snager: Im definitely going to read up on this guy if JellyRaptor returns XD There's not really anything to read up on, really. I gotta get him back in the game

well jelly raptor returned

saw the random match at the side and thought Keito looked cool. Im definitely going to read up on this guy if JellyRaptor returns XD

Sorry for not commenting sooner! I liked both of these a lot! I will echo that jelly's got a bit rough to read in the middle there, but it could be neat to see polished up someday! Fred, how do you do this stuff, I dont understand. Your writing is super good!

Jellyraptor: I like what you were going for here. The action gets a little unclear at the end, just with some small panels that don't frame the action as well as a larger panel would, when Kaito fires the beam. I think for your parallel scenes to work better, maybe establishing a layout that keeps each of the two scenes on it's own side if the page, and sticking to that format, would make it more clear that's what's going on. Fred: I love this comic, but you totally ruined Keito, you bastard.

FRED: YOU MONSTER, THIS SCAR HAS RUINED KEITO, I DON'T KNOW HOW YOU COULD DO THIS TO ANOTHER PERSON ;_; other than that good and fun tho! jelly: i really like what you're going for here!! big points for being ambitious and still pretty readable even not lined. i didn't get at first they were at totally unrelated places doing unrelated things, though—thought buster was the one getting robbed, but then he joins in, and starts gambling?? maybe putting the two entering shots on the first page more in parallel would clear that up?

FRED- This was such a mundane and unassuming 'scar', which in ANY OTHER SITUATION I'd gloss over as a ho hum thing. This is not one of those times. Your deadpan and comedic beats really built up to a 'let down' that was both funny and a well deserved reward for such a bombastic entrance from Keito. It's not easy to make a big moment fizzle in an entertaining and engaging way, but you certainly managed it! JELLYRAPTOR- I'm bummed to see another sketchy comic from you, but the short deadline and increase in page count is a step up from the last battle we saw you in. You have a great flow of movement in the juxtaposed events going on for each character- and it was a nice change of pace to see two voiders battling, just not with each other. Yet still influencing each others day to day. I get a scar had to happen considering that's what you two went in for, but accounting for Casino's luck, i'm surprised there wasn't a more convoluted means for lady Luck to try and mitigate this damage somehow.

Fred: Your story and situation in this are uniquely mundane and really funny, not sure what this type of humor is called but I enjoy it and kind of want to do it myself. I do also like the colors you used in this it leads to a very interested palette, but it feels like the changes and uses of those colors at times where odd. on the first panel the left wall has gray and purple but the way it's separated is in a jagged angle that doesn't seem to have any reason to it. also on panels 8 and 9 the upper right wall to ceiling part goes from a blue to white as well as the wall on panel 9 having two colors on it yet on every other panel that wall is one solid color. I do get the general idea of the mood change that you used by changing colors but some of the points where the colors aren't one solid one but transition to others don't seem to have a rhyme or reason to them. Besides the weird places of color changes the rest of the art is solid and each of the characters expressions are great. This was a solid enjoyable comic and your writing and scenarios is really fun and I look forward to more. Jelly: Even in sketch unfinished form your art still looks really clean and is readable and is always awesome. Also I feel like you managed to get most of the ideas across in this, the only thing i mainly had trouble with was where buster was. When you're short on time and don't have the time to make more clear establishing shots a little text bubble saying where buster was would have helped clarify that he was in a Casino and not some sort of backroom game. There is also a bit of confusion on page 6 were Keito shoots the beam it goes to the left but it hits buster coming from the right, so horizontally flipping some of those panels could help clarify that. I'm interested to also see why Keito used such lethal force on these guys, I didn't take him for a killer but if that beam hit anyone else or went any other way there would have been massive death/property damage. It is cool to see how potentially Powerfully Keito is though. Finally and most important don't feel bad for this or any of the other comics you have done. You already have 3 battles done this year and you're art even in sketch form is great. You can also on your own time ink and color battles and resubmit them as bbs, that would be pretty cool to see all that you planned since you have great ambitions for your comics. Good job on this comic and I look forward to seeing more of your future stuff.

I got too ambitious with my idea, given such a short deadline. I had to cut out a lot of the middle to make the deadline but I hope the idea still gets across

okay i'm ready