The Best Slice of Pie (A Prologue) / Ran Gavinmaur and Colbitzer

The Best Slice of Pie (A Prologue) / Ran Gavinmaur and Colbitzer

The Best Slice of Pie (A Prologue) — Ran Gavinmaur and Colbitzer

by Rivana and Sean

This comic has been rated suitable for all ages by its creator(s)

Icon for Ran GavinmaurIcon for Colbitzer
70%
Page 1Page 2Page 3Page 4

Crit level: No preference
tags: colbitzer, elections, noir, pie, ran, ran gavinmaur




Critiques & Comments
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Rivana
Artist
326 comments
# 20   Posted: Mar 18 2021, 07:11 AM
Doh! I knew I forgot something.

Snager- their names and all the info indicated in the file that Ran left Colbitzer were given to me by the characters' respective artists (Goldie, JCee, Skulls and Hats)   as data that Ran can find out canonically from spying. The real names are also in the char bios.

Rikun
Artist
132 comments
# 19   Posted: Mar 17 2021, 09:00 PM
This was a really short comic, and the setup is interesting. My biggest note is that the compositions all feel flat, especially the last panel of page 2, and perhaps what can help for next time would be experimenting with the layouts during the thumbnail stage for more dynamic setups. Your anatomy is solid as always, but perhaps push the poses more?

Hopefully this helps!

Rivana
Artist
326 comments
# 18   Posted: Mar 17 2021, 08:31 PM
First of all, thanks everyone for the feedback and votes! Definitely taking them into consideration in the next installments. Also Sean, thanks for the opportunity again to have my brand new character already interact with one of the great villains in the site. It's such an honor. :)

Colbitzer eating pie like he would an apple radiates pure chaotic energy. Then again what do I know? He might eat an apple with a fork and knife what an absolute psychopath.
Quote from: Pizza Man

LOL. It could've been worse. The initial plan Sean suggested that Colbitzer take out his cigarette on the pie before eating it with his bare hand.  I then realized that his cig was in the opposite hand and having him reach over to the other side to take it out would've looked a bit awkward lol.

I blame Raven.
Quote from: Footini

I would too.

Now I wonder if those drips of pie filling on the “menu” aren’t incidental afterall.
Quote from: Heathen

Stay tuned and find out :)

Just a few tidbits I wanted to share on the thoughts behind this:

Yuuuup I totally agree that a lot of info was lacking. As mentioned, this was supposed to be part of Ran's BB (The Epilogue actually) and everything would've made sense about Ran's actions had the events leading up to this was shown already.

When I spoke to Sean about permitting me to cameo Colbitzer and knowing some small plans he has on the way. I made the decision to release this comic as a Prelude to some events in the near future instead to get the ball rolling so to speak.

This short comic's purpose is really not about the characterization/exploring the interaction between  Colbitzer and Ran though we did try to show a bit of it through their actions but it wasn't something we intended the audiences to catch on (I am actually glad some did). Ran wouldn't chat up Colbitzer this early so I stuck to what the character would do (as disappointing as that may be cos I myself would want to see more back and forth from these two).

The comic's sole intent is  to capitalize on the anti-meta sentiment brewing within the city since the Retribution comic. Ran had been spying on the VCV in particular in the last few months. (Not really required reads for this comic but first panel of Swan's Calm After the Storm comic and Raven's Popular Monster BB had shown Ran using his mech hawks to do this.), From that dossier, Ran clearly believes that these 'heroines' aren't what they seem. . The motivation behind this is purposely hidden for now because I still need to make that comic explaining it all lol.

With all that said, I am glad that there's interest to get to know more about these two bastards. What's next for Ran is actually his BB so the feedback we got from this is really helpful. Thank you very much!

PS - Oh and yeah I def need to get better at drawing hands and anatomy in general :)

Cab
Artist
121 comments
# 17   Posted: Mar 17 2021, 03:16 AM
I enjoyed this tale, it may be short but its rich with potential, the set-up has me intrigued, looks like Colbitzer will be hunting VCV next, I can't wait to see the pay off to this tale.

Great job both of you.

Sean
Approval Committee
380 comments
# 16   Posted: Mar 16 2021, 10:04 AM
Just want to say thank you to everyone who has commented on this comic! I really appreciate all your opinions and critiques! I'll be sure to apply everything mentioned here to my next comic to make the panels flow better and help the reader focus easier on important points of the plot. We had a lot of subtle hints in the comic, some being a little too subtle, it seems.

Big thanks to Riv for being so open to working with me. The amount of hard work Riv put into this really lit a fire under my ass to draw more comics of my own.

We got big plans in the works and we felt like a little teaser would be perfect to generate some hype. Ran and Colby have some work cut out for them in the near future.


ArtsandGoodies
Community Manager
557 comments
# 15   Posted: Mar 15 2021, 11:32 PM
I really like the style of this comic and it's interesting what it preludes to. I think the main thing is there is a bit too many framing issues where the important things aren't given enough focus so they are easily missed. Some of It feels  intentional like with subtilty leaving the folder discreetly, however on the bottom panel of page 2 colbitzler is blatantly yelling at the tv but the framing of the panel with the tv partially obscured and not in focus it didn't read that way and just seemed like that was in response to something ran said. Also at first I thought the pie was something like some sort of messed up meta-meat or something messed up as opposed to just being a plain bad pie, but that was just me overthinking that XP

Heathen
Artist
451 comments
# 14   Posted: Mar 15 2021, 08:09 AM
I find Kozi’s comments interesting. Did I read too much into this, or didn’t Ran mark Colbitzer’s next targets with blots of pie filling?

I could probably find other things to nitpick, but the only technical thing that stood out to me here was Colbitzer’s dislocated arm in the last panel. I know it’s a tricky shot, but be sure to always draw through your panels to make sure cropped figures are still put together right. And I’ll echo the suggestion to push Colbitzer’s body language more with the pie. Character eating, especially sloppily = one bulging cheek. A nice quick shot of his hand grabbing that nasty pie would have been good, too, cuz I didn’t notice that’s what he did on first read. Now I wonder if those drips of pie filling on the “menu” aren’t incidental afterall.

snager
Artist
209 comments
# 13   Posted: Mar 14 2021, 12:02 PM
This was pretty cool! another nice subdued comic amongst all the bright, loud and silly stuff. I like the presentation of Valkyries' 'real name's. I didn't know they had real names. Did y'all make those up or do a deep dive to find them? Does Kurdis have a 'real name'? DM me to find out.

Even though they're bad guys, characters like these do a lot to flesh out the world building of Void City and I like that.

Pizza Man
Artist
42 comments
# 12   Posted: Mar 14 2021, 12:42 AM
Colbitzer eating pie like he would an apple radiates pure chaotic energy. Then again what do I know? He might eat an apple with a fork and knife what an absolute psychopath.

Footini
Artist
318 comments
# 11   Posted: Mar 13 2021, 05:49 PM
mmm Retribution berry pie!

The art here is pretty top quality here.  It's kind of a nice change of pace from the usual elegant and beautiful Raven comics by giving Ran a gritty feel to his.  Keeps them feeling like they each have their different worlds they live in.
Though I would say keep an eye on those hands.  When Colbitzer is holding that pie the fingers looks a little off but nothing to distracting, only part of the anatomy that looks off everything else is still gritty pretty.

I'm with Kozi on this in that I felt that while some of the characterization for Ol' Colby is on point; I haven't quite got a feel for Ran yet or what really his deal is.  And yea it feels to me that it would have been nice for another page or two of them shooting the crud about pie metaphors for them to understand one another better.
However, now you got me worried about the Valkyries cause Ran look like he know how to fight.
I blame Raven.

Radji
Artist
577 comments
# 10   Posted: Mar 13 2021, 01:03 PM
Let them fight.

Kozispoon
Artist
1206 comments
# 9   Posted: Mar 13 2021, 09:24 AM
2021 seems the year for collaborations and I am herefor all this mixing and mashing. Especially from two artist I'm thrilled to see more of.

After reading the previous comments and even the artists additional details, I feel like the odd one out here. I may of too readily overhyped myself because I went into this with expectations only to be surprised that not much happened? I'd hoped for a rapport, or interaction between these two characters that went beyond the quality of food at the establishment. What we got was a manila envelope left behind and Colbitzer simply taking the bait without question. I'm not sure if this was the intent or aim, but it left me disappointed to see two clever and conniving characters simply pass each other like ships in the night.

And while I'm aware of the Election Royale, it would've been nice to see a focus on what exactly has Colbitzer up in arms regarding  it. That the Smile lost? that Ancelin turned out to be the winner? I feel I got more detail about the menu than I did the more interesting aspects these two characters possessed, but never broached out loud.

Jade★
Council
1080 comments
# 8   Posted: Mar 11 2021, 01:43 PM
Short and sweet, and I'm hyped for more! I love that the VCV already has some great flaws that anti-metas can exploit to make it look like all metas are dangerous; smart move for them to start with them. I love the vibe of this comic so much, but all the textures and shading present in most of the backgrounds made that panel on page 2 feel especially empty. I'm not sure if there's a purpose behind that that I just missed or what.

Not a ton to comment on with this comic, but it's a great hype piece setting up some major developments on the horizon. Can't wait to see what you've got cooking next!

Rivana
Artist
326 comments
# 7   Posted: Mar 11 2021, 07:34 AM
Thank you for the comments so far! I am just gonna interrupt real quick to congratulate Cy for picking up those subtle cues and even adding a few more that I did not intentionally try to incorporate.
Spoiler: show
 The pie filling was supposed to look like a normal cherry pie - that's what I get for not looking at pie filling refs hah-  but it is def a metaphor /symbolism for blood/violence. I just did not mean it to look so outright gross but now in hindsight , I think it works better that way since Ran indicated the pie sucked anyway.   'Happy accidents.'

Here's a couple more hidden cues if anyone is interested. But I recommend you read the comic first and see if you noticed it too:
Spoiler: show
Colbitzer eating the disgusting pie with his bare hand - no hesitation about getting  his hands dirty which contrasts with Ran's approach to things - hence Ran refusing to eat it.

Ran also took his cig out  as he leaves the diner not while inside, because in my head canon he is lawful evil


I like doing these kind of stuff and I used this comic to do a few of show, don't tell Easter eggs. I might come off as a bit too subtle sometimes though so when my comics encourage readers to think and interpret things beyond face value and even come up with stuff on their own, it really gets me excited.

Fluffsamasprime
Artist
299 comments
# 6   Posted: Mar 10 2021, 09:52 PM
Colbitzer wont let food go to waste!

TheCydork
Artist
581 comments
# 5   Posted: Mar 10 2021, 09:44 PM
Yooooooooo meta-haters rise up (jk haha)

This was a cool comic that definitely gives a taste for a future teamup. There’s a good amount of information organically delivered in few pages, even to people who might be new to either character. Like, Colbitzer doesn’t care about rules (smoking beside the no smoking sign), Ran keeps tabs on people in the city (confident enough to leave the file for Colbitzer to read), and hates metas (contents of file) etc.

I also liked this black and white, rougher style with spotblacks, it definitely suits the characters and tone. Meanwhile, using red only for the pie made me uneasy as it made me think of raw meat (and later, blood for the jam). It was a good touch that to me implies the characters are dangerous too. Just have a teeny nitpick: panel 2 page 4, I couldn’t tell Colbitzer was eating the pie, only the little bite sfx made me realise. It might help to show the teeth bite down on the pie or the cheek bulging? Regardless, solid little comic all round :)

Sean
Approval Committee
380 comments
# 4   Posted: Mar 10 2021, 09:10 PM
I am super glad that we got to work together, Riv! I am very excited for Ran's future in void.

Rivana
Artist
326 comments
# 3   Posted: Mar 10 2021, 08:40 PM
Uploaded! Thanks Sean for working with me on this!

Credits:
Story/Script - Sean, Rivana
Thumbs/Layout - Sean, Rivana
Art - Rivana
Cover Art/Thumbnails- Sean

Notes:
This was supposed to be the Epilogue for Ran's Intro/BB but Sean and I decided to make it into a Prologue of things to come instead. It's meant to be a short comic/teaser so please consider this upon reading :)

Jade★
Council
1080 comments
# 2   Posted: Mar 7 2021, 09:20 PM
Just popping by to say how hyped I am to read this comic! I know these two are up to something I'm gonna wanna know about

Sean
Approval Committee
380 comments
# 1   Posted: Mar 3 2021, 11:16 AM
"We have cherry, apple, lemon meringue, and banana cream."

Comic Details -

 
Drawing Time: 1 week
Ended: Mar 17th, 2021
Votes Cast: 21
Page Views: 875
 

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