WebbMD / Count Burmeister

WebbMD / Count Burmeister

WebbMD — Count Burmeister

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Crit level: Open to any comments or critiques

Critiques & Comments
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Pizza Man
# 7   Posted: Nov 18 2020, 06:02 PM
Forgot to say it before but thanks for all the crits and comments!

Cy: I think I get what you mean about that one shot where they go around the pillar. I've been zooming out quite a bit but I haven't been picking the rights spots to do it. I zoomed out mostly for variety reasons but I completely forgot about clarity purposes too. Basically I should've zoomed out there instead of a close side shot of all things.

Also I agree the whole thing went on a bit too long. In all honesty I should've cut the battle in half or split it into two stories like I usually do when I write too much for a fight. One thing I should clarify though. I did cut some of the ending which would have explained the centipede man's role in the story a little better but I opted to put it into a future comic.

Arts: You did in fact tell me before about the lines but I think I misunderstood what you meant. I tried using a few different line sizes but I don't think it really worked out and I guess that's why. I think I know what you mean now. Time for me to google how to do it on my program lol.

Diz: Thanks for the adult swim comparison lol I'm totally going to lean into that as my art style now. I'm thinking something like Superjail meets Rick and Morty.

# 6   Posted: Nov 9 2020, 11:32 PM
what a charming little art style! And im SURE that' Lacy, recovering from the shooting at her club! making friends with other bugs! how charming! good work.

# 5   Posted: Nov 9 2020, 07:38 PM
I had to re read some spots but I was still into the story, not sure who the moon person is hope to find out more soon!

# 4   Posted: Nov 8 2020, 11:39 PM
First of all, it’s super impressive that you not only managed to line this number of pages in 2 weeks, but carved a pumpkin as well! I loved the setup for this, the shitty hospital was very on-brand for Void as was the blasé doctor. I feel like you nailed the goofy, overly happy but slightly manic look of his. On the one hand, I liked that the story wound through several different parts of the hospital. It felt almost like a movie rather than a comic, if that makes sense, since you follow the character’s actions pretty closely and with little time elapsing between each panel. On the other, it seemed to drag on for far longer than needed without a solid conclusion. There’s this whole rigmarole with the gunman, leading me to believe there is a reveal related to him, but then we don’t find out who he was hunting or why, and he gets killed randomly at the end by this new Moon Man. I was really thrown by that. I get that the new character is supposed to be a hook, but he comes out of nowhere and brings up something that was never mentioned at all in the comic. If he’d said something like “you weakling, you couldn’t even defeat the gunman”, that would make sense to me, but he’s like “you call yourself a man, how can you protect others if you can’t protect yourself”? When was this ever a plot point? If the gunman wasn’t really important, I think less time should have been spent on him, and the bit about being weak could have been hinted at earlier. Maybe Lacy calls the Count out for being cowardly and trying to run instead of fight, so when the Moon man brings it up it just rubs his face in it. Maybe he personally brings it up and is ashamed of himself. Just some hint of this theme earlier would make it feel less out of left field.

As for the art, I had to squint to get that the pair was travelling, because the backgrounds are so sparse they mostly look like they’re running through different coloured empty spaces. Some of the jokes also didn’t land due to this, and poor choice of colours. The gag of Lacy sliding down elegantly on silk is pretty solid, but I couldn’t see it at first due to how dark the background was compared to the lines, and how the lack of background made me confused as to where she was positioned. Page 13 and 14, I genuinely have no idea where Lacy and the Count are in relation to the gunman. I get the impression they’re supposed to be scooting around the column to hide from him, but it just doesn’t come across. I think this is because of the perspective? The gunman seems to be the same size and therefore on the same plane as them, or at least positioned so that they’re in his field of view, but he’s supposed to have missed them. But tbf I’m not entirely sure what the issue is here myself, I hope somebody else will be able to explain it better.

I think you could benefit from trying a fixed page battle on a longer deadline, it would help you figure out what’s really important to a story and edit to suit. Not to mention it would give you more time to try colouring and/or shading and try some more detailed backgrounds, which would solve a lot of the readability issues. You clearly have an eye for comedy and making your comics clearer would help that shine through more!

Community Manager
# 3   Posted: Nov 5 2020, 04:37 PM
Your figures are looking beter in this than your last one and this is an impressive amount of pages done good job with that int he timeline. For colors you're better off just blocking out characters are using multiple tones rather than flat colors on the whole panel. However before that you should practice your line art more, you need to use more pen pressure as well as using different line width, I feel like we talked about this before but there should be ways to have brushes with bigger line variation so you can have some line width. you also mentioned having issues with writting and feel free to talk about it with others to help get that done faster. You can ask me for future stuff if you want. also doing quick one days with no times for script would be a good challenge. good luck with your future stuff.

# 2   Posted: Nov 4 2020, 03:42 PM
There are some parts of this that look better than others.
Lacy looks really good in your style at some points but there’s a lack of consistency throughout. Some points it looks like a gritty adult swim show which is good and at other points it’s kinda hard to know what’s going on.
Super commendable and impressive work for a two week battle though. The only other thing that really got me is Lacy really really loves VC, so her saying she hates it here is kinda out of character. But this is still great.
Sorry I missed the boat on this one I will still work on and post that two page BB when I can between work.

Pizza Man
# 1   Posted: Nov 2 2020, 06:47 PM
This was for a 2 week battle between Count Burmeister and Lacy Webbs but we had to cancel it. This is the unedited version of what I drew in 2 weeks. I remade my battle half way through so technically all the art stuff had to be done in one week. Sorry if the colors are annoying or make the text hard to read I went a little experimental with the colors at the end.

Comic Details -

Drawing Time: 1 week
Ended: Nov 10th, 2020
Votes Cast: 10
Page Views: 296

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