Of Two Minds / Naialah vs. Yoon & Yun

Of Two Minds / Naialah vs. Yoon & Yun

Of Two Minds — Naialah vs. Yoon & Yun

Icon for Naialah54.3%
462 points
Page 1Page 2Page 3Page 4Page 5Page 6Page 7

Crit level: Open to any comments or critiques


Icon for Yoon & Yun45.7%
389 points
Page 1Page 2Page 3Page 4Page 5Page 6

Crit level: Open to any comments or critiques
tags: alcohol, bar, bottles, brick, door, magdy, naialah, post-armageddon 2020, Shenanigans, victor, yoon-hyuk, yun-min




Critiques & Comments
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Kozispoon
Global Moderator
1129 comments
# 11   Posted: Oct 12 2020, 01:55 PM
REECER- This case of mistaken identity is great/ it also makes psychic sense considering these two are exact twins. What a clever way to bypass your opponents ability! know I’m reiterating what others are saying here, but it bears repeating. Battle scenes are hard- even for me, so it would behoove you to just go ham on finding references and pose inspo. Your movements and flow tend to come off kind of stiff. Funnily enough the moment your art loosened up Was for that gag of Yun tossing herself out of the door.

ASTRO- I really hope you reform void city and Naenae’s environments into this nightmare fantasy style going forward. The look is so new and fresh it had me pouring over the pages going ‘oooh’. Those hand trees are my fav.
I think if I had a nitpick it’d be to make the limits and functions of naenae’s psychic ability a bit clearer. Because as it stands she touched someone in order to take hold of them, but then the rest of the train simply get overtaken just because. Does she need to touch someone in order for the control to manifest? Did the affected party walking towards others ‘spread’ the psychic  control? If nothing else, making this clearer would help future opponents.

Rivana
Artist
191 comments
# 10   Posted: Oct 3 2020, 09:12 AM
the muddy colors complaint is interesting though, since these colors are literally just absolute ref colors + a very slight multiply layer to unify them. i think the problem is just i shaded too weakly?
Quote
Try a filter or soft light blend mode to unify your colors instead of multiply (multiply tends to darken the piece). Sometimes I use overlay but it could lead to too much contrast if you're not careful.

I'd say yeah push your lights and shadows some more and don't be afraid to vary your brush between hard and soft edges for shading. A good way to check your values is to put a black layer on top of your page and set it to "Color" blend mode to check if the values read right.

Here is an example using your page. Notice how everything is blending into mostly midtone territory.



Hope that helps!


Happy October 21st! ACAB -Reecer6
Artist
310 comments
# 9   Posted: Oct 2 2020, 11:32 PM
this was a very fun comic to make, i of course love astro's stuff and devotedly wish to battle them again sooner than later!!!

it's hard out here when everyone's major complaint is "your technical skill is weak" and you just gotta like generally get better u_u

the muddy colors complaint is interesting though, since these colors are literally just absolute ref colors + a very slight multiply layer to unify them. i think the problem is just i shaded too weakly?

Rivana
Artist
191 comments
# 8   Posted: Oct 2 2020, 07:27 AM
Don - it feels like it's been so long since I read a comic from you and this one did NOT disappoint. The  gorgeous environment, the pop of color, the paneling and script are all works of art that sing together. The creative ways you interpret other people's characters are so refreshing to see and your creativity really shines.

Reecer - Ah what a funny comic. Colors are nice but I do agree you can push it further with more inking and/or  harder edges. and extreme angles to make them look dynamic (something I struggle with too!).  Had a good laugh at the gags but I kinda wish we got to see more of an interaction between Yun/Yoon and Naialah. I was very confused at first because I haven't read Yoon and Yun's bio on the first reading. I had to look at the character profile to fully grasp what was going on . When I did, I enjoyed the comic more.

Heathen
Artist
405 comments
# 7   Posted: Sep 26 2020, 02:13 AM
Astro: I love the architecture and environments here, and you really drew the hell out of those hands! I’m not sure what you were going for with the random red outline on parts of the Guanyin, though. I also wish the whole comic had more contrast. The blanket of grey over the whole comic flattens and muddles everything, which is a shame. Ironically, the panel where Naialah says, “I understand now”, I have no idea what realization she’s supposed to be having. So I have no idea why she then attacked the driver and destroyed the caravan. I can’t help feeling like that was a very short-sighted thing for a monk to do.

Reecer: It’s weird seeing Naialah in a sweater and slacks sitting at a bar, but I think you handled her fairly complicated design pretty well. I like how solidly her skull seems to be inside her head, it’s a neat effect. I would agree that your art isn’t keeping up with your writing. I’d like to see you loosen up and get more gestural with your figures. Your characters’ ability to emote and act is lacking, and it’s holding your writing back. I read this comic three times, and found it funnier each time. I won’t lie, I didn’t care for it at all on the first read. I think part of that was because I read it on my phone, which I try never to do. I like what you were going for, but more lively and expressive characters would sell the physical comedy better. Yun outside in the street punching herself in the face while Naialah thinks her telepathy isn’t working was great. As I’ve mentioned on some of your previous comics, your balloon placement is often confusing, and it’s pretty bad here. You tend to use a lot of back and forth banter, which necessitates the weaving of connected balloons. But you often crisscross tails behind each other, and space the balloons more than necessary, so the reading order and even who is speaking is easily jumbled.  I don’t know what comics you typically look at for inspiration, but you might try checking out some of Tom King’s stuff; he does a lot of bantery dialog and you can see how his letterers handle those balloons.

Footini
Artist
78 comments
# 6   Posted: Sep 26 2020, 12:09 AM
Don- NaeNae why you so mean?

quality- taking into account that this was one week, the art was pretty good.  You have an expressiveness to your designs and just strong composition in your panels that carry the look of the comic despite it all being done really quickly.  Though some of the panels, especially with the big centipede bus thing?, it was hard to tell what I was looking at.  Toward the end it got kind of hard to follow the action clearly.
Creativity- Yea, the unconventional setting and stylish paneling worked well for the most part.  Even though the story was a simple meeting the atmosphere kept me interested throughout.
Entertainment- I'm a sucker for mysterious and surreal stories.  Much of the best parts of the story was in the look of the world and creatures that even though I have little idea what it is, it makes me want to see more.  Also I kind of had to reread to try to find where either Yoon or Yun appeared in the comic.  Though granted new characters are always tricky to get right it kind of felt that Yoon/Yun's part felt like they could have been anyone else tbh.

Cro- Yoon & Yun pun here
Quality- six fully colored and inked pages in a week is always impressive to me.  Though like Hella said the odd anatomy, muddy colors, and the kinda just okay inks is putting a limit on your style that you should work to push past.
Entertainment- Despite being a simple bar fight story you kept it fun.  The physical gag on page two made me laugh out loud at 3am from it's absurdity.  Your humor and dialogue are the strengths of this comic and just the sheer, oddness, of it all keeps me entertained.
Creativity- Again, it's always tricky to get a new character down, especially someone else's that has no previous comics,  NaeNae felt she could have been anyone else really.  Though your angle of a story about two twins that somehow never meet despite being twenty feet apart has some good potential for comedy.  And I do like how you always seem to take somewhat serious characters and make a parody of them; always fun to riff on people you know.

Hellis
Artist
255 comments
# 5   Posted: Sep 25 2020, 01:24 AM
Don;

Art; If I could render my pages to look half as clear yet detailed as your more sketchy stuff, I'd be a happy nbi for sure. I love how you work detail into surroundings, even if you chose to just have one or two things, such as a hand on one panel, it does a lot to add the inherent surrealism of this particular comic. The way you had a light, strong color such as teal just POP is great. And as always, your expressions are so strong. I can always read what the other person feel or think in regards to any currently ongoing event.

While time restrictions likely played a part of it, in the latter pags, the the burned out/charred caravan feels a bit blotchy, and its shape and with its impact as something ruined gets a bit lost. I'd would have loved to see the caravan flayed open, or in tatters somehow. Especially since its organic looking.

Writing;
I love, love love the worldbuilding in this. ITs subtle, its quick to establish itself and it makes me crave more. There is SO much of it in every panel for the first two pages. The forest of hands, the fallen pagodas with the insectoid leg looking thing. Its just, v.good. Once it gets to the caravan, it is stil lthere. I love your dialogue. And I love the use of narrative boxes. It feels very european comics, which love their psuedo philosophical exposition after an event. I would have love for the interaction once in Yoon/Yuns mind to have maybe established more of Yoons character, as is they felt somewhat low prioritized and kind of didnt stand out that much on their own.


Final Thoughts/Possible Pointers: Exellent worldbuilding. Excited for more. Try and weave that into who your up against next time. Give them some gravitas by weaving them to your fantastical world that we so want to see more off. Teal is a dope ass color choice.

Cro

Art; Not going to sugercoat it. I feel you are stagnating, and not pushing your art to where it should be. Your colors are muted but not in a clear to read way, but they look muddled, and they bleed into each other. IF you want to go with muted colors, there are comic artists out there who work with them very effectively. I reccomend looking them up Backgrounds feel flat and uninspired as a result. Your anatomy feels wonky in a way that is less about style choice and more about not grasping how movement nad joints bend, as a result, the action feel stilted and lacking, which for this comic is a problem, seeing how you decided to slap a fight in the middle of it. Good job on the fully rendered comic in a week though, its always a impressive display of work ethic in my eyes.

Writing; Your humour and dialogue remains your greatest assets, and comedic timing in this are on point for the second page. Your gags when they land always get a laugh out of me. But for this comic it was uneven. Possibly because you decided to have a straight up fight scene in the middle of things.

Final Thoughts/Possible Pointers.
When your writing lands, its still, really funny. Your visual gags are fantastic when you commit to them. Look up colorpalettes and people who work effectively with more muted colors. Consider more accent, lighter colors to help make details pop.

TheCydork
Artist
301 comments
# 4   Posted: Sep 25 2020, 12:53 AM
Don - Really cool debut for Naenae! I really enjoyed the alien landscapes you drew on page 2, and that caravan! Page 6 was super cool too. All those hands, and the terrified/confused expression on Yoon/Yun’s face as Naialah invades her mind, chef’s kiss.

However apart from the first few pages, I don’t get a good sense of location or context. Who are the others on the caravan? I know they’re travelling with Yun/Yoon, but their silence and the weird, somewhat despondent vibes make me think there’s something else going on that I can’t pick up on? Especially when later, Yun/Yoon gasps “the caravan” before Naialah attacks, and then on the last page it seems to have fallen apart completely and turned black. What’s going on?

Cro - The last panel on page 2 made me SNORT irl. The fucking. Completely straight body rocketing through a door. Holy shit. I love the character concept of Yoon and Yun and I could see you milking it for a lot of comedy in the future. I’m also really impressed that you finished and fully rendered 6 pages in a week.

I feel like the rest of the shenanigans didn’t land though. I’m not sure what if it was the pacing or the switch between twins not being clearer. Without reading the bio I’d have been very confused.

Astrodile
Global Moderator
129 comments
# 3   Posted: Sep 24 2020, 11:46 PM
cro i loved your side im gonna cry . what the fuck. I KEEP LAUGHING
THE WRITING IS SO GOOD AKSBDCAKNHSDFASDCHFA

Happy October 21st! ACAB -Reecer6
Artist
310 comments
# 2   Posted: Sep 17 2020, 12:59 AM
WE\'RE DOING IT WE\'RE FINALLY BATTLING!!!!!

Astrodile
Global Moderator
129 comments
# 1   Posted: Sep 16 2020, 01:05 PM
WE DONT KNOW WHAT WE'RE DOING

Comic Details -

 
Drawing Time: 1 week
Ended: Oct 2nd, 2020
Votes Cast: 20
Page Views: 358
Winner: Astrodile
 

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