Intro Story / Brittany Marshal

Intro Story / Brittany Marshal

Intro Story — Brittany Marshal

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Critiques & Comments
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# 6   Posted: Apr 13 2021, 04:51 AM
I deeply dislike Brittany...which is clearly your goal with this comic, so nice work!
Brittany and the other cheerleaders all looked great here, you have a really strong, clean, cartoony style. However, the backgrounds on page 1 felt a tad bland in comparison.  
I love the idea behind the final page, but the animation should have been incorporated into a comic page as a panel. I think this would've helped the punchline hit- instead of people being distracted by a sudden surprise Gif.  

My biggest crit is this should've been coloured, I don't think this is your best work, which is a shame since an intro is a good opportunity to go ham.

Despite all this, I still enjoyed your comic. Brittany fills the bitchy role perfectly and I'm curious to see what she gets up to. I hope she channels her inner Regina George.

# 5   Posted: Apr 12 2021, 05:11 AM
Thanks everyone. Got some good feedback on this one that I hope I can bring into future stuff.

# 4   Posted: Apr 8 2021, 01:12 PM
Good motion and character interaction lol. Excited to see where she goes from here.
Would have loved to see come color, as intros are usually a representation of your best foot forward.. or at least some grayscale or something.

I second Heathen on the last page.. the gif was sudden and unexpected and only half showed up on a phone.
I might have included more gifs throughout to lead up to that one. Maybe with the routine moves? I don’t know.

Over all it’s good. Look forward to seeing more

# 3   Posted: Apr 7 2021, 11:36 AM
Brittany is utterly unlikeable, so I’ll be interested to see if she has a satisfying arc, or if she just stays insufferable.

I don’t understand your choice to make the last page a splash and a .gif. You didn’t establish that language earlier, so the sudden inclusion of a .gif panel is jarring, and made confusing by the wide dimension of the page, when viewed on a phone, you don’t see the right side of the panel. So it took me several loops of the .gif to realize what was happening.

I’m seeing some great improvement in your already strong cartooning skills, though. The art on this is looking really nice. It does feel unfinished, though, without color or some shading on the figures.

# 2   Posted: Apr 6 2021, 07:19 PM
Great character voice here, Brittany’s attitude is immediately clear. I can tell she’s impatient, mean and has a superiority complex. I enjoyed the character design too, I’m glad you workshopped a bit because Brittany feels distinct now, and I liked the bunny girl too. The establishing shot at the beginning was good, I like how you used the spotblacks, but environment seems to fall by the wayside afterwards. Even in closeups, you could add lines to indicate floorboards. This would also help keeping character’s positions consistent, because right now they seem to change places with every shot.

Page 1, panel 3: Brittany faces the 5 cheerleaders, dog at the far left and bunny girl at the far right. Brittany is to the right of the dog.
Panel 4: Brittany is to the left of the dog, seemingly staring into empty space.
Page 2: Bunny girl only has empty space to her left instead of the other cheerleader.
Page 3: Bunny girl is now at the far left, the opposite side. There are only 3 cheerleaders now.

In such a short, background-light comic, the switches and dropped characters are pretty noticeable and disorientating. Finally, it looks like you copy pasted the bodies of the cheerleaders in the last panel, which makes the animation and movement look very stiff. Dog is literally T-posing in the air. Brittany can stay the same for the animation, but you should definitely redraw the other characters and push their poses more, contort them, make it clear they’re jumping away from a laser and not just lifting a leg or levitating.

# 1   Posted: Apr 6 2021, 05:39 PM
I love how much a bitch she is. This is great Diz hope to see you do more comics

Comic Details -

Ended: Apr 13th, 2021
Votes Cast: 18
Page Views: 223

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