Thank you so much for the comments and crits! In terms of helpful & motivating feedback, I feel like I've been spoilt.
Based on crits, In my next comic I'm going to pay special attention to how I frame panels that contain big reveals or important moments. I'm also going to try screen tones again and make them easier on the eyes- because causing strain ain't entertaining.
@Duel- Yeah those first two pages were a failed experiment, I wouldn't be revisiting that style. Glad you enjoyed the comic on a whole & thank you for the feedback.
@Kozi- ah yes yes, I agree on expressions. Though just a heads up the scene I was chatting to you about was the one I cut out. (I stuck a comment bellow explaining) so this wasn't intended to be the "snapping" panel- but that aside I do still very much agree that I need to work on expressions & I'd be grateful for any tips and tricks >:3 Gimme homework!
As for the Soul-weaver stuff- honestly, maybe this wouldn't be a popular approach, buuut [spoiler] I didn't want it to be instantly obvious who the entity at the end (/back speech bubble) was. It felt cool to finish the comic on a mysterious note.
If you read my backlog you'll find mentions of the Original Soul-Weaver as well as lore about her and Hendrix. But no hints at communication. This comic is the first domino falling.
I think being familiar with past comics at most makes the Original Soul-weaver a first guess (or at least a very strong hunch) I enjoy the idea of people using past knowledge to guess and speculate about a reveal, it feels more interesting than just spelling it out to them.
For people not remotely familiar with Rae and Blue comics, I was hoping they'd just be like "this weird golden ghost lady looks sus, what's going to happen next, maybe I should tune in?"
Its why I chose to end the comic here, I enjoyed how the end panel could be a reveal, a mystery or a cliffhanger depending on the reader.[/spoiler]
Thanks again to everyone who took the time to leave me feedback, hugely helpful!
I am really digging the building storyline you’ve established for this pair on void. From their start to their battles with others and involvement in Arma makes it almost seem like you pre-planned it all in advance since it seems to work so well. Also halftone shading! I like this look.
As someone who came off your last scar match where Rae treated her newfound blindness and injury with nonchalance, it’s nice to see the consequences of the encounter settle in and come to stark clarity for her here. Her inner monologue was such fun to read because you added so much personality to her surroundings. The crowds and travel guide store and even the strangers she bumps into and stammers conversation with. All of it really gave Void City the feel of a CITY that I really enjoyed.
I know you were wrestling offline with how to tackle that emotion on that last page and while I think it was a good effort, it feels more subdued than I think you intended. This is a big staggering moment and as it stands Rae just looks mildly ill. I’d love to jam with you with some expression prompts just to get you loosely goosey and stretching those emotes for your characters.
Also this just might be me derping but upon first read I didn’t get this voice WAS the soul weaver. I actually had to read the previous comments to this battle to realize it. I may have to read your backlog to see if this format of communication was hinted before for context because I really was doggedly clicking the last page like “wait that’s it? Who is that??”
I very much enjoyed this comic. Rae and Blue have definitely been one of my favorites to follow and you've done a great deal of work in developing them. This comic is a great point where we get to see the inner workings of Rae and where we've come to so far as well as hints as to where we're going. The dialogue flows well and even that one encounter with the rando felt very natural and well written. It gave us a good idea of where in time we are.
You have good notions of composition but I'd also like it if the backgrounds were less an after thought and maybe a little more thought to them than just spaces to fill. Which I feel I should point out you fill those spaces out better than most. It is always better to imply texture than to go hog wild with details but I keep seeing those repeating brick patterns throughout the comic and just feel there's a better approach somewhere here. And there are definitely times when the crosshatching does not feel as well thought out as much as an afterthought. Particularly towards the end. I agree with Heathen that as strong as the comic has been as a whole compositionally, the last panel stands out as being a bit dull. The reveal of that face needs a little more oomph.
I also want to point out that I'm not a fan of the first two pages. I was actually a little disappointed at first as I've seen so much stronger work from you and was relieved when I got to page 3. I'm going to be honest in that I'm unsure of the purpose of the black gutters in the first two pages. For example, manga likes to do that sort of thing to indicate flashbacks. But this whole section is not a flashback except for maybe two panels. And because of the black and the arrangement of the panels, those two pages feel a lot more sparse than the stronger compositional work the rest of the comic has. They just feel like much weaker pages than the rest.
To ultimately reiterate though, you're an engaging storyteller, strong compositions and I can't wait to see what happens next.
Cant get enough of these two. I love how you can go from cutesy to something of a darker mood right here. The experiment paid off and the internal monologue sounded very natural to me. I feel for her and I only want the best for Rae (and Blue!). Hopefully she finds comfort with her friends like Guts and David (oh yeah we need to see more of Raevid!). A catch up scene with Dairyu couldn't hurt either.
Keep up the great work Flytee. Really love what you bring to the site <3
Dude I really enjoyed Rae and Blue's Journey through Void City so much and Honestly I would love for Darren interact with them and talk about stuff. The Paneling is suburb and I love how you use the Greys where everything is clearly distinct. Honestly This is a fun comic to read!!!
I hope to see more of Rae and Blue in the near future!!!
This was very real, loved it!
The subtle way in which the higher up's prejudice affects the general public is so so good. Rae's struggles make my heart ache in the best way, I can't help but root for her. The screen tones and bubbles look GOOD! The struggles against herself were portrayed so perfectly too
If anything, I personally think that the screen tones would look even better if they were the same shade as the linework? I think it pops out more than the lines themselves. Maybe if they were lighter they would work better?
That doesn't take anything away form my enjoyment of this comic tho, it was so good and engaging
Can't wait to see what happens next!!
This was a great comic! I loved the build up to the Soulweaver, how she originally seemed to be that dark little voice in the back of your head but then turned out to genuinely be another person. I also really dug the first panel on page 7. Rae’s expression, along with the abstract lines in the background, really made it feel like she was getting lost in her head. I know you felt like this might be too esoteric but it was perfectly clear to me :)
Sidenote, the lil bird at the bottom of page 4 is so cute ;; he hop...
I fucking loved this comic. The slow build storytelling had me yearning for each panel/each page. I was so fucking invested and now I am like "fuck, I need more of this" God damn, Flytee, this is some amazing stuff here.
I really enjoyed this comic; I think your experiments were successful. Rae does feel like a real person, and I love the subtle world building you've done. The interaction with the guy on the street was pitch perfect. You're showing the effects of the Mayor's speech without directly referencing it, and it really makes the city feel alive and persistent in a cool way.
My only minor gripe is that the last panel could be more dynamic. I know you're capable of designy imagery, and it would have been nice to end on something that foreshadowed better, hinted at or even just outright told us who this mysterious ghost woman is, and communicated a sense of possession, or control over Rae. I don't think she's meant to be in physical proximity to her, but I'm thinking something like a nice wide panel of Rae swooning on the street amidst a sea of pedestrians, seemingly oblivious to her, with the malevolent ghost lady looming large over her in the sky, you know, something like that.
Otherwise, great BB, and I'm glad to see you pushing your craft!
Hey, here's some info on this comic
The title "Inland Empire" is a reference to the Game disco Elysium, it's meaning is bellow if anyone's curious.
[spoiler] Inland Empire is the unfiltered wellspring of imagination, emotion, and foreboding. It enables you to grope your way through invisible dimensions of reality, gaining insight into that which sight can't see.[/spoiler]
I used this comic to practice using screen tones and speech bubbles/ font's that I didn't hand draw and write. Both of these things are almost completely new to me.
Writing-wise- I wanted to have a go at writing an insightful stream of consciousness, which was pretty challenging. I also wanted to give Rae more depth as a character.
I originally had plans to amp up the emotions further, but I felt like I'd reached a good conclusion with that last page- so I stopped there. This comic is supposed to kick off future stories so sorry if parts of it feel unsatisfying. It's very much a prologue.
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