Revenant / Jamie "Twice Hanged" Masters

Revenant / Jamie "Twice Hanged" Masters

Revenant — Jamie "Twice Hanged" Masters

by Hellis

Icon for Jamie
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Critiques & Comments
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Brobin_Dragon
Artist
46 comments
# 11   Posted: Oct 27 2020, 03:40 PM
Ooo, love the art style choice!

Rivana
Artist
214 comments
# 10   Posted: Oct 27 2020, 09:07 AM
Again, lots of good crits were already brought up but yeah I want to reiterate studying more anatomy esp with faces. Showing more of the scene is another one I want to emphasize. It took me 2 reads to actually get what was going on and I've come to appreciate the story on the second pass. A glaring example of too much cropping  for me was page 4, panel 4. I did not realize he was actually pointing a gun to his head until I read the comic the second time.

However, I  want to praise you for the much better color palette you used here. Striking use of orange complimented by blues. Also seems  you did not use the burning tool/or too dark colors (whichever applies)  here for shading. But yeah story telling is good too once I figured everything out. Keep up the good work.

ArtsandGoodies
Community Manager
473 comments
# 9   Posted: Oct 26 2020, 10:36 PM
Something about the inks and colors here really feels like a step up from even your intro comic, It's hard to pinpoint why it works but it really does stand out. While it's really cool for you to make void an AU of the old west you haven't really shown us much of this AU void, most of this and the intro takes place in the desert with mostly rocks and cliffs. I really want to see more town scape and you exploring void locations in this western AU. I want to see this develop more in your future comics and really interested to see how you expand it in your future comics.

Pocketmouse
Artist
101 comments
# 8   Posted: Oct 23 2020, 11:48 PM
Neat work! You improve with every comic you make. I'm looking forward to what's coming next :)

TheCydork
Artist
339 comments
# 7   Posted: Oct 22 2020, 02:43 AM
Dig the bright colour palette, for me personally it brings to mind the sun’s heat beating down which is perfect for the desert-y environment Jamie is in. I wish you’d spent more time applying those colours to the characters though. The first page is fine, but after that any lighting on the figures looks very haphazard and just kinda slapped on - the edges are rough, colour is often outside the lines and I can see places where an original colour that you painted over shines through (see panel 3 page 2, panel 6 page 3 and panel 4 page 4 for example).

There was also something off about the flow on the first page I couldn’t quite put my finger on when you DMed me these pages, but I realise it now. Like Heathen said, the establishing shot doesn’t show the tree and noose, but it doesn’t show Jamie either so we don’t get a sense of his position. Then he stares at the camera with what looks to be the tree on his right, but then looks up to the tree. Was he just standing in front of the tree staring into space before? We do not see the noose until the next panel, even though it should have been visible given the distance it is from his hat in panel 4. He is also looking towards the edges of the page. This isn’t a hard and fast rule and I just learnt it recently myself so I’m not 100% sure how to apply it, however I was told that characters should look towards the centre of the page or at least look right to draw the eye along. The way you’ve drawn it, the eye will follow Jamie’s gaze backwards before going forwards again.

Footini
Artist
95 comments
# 6   Posted: Oct 21 2020, 06:55 PM
We hit the real yee haw times.

even from the intro to this the colors are much better.  The limited pallet is striking.  The spot black shadows work better here since they don't really drown out the line work you have going on.

Much of what some of the others said about the inks I feel the same.  Work a bit thinner and take your time.
There is some weirdness with the anatomy of some of the faces here.  like the 4th panel of the final page Jamie's eye looks way to high.  and some of the 3/4 profile faces look somewhat awkward.  You're good at doing faces straight on and the expressions are good but work on getting the contours and dimensions of the face down.

Final thing that some of the other people said but pulling out the camera on the shots to show more of the people will make your composition for your shots much better.  These westerns are all about the big wide panning shots anyway.

btw I'm always a fan of reinterpretations of the usual void setting.  It's a challenge but real cool when pulled off well.

PutridVodka
Artist
60 comments
# 5   Posted: Oct 21 2020, 01:54 PM
Really dig the high-contrast black shadows! They work really nicely with the color palette
The critiques you've gotten make rly good points, so I won't echo them, the one I agree with the most is Lady Death being a little crumpled in the panel where she's laughing
. If anything, I'd maybe suggest having the blood be of a dark color as well? it looks a little bit like clear liquid instead of blood
Lovely work though! I'm eager to find out what you have in store for Jamie

snager
Artist
67 comments
# 4   Posted: Oct 21 2020, 12:32 PM
Hey, Hellis!

It's really nice to see some genre variation on this here website.

The limited color pallet is striking, and the spot blacks and thick lines help this look like a period piece woodcut, which helps put us in the head space. I think the story could have benefitted from further exploration of visual story telling: you practiced this some with the last murder scene where the guy is dead and his hat has two bullet holes through it. the other scenes all have a bit of action in them, but they all have the same level of tension in those scenes. they neither sit quietly nor pull us in. the 1st and 3rd murder flashbacks also try to jam more information in than the art style allows, so what ever is going on doesn't read well. I take it you're trying to show us how Jamie's powers work, but there should have been an easier/simpler visual way to communicate that information.

I think if you're as excited about this character as I hope you are, you'd benefit from studying sequential art from the 1890s-1920s: print media was full of all kinds of cartoons and illustrations that have a really specific character to that era that I think this character would look good in and that would help carry him.

I also think you'd do well to watch just one of those long boring spaghetti westerns (or even some samurai movies) but really pay attention to how they build mood, suspense and how they communicate to the audience using just cinematography. Also can recommend The Ballad of Buster Scruggs on netflix, since what you're getting is several vignettes of Victorian historical settings and the cohen brothers have already digested 'westerns' into homage to the point of parody . Princess Mononoke is very samurai movie-ish, too, if you want something more fun. There's many more long-shots in those kinds of films and a greater lingering on the far-distance.

You also mentioned to me you know your heads/ faces look weird to people - here's a couple good exercises and things to keep in mind:

- the way we tell humans apart from other primates is the shape of the back of the head. in cartoons and animation and illustration, we short-hand this by giving characters large heads with the features spaced out in a pleasing way, but people are used to seeing eyes no more than one eye-space apart from each other. When we see features spaced out in a unnatural way, we're expecting that extra space to communicate something to us, usually that the perspective is skewed on purpose. when you give characters large faces with the features spread out and there's no story telling reason to explain why, we enter uncanny valley territory. remember that humans were small tree monkeys whos brains kept getting bigger while our faces stayed the same size.

some stuff you can try:
- get some modeling clay and a model of an anatomically correct skull and try to copy that scull exactly.
- a legit value study of a photo of someone emoting with their mouth open
- do a sketch of your own face in a mirror every day until you've done 30. try to get different angels and emotions and some with your teeth in them. if you have someone who will sit for a portrait for 10 minutes, try to get them in on it, too.

Anyway, I like the way you're stretching the direction void as a world can take us with this character and excited to see people getting more experimental like this! good luck!

Elyan
Artist
115 comments
# 3   Posted: Oct 21 2020, 10:55 AM
pretty cool story there hellis. I miss a little context to what lady death wants him for to not let him die. but you´ll tell us I am sure.

visually everything reads quiet nice and clear while the texture in the BG adds a nice little dry atmosphere. The usage of colors though is a little bumpy imo. saturated yellow and red as pretty much the only colors were a little tough for my eyes. I miss a tertiary color of maybe blue to give some value contrast and desaturated areas would add some depth as well. you used them in your 3 page with the deaths of his executioners though so you clearly had something like it in mind.

thanks for the BB and the nice read :)

Heathen
Artist
407 comments
# 2   Posted: Oct 20 2020, 12:25 PM
Hey, who turned on the lights!?

This color style is night and day from his intro, I dig it. Got a few quick impressions here:

Your establishing shot doesn’t establish anything beyond “there are some rocks”. I want to see where we’re supposed to be looking, and understand at least roughly where our subject is in relation to that environment you’re establishing. I don’t see the tree, the noose, him, his horse, footprints, or even a point of interest. I don’t know where to look, and I don’t know what the important information is I should be getting in the first panel. It’s a shot, but it’s not establishing much.

I think the flashback could have been done better. The second location caption seems redundant. If we’re in the same place, and it’s a place that hasn’t even changed at all in the years between the two times, just show us the tree and the noose and then put a clearly alive Masters in that noose with the year, and we’ll know instantly what you’re doing. Make the flashback a different time of day from the present, different weather, maybe it’s daytime in the present and a rainy night in the flashback. Visual cues, solid establishing shots, and more clever composition can keep things clear and make time jumps like that more cinematic.

Speaking of composition, something you do all the time is have awkwardly cropped figures and objects in your panels, often things that are important to the story, but sometimes just things that could have been framed better because why not? The main offender here is the panel after Jamie loads his revolver and we see the spirits of his victims/killers behind him. You’ve cropped two of them off to where we only see a sliver of the side of their heads, and it’s just bad blocking. Move those figures into the frame, there’s a mile of empty space between each one, there’s no other reason I can think of for them to be barely visible except that you just didn’t want to draw.

While I’m a sucker for an Estrella cameo, I think you should have established her better. Again, she’s framed poorly in the second panel, she might as well be a laughing pile of dirty laundry. Don’t be afraid to draw smaller. I’d say all around. Whatever canvas size you’re working on, double it. Reduce the brush size. You’re not afraid to experiment in comics, so I challenge you to work bigger and draw smaller than you think you should, and see how much scale and depth and detail you can get, I think you’ll surprise yourself.

I like this comic, I think it’s maybe a better intro comic than his intro. I certainly think it reads clearer, at any rate, and yeah, that ending is cool.

Let’s see him get social.

PONBIKI
Artist
184 comments
# 1   Posted: Oct 20 2020, 11:28 AM
Well there goes most of my idea! Lol I say we are both on the same wavelength so far. Keep em coming! Way to keep me interested! Keep up the good work.

Comic Details -

 
Drawing Time: 1 week
Ended: Oct 27th, 2020
Votes Cast: 22
Page Views: 297
 

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