Kalira, Skalo / Lilyfeather and The Gray Owl

Kalira, Skalo / Lilyfeather and The Gray Owl

Kalira, Skalo — Lilyfeather and The Gray Owl

This comic has been rated suitable for teens and up by its creator(s)

Icon for LilyfeatherIcon for The Gray Owl
Page 1Page 2Page 3Page 4

Crit level: Open to any comments or critiques
Pages 1-2 Begun 2 years ago; 3-4 completed this year. Takes place BEFORE Arma 2020

Story: Shen & PyrasTerran
Pencils & Layout: PyrasTerran
Colors & Rendering: Shen
Lettering: Shen
tags: Lilyfeather, the gray owl

Critiques & Comments
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# 10   Posted: Apr 9 2021, 11:45 AM
*Raises an eyebrow at Shen*
Quote from: Heathen
WHAT I NEVER IMPLIED ANYTHING! XD i think it could be cute LATER when shes an adult but thats just my own musings. In THIS story, nothing romantic is happening, its two people learning from each other and deciding to trust the other.

# 9   Posted: Apr 8 2021, 08:15 PM
*Raises an eyebrow at Shen*

Global Moderator
# 8   Posted: Apr 7 2021, 12:26 PM
Thanks everyone so far for the crits. I wanna get one thing out in the open for clarity: This isn't a shipping comic. Revu is a professor in his late 20's-early 30's and Lily at the time is his 19-year-old student. Though they may learn from each other, the relationship is teacher-pupil and Revu isn't interested in anything past that. No biggie if anyone assumed something else, just wanted to clear this up so folks aren't expecting something else in future stories.

# 7   Posted: Apr 7 2021, 12:01 PM
I, too, was very impressed by that “camera flip”. It’s not often a void comic does something I’ve never seen in a comic before. Standout sequence.

I do feel like the drama here pulled its punch, though. It all felt a bit too contrived for the sake of shipping these characters. I’d like to see some real, raw conflict between these two. Don’t make us wonder WHEN they’re going to reconcile their differences, make us wonder IF they will, and hope for it.

# 6   Posted: Apr 7 2021, 07:54 AM
Hey guys!

so, i thought this was gonna be one of those basic hack hack kill kill ooo violence. grundge. bad thing happen to lilly.

and it was kind of violence as the catalyst for drama which is what we're all about here.

but then you pulled that bait and switch and had her ask to learn the professor's language at the end. 6 on the cry scale. you almost got me. now everyone and their aunt's dog is out here making feather boys right now, myself included.

also, love that one panel. you know the one. the long running one.

# 5   Posted: Apr 6 2021, 01:33 PM
I'm sorry I don't have the energy to give this a more thorough crit, but I also feel like you've both improved so much since you started this that an in-depth crit wouldn't be that helpful.

What I do want to say is that I love your colors, your use of space in storytelling in an infinite scroll comic like this, and the general concept of Lily discovering Revu's true nature and coming to accept it. That panel where the street turned upside down was 😩👌

I do think it felt a little weird that Lily seemed so ready to accept Gray Owl's logic, and would love to see their conflicting morals explored more. I like that Lily came to see that Revu still had a positive influence on the world that he could pass on to her, and accepted his help despite her doubts, I just want to see more of her personal struggle, or potentially what kind of influence she might have on him going forward.

# 4   Posted: Apr 6 2021, 11:59 AM
Damn! These colors set the mood so well! LOve the panel on page 2 where Lily is fleeing, it works so well with scrolling down

Community Manager
# 3   Posted: Apr 3 2021, 11:47 PM
I remember seeing wips of this and page 2 before, it's awesome this finally came out as a BB. I like this overall story and the interaction and development of the relationship between these two characters. I do like that Lily questioned Owl and if he's really actually doing any good but I don't think it went far enough. Like Owl says murdering these guys saved a bunch of future lives from slavers, but he just killed a bunch of people and we don't see anything showing that those future lives are actually secured. What's stopping other slavers of gangsters taking advantage of them or using their vulnerable positions to bolster their own forces?

I also think another thing that needs to be addressed in Gray Owl's mindset all the people who follow the greedy evil leaders must be lowly rats, not considering the systems that are in place that put people in situations where that is their only choice they have if they don't want to just wither and die.

Gray Owl is trying to apply an individualistic solution to a systematic problem, and your stories just go with it not questioning if his individualistic solution is actually solving anything and just assume it does without showing any proof for that.  I personally don't think it would ever work even if he managed to do it because this is a systematic problem, But if there was proof of his murders suddenly making people immune to slavers or oppression that would be something more. Or if there was proof of the opposite showing how his murders actually aren't doing anything since the systematic problems still exist and there are plenty of people in void to fill those gaps and we see how Gray Owl reacts to that.
The fact Lily just takes him for his word that he's actually making changes, despite no proof any of this murder  has effected anything in void, is a little disappointing. But it makes sense since she's still a teenager and really still looks up to him as a teacher so she may not be as critical of him as she should be.

I don't want this to come off like you to have answers capitalistic, exploitative systems and how we can actually get rid of and change them. But now a days if you're doing a comic and one of the main focuses is the protagonist trying to destroy the high class by killing them all, you need more nuance in your story and more reflection on how the capitalistic systems of pression are a lot more systematic than individualistic. Gray Owl himself doesn't need to be the one reflecting on it, but they need to be more present in these comics and not brushed away with "We may have different morals, but Your justice can be more effective." without us ever seeing said justice actually have visible changes on void.

I do look forward to seeing more Gray Owl and am interested in where his story goes, I'm interested in similar stories and want to see Gray Owl's position challenged more. Also needless to say the art in this comic is amazing.

# 2   Posted: Apr 3 2021, 10:14 PM
I know some of this is old but it honestly still holds up pretty well visually! I absolutely love the panel with the ghosts swirling around Revu on page 1, and the shot of Lily that turns upside down on page 2, that was really creative. The colours were great, really atmospheric. They set the tone well for every scene, though I especially dug the high contrast night palette of red and navy. Owl’s silhouette with the knives against Lily’s neck? Big Yes. The ending was sweet, and I’m guessing the title is in Roclani? Because if so that’s a nice touch.

I know panels are spaced out for pacing reasons, but I think leaving the gutters (?) white made the pages feel emptier than they actually were. I didn’t have this issue with page 2 - the black worked well - but black would probably be too dark and change the tone for the other pages. So I can’t offer any solid suggestions, but I definitely think it should have been something other than white.

On the writing side, for the most part it was good, but I found Lily’s dialogue somewhat OOC on page 2. I expect Owl to talk that way, but not her. It didn’t feel like a spur of the moment outburst from a self-righteous teenager, but something she’d prepared beforehand, as if she knew what Revu was doing and had planned an intervention or something. I’m not sure how old Lily is in this comic but, stating so clearly that she pushed her morals on Revu later also felt strange, overly mature to me? I don’t know many adults who would admit that so plainly.

# 1   Posted: Apr 3 2021, 08:01 PM
Takes place BEFORE Armageddon 2020!! Probably even Before Skyfall.
NOTE: THIS COMIC IS 2 YEARS IN THE MAKING. Thats mostly on me for being slow at colouring but PLEASE BE GENTLE about critting the first couple pages as they are NOT recent.

Comic Details -

Drawing Time: 1 week
Ended: Apr 10th, 2021
Votes Cast: 16
Page Views: 634

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