A Bad Moon Rising / Roxy vs. Darren J. Cardinalis

A Bad Moon Rising — Roxy vs. Darren J. Cardinalis

by Cab

This comic has been rated suitable for teens and up by its creator(s)

Icon for Roxy51.3%
230 points
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Crit level: No preference

This comic has been rated suitable for teens and up by its creator(s)

Icon for Darren J. Cardinalis48.7%
218 points
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Crit level: No critique desired, comments encouraged
This battle is a year in the making. When I came up with the Darren character, originally Roxy was going to mentor Darren through Void and life, but I just couldn't get my character in Entervoid in time. But I like to think that he has made friends with Roxy before coming to Void. and this is just a tale on how that is possible, being told by the one and only Meredith!

The Song that Darren was singing - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=huc7IL7b8S8
tags: Bird Village, darren j. cardinalis, Lady Lynn, roxy, Roxy Lane, sebastian, sir meredith archibald esq., Tori

Critiques & Comments
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# 11   Posted: Dec 12 2021, 07:39 PM
Good work! It was a nice read from both sides.

# 10   Posted: Dec 12 2021, 06:50 PM
It was neat seeing some Darren backstory, I liked that his flack? tribe? had a pretty universal outfit they wore for both genders. Fantastic world building.

Cab! More spooky circus back story?!? We gonna see more of the circus soon? What will happen to Darren? Will he be forced to sing on a cruise ship for all eternity?

Community Manager
# 9   Posted: Dec 12 2021, 04:21 PM
There's something very charming about your worldbuilding, and I like the variety of birds you're bringing to this.

The establishing shot of the graveyard is very good, and the hook of Darrell getting abducted for a side show is an interesting plot for Platinum to pick up.  You use of songs helped push the emotional atmosphere in a much better way than the Roxy rounds last year.

But please, either go over your dialog before putting it in the comic, or have someone proofread.  There's a feeling of excess when it comes to how you currently write dialog, and that can literally be a lot to take in when reading a comic.  If you're able to say it in fewer words, do it.

# 8   Posted: Dec 12 2021, 03:21 PM
Cab: I don't know if there's anything I can say that everyone else hasn't already. This was a nice, feel good comic that took a gruesome turn, and I know the both of you will deliver when the rest of the story is hashed out.

Platinum: If there's one thing I appreciate with your comics, it's your worldbuilding. I hope you keep it up as you move forward!

# 7   Posted: Dec 9 2021, 12:41 PM
cab: this was a intense entertaining read! your mending skills regarding other comics and hinting to them, including their plots is such a nice add (also thanks for stated references). its a cruel ending, i actually thought its a scar battle by that time. quality wise. well its cab tm. composition made it for a fluent read and i am impressed by all those lyrics you included too.

platinum: i am glad you came around to finish this in the end. i guess you had your fair share of lessons over the process. looking forward to your next comic.

# 6   Posted: Dec 8 2021, 02:35 AM
Cab- That took a grizzly turn! That final reveal on the last panel was really effective. Poor Darren!
I also enjoy how your NPCs and stories continue to overlap, the Cabverse grows.

Plat- Aw again, Poor Darren, this guy can't catch a break. This was a sweet, sentimental comic. Its great that you continue to build upon the lore of your character.

# 5   Posted: Dec 7 2021, 09:39 PM
:squint emoji: shit sorry i critted

# 4   Posted: Dec 7 2021, 09:27 PM
Those were great comics guys!
Cab that was such a wholesome story until... Mondrake showed up *sobs*, it hurts seeing a nice and innocent character like Darren having to experience a nightmare like that. That was an emotional rollercoaster and i enjoyed every panel. Now i couldn't be more hype to know what comes next. 👀✨

Platinum doesn't want critiques so i'll just say that i enjoyed knowing more of Darren's past, his friends, and little brothers (that panel was seriously too cute ajgdfgh)

# 3   Posted: Dec 6 2021, 08:36 AM
These are amazing guys!! Great job Cab!!
And great job Platinum!! 😊

# 2   Posted: Dec 5 2021, 11:18 PM
this is all i can think of every time i look at Roxy's shirt https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ry5URU-Py2Q

cab: felt like this was more a platonic love letter to platinum and i laud the commitment to the sincerity. god, i wish that were me. I also can see you were trying to make Darren have some gritty dark side. of course, now that the dark carnival has him, it's gonna be a bitch helping him escape. esp. when he's not even in the RP guild? that could take decade!

platinum, i told you all my thoughts in the live reading but to recap: this just feels like you're writing the first chapter of a story. but even if you're laying down the foundation, we don't learn a lot about Darren. we just get some world building. but there's no tension and no lesson. Darren choses to go to void and there's no reason for him not to and also nothing really stops him from trying and succeeding. he doesn't learn or change. he's just making plans and filling out paper work to get there, so it feels unearned kind of?. its not super clear why he wants to go to void so bad, unless you read cab's side first and see Darren's scary thoughts. but the fact that I'm here able to critique you on the bones of your story structure is a really great sign that you're headed in the right direction!  

# 1   Posted: Nov 11 2021, 03:24 PM
Originally we were supposed to do this during October but I got a bit busy with Resurrection Squad so we decided to push back on it a little. But hopefully you guys will like what both Cab and myself have in store

Comic Details -

Drawing Time: 4 weeks
Ended: Dec 12th, 2021
Votes Cast: 11
Page Views: 549
Winner: Cab

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