Not Safe For Wizards / Saal vs. Louise Ambre-Aliona

Not Safe For Wizards / Saal vs. Louise Ambre-Aliona

Not Safe For Wizards — Saal vs. Louise Ambre-Aliona

by Footini

This comic has been rated adults only by its creator(s)

Icon for Saal50.4%
485 points
Page 1Page 2Page 3Page 4

Crit level: Open to any comments or critiques
tags: flex flex, handholding, hashtag spider sex, louise ambre-aliona, muscle muscle, NSFW, saal, there's also gore


by Radji

This comic has been rated adults only by its creator(s)

Icon for Louise Ambre-Aliona49.6%
477 points
Page 1Page 2Page 3Page 4Page 5

Crit level: Open to any comments or critiques
tags: louise ambre-aliona, NSFW, saal darkmalice, smut battle




Critiques & Comments
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Rivana
Artist
270 comments
# 20   Posted: Jan 27 2021, 08:54 AM
Oh dear it's finally canon! IDK whether to be scared  or excited. I'd say BOTH.

And I totally agree with Don's crits so I will not reiterate them ^_^

Overall, glad to see these two finally cross paths in Void Comics. Now on to more shenanigans!

Radji
Artist
561 comments
# 19   Posted: Jan 27 2021, 07:34 AM
My job is done.
I must go now. My planet needs meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Footini
Artist
196 comments
# 18   Posted: Jan 27 2021, 06:13 AM
It was a wild ride getting here.

Thank you to everyone who gave feedback and to Radji for taking the time to battle me so we could make this bizarre couple finally canon.  It was a battle we had been wanting to do for a while and it's great to finally see it happen.

I also agree with Radji's comment on how his could be considered to occur first chronologically before mine.  Saal seems to have gotten hooked.

Flutterbyes
Artist
298 comments
# 17   Posted: Jan 26 2021, 05:54 PM
Dang, you two. You made it canon.

Footini: your side definitely has the seduction and setup that shape a tale of "dangerous, scary, but alluring because of it" sort of porno. Nice use of cinema reference there. The flow does seem to back up a little and replay itself. To me, that big splash image should have been the "climax" that comes after the three panels that follow it.

Radji:  DANG your gritty and spooky and erotic is.... gritty and spooky and erotic. You don't skimp on the action, they are definitely doing it and taking us down to Kronenburg in the process (and parry is definitely watching). I agree that this probably could have used a little bit more to indicate what changed between them (if this was a Ben story, for example, he'd have let out a scream of terror that ends in a moan, startling them both).

Shen
Artist
1353 comments
# 16   Posted: Jan 26 2021, 02:46 PM
Footini: LOVIN THE COLOURS. Amazing work there! beautiful but eerie, it set a tone. I liked how yours had something of a proper narrative.
Radji: INCREDIBLE inks, fantastically horrific demons, fucking TERRIFYING sex.
All the other crits are basically my crits too but just wanted to give you both a high five so long as youve washed your hands. =P

ArtsandGoodies
Community Manager
527 comments
# 15   Posted: Jan 26 2021, 12:54 PM
Radji; Don did an excellent job explaining any crits I may have for this comic, the writting wasn't so much there and there wasn't enough establishing of the scene. I do really like how Saal looks after the sex, prolly just preference but all the fluids is very nice.

Footini: This smut was very well written, the setup was solid and it didn't overstay it's welcome. to add on to Don's crit when studying nude full bodies you should try focusing on the bony landmarks of the body. They will help give your figures more structure underneath and the combination of slight hints of bone and the meat of the body lend to more appealing figures.

As a mild NSFW connoisseur I will say that is that your compositions don't lend well to nsfw comics. You're comic is mostly midshots, but in nsfw you want to switch between some midshots for set ups and then some close ups of both the characters expressions as well as the actual action going on. I'll do a quick run-through of some panels that could be changed up for this comic. Page two panel 8; this should be a full body of louise and only her focusing on her body now that she has disrobed, our gaze should match that of Saal's. Page 3 may have needed a couple more panels including one of the penetration, an easy way to do this is have a midshot of an action then an extreme close up of that action giving us the juicy detail of it. The first three panels on page 4 should have been put before the money shot at the end of this page to help give it even more build up. You should also vary up more including an extreme close up of Saals expression right before the money shot. Also with so much tongue action there should be more fluids to show how messy and the kiss is and to show build up from how long it's going on. Also for the money shot there needs to be some kind of money shot, even if it's not a literal cum shot or squirting of some kind (which if you're showing full body there should be some of that) the other effects should be exaggerated more. The mind blast thing Saal experiences should be brighter and the area around her darker.  Since you have done smut comics before I'm looking forward to future ones where you take this into consideration.

Fluffsamasprime
Artist
148 comments
# 14   Posted: Jan 24 2021, 02:07 PM
Mighty fine smut battle

snager
Artist
91 comments
# 13   Posted: Jan 23 2021, 04:21 PM
Saal has SECKS???!?

Don
Global Moderator
166 comments
# 12   Posted: Jan 21 2021, 01:04 PM
RADJI— Your inks and visuals in this comic are great, solid stuff. You're always turning in visually high-quality stuff every battle, and I have absolutely no qualms with the look of the comic itself. However, the writing, it really does leave earnest questions.

On the subject of how much plot SHOULD be in a smut battle— I'd suggest that the answer can be pretty simple IF the focus of an NSFW comic is explicitly the /NSFW/, and not that the comic "Is NSFW because it includes sex, but the sex isn't the focus"- What an audience needs at best is just solid exposition. No need for a whole arc— A smut comic focused on the sex really only needs to fill in the audience on what builds up to the sex itself. Footini sorta won this battle for me, relative to that, because the scene has some sort of context to it that I can understand and anticipate is relevant to both Saal & Louise, but particularly Saal's wants/needs as a character.

I couldn't find myself getting invested in the porn within your comic Radji because I had just...So many questions. Where is Saal, what are they doing here and why? Why does Louise come to their aid, nearly attack them, and what triggers the turn in heel that leads to immediate stranger-danger sex? What triggers Louise to act like this, and did Saal's abilities give her some sort of clarity from monsterification for her to go "Ok, lets have sex,"? And then to just walk away...Why? There's so much context that I am not being given, that is left unsaid, that this random scenario has energies equivalent to comics where Void characters brush shoulders and have a bar brawl-- Except its sex. Perhaps if this was an NSFW comic where I had read it with ABOSOLUTELY no  information/previous knowledge about these characters, their goals and personalities, then I could enjoy this comic that asserts being noncontextually appreciated, but unfortunately we ain't here-nor-there.

Once again, I'd reiterate that you would have to change NOTHING about this comic, visually, no need to add extra pages, change panels, etc.— If you just gave us more speech bubbles, or their thoughts of the situation, that clear the vagueness (And I'd say that the vagueness here is not 1 to 1 to any topic/attempt of purposeful 'mystification', the confusion I feel here is not of piqued interest, but moreso 'Wait, huh? So this just happens?'). Such as Saal describing the situation, or either of them saying that 'Originally I was going to kill/maim/whatever, but suddenly I became...Enamoured. Enchanted.' Leave us little details that describe their feelings throughout the sex, not just the sound effects.

EDIT: Also, it's just been sitting on my mind for awhile, but the bare minimum of integration of the scar Fred gave Louise isn't lost on me. Considering the sex horror aspect you want to lean towards, wouldn't you want to integrate this more into her design?

FOOTINI— Once again,  in terms of writing I definitely enjoyed this comic more. You give me what simple context I needed, and the context slowly turns to be about the sex- It's buildup, it's good and straightforward! The sudden pregnancy was very surprising, but then again, Arakhs are known for being essentially evil insta-incubators. Live and let live, congrats on the child Saal! I would agree with Duel, when he says "It made good sense for the interaction between the characters."

Visually, I absolutely agree with Flytee in stating that the color palette here is great. 'Dreamy hazy' are the best adjectives to describe this, combined with the style of writing you take with Saal, the aesthetics just go hand in hand honestly! Absolutely solid, you have promise and it shows now that you've switched mediums and have geared yourself towards focusing on digital comic production. I look forward to what you do with Saal, both in writing and in visualization (Especially since the genre Saal leans towards is vastly different from the vibes of your other characters, you gotta lotta' promising experimentation at fold here!)

I don't think I have much to suggest that /isn't/ repeating what Duel said. Life drawings, looking at pinups & other NSFW comics for inspiration, and hell, even referencing female anatomy from actual porn would help alot here. Alot of the poses here are questionable in their anatomy, and the areola's aren't even darkened haha. It occasionally made me go, "Erm..." Because some panels just felt awkward and weak in execution due to anatomical inconsistencies. I'm no NSFW comic connoisseur so don't take my word for it— But porn is really about the money shots of whatever people can beat their meat to. The tits an' the coochies an' all that— And the visuals don't exactly succeed in giving the bang for ones buck because of these previously stated issues.

Critiques aside, both comics were quite a read and I'm happy to see you two finally get these characters interacting, since this ship has been anticipated for awhile now!! Always looking forward to more!!

Flytee
Artist
208 comments
# 11   Posted: Jan 21 2021, 06:26 AM
Footin- I enjoyed the colour pallet you used here, it gave everything a dreamy hazy look, which added a lot of atmosphere to the art. Oh, and I loved the reference to the Graduate. That was a fun detail.

Radji- Great linework, there's so much variation in your lines, the weighty ones and spot blacks are masterfully placed, really nicely done. Another thing, Whilst Footini's comic had a surreal, dreamy quality to it yours felt more grounded and chaotic. I enjoyed the contract between the two.

Despite probably not being the intended audience for this, I still liked both of your comics & back to back the worked really well. I have a few crits that have been covered, but generally, I thought artistically you both did a great job.
-
Additionally, I've been mulling over where my expectations should settle writing-wise when it comes to "smut battles." I'm still not sure. On the one hand, I completely understand the need to just get straight to the action...I mean the smut is the point after all. Whilst on the other, I think build-up and purpose could make the "action" even more satisfying- (similarly to build up to a fight scene.)
I will say I appreciate Footini having some kinda explanation for the encounter, the idea of too powerful creatures being drawn to each works well enough for me- but of course, compared to standard battles Both of these are on the lean side when it came to build-up.

William_Duel
Community Manager
942 comments
# 10   Posted: Jan 20 2021, 09:36 PM
This was an intriguing comic, Footini.  It made good sense for the interaction between the characters.  And it's placement during the Arma event is pretty neat.  There's a few things I think you should practice though.  I keep looking at the first page where you have the shot of the city as a good establishing thought.  But I think you should practice shapes and textures more.  The fire looks like a cut out and the smoke looks oddly plastic.  So I'd advise you to look for more examples for how you want to handle those sorts of things.  Simple plumes of smoke are made of rounded shapes.  Even the fire could use more fluid lines to indicate its nature.  I'd advise you to look to reference or look for maybe some of your favorite animators and see how they do things.  Like maybe Avatar the Last Airbender is what comes to mind to me when it comes to depicting different drawn elements.  Which in the next few panels you've got that explosion going on.  You're not so much thinking of the form and function of that implosion as just drawing scratchy lines.  Yes explosions need dynamic lines but relying on the scratchiness like that and ignoring the form of it isn't doing you any favors.  Because you draw these sorts of things often I think you'll be better served by studying them more.

On the second page, I am distracted by the uneven perspectives.  Again objects lack depth and it feels like the characters are standing in front of cardboard.  Backgrounds and perspective are the bane of many artists' existence and still something I've been working on improving myself.  But start with one point perspective and work from there.  

Anatomy is also an issue for most artists that only comes from practice.  But do be careful because there are definitely a few areas where Louise's anatomy starts feeling inconsistent especially as she starts to undress.  

Also remember to keep your shading consistent.  I think you do better when your shades are solid shapes and not the scratchiness I sometimes see.  I'm not sure if this is because you were rushing or just not thinking about it enough, but consistency is important.

In general, I think you're storytelling is fine and color palettes are interesting but you'd be better served by strengthening your basics and working from there.  If there are artists you look up, you would be better served by studying their tips and tricks.

Radji, you are a strong artist.  The first page is pretty rad though I feel you could have done more compositionally to have Saal stand out.  Having more of the environmental shapes point back to Saal, and/or separating them a bit more from the background would have made this a much stronger page from a visual storytelling standpoint.  Saal is to some degree competing to be the focus especially compared to that circular shape to the left.  

The energy and linework of the second page are excellent if not a little claustrophobic to the reader.  It took me a couple of read throughs to figure out what action was happening.  

After that your drawings return to being excellent though unclear as to why these events are happening.  There is little explanation as to why Louise is randomly having sex with Saal in the middle of a demon invasion.  What is it about Saal that causes Louise to behave this way suddenly?  The comic has a lot of dynamic energy to it, but I wish we slowed down for a moment to figure out the why.  


Platinumartist
Artist
15 comments
# 9   Posted: Jan 20 2021, 12:04 AM
The Inks from both Artist are pretty good!. A lot of it is trippy.

Footini - I must say that it is pretty clever that you interlooped Arma into your story which is pretty cool man!

Radji - No wasted time with this one as it gets right into the thick of it

Both were a great read and yes it is Totally not Safe for Wizards or for the workplace

TheCydork
Artist
439 comments
# 8   Posted: Jan 19 2021, 08:25 PM
Footini - I really loved the layout you used here. Saal is already ripe for trippy imagery, but combined with Louise as well, I think it really let you get creative. I loved the shots at the bottom of pages 1 and 3. The palette was also very pleasing throughout the comic, and I enjoyed the writing! You might want to use a tool for your speech bubbles in the future, as they look a bit sloppy compared to the rest of your art. The text also fluctuates in size quite a bit, which was a little distracting.

Radji - Your inks are killer! I heard you did this traditionally too, which is super impressive. I love the gritty chaos of the first page with the hands and the skulls. The layouts got a bit confusing for me on pages 2 and 4 though, and I couldn’t tell which panels I was supposed to read first. There were also a lot of sound effects, which were overwhelming for me and made things look very busy.

PutridVodka
Artist
79 comments
# 7   Posted: Jan 19 2021, 02:55 PM
FOOTINI -
Loved the setting in this! The shot of Louise's leg framing Saal was so damn good and classy. The big panel where Louise is upside down was pretty sweet too, loved the shadowed face!
If anything, I'd be careful with facial structure, sometimes the faces seem a little to elongated or it appears as if the jaw is a bit too thin. It was a good round tho, loved the ending!

RADJI-
First off, your inks are INCREDIBLE! Everything reads perfectly and the light and dark contrast are out of this world. The panel composition and the action scenes flow so incredibly nice. The body horror in this was so so GOOOOOD!

InvaderDiz
Artist
32 comments
# 6   Posted: Jan 19 2021, 11:12 AM
Hon hon hon, two perfect entries.
Footini, those colors are crisp and so good to look at.

Radji, your inks and composition are fantastic. Truly professional level work.

My giving of a perfect score to both is well earned and has very little to do with how into that tongue thing I am.

Radji
Artist
561 comments
# 5   Posted: Jan 19 2021, 11:02 AM
honhon we both tried the thicc tongue thing.

And both stories can read as the continuation of the same story if you read it that order: Mine then Footini's.
Tempted to go and say that's what happened.

Footini
Artist
196 comments
# 4   Posted: Jan 6 2021, 08:30 PM
by the way this will be not safe for wizards nor for work.
holy heck is it not safe for work.

Fluffsamasprime
Artist
148 comments
# 3   Posted: Jan 4 2021, 06:58 PM
Spiders AND WIZARDRY!!!!

TheCydork
Artist
439 comments
# 2   Posted: Jan 4 2021, 04:15 PM
It’s finally happening!!

Rivana
Artist
270 comments
# 1   Posted: Jan 4 2021, 08:21 AM
FIRST! What a damn clever title. I can't wait!

Comic Details -

 
Drawing Time: 2 weeks
Ended: Jan 26th, 2021
Votes Cast: 23
Page Views: 643
Winner: Footini
 

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