Miranda Munroe vs. Captain Lunch Box, The Cat, Mustard

Miranda Munroe vs. Captain Lunch Box, The Cat, Mustard

by Cab

This comic has been rated suitable for teens and up by its creator(s)

Icon for Miranda Munroe54.7%
229 points
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Crit level: No preference
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This comic has been rated suitable for all ages by its creator(s)

Icon for Captain Lunch Box, The Cat, Mustard45.3%
190 points
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Crit level: Open to any comments or critiques
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Critiques & Comments
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Fluffsamasprime
Artist
416 comments
# 10   Posted: Feb 5 2022, 07:11 PM
Trm: You drew the robot monkeys so cute! I really enjoy your humor. Also enjoy how you drew Miranda! Her lips give me a chuckle how pouty they are.

Cab: THank you for reading Alley Cat Blues to me. Ever since covid took my eyes....

Really enjoyed these! awesome job!!!

snager
Artist
339 comments
# 9   Posted: Feb 5 2022, 01:40 PM
Hey guys!

You know, doing this comic right here right now should give everyone in speed!date ideas for where to take their new sweethearts, so excellent timing imo. i def want Kurdis to go here and do maybe battle TRM one day. i have ideas.

Cab: I like the inner monologue of The Cat but i would have thought it was funnier if you had drawn some panels of the noir crime drama the cat is writing instead: though I was imagining the main detective character as a regular house cat half the time, and a furry the other half, so maybe its best to leave it up to imagination? or maybe i wasn't supposed to actually sit here and read it. but for the amount of energy you put in penning it and the amount of time i spent reading it, just a splash page of the noir AU of void with a detective kitten in the corner could have done the trick.

 the story about the real life crime going on outside is engaging. you did that thing where you're off, telling your own little Void Story while you're supposed to be battling someone instead, but you did remember to make your opponent more integral to the story, with the restaurant being the whole point of the plots. and, now that you've taught me how to plot, i can tell you this: you have two plots. it is kind of like watching two cars racing on separate tracks and trying to gage which car is winning. but then at the end, both cars cross the finish line at the same time and you're surprised to realize it was all a publicity stunt. the two plots are thus: the Mustard Restaurant story were the girls have to pay off an enormous bill (which seems to always be the point of Mustard Restaurant)  vs. Miranda needing to fullfill her duties as a crime daughter. it's a weird divergence, but it ticks all the boxes, with Lunchbox helping Miranda out and the goons coming in and wrecking the place, tidying up the frayed ends of both stories neatly. :thinking emoji:

TRM: I thought it was really clever to have the monkey bots accidentally abduct The Cat and a neat way to introduce the idea of The Cat as a bureaucratically official staple of Enter Void the City. very futurama style humor here. like cab, you have Miranda accrue massive debt to mr. Mustard: want to think of him as the antagonist, but if Miranda is as cheap as she seems in both of these, well, he's just a small business owner trying to make his dreams a reality.

have a song off youtube, Mean Mr Mustard https://youtu.be/oMarHac3VpQ

also, while the characterization is sound and the plot of the teleporter clever, the panel layouts are still really crowded and not really traditional to any standard. :P keep working at it, you're getting better all the time.

have another https://youtu.be/EGlo9LzmOME

Flytee
Artist
307 comments
# 8   Posted: Feb 4 2022, 11:57 AM
Cab- Dang I can't really think of anything substantial to add that hasn't been said already. I'll just throw in a few random thoughts- Itami and Miranda are a cute duo! I enjoyed their interactions and I'm hype to see future ones teased. I will also admit the fan service was a bit hit or miss, but this might be more of my personal taste.

TRM- Cute comic, fun style and great energy. I can't wait to watch you continue to grow on the site!
Quickie suggestion- you should look up some tutorials on how to layout your panels and speech bubbles, unfortunately, they were a bit too untidy and cramped here. For example, I generally wouldn't recommend overlapping panels unless there's a purpose for it, gutters make layouts a lot more readable, especially when there are a lot of panels and text.
I think it's easily solved and would noticeably improve the quality of your pages.


Jade★
Council
1167 comments
# 7   Posted: Feb 3 2022, 08:27 PM
Just kinda jotting down thoughts as I go more or less, so sorry if these are disjointed haha.

I think my favorite part of this comic was the cat. Maybe it's because I love noir and pulp fiction and it just felt nice to read something in that style, or maybe it was the absurdity of such dark, bloody narratives coming from a cartoon cat. It's a silly way to include a character that didn't directly interact with the main plot, and idk, it just hit me in the right way I guess!

Poor Itami, she didn't deserve any of this XD. The scene with her getting in a fight with those creeps and then got in trouble for it is such a great commentary on how businesses are incentivized to care more about making money than about how their workers are treated. Kind of an unexpected level of deepness in an otherwise cartoony type of story, I dig it.

Definitely laughed at Mustard responding to threats of bad reviews by saying he's already got plenty of them and he doesn't care XD. What an icon.

Extra points for the Ruckus cameo 🙌

I felt like I was speed-reading a screenplay reading this comic XD. Your panels are really close together and arranged in a way that makes it confusing which order they're supposed to be read in, which leaves me scanning the dialogue to understand what's going on. Events happened so quickly one right after another, and some of it I didn't quite get what was going on. I recommend looking up tutorials for how to guide a reader's eye through panel composition and visual hierarchy, and focus on shorter stories where you can give impactful moments more of the time and attention they deserve.

Well done completing another comic, and I look forward to seeing more from you soon!

Heavenbat
Artist
227 comments
# 6   Posted: Feb 2 2022, 06:32 PM
Cab: Art-wise, I don't really have anything to say that hasn't been said to you a hundred times before, so I'll focus on the story--I think you had a good base idea, but I think your stories sometimes tend to suffer a bit from bloat; in other words, I think you could really benefit on editing down, tightening up the story a bit. There's a lot of superfluous moments and words that don't really add much that could be taken out, and streamlined things a bit more. The biggest example of this would be the pages with The Cat. I honestly found myself skipping those pages entirely because it was A Lot of text that had zero impact on the overall story. As is, lots of things kind of just Happen, one after the other, and it just feels a little... chaotic? Again, though, the base idea is good, it just needs some work to really make it shine!

TRM: What a cute little story, lol. I loved all the interactions between all the characters--it felt chaotic, but like, a manageable chaos? Good humor too. My main critique is that I think you'd benefit from utilizing gutters in between panels, and maybe some better organization of both panels and speech bubbles. Everything feels a tad cluttered, which can make it hard to figure out where the eye should be going next.

IItherockmanII
Artist
53 comments
# 5   Posted: Feb 2 2022, 12:01 PM
Loved these! Awesome battle both of you.

Red
Council
696 comments
# 4   Posted: Feb 2 2022, 09:23 AM
I like how you two basically ended up with very similar plots lol. TRM, your art has really grown on me, something about your style just really appeals to me. I don't think the blurring effect you did to indicate movement worked out well though, I'd try those classic inked action lines instead. Cab, I don't understand how you're able to churn out SO many pages, you are really a machine. I'd like to see you work on your word placement in the balloons. There were a few times I thought it was a little awkward or there were text walls.

Cab
Artist
140 comments
# 3   Posted: Feb 1 2022, 01:45 PM
If enough ppl ask perhaps we'll see some more Jasper Cloverpaws adventures down the road in the future

Platinumartist
Artist
141 comments
# 2   Posted: Jan 16 2022, 07:29 PM
Oooh!!! I"M SO HYPE FOR DIS ONE!!!!!

Strawberry Pepper
Artist
23 comments
# 1   Posted: Jan 10 2022, 03:43 AM
*minis toot inspiration as they march about art frens with great hype*

Comic Details -

 
Drawing Time: 3 weeks
Ended: Feb 8th, 2022
Votes Cast: 11
Page Views: 385
Winner: Cab
 

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