Late to the comment party but I really like the little details you put into the apartment. It did come across as depressing and enhanced the overall mood of the comic. You could've used a cooler/somber tone for the lighting though to really get this across so that is something to try next time. The grays you used for your Short and Sweet entry is a great example of using color (or lack thereof) to support the emotions you want to portray. Overall, I definitely see improvement from you in the art department and it's great to see you experimenting. Story-wise, while I felt the emotion/depression within Gold and how real it is, there is really nothing to take away from this that I don't already know or saw from the previous comics. Hopefully, we'll see more progress in his story from here.

PyrasTerran: why "apart from Impulse"? is that noncanon? Otherwise you answered your question, Gold's got 9 comics (1 noncanonical apparently), 5 are about impulse stealing (with some running away mixed in), 2 are about running away, and 2 are about sitting and brooding, so whenever he isn't stealing or running or running due to stealing, he is Impulse or This is a Happy House

Oh no, it IS canon! I didn't word it well, I guess I mean I didn't see how twice was a loop already wrt brooding. Two's a coincidence, three's a pattern and all that. The running's definitely a huge issue though, he pretty much does that every single time RIP

[quote]I had no idea he came across as brooding, and I'm trying to figure out where I gave that impression apart from Impulse? Lemme knoww. I kinda wonder if being active in the RP server has given a false impression of his archive, because the three of you mentioning a loop are also pretty active in there, where I very much leaned into the hedonism and brooding. why "apart from Impulse"? is that noncanon? Otherwise you answered your question, Gold's got 9 comics (1 noncanonical apparently), 5 are about impulse stealing (with some running away mixed in), 2 are about running away, and 2 are about sitting and brooding, so whenever he isn't stealing or running or running due to stealing, he is Impulse or This is a Happy House

I already DMed Don about this, but I'd love to discuss this further because I thought Gold was stuck in a narrative loop, but apparently it was a totally different loop to the one he was actually in? The running away is definitely something I realised in Hara vs Huey that I wanna break away from, and attempted in Gold vs Inez, but I thought I had been portraying Gold as too lighthearted before. I had no idea he came across as brooding, and I'm trying to figure out where I gave that impression apart from Impulse? Lemme knoww. I kinda wonder if being active in the RP server has given a false impression of his archive, because the three of you mentioning a loop are also pretty active in there, where I very much leaned into the hedonism and brooding.

I'll have to second and third the observations here in that this comic doesn't really tell us anything new we don't already know. Not to mention you've established it in better ways in previous comics. This weirdly felt like a spin of the wheel that that remains in place. I wish I remembered the crit you gave Swans narrative idling because I think it'd be apt advice to give yourself now. You got this interesting realism/cartoony vibe going on here page to page. Almost as if you can't quite decide which side to lean in more into. I think, especially for comics like this, it kinda works. I especially dug that close up reveal of Gold's eyes and utter exhaustion. I actually went back to read your first battle and compared it to this BB and you've come such a long way artistically. Especially with backgrounds and the form. Story wise, Flytee's advice of Reveal, resolve or set up is a great note to keep in mind for future BBs that I hope you implement going forward. I'm really just echoing previous commenters crits because I want to shove them forward as a 'oh that's great advice, lemme second that!' in hopes you take it and run into your next battle with it. I think Don has something with going purposeful with your palette to reflect the mood and even getting bolder with your spot blacks. In any case, this is goof effort, I'm glad you finished and I personally am looking forward to more.

Thank you all for the crits and votes! I’m pleasantly surprised at the amount of traffic this comic got, tbh, and this is really making me think about how I’m going to approach my next comics with Gold. Hopefully the next BB will shake him out of this loop, as it involves an active choice on his part and an actual goal being set, but that’s all I’ll give away for now. Also really glad this came across as realistic and made some you feel uncomfortable. I want people to really FEEL my comics. I noticed the first few votes put me below 50%, and with a few hours to go, I think it’s safe to say those voters haven’t commented. I can’t improve if I don’t know what the issues were, so please do share your thoughts. I have crits open for a reason!

I wonder if this lover he was so curt to in his inner turmoil, who seems to care about him to not take offense, survived the Armageddon... I'm really curious about what leads into and out of this set piece. I feel like I'm his brother or something, and I want to lecture him, clean up the apartment, etc.

Cy, your comics make me come so close to crying. ;_; can't get into it or i might over-share. but legit work, dude.

Looking at Gold's eyes in that 5th page make my eyes itch. Awesome Job!

The apartment is really well drawn, especially for it being run down! The details of the entire comic are nice and the mood is pretty palpable. I agree with what others have said about this being directionless for Gold, but I can appreciate that that was the point of the comic. This was an enjoyable read though, and I like the insight on Gold's thoughts and personality.

The unsettling trapped ambiance you created in this comic is very fitting with Gold's state of mind. It makes you feel incredibly uncomfortable, and that is not easy to achieve at all, so hats off to you for managing to capture it! The shots and paneling work really nicely with that oppresive atmosphere, but if I had no nitpick something, it would be the use of light and shadow- it went from night to dawn, but the characters's shading didn't change: regardless of how close Gold is to the window or how close the lit cig is to them, yanno? it makes it seem like Gold is looking at a painting rather than a window in some of the panels I agree with some of the comments, I feel a little lost- I know sometimes not giving the reader all the info plays a key part on good storytelling, but when we leave it way too vague, the readers might find it hard to get hooked or interested in whatever is happening Keep up the good work!

There's a lot to like here, all the little details scattered across the background, the characters body language and...most importantly for me, the slightly off, tense atmosphere. Capturing the grim headspace Gold is in, isn't easy, but you pulled it off. I think its the biggest strength of this comic. I enjoy these kinds of quiet scenes, though I think a good rule to have with Beyond battles is to either Reveal, resolve or set up. In these shorter comics that aren't smashing through some big dramatic plot, a future set up can still satisfy your readers. Without taking away from your original intent. Honestly just having an extra page- hinting at a plot thread could help. The note you ended this on made Gold appears directionless and a little lonely, which imo was a perfect opening for this type of thing. (Eg- Showing Kai looking for him or just hinting at collabs you're working on)

Visually this comic is nice, you have some varied panels and shots (which I know from experience can be a pain in the arse for a scene where your characters arent moving about in one setting). I dig the silhouette shot with the sunrise for the last panel and the blurry "vision" shot of the lamp is creative. In terms of the impression this entry left on me though is just a bit "eh, okay". Im assuming you were going for a melancholy vibe but I think that could have been strengthened with possibly another colour pallet that was less warm or something else with the lighting that suggested that the mood, atmosphere and location is pretty depressing and dingey. Nothing really happens? I mean, yeah, nothing HAS to happen - I suppose if your goal was to show Gold is feeling like shit and is a snarky bastard to the other character then thats okay, that's achieved - but I dont really have anything else to take away from it. I still wanted to share my thoughts, however, I had some praise and criticism that I hope you can find constructive for your future entries.

This comic is giving me existential dread with how relateable it is.

Okay, so you asked for more detailed feedback with this comic, and I think it can be summed up with this: This is the start of something interesting, but then it just stops. It looks like Gold is struggling over something, and it's very much a mental struggle, but we're not given privy to explore the struggle with him. We're closed out. On the plus side, this is a good example of what I mean about choosing songs that help punctuate the mood of a scene. Right in the lyrics, it shows part of Gold's irritation--it's a song about possession, something I'm guessing Gold doesn't want to think about. Possibly an aversion to committing to a relationship? That would be something I'd like to see explored in Gold's story. But I'm gleaning this from what I'm given. In all, this is a good set-up. I suggest that you continue this storyline so we can get a better understanding on what's going on with Gold.

visually this is a strong showing, good work on that front Having experience being with people with clinical depression for the past decade, this conversation felt extremely real, similar to ones I've even been in myself. Writing an enjoyable comic about this kind of character is difficult, though. Readers tend to prefer following protagonists with active agency, and for the past year Gold has been in a narratively complacent loop of impulse stealing, running away from people, and brooding, on repeat. Moving forward, now that the audience has a good handle of Gold's default looped state, I think you'll benefit from putting him in scenarios that shake him out of this status quo

How'd you know what my old dorm looked like? Your art is leveling up in all aspects. Textures and colors are the star here, adding to that "damn i feel like shit" mood going on here. For writing I could see how some could say there's not really anything going on here but I figured that's not what this is about. It's less about the action but more the feeling in this moment and to give us a look into Gold's world/head for a second. Staring at this the little detail gave me some insight to Gold's character; I think one of the most telling things was the scratches and bruises on the other guy's body. Makes me think Gold got some issues with aggression maybe. In the future i'd say if you want to push certain themes in your comics without being overt you can focus more on showing them visually rather than just dialogue. Work those environmental details and paneling to drive home those points.

Cy, your ability to create an atmosphere with these detailed subtle backgrounds is rad! I can see a clear improvement with each comic you keep churning out. The story while not being ultra engaging kind of played with the feeling of the comic making you believe how sad this situation actually is. Gold feels like shit, alone even when around company. Their partner laying bed just wanting to feel their touch. I dug it! Also, fuck that song, it is is miserable.

I love the colors here also this is a nice mood piece and you have been improving a bunch artwise. this location also feels very real. on page 4 the poses looked stiff to me for some reason. However the issue isn't so much the gesture as it is the bodies interacting with the cushion, even the shittiest cushions the person laying on it would have some sort of indent from resting on the bed or cushion. So try practicing some studies of people stitting on beds or cushions focusing on the indents that happen from the person slightly sinking into what they're sitting on. I like this kind of introspective mood piece and look forward to seeing you do more. great job.

Yo I gotta say first off that is one of the most realistic terrible apartment rooms i've seen ever on void. That power strip used as an extension cord for a phone charger, the solitary glass table - I've fuckin slummed it in this room a hundred times. Artwise, this is a clear improvement on all fronts, the textures are really rich, and the palette is also very pleasant, it's subtle but also vibrant in the right ways. On page 6, in the middle panel, that "No" balloon reads before the "just stay here" balloon, which was a little disorienting. Writing wise, your comments makes me wonder if there is subtext I'm missing, but if not I feel that this is a very concise little story and definitely makes Gold's character more potent and compelling. This dialogue is also very realistic, it can be very tough to nail that. Great stuff!

Good stuff. Clear improvement across the board. loved the grittyness of thd apartment.

Hi all, I know I already made an author’s note but I’ve got some more to say that just wasn’t right to slap in front of a comic XD I want to start diving deeper with Gold, and with his character I thought it would be fitting to go with implications before his shtick is properly revealed. I’m not sure if I made things too vague to understand here or completely misfired and made things too overt instead, so I’d be really interested to hear any thoughts or speculation you might have about the situation. Btw, this is the song playing! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8ex38L8xtNI

Will this Happy house be a sitcom or a dark drama?

ngl I get the feeling the house is not very happy.