Desperate Measures / [REDACTED]

Desperate Measures / [REDACTED]

Desperate Measures — [REDACTED]

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Crit level: Open to any comments or critiques
tags: candycorn rhino, candycornrhino, desperate measures, redacted, this took too fucking long




Critiques & Comments
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Bobo
Web Dev
972 comments
# 16   Posted: Sep 30 2020, 11:16 AM
OMG I'M SO INVESTED IN REDACTED'S STORY. The fact that he's so severely flawed and can't keep himself from killing makes him both sympathetic and a monster. Part of me wants him to be okay, part of me just wants him locked away from the rest of the world to which he's a danger. I love the sense of betrayal experienced by Gustmasher, I love how Redacted at the end of the day is selfish and rude, even when it comes to people he at least seems to care about. And that last page was so good. That's the face I want to see before I die XD

Kozispoon
Global Moderator
1129 comments
# 15   Posted: Sep 28 2020, 06:22 PM
I think what I liked about this the most is that you weren’t afraid to cast your character in an unflattering light. Some of the things he does ARE wrong and the outbursts at the cost of his friends is something as a reader I find polarizing. Also portrayal of vcpd as actually good? Listeners? There to help for real? Threw me for a loop as I how rare that is in void comics.
You did a great job introducing, building up and showcasing the hobo bridges. The possum was my fav, and the chilling demise of one of the vagrant crew I think Finally drops the gavel for the reader as to whether or not redacted is the protsgonist  of their story.

Flutterbyes
Artist
282 comments
# 14   Posted: Sep 28 2020, 04:15 PM
Wow, what a continuation. I admire your mixture of qualities that keeps Redacted in the realm between "asshole who kind of does this to himself" and "Guy who's in over his head, doesn't understand what's going on, and also has uncontrollable bloodlust." A good mix of avoidable and unavoidable suffering, along with seeing his actions catch up to him. Humorous and relatable, and then the next moment primal terror. Well done!

Heavenbat
Artist
135 comments
# 13   Posted: Sep 28 2020, 02:05 AM
Aaaaaaaa I love this so much :D Such a good continuation of the story! And oh man what an ending. Oh my heart. Really makes you feel for Redacted even though he's a literal maneater. I personally didn't think that the swearing was too much but mostly because Redacted is the only one who does it. If all the characters did, it might be too much, but as is it's, in my opinion, a good method of characterization. I'm sorry I don't have much to say other than I really love how you've continued Redacted's story in a concrete way, and I love the hint at Proto-2 popping in  

Petrichor
Artist
47 comments
# 12   Posted: Sep 25 2020, 11:02 AM
dude this must be your best comic yet, you gave so much attention to detail it's insane. The dialogue feels so natural and organic too! you acurately depicted each character's personality very well.
I was hyped for MONTHS since the first time you showed me a wip. It was so worth the wait!
And yeah Redacted does swear a bit too much, but i confess i cracked up when he called Guts a bitch right after calmly trying to explain himself on page 33 lol.

ArtsandGoodies
Community Manager
455 comments
# 11   Posted: Sep 24 2020, 10:15 PM
I love that last page, it is so amazing and in general this comic is great. also the art was really consistently good and the story. I will agree with the crit that there was a bit too much swearing so having him chill out on it occasionally can be good for the moments to help him be more sympathizible.

Radji
Artist
553 comments
# 10   Posted: Sep 24 2020, 01:36 PM
that character got one of the better arc of all time on this site.

TheCydork
Artist
301 comments
# 9   Posted: Sep 24 2020, 01:19 AM
Holy shit, 42 pages. Honestly props for sticking to your guns and finishing this, god knows I’ve abandoned far shorter comics. I also didn’t really notice any quality changes apart from maybe page 22? So don’t criticise yourself too harshly!

As usual I enjoyed the art very much. Your expressions are always great, as is your humour. I actually snorted at Redacted going “my name’s not Unknown, it’s Redacted” and that pose when he threw the monitor down on I think page 20? I like that extreme lighting you went for on page 13 with the police cars. I love the imagery you use for Redacted’s dreams too, like on page 15, and I really hope we get answers soon! I also like that one of the homeless guys was an anthro possum, haha.

I agree with Heathen and Putrid on the swearing. I think for me, it’s not just the swearing in general but the overuse of “fuck”? I like swearing as much as the next guy, but when it’s used in seemingly consecutive sentences, it loses its impact and becomes more like a meaningless nonsense word. I also found that while the story flowed well in terms of ease of reading, this was almost a detriment. With all these events happening in a single comic, the time between them felt very short, even though it was over 40 pages. I think they should have been two or three separate comics. Since all these major events are so close together - Guts’ betrayal, Redacted’s arrest, and the change in allegiance to the homeless group - there’s no time to stop and take in the impact of each one. Either that, or some panels could have been reworked to force the reader to stop and take in what’s going on (I seemed to have had this problem with my recent battle so I’m trying to figure out how to fix this too). So while I enjoyed this, it didn’t really grab me the way your past comics have.

One other minor note: pages 27 and 28 had too much text imo.

Badger
Artist
50 comments
# 8   Posted: Sep 23 2020, 11:59 PM
This was super good! I was surprised at the page length at first but the writing and pacing is really tight, there's a lot happening here and at no point did it feel slow, it really had my attention. I like the extra hints of lore, the lighting and art all throughout, and that final page, man! Super spooky, caught me off guard, I loved it. It's all good stuff.

Spoiler: critiques • show
I really like the snow texture, but on some pages it's difficult to distinguish foreground from background because the color and tone are pretty similar, most notably on page 7 panel 1; when I first read through it took me a few moments to realize that Redacted is on a pile of snow that's separate from the background sky. Either darkening the sky or making the snow pile brighter would've made it read a little easier. I do really like the attention to detail on the snow though, the visible breaths, the steam from the pizza box, stuff like that is all great! On composition I'd suggest varying up the types of shots a little more; I noticed there's quite a few half body or closeup shots, while I was never unclear on staging I think you could get a boost in clarity by giving backgrounds a bit more breathing room on the page. I also was a bit confused on the need to have food for the journey in the latter half; if this group is walking through the city, what's preventing them from scrounging up something to eat in other parts of the city? They have the time limit for their current district, but they're gathering rations right now for the entire 2 week walk? Unless they don't want to have to stop to find food later, or it's dangerous to stop, idk it wasn't super clear to me, not sure if I'm missing a piece of info somewhere. Last thing, I misread the order of the speech bubbles on the bottom of page 41, my eye went to "are you looking at me like that" before the rest of the dialogue. That's the only place that happened to me, though.


And that's all I can think of! Most of my crits lean towards nitpicking tbh, this comic rocked really hard and I enjoyed it a lot. It's not easy to make a whole cohesive storyline over multiple battles on void (imo) but you're really knocking it out of the park. I'm excited to see where it goes next!

Flytee
Artist
151 comments
# 7   Posted: Sep 23 2020, 01:40 AM
I've been waiting for this BB for a long time and it didn't disappoint!

I effortlessly blitzed through all 42 pages of this, your pacing and dialogue have a great flow to them. I'm very impressed.
The art was also overal really solid, with a strong sense atmosphere. Special shout our to page 21, I love how you used the layout to really emphasis the size of the building.

Oh and Rae and Blues appearence, you got them spot on and I appreciate the effort you went through to talk to me about them and keep them in character. I think this kind of attention to detail is a big reason why all the characters who appear in your comics have very distinct voice and personality.

crits
- Occassionally the perspective would go a bit wonky, this happened a fair bit in the hospital scenes.
- This might be down to personal taste, but I'd tone down the thick outline you have around most of your figures. It works really well when you have dramatic lighting but I think in standard scenes it can drag down your lineart quality. There were a few panels where you dropped it and I thought they looked noticeably better. (page 33 4th panel. For example)

I also have to say, I really disagree with the crits on swearing. (I'm not sure if this is down to a cultural difference?) but I genuinely felt like they were used suitably in this comic, especially considering the highly stressed out state Redacted was in. Feel free to tone it down, because obviously if its bothering the majority of your readers its an issue, I just wanted to give my take.

Anyway, great job Candycorn!
 


CandycornRhino
Artist
93 comments
# 6   Posted: Sep 22 2020, 11:37 PM
Aight yea I admit looking at it now the cussing was kinda overabundant, so I'll tone it down for next time!

PutridVodka
Artist
44 comments
# 5   Posted: Sep 22 2020, 05:47 PM
This was SO GOOOD. I'm VERY impressed with all the details in the background, the machines, the care in which the characters interact with their surroundings, justttt good shit dude.
I agree with Heathen, it kinda threw me off how Redacted called every single woman they encountered a bitch, plus the amount of fucks he dropped. I get that he's under a lot of stress, but it sometimes felt a little excessive-
ANYWAY, the snow looked really GREAT, Redacted running around, climbing and doing all these actions was such a delight to see- I really feel for the poor guy! The argument with Gutsmasher was really good too!
THAT ENDING,,,,,,,,YEEEEEEES, leaves me itching for more
GREAT JOB RHINO!! Your hard work definitely paid off!!!

Heathen
Artist
405 comments
# 4   Posted: Sep 22 2020, 12:07 PM
This comic was awesome. The style and quality probably aren’t as inconsistent as you think; I was actually impressed by how consistent the art was throughout. I’m sure I could comb through and nitpick stuff, but this comic was a breezy 42 page read that never felt like a slog. Your characters are all well written and likable, and they interact with each other and their environment like real people in a world that affects and reacts to their presence. Great movement, environments and some nice guns and vehicles. Everything just felt alive and lived in and functional.

Literally my only gripe with this comic is that (and I know I’m gonna get boos from the peanut gallery for this) Redacted fucking swears too goddamn fucking much, fuck. Like, shit, bitch.

At some point he kind of chills out and the writing becomes much less obnoxious, but for the first few pages, every single line of dialog from him contains one or more swear, to the point that it’s just distracting. When you overuse profanity, it stops being impactful. There are times when it’s appropriate, like every time Redacted gets flustered or angry, the cursing is funny, like when the window doesn’t open all the way, or when he tries to get a word in edgewise with Jolokia. And sure, maybe you could say he’s extremely flustered and angry during the entire police chase, but still, if you look at that dialog on the first three pages, it’s just repetitive. “Was that a fucking cop??” “Gotta lose these FUCKING cops!” “Oh fuck I’m fucking fucked!” Maybe he didn’t say that last one, exactly, but you get the idea.

I get it, swearing like a sailor is part of his character. Maybe I missed the part in his backstory where that’s explained. Did he learn English by watching Reservoir Dogs on a loop or something?

Anyway, I digress.

I’m grumpy, but this comic made me happy more than it made me mad.

Call me a party shitter.


G0ttam
Artist
4 comments
# 3   Posted: Sep 21 2020, 08:05 PM
the last page gets a 10/10 from me

Fluffsamasprime
Artist
63 comments
# 2   Posted: Sep 21 2020, 10:41 AM
So psyched to read them here!!

CandycornRhino
Artist
93 comments
# 1   Posted: Sep 21 2020, 01:11 AM
Hi I've been working on this since May so hence why the quality kinda been all over the place because artfight and arma collab got in the way and I been finding new methods to draw lol.

This takes place after vs Juniper.

Comic Details -

 
Drawing Time: 1 week
Ended: Sep 28th, 2020
Votes Cast: 28
Page Views: 399
 

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