Intro Story / Burlesque

Intro Story — Burlesque

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Fluffsamasprime
Artist
413 comments
# 8   Posted: Jun 4 2022, 03:02 PM
I knew there was one I forgot to comment on.
I'm still on the 'I'd like to see hand drawn background' train, but this was still entertaining.
The last part did get a little confusing. I thought Burlesque's ability was fading because the person he copied died.
This was still really entertaining. It's nice to see some characters with a little meat on them.

PutridVodka
Artist
145 comments
# 7   Posted: May 31 2022, 11:04 PM
Ohh very intriguing! wondering what kind of stuff they are gonna be up to- especially with an intro like this. Loved the ending!

Heathen
Artist
459 comments
# 6   Posted: May 30 2022, 12:00 AM
 
It's supposed to show that Trey's memory is poor. It is supposed to add to his character (Narratively it explains why Damocles doesn't just shoot another laser right away.)
Quote from: LiquidSpoon
It seems like an odd choice when your character is a shapeshifter. Normally a character exhibiting a suspicious lack of knowledge amongst friends is a clue that they aren’t who they appear to be. But in this case, it was just misleading. It made me go, “ok, Trey must be Burlesque, he’s acting weird”, but then Burlesque just drops in and kills Damocles, and I’m like, “oh. Wait, what?” And then I just had to try and figure out who was standing where and whether the 180 was being broken, and it got kind of confusing.


Trey and Damocles are mean to Pimm to show that they deserve what they get.
Quote from: LiquidSpoon
This just makes me wonder why Pimm is with them in the first place.

One of Burlesques's abilities makes it so that only the person being copied can tell the difference visually. so in that situation, Pimm couldn't tell them apart.
Quote from: LiquidSpoon
Ok, the shot, reverse shot makes it read like Pimm is looking at Butlesque’s blank face and that’s what she’s seeing, so you needed a different way to convey that clearly. For example, the shot, reverse shot showing Pimm and then Trey, they hug, and then we see from behind Pimm as they’re hugging, that it’s actually Burlesque.

Just because you can move as fast as a bullet doesn't mean you can think at the speed of a bullet. It also says "in the room" and they're clearly outside. ¯_(ツ)_/¯
Quote from: LiquidSpoon
smh

Thanks for addressing my questions, though. You get points for creativity, your execution just needs some work. I look forward to seeing you hone your craft!

LiquidSpoon
Artist
1 comment
# 5   Posted: May 29 2022, 09:02 PM
I have questions.

Why couldn’t Trey remember his prior conversations with Damocles?

Why was everyone so mean to Pimm?

Why did Pimm think she was shooting the impostor, but then was relieved when it turned out she shot the real Trey?

How was Pimm able to shoot Trey when he has the power to move faster than the fastest thing in the room, which means he can move faster than the bullet as soon as it leaves the gun?
Quote from: Heathen

It's supposed to show that Trey's memory is poor. It is supposed to add to his character (Narratively it explains why Damocles doesn't just shoot another laser right away.)

Trey and Damocles are mean to Pimm to show that they deserve what they get.

One of Burlesques's abilities makes it so that only the person being copied can tell the difference visually. so in that situation, Pimm couldn't tell them apart.

Just because you can move as fast as a bullet doesn't mean you can think at the speed of a bullet. It also says "in the room" and they're clearly outside. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Heathen
Artist
459 comments
# 4   Posted: May 29 2022, 05:13 PM
I have questions.

Why couldn’t Trey remember his prior conversations with Damocles?

Why was everyone so mean to Pimm?

Why did Pimm think she was shooting the impostor, but then was relieved when it turned out she shot the real Trey?

How was Pimm able to shoot Trey when he has the power to move faster than the fastest thing in the room, which means he can move faster than the bullet as soon as it leaves the gun?

snager
Artist
339 comments
# 3   Posted: May 29 2022, 03:28 PM
that was a good twist at the end: ShowHide
 op, who hurt you  


Bobert
Artist
64 comments
# 2   Posted: May 28 2022, 03:41 AM
Darn! You should have kept the fake prince guy alive and used him as another character later on, his gimmick powers were cool. You could have a really neat diverse roster of funny little dewds.

RamenBean18
Artist
57 comments
# 1   Posted: May 26 2022, 02:17 PM
Hey Spoon! Man this intro comic came out great! The ending really pulled at my heart strings!! You did a great job with the characters! Can’t wait to see more of your stories!! As long as you keep at it, then I know you will do great things!

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