered that hopefully will get tackled on to the next Lilyfeather comic. Can't wait to see more.
I really like this comic, I really like the song lyrics in this because I have no idea what the song is yet it still works strongly and doesn't rely on knowing the song for it to work.
Ooh the webcomic format worked really nicely!
The helplessness of the whole situation was very palpable, Lily's expression when she's taking her dad's hand said so much! The rendering was pretty sweet too! This was by far the most grim magical girl transformation I've ever seen, really nice!
If anything, Lily's running pose felt a little awkward, but it doesn't really take anything from the enjoyment of this comic
I think this is literally the first time two of Shen's characters have even been in the same panel.
For me, the story here works for like 80% of the way through. The circumstances of Lily getting dragged down into hell i'm fine with since it's kind of appropriate that no matter how much she fought back against her fate she was still going to wind up as the demon Lily (or Ebony now) that you've been wanting to get to for years. The inevitability of her situation works.
Though I think that between Lily's last battle and here there should have been at least a little more progression in between that and this, likely best served by having this comic be the final act of a longer one.
Lily went from attempting to undo her fate in her last battle to just kind of accepting it in this one. Maybe at the least she could have protested and attempted to fight back more in this one before she got dragged down. Though once her transformation occurs it does feel kind of appropriate she would just accept it since she's already in hell and abandoning all hope is the thing you do down there.
The use of song lyrics as narration is always tricky since the lack of sound its hard to find a good rhythm if the reader is unfamiliar with the tune. To me, at least, simply putting lyrics into a comic is one of the least effective ways to incorporate music into one.
Maybe if you had only picked certain lines and not the whole thing and had the visuals match the ironic upbeat melody of the song it may have worked better.
Having said all that It was time for Lily to enter her next chapter of her story as a magical demon and something like this can only serve to make her character grow even more.
are you going to have to add horns to her animated icon now?
that open a new whole can of possibilities for Lily
(And now I MUST fo my own BB of Arma with Marie haha)
I feel like the whole new tone await us for Lilyfeather comics.
This was a great comic!
I will admit I didn't listen to the song beforehand but it still worked for me, thanks to the font changes and the placing of the text, it flowed really well and had a rhythm to it.
I liked how often the lyrics contradicted the image
"Face it with a grin" queue Lily looking like she's done with life. Choices like this really emphasised how bad this turn of events is for Lily.
While reading I did wonder why Lily so willingly went with the devil. Without any background context- I guessed it was a "things can't get any worse, I might as well" kind of deal? Your comment bellow reinforced this assumption.
Honestly adding a few extra panels of Lily and Talon getting separated & then her being surrounded and put in a truly hopeless position- could have communicated this better.
All in all, though, this kept me very entertained and got me invested in a character I don't know a great deal about. There was also some lovely art here- I really enjoy how you draw fire. Great job!
Shen:
Hell literally came to Void, at this point theres not much more running from it. She knew she was on borrowed time as it stood.
That's true, but she could have chosen to fight again for those last few months. What made her choose not to? Talon was literally a Defender, the Arma collab had loads of people fighting demons, the VCV did too. I'm sure many other Void citizens didn't take it sitting down, and believed they could prevent the Hell-Void collision (and ofc we now know that ended up being the case). Lily's been to Hell several times already. So what made her decide to give up this time?
I think the issue for me is that the last time we saw her, she was fighting against going to Hell. And in her archive, every time the Hell contract is brought up, she remains determined not to go. She even has this whole deep talk with Tsumi about not giving up, and living every minute of the time she has left. There was no build up of weariness towards her situation, or resignation. She's been fighting for years, and now suddenly she's given up. It's jarring. If there was maybe a comic in between of her growing tired of always fighting her fate, or just any comic in the archive to hint she was starting to falter, I think this would have hit much better.
TheCydork:
I’m a little confused storywise though. Lily has always been adamant about not going to Hell, the last time we saw her she was literally fighting her dad for an extra year. I’d really like to know what triggered this sudden resignation. It’s a great standalone character moment, but doesn’t exactly feel earned or like a natural progression for Lily herself.
Hell literally came to Void, at this point theres not much more running from it. She knew she was on borrowed time as it stood.
New Year New You!!!
I'll get to the real crit later but i'm excited to finally see Lily moving her story into it's next chapter.
Let's get that corruption arc going yo!!
Great Work Shen!!!
I’m glad I listened to the song first, because having that cheery tune in my head as I read the comic made it very effective (and I’m a sucker for musical tie-ins anyway). I think you also made great use of the webtoon format, I LOVED the shots of Lily falling into the fiery abyss! I’m a little confused storywise though. Lily has always been adamant about not going to Hell, the last time we saw her she was literally fighting her dad for an extra year. I’d really like to know what triggered this sudden resignation. It’s a great standalone character moment, but doesn’t exactly feel earned or like a natural progression for Lily herself.
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